the past few days have been a mental struggle. i have been making all my workouts and eating well but am finding myself struggling with motivation some days. i can feel the pressure of possibly not competing in april cause i still have more weight to drop. i know that if i compete in august it isnt the end of the world cause i will for sure be shredded by then...i just really wanna compete and it will suck to have to put it off a few extra months. i have been trying to look at the positives and am proud of my progress thus far...all i can do is push it to the max and keep striving for consistency. right now i am just taking it day by day.

Training has been going really well this week.  I have upped my cardio on top of my weight training so I am spending more time in the gym every day.  Between training....work...sleep....life I feel like I am always running and can't catch a break. I need just a few more hours in the day to get everything done.  I got all my meals cooked and prepped for the week, so that is one thing checked off the list... my house is a disaster right now and I need to clean it bad....or become rich and hire a housekeeper ha! wouldn't that be nice. Oh well.... I am halfway through my work week now...so if I can't get to it tomorrow I will just do it on my weekend. 

 My diet has been going well, I have not been as hungry lately so that is nice for a change.  I am starting to feel more and more just mentally exhausted, sometimes it is hard to focus and I don't think I am being as efficient with my time.  I am not sure if that is because my body is tired or my brain is underfed.... right now I would love to have time to just stop moving lol. These are the days I wish I had a desk job and wasn't on my feet all night. Oh well, extra calorie burning right??

About 3.5 weeks left til I find out if I get to compete in the April show...I am looking a little leaner with some awesome vasculature really coming in down my forearms and hands. Some of my cuts are also starting to pop more, especially when I lift...next week we will see what my trainer's scale says...I am hoping for low 150s, if I hit 149 I would be so excited, but anything under 152 I would be proud of. Nothing left to do but keep busting my butt and wait for all my hard work to pay off.

There is about one month left until it is decided if I am competing in the April show or the August show, which means it is go time in a big way.  I have upped my cardio and been extremely careful about what I am eating.  I am still having horrible cravings for sugary things like candy and pastries....I am thinking the pastries is because they are full of not only sugary goodness but carbs as well! Oh well 9 more weeks til I can indulge if I do the April show.

Today I had a lot of energy this morning so even though the plan is to do 2 hrs of cardio per day I decided to do 2 hrs this morning and I will do another hour tonight when I head back in for weights.  My goal is to drop three to four pounds per week for the next month....we shall see.....

well the weight loss challenge is over and it looks like i got second.  i was about 5 lbs below the person who won, so i guess if i was going to lose i am glad it wasn't by .1 lbs then i woulda been really upset lol. i did manage to lose 15.2 lbs in 10 weeks...not spectacular but also not horrible. i am starting to see some positive changes on my body, my stomach is starting to flatten out and i can appreciate more cuts through my upper arms and quads...so that is exciting.

i have about another month until the decision as to if i compete in april or august will be made.  my trainers have upped my cardio for this next phase so i am going to be pushing myself to go hard everyday. i know i am going to be tired with the extra workouts, low calories, and work but the results are so worth it. i am just hoping on the days where i am sore and don't wanna get out of bed that i can remember that and keep moving forward toward my goals. i think i need to get some new songs on my ipod for all the added cardio lol.

I got home from work this morning and hit my treadmill for 30 min of HIIT interval sprints. I originally  was going to take my dogs out for the sprints but they were passed out on my bed and I decided to be nice and let them sleep.  Since I did legs yesterday the running part of the intervals was pretty painful, my legs are super sore from upping my squat weight yesterday.  I pushed through and then slept for a little bit. 

When I woke up I was twice as sore and did not wanna move. Luckily today was back and bis, my favorite so I was more excited to hit the gym. I powered through my workout with heavy weight, I could feel my lats burning with every rep....it was a good feeling.  I was able to lift myself up for my modified pull ups easier than a few days ago when I did them, so I am hoping that means that my wings  are finally getting stronger My bicep workout was solid as well, always fun to out curl the frat boys with an attitude problem :-p I ended my workout with some rowing machine and bike intervals because my quads were killing me.

