Wendy’s BodyBlog

Yesterday I listened to a teleseminar by Cathy Savage’s nutritionist and trainer Jodi. It was about prepping for shows with disorders such as Celiac, PCOS, depression, etc.  I’ve had some type of depression since I was 16 years old. It runs in my family, and when I’m not on meds, it’s very ugly. Tearful, tired all the time, insomnia, uninterested in pretty much everything. So as I said, I’ve been taking meds, and it’s never occurred to me that the meds can stop me from losing weight. As a side effect of the medication. Last night I learned this. It actually makes sense. Before I was ever even on meds, I weighed much less, about 10 pounds less than I do now. I did not eat clean. I ate Lean Cuisines for lunch and crackers with cheese and deli meat for dinner. I didn’t even have to think about losing weight… I was just at that weight. I worked out…I walked to work and took dance classes, but there has never been a time in my life when I haven’t worked out to some degree.

Of course, I am sure there are other factors, such as the fact that I am OLDER and therefore my metabolism is slower. My first medication, Remeron, helped me to sleep, so I felt better. But I weighed the most I ever had in my life on Remeron. I learned later that it’s usually given to elderly folks for depression of course but it also helps them GAIN WEIGHT. Once I got off of that and onto another medication, I dropped five pounds.

The teleseminar was really enlightening. I’ve told my friends and fiance time and again that it is really difficult for me to lose weight…this from someone who used to be 10 pounds lighter with no effort at all. And finally I have an answer!!! What I was thinking and feeling about my weight wasn’t all just in my head. It’s TRUE: It IS difficult for me to lose weight. And the reason: my medications, which, as Jodi said, just kind of suppress my entire system.

So her solution to the problem: (And no, it’s not, don’t take meds anymore, LOL) MORE CARDIO!!! Whoop-whoop! And to take a calcium-magnesium supplement in addition to my multivitamin. Apparently that combination is a natural fat burner (no "regular" fat burners for me). And B vitamins supplement as well to help my metabolism. Like I said…the best part of all of this is to find out that I wasn’t just being neurotic about my weight but that there is actually a reason. AND it goes to show that I have to be patient and not just say, "screw it," and give it up…which is what I’ve been doing (yikes!).
I wanted to write more about show prep on here, but this post is already getting long. But briefly: I chose a show. I am no longer doing double cardio. I am no longer following the Bombshell diet of eating the same thing every day at the same time (it doesn’t make sense, and if it doesn’t make sense, I’m less likely to do it). I am reconsidering going back to Cathy Savage. I LOVE the Bombshell training. Shannon is wonderful, but it’s not fitting into my life. I need more flexibility with the cardio and nutrition, even if it means I don’t come in looking as lean as I like.

Today was day 1 of double cardio and restricted diet. Yes, I am prepping for a show, but no, I will not say which show or when. I will when I’m ready. I have a couple in mind. We’ll see what pans out. So I got my new meal plan and this was the second day that I followed it. It’s a little ridiculous in the amount of food. Ridiculous because there isn’t much food, and trying to fuel two cardio sessions AND a workout with little food–well, it isn’t working. I mean so hungry that even right after I eat, I am still hungry. That kind of hunger is just painful. I ended up coming home before my workout to have a little extra something to eat. Still clean! I emailed my trainer, so we’ll see what she says. I won’t last the remaining weeks on this little food, though. I can do 2-3 week of this, but that’s about it.

Although I’ll be living at the gym for the next few weeks, it feels better this go round than the last time I tried to prep for a show. I really admire people who can juggle a family, school, job, AND prep! I REALLY admire people who can do that. It was too overwhelming last year when I was in school.  Talk about a passion! And great support from family, too, I’m sure.

