BreaktheChains’s BodyBlog

It’s been quite a while….but no worries. I’m here!
 

 So the other day, while I was outside sitting in the grass in the hot sun, I started to think to myself. What kind of a person will I be in five years from now? How much will I have changed? What about ten years? Will my morals, my habits, my attitude be the same?
 

As much as I love my life the way it is right now, I know there’s going to be change. I used to be against change. It was almost as if I refused to grow up. I wanted to stay little, stop working, sit at home, watch cartoons, and eat Fruity Pebbles. I didn’t want to have “responsiblity” for anything! “To hell with it all!” I would say.
 

Oh, but that’s not the type of attitude that will get you what you want. I learned that the hard way. I went through a period of time when I was so lazy, I worried that I might never accomplish anything in life. As highly motivated as I was mentally, I took no action. It was depressing. How did I overcome it? I let it take it’s course. I let myself be lazy. I didn’t get mad at myself anymore. It sounds stupid, but it works. You can only be lazy for a certain amount of time until your desires begin to overpower you and you NEED to take action. You WANT to take action. So if you’re lazy now, don’t worry. You won’t be this way forever.
 

 My parents tell me that I should’ve been born in the 70s, what with my laid back easy-going character. I feel no strain, I’m in no rush, and I like to be unconventional. I like to make life slow down for me, because it goes too fast sometimes. I’m sure it would’ve been nice, but I was born in the 80s for a reason. haha
 

 I love to think of myself as a dreamer, an artist, someone with a mystical soul. I want to live my life singing and dancing, writing and baking, loving and being loved, laughing and being laughed at! While my parents are pushing for me to go to Pharmacy school, I’m secretly applying to Film schools across the country. I’m sending out screenplays and manuscripts, and when they think I’m “cleaning my room,” I’m actually writing songs and playing them on my battery powered Casio piano.
 

When people ask me what I want to do with my life-I lie. I’ll say I want to go into pharmacy and wait for that impressed look on their faces. I dare not tell them what I really want to do. It’s too sacred to me. My dreams are like my children. I cannot expose them to people who do not cherish them the way I do. Who do not believe in their existence the way I believe they already exist. I might be striving to live in a world of complete fantasy, but if it makes me happy, nothing else matters. I love to believe in the unbelievable because believing in it makes it believable. I read somewhere that YOUR IMAGINATION IS MORE REAL THAN REALITY. It sure is.
 

So for those of you who have dreams, whether you still believe in them or not, they never die. DREAMS NEVER DIE. You may think they’re dead, but you are fooled. You know what I’m talking about. That puzzled feeling you have everytime you get up for work because you know the work you are doing is not for you. Everytime you ignore one of your talents, everytime you complain that your life is not going the way you want it to, and times you find yourself crying or unable to sleep at night…these are the times your dreams are haunting you. Do not ignore your dreams. You’re not too young, you’re not too old…you dreamt the dream you dreamt because God knows that you are capable of bringing it into existence…
 

…Otherwise, He would’ve never let you dream it to begin with.
 

Hey, it’s been a while, but I’m still here

Life gets in the way sometimes. Just like life got in the way and prevented me from posting. Man, there’s just so much I want to do with my life, when I think about it, I get dizzy. You ever feel like you hit a brick wall? You know the feeling…you’re on a roll, everything’s going right and peachy, but then you wake up one day and think, "Where the hell did my motivation go?"

 Yeah, I’m at that brick wall right now. It’s not fun. I’m procrastinating, I’m irritated, I’m angry, and I’m confused with everything. With my life, with my family, and with school. I almost feel like i"m just floating through the motions and allowing others to direct me. I’m usually not this way, but I do understand that with life comes ups and downs.

If I could, I would stop time. Wouldn’t that be nice?  

I feel as though life is moving too fast and I can’t catch up to it. Some people tell me I’m young, I have time to do everything, but for some reason, I feel urgent. I think to myself, "I’m going to be 20 years old, and I need something to show for it." haha

I WILL have something to show for it. My body for one thing. I’ll also be done with my second year of college, starting my third. I’m going to become a dietician, when several months ago I didn’t know what I wanted to do. I’m going to have a book of poems coming out soon…ect.

