xXJennyXx’s BodyBlog

…and finally posted my progress pics.

Overall, I’m really happy with what I’ve done in the last 4 weeks! Up until now, I feel like all the progress has been happening beneath all that mushy stuff, and now I can finally SEE something changing.

Taking a long hard look at the pics, I am glad to see the tummy finally going down. I’d like to think it was all fat that’s disappeared, but like I mentioned before… when I started my keto diet, the water weight just WOOSHED out of me, so I think most of the difference is that. Really noticeable fat loss in my back though! It’s a lot harder for me to check my back out in the mirror every day, so that came as a nice surprise… haha. Same with my thighs getting smaller. Usually that’s one of the last things to change on me, so my leg workouts must really be working!

Here’s to the next four weeks bringing as much of a change!

Hope everyone else is as happy as I am with their progress.

I was waiting outside a gym today, and they had a crossfit circuit set up with some people going through it. I’ve always been sort of curious about crossfit and I just have to say that I think it is something I could definitely get into!

I think it’s something my man would enjoy too. Must research crossfit places in Oz…

That is all.

Oh, wait. Had a KICK ASS biceps/chest workout today. Not that all my workouts aren’t kick ass, but this one was particularily glorious. I don’t think I’ve ever added so many reps and so much weight in a single workout. Teehee. Tank tops here I come!

Yeah, I’m fat. Does that mean I don’t know what I’m talking about?

I spent yesterday debating on a forum thread about overweight girls, and got flamed and made fun of by people who dismissed me for being overweight.

I was fat in high school, and I started getting interested in nutrition, lost weight, and became a certified personal trainer. I spent 8 months working at a YMCA where I helped develop a program for 12-15 year old boys and girls who wanted to start strength training.

I moved to Australia, abandoned my plan of becoming a teacher, and enrolled in a nutrition degree in order to become a dietitian so I can work with teens with eating disorders (both underweight and overweight).

Halfway through my degree, I fell pregnant even though I was told by doctors I was infertile. I lost my job at a weight loss clinic (due to morning sickness), got kicked out of my uni program (because I had no money), got deported (because my student visa got cancelled), and had to move half a world away from the father of my baby.

To top that all off, because I was pregnant, I had to come off the anti-depressant medication I was on.

So I dealt with a depression most people can’t even imagine, by self-medicating with food instead of slitting my wrists.

Now I have my son, and I am happier than I have ever been in my life. I’m hitting the gym 2 hours a day so I can get my body (and career) back, and be a role model for Liam.

I’m sorry if the fact that I’m FAT offends the delicate sensibilities of guys who’s biggest difficulty in life is choosing what colour of Abercrombie & Fitch t-shirt they want their mommy to buy for them.

/rant

I know I shouldn’t care what people think, but it annoys me when people judge others without even knowing anything about them.

And I’m sorry for posting this here, but I needed to get it off my chest, and posting it on the forums would only add fuel to the fire!

What does "progress" mean to you?

Yesterday during my workout, I was walking around between sets, and I unconsciously told myself to "stand up straighter". So I pulled my shoulders back, and to my surprise, there wasn’t much difference between my normal posture, and what my posture SHOULD be like. That might seem like a weird thing to notice, but I am Queen of Slouching. Funny, I thought to myself, those muscles have gotten stronger, and I haven’t noticed until now.

So then I started to think about progress, and what it means to me.

For most of us, the scale is the biggest marker of progress - even though, deep down, we know it shouldn’t be. I can’t count the number of times I have been upset and discouraged because the scale hasn’t gone down fast enough. Especially because I know that with my old weight loss methods (starving myself and doing WAY too much cardio), I could easily drop 3+ lbs in a single week.

Even measurements  can be demoralizing sometimes. If body composition is changing (more muscle, less fat), we sometimes don’t lose inches, even though we know we are getting stronger. We can only assume that the new muscle is taking up the space that the fat used to.

I think it’s a lot more difficult for those of us who are still overweight. Those muscles that we’re spending so much time building/toning are under a layer of fat. How the heck are we supposed to see if we’re doing a good job?! It’s tempting to give up weight training altogether, and spend the extra time on the treadmill. "I’ll start doing weights when I’m skinny." - I used to tell myself that all the time.