Tonight after eating my post-workout meal and resting my quads tightened up even more.  Walking is super painful because I am so stiff and sore. I managed to soak in the tub before heading to work tonight and took some anti-inflammatories. I hope that this means my quads are growing. My back is sore, but just the normal good workout sore, no where near as painful as my legs.  I am a little nervous cause tomorrow is double cardio only day.....I really hope my legs are up for it.

last weekend was definitely not how i had planned it....got sick and ended up in the hospital so missed a couple workouts. i am feeling better now and back on track, but it is still frustrating to back slide when i was going so strong. oh well...cant change things that already happened. 

diet has been going well all week, no slip ups or cheats. when i went to the store today i actually picked up a candy bar and carried it around while i grabbed what i needed, but then put it back and didnt buy it, yaaaay will power. my workouts have been ok the last few days, kinda hard to get in a good groove but i feel like with all the little changes i am finally progressing. even if i dont win the weight loss challenge i am still dropping weight for my show and that is what is most important to me.  cant do anything more than give it my all right now, and thats what i plan to do.

I have felt on the verge of exploding the last 24 hours...just very edgy and frustrated.  I had to deal with a student at work who keeps continually  flipping me attitude simply because she is lazy and does not want to do patient care. She sits there and mouths off to me and I can feel my blood pressure rising, I am pretty sure blood was gonna start shooting out of my ears by the end of the morning yesterday...

I got  home today and to blow off steam did a round of inclined sprints on my treadmill.  It felt amazing to do something productive towards my goals and not to focus on all the negativity.  I crashed til 3pm then woke up super groggy so decided to head back to bed for a few more hours.  I didn't hear my alarm clocks and was woken up by work calling and asking where I was.... damn. Note to self...when you only sleep 1.5 hours in 48...your body will get mad and make you sleep whether it wants to or not. I am never late for work so of course everyone was very understanding.  What sucks is since  I overslept I didn't have time to prep my food so all I have with me tonight are two protein shakes.  There is as usual a ton of crap in my rounds room...cinnamon rolls, doughnuts, m and ms, chips....but I am  not throwing away all my hard work on crap.  Worst comes to worst I will just think of tonight as a mini-fast. I get the next two nights off, and that is super needed since next week is hell week....which means I work 6 out of 7 days to flip onto the weekend rotation. Goooooooo team!!

as some of you may remember i entered into a 10 week weight loss challenge through my trainers.  me and 5 other female competitors all competing to see who can drop the most weight in 10 weeks....the end of the 10 weeks is next saturday.  my trainers are not saying who is in the lead, but with only 1.5 weeks left i need to crank up the intensity and see how much extra weight i can drop in a week and a half. i am planning to up my cardio and really watch my diet.  since my calories are already so restricted i am not planning to decrease my calories at this point, but i guess if my weight isnt moving by early next week i may have to. if anyone has any extra tips for dropping pounds quick as always i am open to them. in the mean time lots of water and cardio.... i would love to drop 5 lbs by next saturday, we shall see...

today i woke up and was super sore throughout my chest. it was nice to know i really hit it hard yesterday. i hit legs today and lifted really heavy. i got more and more pumped with each set and was really feeling it. halfway through my workout my legs started trembling, and i couldnt get them to stop  shaking until the end. i had to switch out stairstepper for the bike for my cardio because my legs were just too sore and tired to stairstep. then tonight i prepped all my chicken and talapia for the next few days. it was weird as i was cooking i got really excited, im not sure why...it just felt good to be back on track. i also noticed i am getting some nice veins popping out in my hand and lower arm....its kick ass. weigh in on monday ahhhhhhhhh....hope it goes well. tomorrow is just double cardio and lats...gotta sweat out some more fat lol.  

the last few days have been rough. i have struggled with staying motivated and focused during my lifts. even though i was trying it still felt like i was just going through the motions. not sure what my problem was...have been dealing with the stresses of life and some personal drama but usually lifting helps take my mind off that stuff...instead i was affected by it. today i hit chest and shoulders hard and really pushed myself to lift heavy. by the end of the workout i was feeling pretty good with what i had accomplished. i did my cardio and have just been laying low. i have some great friends from back home and great friends here on bodyspace i have been able to talk and vent to...thanks to everyone who has been there for me. i have the next few days off and a weigh in on monday. i am hoping all my struggles and sweat will show results. keep your fingers crossed.

