BITCH of a day today :(
Just a small rant on my day. My mom, who will be 80 in 2 months, fell Saturday night after I left from my weekly visit at her apartment. She hit her hand on her iron bed really hard in addition to her arms and a foot. I only find out about it the next day because my aunt snitched on her. I go over to my mom’s and find her looking a mess, with bruises all over and her thumb looking about 3 times larger than normal. She insisted it was just sprained and didn’t want to go to the ER. We kept ice on it and waited to see how it felt.
Today I call her first thing and told her we were going to the doctor’s office. The x-ray looked bad so then it was off to the hand specialist. He looks at her and the x-rays; said she lucked out and dislocated it instead of breaking it. He fixed it at his office & I got to take her home afterwards. I left her there so she could sleep for a few hours then I will be back to fix her dinner and make sure she is OK. This all took several hours.
My bitch is two-fold. One is that my mom had a couple of small strokes a few years back and can’t walk a straight line. In fact, she walks like she is a drunken sailor. I’ve told her over and over she needs to use a cane or walker but she always came up with an excuse not to. This time I let her have the truth & brought a cane over for her to use. If she falls & breaks a hip, it will be the nursing home for her instead of living in her apt as she does now. And it will be my fault! This is not the first time she has fallen; she has broken her wrist, toe and her foot on different occasions before besides always sporting bruises all over her arms and legs. She has to get over the vanity of not using a cane or walker and stay safe. No more blaming the padded carpet, her shoes, the sidewalk, the weather, etc.!
My other bitch is that while I love my mom and am lucky to still have her around, why is it the girls in the family get the privilege of taking care of ailing relatives? I was responsible for my grandmother for over 10 years before her death at age 96; not one family member offered to help me when I had the 24/7 care of my profoundly disabled son (I had to pay for respite care so I could get out of the house for a little bit); and now I have my two eldery parents to take care of. My mom moved to where I live a couple of years ago as she was 3 hours away and I couldn’t take care of her after her strokes. My dad lives in Arizona and I do what I can to help out but worry about how to get him to move here when his health gets worse. My surviving brother says it’s not his problem. WTF?
Sorry for the ranting! Been a stressful day plus my workout, which would have helped with the stress, once again got put on hold so I could do things for others. It’s hard to always put myself last but there is no one else to do all these things for my family. SIGH! Will be a better day tomorrow!
April 6, 2009 at 3:00 pm
It’s tough taking care of parents, and often times they listen to us like we used to listen to them…stubborn. Sounds like your brother is a deadbeat…sorry if too harsh. I cant imagine a son thinking that way about his mom. Hang in there Sue, you are definitely doing the right thing, even though I know its hard on you.
April 6, 2009 at 3:01 pm
Best of luck to you. I’ve been down your road. We convinced my parents to move near us in late 2001 due to their declining health. Within a few mths, my mother’s health headed south after a couple falls; she passed in Oct 2002. My father passed in Dec 2007. They both were in poor health due to very unhealthy diet & no exercise. My father stayed with us briefly for a awhile during my mother’s decline……so we had 2 toddlers & my 85 yr old father, who had Alzheimers. Stressful, to say the least!
Hope things look up. Also, happy belated. You look great, birthday girl.
April 6, 2009 at 3:14 pm
Good afternoon…
Just read your blog.. I know exactly where you are coming from..I am in the same situation as you with a relative.. and have been at it consistantly for some 5 years or so now…and on top of caring for my Mom, I am a healthcare provider for the elderly. it does get tiring after awhile and I hardly have time for me, but when I get down and out, I remember that I am making a difference in someone’s life because they cannot do for themself..and I know as angry as they may get because they cannot do for themself, deep down they do appreciate everything i’ve done for them. I know i am just a stranger to you here, but I bet deep down everyone who you help is very appreciative of your kindness to them..because without you, they would be alone..I think it’s a wonderful thing you are doing, for your relatives and remember every good thing you do will come back to you later ten-fold… Good luck reaching your goals, you look great! Take care..
April 6, 2009 at 3:21 pm
THANK YOU for all the kind replies! I am usually not the complaining type but it just got to me today with all the sitting around in the medical offices for hours on end with nothing to do but think about how I felt "stuck" in the role of health caregiver for almost 20 years now with no end in site. Was a little overwhelming for a few hours but I’m feeling better now! Thanks again!