But progress is EVERYWHERE, you just need to know where to look  for it.

Progress is having more energy, sleeping better, being in a better mood. Progress is setting a good example for loved ones. Progress is being able to resist junk food that you couldn’t before. Progress is turning from a night owl into a morning person, just so you can sneak in a workout before your son wakes up (he he he).

But don’t be afraid to take a GOOD look at yourself every few days. Stand in front of the mirror naked. Seriously. Resist the urge to be critical, DON’T pay attention to what is "still" there - it will drive you crazy. Pinch, prod, flex, and jiggle. Be objective. Look for the things that AREN’T there anymore ( less to pinch, maybe?), and look for things that are NEW (collarbones making an appearance, definition where there wasn’t any before).

The bottom line is, if you’re doing things right, progress is being made. If you are eating better… If you are lifting heavier, or for more reps… if you are running further than you were last week… SOMETHING is going on beneath the pudge. Just because you can’t see it, or it’s hard to notice, doesn’t mean it’s not happening.

So for those of you who’re struggling because you don’t think you’re getting anywhere… HAVE FAITH! and maybe even more importantly, have fun.

My family has a maple forest as a backyard, and we tap the trees every spring. We don’t have a big production or anything, just for our own use, and we give a lot away to family and friends.

I’m happy to say that this has not affected my diet! God, it’s been tough though…

My kitchen has turned into a sap-boiling factory. The whole house smells like it! And for the next month, my mom will make at least a dozen desserts featuring maple syrup.

She was busy today, and I love to bake, so I ended up whipping together some maple coconut cookies for everyone. My secret plan was to test out a recipe I’ve found, and then in the next few days, make a mini-batch that I’m going to tweak to make high-protein and diet-friendly. So now I know what they’re "supposed" to taste like… haha.

They were pretty freakin’ awesome. I managed to stop myself at just the one (75 cals by my calculations, lol). They remind me of ANZAC biscuits I had while living in Australia. Only… with a slight maple taste, ironically. Canadian twist to a traditional Aussie/Kiwi cookie? Darn straight.

The good thing is that the rest of the family loved them, so they won’t be in the house for long!

Anyway, pretty happy with myself for resisting temptation (other than that one small cookie, and a spoonful of the first batch of syrup… still warm, too) while completely surrounded by it.

Haha, go me!

Sometimes the tiniest little thing can give me complete motivation/encouragement/excitement… and a few of those little things happened today:

1: Getting a new magazine/book: Got THREE today from amazon, woo woo!

2: Finding new products/foods: at the drugstore today I found a few cool things INCLUDING the fact that they sell oh yeah wafer bars which are my favourite snack in the whole wide world, also found a few new energy drinks to try. And "protein water" that I’m sure is gross but I’ll give it a go anyways. I also found a few great frozen meals at Walmart, as well as "jolly time" microwave popcorn that I have been looking for FOREVER (it’s caramel apple "healthy pop"… which up until now i couldn’t find in Canada).

3: Small victories: Was at Tim Horton’s today. Ordered a coffee and a roast chicken on whole wheat. Looked at the new chocolate cherry donut they had and instead of a) ordering it, or b) telling myself I "can’t have it". I didn’t even WANT it! All I could think about was that it probably wasn’t as good as my homemade chocolate cherry protein muffins!!!

4: Noticing little changes: I’ve got a dent in my fat, haha! Right below my ribs, it’s starting to thin out a little. LOL. And the ring I always used to wear on my middle finger (but is now on my ring finger cause i put on so much weight) is getting looser! and my bra is on the tightest hook now. Who cares if the scale’s moving slow, cause I can tell I’m getting smaller!

5: Humbling moments: having my son fall asleep on my shoulder, which he NEVER does anymore.. looking down at his sweet little face, and realising how lucky I am to have such a great little boy.

Gosh I’m frustrated right now.