I am loving my new training program and diet! I am working every body part at least once per week, with abs and calves two or three times per week. This kind of training makes sense to me. I am spending more time in the gym. I’m not lifting more weight per rep, per se, but overall, my muscles are experiencing more time under tension. The training entails a lot of supersets, which I like because that means I am getting out the gym a little more quickly than I would otherwise. What’s interesting with the program is that I feel more of a burn while working out but am not necessarily sore the next day. That being said, today my back, glutes and chest are sore. The diet isn’t as bad as I thought it would be. It’s actually pretty yummy. No dairy, but that’s ok. I am taking calcium supplements. I do eat about 1.5 servings of fruit per day, but it’s spread out through the day. I also replaced some of the items. For example, the menu calls for asparagus, but I found that I just wasn’t eating it, so I switched it out wiht green beans. I know my coach would not approve, but like I said, I wasn’t eating the asparagus because I really don’t like it. It’s slimy when it’s cooked and when it’s raw, it’s too chewy. I also think the diet includes more starches. They are smaller servings, but again, more spread out through the day. I love that I am never hungry and wondering when my next meal will be. Food comes every two hours.

I also bought a suit on divaexchange. It was such a good deal that I couldn’t pass it up. I’ll post pics later when I get it.

I finally switched trainers!!! I am now with Team Bombshell, which is led by IFBB Pro Shannon Dey! I will be starting with her program this Monday. It took a while for me to come to terms that I needed to switch trainers. Cathy Savage has an amazing team, but I got tired of some things that were going on. The first was communication difficulties. This was the straw that broke the camel’s back, as they say.

And maybe more importantly was my feeling that I wasn’t training enough to get the results I really wanted. Granted, I can be a little piggy which can set me back. So I decided to try someone new who offers a little more structure. There’s more volume with Shannon’s plans and she writes the meal plan. Cathy’s team does macros, which I think works great if you are disciplined, which I am not. So, we’ll see. Plus, Shannon’s a little better about getting right back to her clients. Now, don’t get me wrong. Cathy was a great start. It was a way to get my feet wet and see if I like training, but in the end, it’s not enough for me.

The only thing I don’t like about the new trainer is that … ironically, the lack of flexibility with the diet. I am used to eating certain things. Every morning I eat oatmeal with cottage cheese, protein powder and some fruit. No mas! Oh, and I can only do NPC. But, in the end that’s not really such a big deal. I think the reason I wanted to do Fitness America is that there are no requirements in fitness. With NPC, there are several mandatory fitness moves, two of whcih I can’t do. That just means that I’ll have to work that much harder.

So that is just one part of my life. Since May, I’ve graduated, got engaged to my sweetie, moved to Oklahoma with my boy toy and started a new job. LOTS of changes! I have a blog on another site that I add to with smewhat more regularity (not much, haha!). If you want, check that out at http://socialworkdiva.blogspot.com.

Some of you know that my bf is really into ultra running. He’s gearing up to run Leadville 100 again this year AND to cut four hours off of last year’s time. He’s been posting his workouts on his blog page, www.yetifunk.com if you want to check out some of the madness!

The photo shoot went well. I surprised myself by hamming it up a bit. I can’t WAIT to see the photos. The photographer said that it usually takes her about 2 weeks to do the editing. ARGHHH!!!! She might send me some pics over the weekend, though, to give me a taste. We did swim suit shots, work out wear shots, head shots, and casual. It snowed here last night, so it was FREEZING outside. We did most of the shots inside. We also decided to take some back shots as well. I wanted to show off my hard earned muscle a little! And we also did some of me running outside. It had to be around 40 degrees with wind, and there I was wearing a sports bra and short shorts running on a dirt road! BRRRR!!! But I had a really good time and felt more comfortable than I thought I would.

I ended up doing my own makeup and felt like I looked ridiculous with all of the makeup, but the photographer thought it looked good, so I went with it. I’m feeling pretty proud of myself for going through with it. As some of you know, I really struggle with maintaining a balance, so when I diet, I really wonder if it is worth it. All the effort, and for what? To look good for a show or for some photos? Well, as I’ve said before, I could have dieted harder, but I think I was able to strike that balance between dieting while still enjoying some treats. Most of all, I am glad that I gave myself that chance instead of doing my usual bit and intellectualizing it then dropping out. NOT GOOD!

