FireMike

Its cold outside, im surrounded by 20 inches of snow, the roads are a sloppy mess, my car is running like crap from the bruttle winter… I enter the doors, bag in hand, music blasting my ear drums out, all I wanna do is start the war. As I lifted I began to think about the beginning of this diet, how difficult it was, what I went thru trying to make sure I got proper nutrition in my system daily, how I had to learn what my body reacted too. Its been a long hard road, but now I feel I have it in order but Im fearful. I fear not being ready in time, 53 days and shrinking fast. I fear putting a sloppy physique on stage, I fear forgetting my posing routine in the middle of it. I was once told that fear is nothing more than pain leaving the body. What pain was leaving my body at that moment? Was it the pain of being a beat step child? Was it the pain of building a good family home and having it tore away with nothing left in my pockets? Was it the the pain of being hurt by the one I was truly in love with? I don’t know, but I liked it, it pushed me to keep moving the pounds, rep after rep, set after set until the very end. When putting everything you have into something, it brings out things you never knew were there, sometimes your thoughts drive you to the brink of certain failure, yet you have to use them as fuel and drive forward. Its Ironology, its therapuetic in a way. Regardless what began as a 154 day diet is now a 53 day diet, and I don’t like what I see. Is my knowledge and understanding of all aspects of bodybuilding wrong? Do I truly understand? I question myself constantly, but the day is approaching and I will be judged, soon I will have the answer to my questioning. Some say stop, you’ve proved you can do it, just go back at it next year since you know what works for you body. I say fu ck that. Im two thirds of the way there, i’ve backed out twice in the past, no way not again. I preach this life to those who are physically inactive, I live it, I love it with a passion and its time for me to prove it to all who know me and question me. Im use to being questioned, it began when I was in high school and many didn’t believe how strong I was, hell that still happens now a days, but I dont care because i’ve had all my numbers witnessed and honestly I just dont give a sh it. For some reason tho when my dedication and commitment to competeing comes into play, it bothers me. Sure I didn’t finish it twice before and those closest to me know the circumstances as to why, they dont judge, but others do. Why do I care? Its because I love this sport and I wanna claim my place in it. May 3rd I claim my place.  

This entry was posted on Tuesday, March 11th, 2008 at 1:25 am and is filed under Training. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.