Learning To Forgive Yourself and Move On

     This newsletter is difficult for me to write, it is personal and on some levels embarrassing, but this is why I am compelled to write it.  I am going to bare my soul, and it hurts, but I am doing this for myself and in hopes that I reach at least some of you, because WE ALL GO THROUGH THIS ON SOME LEVEL. You see this letter is not about the newest workout routine or power protein, it is about falling down and getting up… knowing you may fall down again.  It is human and real.  Please read it, share it with friends and share your thoughts afterward.

     You see we all talk about the key ingredients to fitness or weight loss as being proper hydration, rest, good nutrition(5 to 6 times per day), resistance training and heart rate training(cardio).  Some go beyond this and surely there are other important factors, but in general, the 5 areas above, when done correctly and consistently will lead to better health and wellness, whether your goal is weight-loss, muscle gain or some combination(body transformation).

     About 3 or 4 years ago I embarked on a journey to reclaim my health after many failed attempts alone in the gym, or on a treadmill in my office I decided to go down the road with a trainer.  My trainer was more than a “gym buddy” or a quasi-therapist to listen to me rant while I sweat, he slowly progressed me from a diabetic lump into an athlete and taught me how to learn to live a healthful lifestyle on my own, without the hand-holding of a trainer.  By any measurement I had completely transformed my body into a 42 year old with 18 pct body fat and a VO2max close to 50, which at my age is impressive.  I had become stronger than I ever was, even stronger than my late teens and early twenties while still active and in the gym.  I was on a constant endorphin high.  My doctor could not believe I was not on medication because all signs of diabetes were gone, cholesterol was at 124 with an amazing ratio of high to low… I was unstoppable and hell bent on becoming stronger, faster, more flexible and even began to think i should train for an Ironman event or possibly get into mixed martial arts.  I’ll give props to Gary Schulman now, and thank him for the serious effort he gave to me. Thank You!

     What happened next was a slow spiral, almost imperceptible at first, but it had begun nonetheless.  I had a number of factors that distracted me from keeping my wellness routine, some of them personal, some business related and some of it was just plain over-training.  I will not go into details of my personal issues because we all have something going on in our lives that becomes “the excuse”…  you all know what your excuse, or excuses are.  In the beginning it was that I needed a break from training, I had gone so far, so fast and I was so high on life that I just kept going, and then I injured my right elbow and bicep badly during a sparring session… I could not even hold a cup of water with my right arm for 2 weeks, or start my car with my right hand!  This led to about 3 weeks of fear and depression that I would not be able to maintain my routine combined with the beginnings of some business and personal problems I thought I was doomed.  I figured I was able to use the machines at the gym to work around my injury as I slowly rehabbed my right arm back, and for a few months this actually worked… why?… because I went extra hard on the rest of my body and did cardio twice a day.  In the end, I made my burnout even worse.  But other things were lurking behind the scenes.

     The burnout leads to a form of depression.  The body rebels.  I was frequently tired, angry, and worse of all, BEGAN TO FEEL GUILTY FOR THE WAY I WAS FEELING!  Soon this led to slowly going off my strict nutrition routine and not working so hard at the gym and finally skipping the gym often.  This is why I say the weakest muscle in the body is the 6 inches between your ears!  I know the brain is not a muscle, but although it has amazing powers to push you to new heights, when you DON’T FORGIVE YOURSELF AND MOVE ON it will take you into that downward spiral.

     The downward spiral can be many things… emotional eating, drinking, smoking, drastic diet change, depression, less sleep, and on and on. 

     So HERE IS MY TRUTH.  I DID A BACKSLIDE.  I GAINED 20 POUNDS IN A YEAR AFTER 3 AMAZINGLY HEALTHY YEARS.  MOST OF THE WEIGHT GAIN IS SURELY FAT.  I USED EVERY EXCUSE, BUT ESSENTIALLY THEY WERE LIES TO MYSELF.  I HAVE LESS STAMINA, LESS STRENGTH AND I FEEL EXHAUSTED SOMETIMES.  I KNOW PEOPLE SEE IT AND IT IS AT TIMES EMBARRASSING TO ME.  AND NOW……………

I FORGIVE MYSELF!!!!

     I want everyone out there feeling guilty over missing a sessions, or eating a greasy cheeseburger to immediately forgive themselves and know that in that moment YOU GET YOUR SECOND CHANCE… you start again.  There will be many times over our lives we need to forgive ourselves, and many small battles will be lost, but even more battles will be won.  LIFE IS NOT A STRAIGHT LINE… neither is our JOURNEY of WELLNESS.  Now I look at the rest of my journey in a more practical way.  I will not be the full time gym rat, because I have work and children and friends in my life and they deserve me just as much as I deserve them.  I will congratulate myself for a job well done in the gym, just as I will forgive myself when I need to.

    I would like to finish up here by thanking anyone who reads this, for you are my witness that I am HUMAN.  Please check in and remind me sometimes via email… because I may forget soemtimes.  I promise to do the same for you through this email/newsletter.

     Whether you know me personally or just through this email, let’s stick together and encourage each other.. you know.. “IT TAKES A VILLAGE” sort of idea.

     Breathe deep, be positive, FORGIVE YOURSELF AND MOVE ON!!!!