And of course I had pizza and dessert after. It was actually pretty disappointing. For some reason, I get it all worked up in my head how good the food will taste, and I think I am missing out on something, but then when I cheat, it’s only so so. Probably the best part about the cheat is that I actually feel full afterwards instead of barely so. But knowing that doesn’t stop the cravings. I think that goes to show that cheating for me is really psychological. I mean, it’s more about the comfort and the feeling associated with the food than it is about the flavor or the food itself.  Not sure what I am going to do this next week. I will definitely open my diet back up–more carbs, more fruit, more fat, different types of veggies. But I don’t know whether I should be carefully measuring everything or just eat until I’m full. The body does need a break after dieting pretty hard.
Anyway, so it looks as though to Tulsa we go in May, after I graduate. We figured as much. We actually went there this last weekend to visit, but there was a blizzard, and the roads were too horrible to drive on, so we turned the rental car back in and waited at the airport for 5 hours until we learned that our flight was canceled. Needless to say, we did not get to see Tulsa very much. What I did see I liked for the most part. And it’s really actually a very artsy-fartsy sort of place, which suprised me, but I like that. AND the unemployment rate in OK is 6%, compared with 11% in Nevada. So, off to a new adventure here before long. I’m really happy with how my life is panning out… now I just need to find a job!

The day has finally arrived! And I am already looking forward to it being over! Just so I can eat normally again! The prep has gone pretty well, I think. I could have followed the diet more closely, but I am happy with my progress. Plus, I think little cheats have really helped me to get through the last couple weeks.

I haven’t taken progress pics in 2 weeks, so it will be fun to see how the pics turn out. I know I’ve lost quite a bit of weight… I’ve lost SIX POUNDS over the last three weeks. Of course, that was with limited starches, one fruit per day, green veggies only, and no dairy over the last couple weeks. And over the last couple of days, I have had no fat. Well, I mean no salmon, no oil, no nuts. I can’t help that there’s fat in chicken breast. I’ve also been doing cardio 5 days per week and lifting full body 3-4 days. The last couple days, because I have only been allowed one serving of starch, the lifting has been very, very difficult. My heart rate just went through the roof yesterday. And of course that was with lighter than normal weights! LOL!

And today I am only allowed a certain amount of fluids till after the shoot. So many rules to follow! Before starting with body building, I would never have guessed the amount of fiddling with the diet and training that goes into prep, especially in the last couple weeks.  I’ll be sure to post some pics on my page!

I can’t believe March is already almost over! It has just flown by! Things have been pretty nuts in my world. I am working hard to get my thesis and presentation together and done. I think I am just about done with my thesis, though. I have to see what my chair thinks about it. It’s feeling really good to be done. Apparently John and I may be moving to Oklahoma come May. The facility that he is at is too top heavy, and either he or his boss have to leave, and John’s lower on the totem pole. I of course threw a big fit at first, but then decided to go with him. We are visiting OK this weekend. It should be fun! I’ve never been, but I do enjoy visiting new places.

My photo shoot is about a little more than a week away. I am pretty happy with the changes that are happening to my body. Of course my diet could be better. That’s always the case.  But I am trying to eat more and stay pretty close to my macros. The first week on that plan, I lost TWO POUNDS! I have not yet weighed myself this week.

I am not going to beat myself up about having a bad day here or there. It doesn’t do any good. I am really excited about the shoot. I didn’t realize how expensive it would be. Of course I have to pay the photographer but I also had to buy some cute outfits and a bathing suit. I’m very casual in my daily life–I’m a student and work in social services, LOL! And I have to have someone do my make up because I’m fairly clueless about those things. I put on mascara, concealer, and chapstick in the morning and call it good, LOL! To be honest, I am looking forward to it being over. I am done with this no dairy, lean protein, only berries, grapefruit and green veggies diet I am on. Blech! And yes, I have had some indiscretions.