last night was loooooooong at work. i had to work 12 hrs because of the holiday so i was dead when i got home. i did manage to do an hour of incline treadmill walking before going to bed. for some reason i am not sleeping well lately, so within a few hours i was laying in bed exhausted...trying to sleep but unable to. i dragged myself outta bed and hit legs at the gym. overall my workout was solid...nothing extraordinary but felt strong, then ended with intervals for cardio. 

when i got home after the gym i was really starting to feel run down from my lack of sleep, and i was starting to feel nauseous. i took a quick nap before work and have been nursing my water all night. i dont really have an appetite right now. i have all my food with me tonight in case i start feeling better. hopefully this is just my body objecting to the lack of sleep and i will feel better tomorrow.

kinda sucks to have to write this blog after my last one....but i gave in and had a little icecream yesterday...not a ton but a little. i did really well otherwise...went out with my friend and didnt drink, ordered grilled chicken...but for some reason i gave in. today i added an extra 2 hrs of cardio to make up for it....i know u cant out train a bad diet, but i had to do something. im back on track today, prepped my meals and am drinking water. i really hope that doesnt screw up my calorie deficit too bad. i weigh in on monday and the goal was to drop 5lbs in 2 weeks....guess we will see. otherwise my lift was good today, trained shoulders and tris...hoping to keep my intensity up. 12 weeks til my show hopefully...as long as i make weight otherwise ill compete in aug.

so yesterday i was having the worst cravings ever. it was for damn cinnamon rolls again...not sure if im craving the carbs or the sugary frosting but it was bad. luckily i have some awesome friends and trainers who helped me stay on track. then after an extra cardio session i headed into work feeling refreshed and focused...i walk into work and for food friday the break room had a box of large cinnamon rolls, mini cinnamon rolls, doughnuts, cookies, and a fruit platter. i seriously coulda screamed lol i was so frustrated. so i sat through rounds eating my chicken and cucumber and chugging my water trying to ignore everyone stuffing their faces with all the food. then after rounds i hit the floor and just stayed out of the rounds room all night. very proud to say that i did not give in and just ate my meals as packed. took a loooot of self control though, wasnt sure i was gonna make it....stupid sweet tooth lol. now im home eating some pre workout food and excited to head out for leg day. 

today was my long day flipping over from days to nights for work which means by the time i go to bed i am awake about 35 plus hours. i got off work this morning and was dragging...i knew that today was back and bis, my fav, so decided to push through and hit the gym before i slept. i annihilated my lats, did multiple forms of lat pull downs with different grips, assisted pull ups, one armed rows....you name it. for biceps i did lots of super sets and burn outs so i was definitely feeling it by the end. you know you hit it hard when you can barely rerack the bar cause you cant lift your arms anymore lol. i hit cardio when i was done....1 hr speed walking on an incline treadmill, burned just over 900 calories, other than getting a little bored i felt strong for that.

i finally managed to get about 4 hrs of sleep after my workouts. i got up and worked abs this evening. i was planning to do a light walk on my treadmill before work, but i forgot i was out of chicken.....sooooo i spent the evening cooking up my chicken for work instead. oh well the treadmill tonight woulda been extra...i just really wanna see some big drops in a week when i weigh in. diet is going well, no screw ups. i feel run down between meals, but i think my body is adjusting a little...just trying to keep up the focus and intensity.

today i started off dragging my feet, it took me a while but i finally got to sleep...i was fighting hunger pangs and a head that wouldnt shut up lol. after getting up and taking my supps and food i felt a little better. then there was about another hour of procrastinatiom, but i finally got to the gym. i started out with squats and by the second set in i was starting to get into the groove. then i hit lunges hard with heavy weight and had a set that burned with every step, it was awesome to power through each rep. leg press was kick ass as always, i love that i can move heavy weight and really burn my quads. the hardest part of the whole workout was the intervals at the end. i was scheduled for an hour of cardio but was seriously thinking of quitting after 30 min just cause i was bored. i didnt though, after 30 min i switched from the bike to elliptical and finished strong. i am going to do some ab work tonight as well.

this afternoon should be relaxing, just prepping my food for the week and maybe a nap before work. other than feeling hungry the diet is going well...no screw ups or cheats..just lots of water and green tea. thanks for all the encouragement everyone