Wendy’s BodyBlog

As many of you know, I have been re-evaluating this whole new fitness lifestyle for some time and deciding what I want to get out of it. I have changed my mind so many times, have started and stopped. And of course to complicate all of this is that I didn’t have the opportunity to get on stage, with my first show being canceled, and the second show coming at a bad time for me.

What has been a certainty all along is that I do want to be a part of this fitness lifestyle. And I was fit before I started lifting–I was an avid runner who ran anything from a 5K to 50 miles and while I wasn’t an elite runner or anything, I could usually place in the top 10% of women.

But that wasn’t enough. I was becoming burnt out, and my knees and hips couldn’t handle all of the pounding. So then the question was what I wanted out of training and my physique. Do I want to be a fitness gal and do all sorts of crazy tricks? A figure gal? A fitness model type?And how much of my life did I want to devote to this?
Today I read articles that were posted on a private site for people who received services from Cathy Savage (I’m not using her services now, but I saved all the articles on my computer!), and one article that I came across gave a rationale for why her programs are set up the way they are–why we don’t use too many machines to lift; we don’t do a ton of cardio; we don’t take supplements except for protein powder; we do a lot of functional exercises. But what really popped out to me was a point about eating something small and "unclean" so long as it fits into our macros (does NOT include cheat meal), and so long as we are eating clean 80-85% of the time.

And I recall reading that and Cathy herself telling me that, but for some reason over the past few months I lost sight of not just the little cheats we could splurge on but also that we don’t have to do crazy amounts of cardio. I tried to eat super clean and did cardio 5-6 days a week for one hour at a time in addition to weights. I did not allow myself cheats–hell, I tried to "challenge" myself to eat clean for weeks on end without having some ultimate goal like a show or photo shoot.

And so what happened? I totally crashed, was completely burnt out and am still recovering from that–just like the article said would happen if we deprive ourselves and work so dang hard in the gym day in and day out! And I think at some point, I decided that if I had to deprive myself and work so dang hard to have the physique I wanted, then it wasn’t worth it. So, that has been me over the past several months–swinging wildly from one end of deprivation and psychotic discipline to the other end of excess and binging.

I actually think a lot of the psychotic discipline actually came from this site. Julofthenile, who has been MIA for some time, wrote a blog recently and talked about being on here daily not being healthy and the need to put fitness in place with all the other things in our lives, and I have come to see how right she is.
There were the challenges of eating clean as long as humanly possible. There are people on here who do two sessions of cardio daily. I am not criticizing anyone in any way. If anything, I was the one who got sucked up into it and believing that these are the things that I have to do to get to where I want to be. And where did that leave me? Completely burnt out and unmotivated. (And yes, John… you were RIGHT, as much as I hate to admit it!)
Out of this came two things: The first is that I decided that when I can afford a trainer again, I am going back to Cathy Savage, despite our differences on running. And I will pay for more intensive services, so that on a weekly basis, she can keep me in check in terms of swinging one way or the other. What it really boils down to is that I like her approach, which is balanced. AND THAT, despite her focus on balance–ironic that I have to write that; you would think the fitness industry would focus more on balance–many women she trains are national champions.

The other thing that came out of this whole mess are my goals for my challenge with GJ. I am going to focus on moderation–maintaining moderation without going too much one way or the other. I am going to track my calories every day until January 1. I will rotate my calories between 1400, 1500, and 1600 calories (may change these after the first week or two if I am hungry or full all of the time). I will stay within my macros of 40/40/20 or 50 protein/30 carb/20 fat as much as possible. I will allow myself small cheats like a piece of chocolate so long as they fit into my macros.  I will also myself one full cheat meal once per week. I will do cardio no more than five times per week, four sessions being optimal, with 45 minutes being the longest amount of cardio at any one time. And I will lift of course. That is my challenge not just till I see GJ around New Year’s but for everyday, for as long as possible, at least until I am about 12 weeks out from a show or photo shoot, in which case I will have to change things up a bit…
I think I will lose some weight as a result seeing as how I’ve GAINED weight as a result of my latest binge… But now my focus is to stop my wild swings so that I STOP binging.

Ok, so I didn’t QUITE take off a week from the gym. I came across what I thought looked like a fun CrossFit workout, and decided to do it–because it looked like fun, LOL! So on Friday I did four rounds (supposed to be for time, but I didn’t time myself, just busted my a**) 400 meter run, 50 air squats. My legs were sore yesterday.

Then yesterday, I did this:

For time:
50 Box jump, 24 inch box
50 Jumping pull-ups
50 DB swings,
Walking Lunge, 50 steps
50 Knees to elbows (hanging leg raises with …knees to elbows!)
50 Push press,  30 Lb BB
50 Back extensions
50 Squat press, 24 lb plate
50 Burpees
50 mountain climbers

No, I did not time myself. And I did not do all 50 at once. I did the whole thing as a giant set (2×16), then the last set I did 17 reps to make it an even 50 reps total. And silly me, instead of just doing the jumping pullup, I decided to jump up to pullup position and do a sloooowww negative down. Well, I am so incredibly sore from that that I can barely bring my arms back to put on my jacket.