I’ll be sure to post some pics on here once I get them in my hot little hands! 

I received new macros today from my trainer. It’s for a body comp change. The caloric total is 1800, roughly 40/40/20. That’s more calories than I’ve EVER had on this program! It makes me a little nervous since the photo shoot is about 4 weeks away now. I’ll take progress pics again next week, and if it’s not working and am gaining, then I’m readjusting. It also calls for 3-30 minute cardio sessions per week, plus a functional/plyo workout and 4 weights sessions per week. That’s less cardio than what I have had before. I’ll try it and see, but if my hunch is right, then my macros will have to be readjusted. Until then, I will fully enjoy all the food.

And just for nostalgia’s sake, my friend and I were talking the other day about how easy it was back in our early 20s to (1) maintain and (2) lose weight. The weight came off so much faster than it does now. It takes a whole HELL Of a lot more work to lose–I now have to watch every morsel of food I put in my mouth and do at least 5 cardio sessionsx45 min if I want to lose. Back then, I didn’t own a car, so I ended up walking and riding my bike quite a bit. So I would walk maybe 4 miles a day, and the weight was a LOT less than it is now. Not that I’m overweight. If anything, I was probably underweight or nearly so back then. But, it didn’t take much. Ahhh, how I took it for granted… Of course, give me another 5 or 10 years, and I’ll be saying the same thing about being in my late 20s/early 30s, LOLLL!

One more thing I wanted to add to my last post. I came to the realization last weekend that I am DONE! I am DONE with trying to keep up with my bf and all of his crazy races and adventures. We met online, and one thing that struck us both is that we were both into ultramarathons. As you probably know, I don’t do those anymore, and to be honest, I don’t really have the desire to do one anymore. Not even the Western States, which was my dream for so long. Just the thought of running hour after hour, day after day… UGH! Not to mention dealing with injuries.  So, I no longer run, unless they are sprints or the random longish run (5-7 miles!). That’s about the longest distance I have any desire to run anymore.

But I think in some ways that I believed that I had let John down by not running or even not really being into the outdoor adventure stuff so much anymore. And on top of that, I became a gym rat. He’s never really said that or mentioned anything close to that, but I do wonder sometimes.
So the back country ski experience was not a fun experience for me.  I was not ready in any way–skiing in fresh powder, narrow trails with trees all around was completely new to me. What happened was that I ended up resenting John. Sure, he suggested that I ski in, but I was ultimately the one to make that decision. He did, however, overestimate my skiing abilities, which ended up with me feeling completely overwhelmed and frustrated about the entire experience. At any rate, I have come to accept responsibility for what was one of the worst decisions I’ve made in a long time. So, as I was very, very slowly coming down the mountain, having snowplowed for a couple hours, and having no fun whatsoever, I decided that I am done with my feelings of guilt about not being into the running/outdoor thing too much anymore. I AM DONE!

I don’t want to be one of Those Women–one of Those Women who live, eat, and breathe their significant others, and when they get older, their children. It’s a fine balance to strike. I’m not sure that I was ever one of Those Women, but I decided then to give up–give up the feelings of guilt, give up my feelings of not being good enough. I don’t expect John to keep up with me, banging around weights 4-5 days per week, cardio anywhere from 4-6 times per week, clean diets. Why would I expect that he would want the same from me? Obviously the woman altering her life for the man or the kids is more socially acceptable for the woman than it is for the man to alter his life. I felt that pressure, and I am done with that pressure. I’ll let my insecurity flap out there because it’s way better than try to be someone I’m not or in my case, something I tried on, but have no desire to return to.

Sure, I’ll help him out with crewing and maybe even a little pacing if need be for his ultras. I’ll probably even attempt back country skiing again, but as I’ve said, I am giving up feelings of guilt and not being enough… I’m doing this on my terms.