So last night I got into a mini-argument with my man. I was tired and cranky, it was late. And I’d just had a bit of a bingefest that I felt horrible about (long story short: went out for a family birthday thing, turned out to be a set menu… bleh.)

So anyway, I told him I’d been thinking a lot about what’s going to happen when I move there. About what I want to do, etc. I told him that if I got back into shape I want to become a fitness instructor and/or personal trainer for pre/post natal ladies. That’s been a bit of an ambition of mine, something to do while I finish my nutrition degree.

He told me he couldn’t see me doing that, and that I shouldn’t bother considering it. Needless to say, I got upset. He tried to explain that it’s because he can’t picture me telling people what to do. I’m "too nice".

Then this morning, while I’m feeding bubs his late breakfast of vegemite on toast (hehe) and yogurt, my grandma starts to prepare stuffing for a chicken she’d planned on roasting. With regular bread. Lots.. of regular bread. My coeliac grandmother who can’t eat gluten. So, given the fact that no one but us is in the house for the next two weeks… she is making stuffing for ME.

We’ve been eating seperate meals since she got here, and then she mentioned yesterday she wanted to roast a chicken with some veggies. So, I say great, sounds good.. I’ll just forgo the skin, and nothing to worry about. Now I’m in a bit of a panic, because I don’t want to hurt her feelings, but at the same time I don’t want to eat the damned stuffing.

So it kind of occurred to me that maybe hubby is right? Am I too nice?

Don’t get me wrong, I stand up for myself. I will argue something I’m passionate about until I’m blue in the face. But at the end of the day, I’d rather sacarafice my own goals/feelings instead of someone else’s. I’ll never be one of those people who goes into a restaurant and orders a meal "but hold the X, and can I substitute the Y, and can I have extra Z?". I’d rather order what’s on the menu, or not go out at all. Nothing wrong with people who can do the latter, my mom’s one of those people… it’s just not who I am.

Does that mean I’ll never be super fit? Does that mean I can never be a personal trainer?

I’m a good teacher, I’m a good motivator, I’m passionate about nutrition and fitness. Should I give up on this dream because I might have a hard time "bossing people around"?

I’d like to think that there’s not a set personality type for the job. I mean, Biggest Loser is a guilty pleasure of mine.. and you couldn’t possibly have two more different trainers.

I think I’m just more of a Bob than a Jillian. Ha.

Ok, so now that I’ve got done typing all of that, I’ve come to the conclusion that hubby is full of crap and I CAN DO WHAT I WANT TO, DAMMIT!

lol

In fact, all it’s done is motivate me to try and prove him wrong.

Sorry you had to read all of that.

So this morning I hopped on the scale and was up 2 lbs.

WTF?

My eating is spot on, I’ve yet to miss a workout. The only thing I can think of is that I’m due for my monthly and retaining water. Hopefully that’s what it is.

Logically I know that the scale isn’t the only form of progress, but damn is it ever frustrating! I’ve convinced myself not to care if it goes slow, but in reverse? Grrr.

Today while I was getting through my weight session, feeling the same thoughts as I have the last few weeks: "c’mon, why are you even bothering to do this?" "you dont’ have to finish if you don’t want to" "this isn’t fun" etc etc, added to the fact that my weight has gone up and I was ready to throw in the towel.

It occured to me that the reason I’m getting frustrated with the weights is that I’m not physically seeing the results of my effort. Eating well and doing cardio has produced a slow-but-steady drop on the scale (at least until this morning!), but I can’t see a difference in my muscle because it’s below a layer of jelly. lol.

But a quick glance at my workout log shows that I am, in fact, getting stronger. So I figure I’ll write down the progress I’ve made in the three weeks since I’ve started. Now, bear in mind that this is the first time I’ve lifted weights since before I was pregnant so I started off slowly, plus accounting for muscle memory etc etc etc:

Lying row: Started off at 25lbs, which was moderately difficult. Now am lifting 40lbs and will probably bump that up to 50lbs in the next session or two.

Bench Stepup: Started off Doing 3 sets of 20, still doing that but with 5lb weights. I’m happy to keep doing that at the moment, concentrating on form more than anything.