I read an interesting article on crossfit workouts on t-nation.com the other day. You can read it here if you would like. My own feelings on Crossfit is that some of the workouts are really great functional workouts, and you can get in both cardio and strength in at the same time, such as the one I did yesterday. My heart was a-pounding the whole time, but I also know from the soreness in my biceps, back, calves, hams, and pecs today that I got a good weight workout in too. I also like the sprints with some body weight lifting mixed in. Plus, these functional or sprint workouts can really mix up your training, which helped me to break through my mental plateau.
Other Crossfit workouts, however, don’t make much sense to me, such as the 7×1 of anything. I don’t see any need to ever do that kind of lifting unless you are a powerlifter, serious bodybuilder (not figure or fitness like myself) or want to qualify for the Olympics for that sport.  But, that is just my opinion.
I think I am ready to hit the gym again. I am still figuring out what I want to get out of the offseason. What I DO know is that I don’t want to diet, meaning squeaky clean then doing cardio for one hour 5-6 days per week. I just need a damn break from that. So, I am going to mix it up as much as I can. I’ve been copying other people’s weights routines from here. Jamie Eason posted one week of weight training and cardio, so I think I am going to try to do that this week. Shannan also posted her weights workout, so I might try that as well. I think I am also going to mix in some crazy functional/weights workous. Anything not to be bored! Anywho, back to working on the projects I have due tomorrow! Whoo-hoo!

Only a few more weeks…

Yes, you read that right. I am taking a week off entirely! I decided this today. I haven’t made it to the gym all week; I am so tired; I am so stressed; I just want to crawl in bed, pull the covers over my head and wake up with Master’s degree in hand when the school year is all over. Plus, I now feeling like there are too many "shoulds" in my life. I am "shoulding" all over myself: I should not relax; I should be doing homework. I should clean my room. I should eat clean. I should catch up with my friends even though I have NOT TIME! I should do cardio 2x day. I should go to the gym. Every fricking moment of my day is like this. And part of it is just being in grad school…there ARE so many shoulds because those are the things that really need to get done if I want to get this damn degree! But with all of the other shoulds, it is very exhausting. So this week, screw it. I am going to enjoy myself.

Besides, I don’t think I have ever, and I mean in all the time that I have been working out since I was 16 (of course it was just cardio back then),  I have NEVER just taken time off just for the hell of it. Sure, I’ve taken time off when I was sick or injured, but not voluntarily, not for peace of mind, and surely not because I WANTED TO! I have always just made myself do it.

Plus, this week I met with my full committee for my thesis. There I was, application for human subjects research all filled out and ready to go; I had gotten up early that morning to finish writing my FIVE attachments; spent $12 on copies, and then I was pretty much told that I need to take this out and take that out and add this and that. AND they hardly looked at the copies I brought with me. I know, it’s only $12, but that is a lot on my measly grad school budget. It’s not like I was just writing up my application without any guidance from my committee, either. I had met with two of them a few weeks ago, and that is what we came up with, and then they pretty much said to change it. Apparently that is all part of the "process."

For those of you who don’t know, if/when you ever go to graduate school–or if anyone ever tells you that "it’s all part of the ‘process’"–what they really mean is that you need to keep your damn mouth shut and smile and do what they say, even if it was they who were not clear in the first place. Why just take it, you ask? BECAUSE YOU DON’T HAVE THE POWER AND THEY HAVE SOMETHING YOU REALLY, REALLY WANT. In my case, it is a diploma that says Master of Social Work. That is my interpretation of "the process" as I’ve heard it used in my program. Anywhooo, so I am really rather discouraged with that, and that is really a large part of the reason that I want to crawl into bed and pull the covers up and over my head. I spent HOURS on this damn application (It’s LOOONNNGGG and very detailed), and now I need to change it.
ANYWAY, I have been thinking about what shows I want to do next year. I think I am going to do FAME Fitness Model in Vegas in May, FAP New York, Fitness Model Division and Figure, in October if I can afford it, and FAP Championships Fitness Model Division and Figure in November in Vegas. I figure I can do a May show if I am on the ball in terms of really watching what I eat and do about 5-6 cardio sessions per week from January on. That way, I shouldn’t have to do twice daily cardio for too many weeks.

I should be living in Vegas by then anyway. Speaking of Vegas, I visited my boy toy there for the first time in five weeks, and we had such a wonderful time together. I am so in love with that damn boy. Long distance sucks, and I certainly wouldn’t advocate for it, but in our case, I think it is very worth it. The next time I will see him will be for Thanksgiving. I am cooking, of course. (I say of course because that is what I began doing for my family about three years ago). Really, I only have about one more month of nose to the grindstone, and then the worst part will be OVER!!! Just have to focus and hang in there!