1 year on…how things have changed
November 16, 2009I remember when I first started I was terrified to put any photos up, mostly due to feeling inferior to everybody else on here at the time, and was lazy with updating weight, stats etc. I didn’t want to add anybody back then ether, being intimidated by all the muscular people on here why on earth would they want to bother with skinny-minny-me *laughs*
Over the year I’ve had a few minor injuries and strains, some periods of time where I just had no motivation for various reasons and a few scary moments where I started to obsess about food in various ways but overall I’ve learnt so much, met so many nice people and am just alot HAPPIER with myself. As someone who has spent most of my life with serious body hang ups and didn’t want to look in the mirror or be in photos I almost feel like a totally different person now 
Physically I think I look better, more *balanced*, no one makes comments about how skinny I am or ask if I ever eat anything. I think I’ll jump for joy the day a random person says I look like I workout (or something along those lines) People seem surprised that someone as small and short as me lifts weights - or maybe it’s the disabled thing I’m not sure. I LIKE having some muscle. I didn’t start weight training for visual reasons but I’ll admit I love how it’s changed my appearance: I don’t feel like I have to hide my stick arms anymore and I like wearing things that show off my back. In fact I get a huge kick when I go shopping and find my usual size is too tight on my arms 
I love how I can shape my body however I want with weights, it’s so empowering.
As for my physical disabilities I feel lifting weights has really helped in that area too: it takes longer for my legs and ankles to get sore, my feet don’t turn inwards as much now so walking in general has gotten a little easier and my hamstrings aren’t quite as tight. Heck I couldn’t even touch my toes once upon a time. My arms are a little less spastic so I can actually do *proper* full range of motion bicep curls now too. My trunk/posture still isn’t great (still looks like I have a gut if I’m not standing up straight hehe) but my back is nowhere near as weak as it was.
But I think the biggest change has been mentally. Ok I’ll put my hands up and admit I sometimes still have ‘off’ days or days where I feel guilty about eating certain things BUT in general my attitude to food has changed a heck of alot and I know alot more about nutrition than I did this time last year. Gone are the days where I weighed myself everyday, exercised after every meal or starved myself after I ate a chocolate bar. I’m not scared of food anymore <—- that’s the main thing
Right now I’m standing at 96lbs and just under 19% bf. I don’t think I want to lose much more fat at the weight I am right now, at least not deliberately aim to, I would like my shoulders and quads to be a little bigger and I’ve always wanted to be able to deadlift 2x my bodyweight (for the coolness factor ) but I need to buy new plates first!
I would also like to give a shoutout and thanks to a few other bodyspace users: heidismommy, retread, jumper11 and queenofswords. Having other people I can talk to on a regular basis about training or food or related things (sometimes not so related lol) is a big motivational boost in itself since I don’t really have anyone outside of bodyspace who really understands (ether because they don’t exercise or don’t approve) and I’m so grateful to everybody who takes the time to leave a comment, PM or just stop by to give some encouragement, it really means alot ^_^
) Since I’m a guest at their place they insist on doing the cooking, arrange days out etc. I’d feel a bit rude going to stay at someone else’s home and insisting they change all the rules to suit me, plus it means I get a chance to enjoy some food I haven’t had for ages (like garlic chicken kievs! 
but wow it doesn’t half open my eyes to how ‘normal’(?) people eat (or don’t)
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