Pullover: Struggled with 10lbs at first, now doing 15 lbs first two sets, then 20lbs to failure for 3rd.

Lying leg curl: Went from 15lbs to 25lbs, but thinking I need to take that down a notch on account of knee troubles.

Dumbell curl: At first was finding 10lbs moderately hard, now doing 10lbs first two sets, then 15lbs to failure on 3rd.

Ball crunch: Token ab exercise. Doing 3 sets of 30.

Kickback: Started off doing 5lbs, which was easy for me. Quickly bumped it up to 10lbs first two sets, then 15lbs to fail.

Prognosis: Upper  body is definitely getting stronger, lower body however is not doing so great. I need to find exercises that don’t stress my knees so much. And need to find a few more excitng ab exercises.

This workout has primarily been about getting back into the game, getting into a routine again. I need to remember that.

Going to do keep at it for another 3 weeks, then make myself a routine that’s a little more complex. And that’s when I’ll start my stack. Woo!

My parents are gone to Mexico for two weeks, and my grandma is staying at home with bubs and I because I still don’t have my license (yeah yeah, I’m 24, long story…)

At first I was like meh, this is going to be a boooooring two weeks.

But now I’m thinking it’ll be a good time to get the rest of my routine on track. We’re not going to go anywhere besides the grocery store and my weekly mother’s group because of the weather. She goes to bed early, and we don’t eat the same meals because she is coeliac.

So my meals for two weeks should be absolutely perfect, and there is nothing to screw with my routine.

And maybe I can FINALLY get into a decent sleeping pattern. Bubs is teething so my sleep isn’t the greatest anyway, but getting to bed at a decent hour would dramatically improve my energy levels! lol. I want to take this two weeks to gradually go from not getting to bed until 11:30/midnight, to maybe even hitting the sack at 10pm! That would be awesome. If I could wake up WITHOUT the use of an alarm, and get my workout in before bubs wakes up things would be soooo much easier.

That’s pretty much the only thing I’m not happy with at the moment. My eating is on track, so are my workouts (sleeping more would def. help with energy/focus as per earlier posts! )

Other than that, life as per usual. Stressing out over immigration application. Missing hubby.

Finally made up my mind about supplements: ordering a Controlled Labs stack! Very excited.

Hope everyone else is doing their thing.

Things are plodding along. My eating is still going really good, except for a few misses here and there. I have the occasional thing I shouldn’t, but I’m pretty proud of myself in the way I’m dealing with it. Before, when I would "screw up", I’d say F this, I’ve blown it.. and then I’d eat everything in sight.

I feel like right now, I have such a holistic mindset (is that even a term?). I’m not looking for short-term results, I just want to be healthy in the long run. If I have some blips on the way, then so be it.

Someone said to me once.. You can drive across an entire country at night time, in fog, in a storm - as long as you can see the next few metres with your headlights. That’s how I look at it now. Instead of trying to look far off into the future, I try to focus on my next meal, my next workout. One pound at a time. One inch at a time. I know as long as I’m progressing, I’ll reach my goals.

I’m having a hard time staying motivated with my workouts. Cardio is fine, I just listen to music and it feels like it’s over before I’ve even gotten started. I feel like I get MORE energy as the workout progresses, and the only reason I get off the treadmill is because I need to get on with my day!

But my strength training seems to drag on. Realistically, it’s only a 45 minute workout but for some reason I lose focus, and it turns into an hour and a half. I’m always thinking in terms of how much I have left to do. It feels like I have to "get it over with". I miss the feeling of "is it done already? Did I really do it all?!" and feeling pumped enough to do it all over again! Maybe it was all in my head, but the day I tried my sample of Purple Wrath, I had that feeling. My workout was finished and I was so into it that I felt like I could lift the bench up over my head and do a few sets with it!

I hate to think that I "need" a supplement to do my workouts, because I want it to be on my own merit.. Part of me thinks that way, and then the other part is thinking who cares? If that’s the only way I’m going to be focused and actually have FUN when I’m training, then so be it. Plus, it’s a lot of money for a single mom…

I’m still undecided.