Wendy’s BodyBlog

I can’t believe March is already almost over! It has just flown by! Things have been pretty nuts in my world. I am working hard to get my thesis and presentation together and done. I think I am just about done with my thesis, though. I have to see what my chair thinks about it. It’s feeling really good to be done. Apparently John and I may be moving to Oklahoma come May. The facility that he is at is too top heavy, and either he or his boss have to leave, and John’s lower on the totem pole. I of course threw a big fit at first, but then decided to go with him. We are visiting OK this weekend. It should be fun! I’ve never been, but I do enjoy visiting new places.

My photo shoot is about a little more than a week away. I am pretty happy with the changes that are happening to my body. Of course my diet could be better. That’s always the case.  But I am trying to eat more and stay pretty close to my macros. The first week on that plan, I lost TWO POUNDS! I have not yet weighed myself this week.

I am not going to beat myself up about having a bad day here or there. It doesn’t do any good. I am really excited about the shoot. I didn’t realize how expensive it would be. Of course I have to pay the photographer but I also had to buy some cute outfits and a bathing suit. I’m very casual in my daily life–I’m a student and work in social services, LOL! And I have to have someone do my make up because I’m fairly clueless about those things. I put on mascara, concealer, and chapstick in the morning and call it good, LOL! To be honest, I am looking forward to it being over. I am done with this no dairy, lean protein, only berries, grapefruit and green veggies diet I am on. Blech! And yes, I have had some indiscretions.

I’ll be sure to post some pics on here once I get them in my hot little hands! 

I received new macros today from my trainer. It’s for a body comp change. The caloric total is 1800, roughly 40/40/20. That’s more calories than I’ve EVER had on this program! It makes me a little nervous since the photo shoot is about 4 weeks away now. I’ll take progress pics again next week, and if it’s not working and am gaining, then I’m readjusting. It also calls for 3-30 minute cardio sessions per week, plus a functional/plyo workout and 4 weights sessions per week. That’s less cardio than what I have had before. I’ll try it and see, but if my hunch is right, then my macros will have to be readjusted. Until then, I will fully enjoy all the food.

And just for nostalgia’s sake, my friend and I were talking the other day about how easy it was back in our early 20s to (1) maintain and (2) lose weight. The weight came off so much faster than it does now. It takes a whole HELL Of a lot more work to lose–I now have to watch every morsel of food I put in my mouth and do at least 5 cardio sessionsx45 min if I want to lose. Back then, I didn’t own a car, so I ended up walking and riding my bike quite a bit. So I would walk maybe 4 miles a day, and the weight was a LOT less than it is now. Not that I’m overweight. If anything, I was probably underweight or nearly so back then. But, it didn’t take much. Ahhh, how I took it for granted… Of course, give me another 5 or 10 years, and I’ll be saying the same thing about being in my late 20s/early 30s, LOLLL!

One more thing I wanted to add to my last post. I came to the realization last weekend that I am DONE! I am DONE with trying to keep up with my bf and all of his crazy races and adventures. We met online, and one thing that struck us both is that we were both into ultramarathons. As you probably know, I don’t do those anymore, and to be honest, I don’t really have the desire to do one anymore. Not even the Western States, which was my dream for so long. Just the thought of running hour after hour, day after day… UGH! Not to mention dealing with injuries.  So, I no longer run, unless they are sprints or the random longish run (5-7 miles!). That’s about the longest distance I have any desire to run anymore.

But I think in some ways that I believed that I had let John down by not running or even not really being into the outdoor adventure stuff so much anymore. And on top of that, I became a gym rat. He’s never really said that or mentioned anything close to that, but I do wonder sometimes.
So the back country ski experience was not a fun experience for me.  I was not ready in any way–skiing in fresh powder, narrow trails with trees all around was completely new to me. What happened was that I ended up resenting John. Sure, he suggested that I ski in, but I was ultimately the one to make that decision. He did, however, overestimate my skiing abilities, which ended up with me feeling completely overwhelmed and frustrated about the entire experience. At any rate, I have come to accept responsibility for what was one of the worst decisions I’ve made in a long time. So, as I was very, very slowly coming down the mountain, having snowplowed for a couple hours, and having no fun whatsoever, I decided that I am done with my feelings of guilt about not being into the running/outdoor thing too much anymore. I AM DONE!

I don’t want to be one of Those Women–one of Those Women who live, eat, and breathe their significant others, and when they get older, their children. It’s a fine balance to strike. I’m not sure that I was ever one of Those Women, but I decided then to give up–give up the feelings of guilt, give up my feelings of not being good enough. I don’t expect John to keep up with me, banging around weights 4-5 days per week, cardio anywhere from 4-6 times per week, clean diets. Why would I expect that he would want the same from me? Obviously the woman altering her life for the man or the kids is more socially acceptable for the woman than it is for the man to alter his life. I felt that pressure, and I am done with that pressure. I’ll let my insecurity flap out there because it’s way better than try to be someone I’m not or in my case, something I tried on, but have no desire to return to.

Sure, I’ll help him out with crewing and maybe even a little pacing if need be for his ultras. I’ll probably even attempt back country skiing again, but as I’ve said, I am giving up feelings of guilt and not being enough… I’m doing this on my terms.

From my photo shoot. My diet has not been as clean as it should be till a few days ago. I find it difficult to stay focused for 12 weeks to diet. So, it’s a good thing that I don’t have that much weight to lose. It’s definitely crunch time and am feeling it! I’m in my "game on!" mode! I am doing 6 days of cardio, and cleaning up my diet. Yesterday I went grocery shopping, and my cart was full of green veggies, lean protein, and oatmeal! I am also cutting down on carbs on the days I don’t lift. I am really excited about the shoot!

Last weekend, John and I went backcountry skiing with a bunch of other people. It was a 7 mile, 3000 foot ascent up to the cabin, where we stayed for two nights. It was NOT easy. It was my first time backcountry skiing. My rental boots were a size too small (I lost my two big toenails when I got home), and hiking with a bag that was at least 1/3 of my body weight was NOT easy. The ski down wasn’t much easier, either, even with a lighter load, thanks to carrying less water and food. Some girls snow shoed in, but  they still beat me back to civilization even though I started out earlier and was on skis! I just learned how to ski last year, and am NOT used to skiing on trails with trees all around! I literally snowplowed most of the way down (that’a great quad workout, BTW) and fell probably about 7 times!

I had no idea how difficult it would be, and it’s definitely not for me. I had to give my bf kudos, though, as well as the others at the hut who enjoy it. He LIKES that sh*t and is good at it! Just thinking about it now wears me out!