…I feel happier already! It’s moments like these, the moments when you sit down and talk to yourself about what’s troubling you that you’ll begin to feel better. Talking with others works too, but sometimes sorting out your problems yourself, writing them out, talking to yourself (even if you do look crazy doing it) all work. At least that’s how I am.

And recently, I’ve been ignoring all the demands of life and just dissapearing…just for a few days

One of my favorite songs is by Billy Joel: "Vienna." I love the lyrics…they fit my mood.
Billy Joel
Vienna

Slow down, you crazy child
you’re so ambitious for a juvenile
But then if you’re so smart, tell me
Why are you still so afraid?

Where’s the fire, what’s the hurry about?
You’d better cool it off before you burn it out
You’ve got so much to do and
Only so many hours in a day

But you know that when the truth is told..
That you can get what you want or you get old
You’re gonna kick off before you even
Get halfway through
When will you realize, Vienna waits for you?

Slow down, you’re doing fine
You can’t be everything you want to be
Before your time
Although it’s so romantic on the borderline tonight
Tonight,…
Too bad but it’s the life you lead
you’re so ahead of yourself that you forgot what you need
Though you can see when you’re wrong, you know
You can’t always see when you’re right. you’re right

You’ve got your passion, you’ve got your pride
but don’t you know that only fools are satisfied?
Dream on, but don’t imagine they’ll all come true
When will you realize, Vienna waits for you?

Slow down, you crazy child
and take the phone off the hook and disappear for awhile
it’s all right, you can afford to lose a day or two
When will you realize,..Vienna waits for you?
And you know that when the truth is told
that you can get what you want or you can just get old
You’re gonna kick off before you even get half through
Why don’t you realize,. Vienna waits for you
When will you realize, Vienna waits for you?
God Bless you all

And hey, if you’re havinig trouble with yourself, keep your chin up. I will too.

I love that word. DREAMS. Just saying it makes me feel…mystical. I’m not talking about the dreams you have at night, oh no. I’m talking about the dreams you have during the day.

Yes, that’s right. The daydreams.

Daydreamers, although sometimes yelled at for staring out the window in school rather than paying attention to Mr. Frompy, are on to something. They might seem lazy, but they’re really geniuses. Well, most of them.

Really, what’s going on in their minds is a form of visualization. That’s one of the most powerful techniques you can use to reach your goals. It brings me back to one of my favorite movies in the world: "Rudy."

There’s a scene where Rudy is daydreaming in class, and when called on, fumbles for an answer to the question. His professor walks over to his desk and says:

"You see class, what we have here is a dreamer. The problem with dreamers is that they are not doers. They never accomplish much." And he smirks and walks back up the front of the class.

I WAS SO ANGRY! I wanted to punch him in the face for saying that, because it’s NOT TRUE! DREAMERS ARE DOERS! I’m a dreamer, you’re a dreamer. We’re all striving every day for something wonderful, magical, and sublime, something we can manifest into our lives, something to give us purpose, to make us stand tall, to run through walls!

We’re all more powerful than we think. A lot more powerful. Don’t let the fear of being great keep you small. That does the world no good. Be GREAT, because it’s your birthright!

:D

That said, I worked the hell out of the elliptical machine today for 45 minutes at an 8 resistance. I honestly thought I heard the machine out of breath more than me. It’s funny to know that I can scare a piece of equipment every time I show up to the gym.

And my diet:

Meal one: 4 oz. of salmon, ½ cup of bulgar, homemade salsa

Meal two: whey protein shake, ½ cup of berries

Meal Three: whey protein shake, sweet potato

Meal Four: 3 oz. of turkey, 1 ½ cup of granola, ½ cup of soymilk

Meal Five: 3 oz. of turkey, 1/2 cup of lettuce and cucumber

Meal Six: whey protein shake

I’ve stopped the whole "stop eating at 6pm" thing because of some good advice, and I was literally going to eat tree bark by the time it came to sleep. haha

Today went great. Although, I did find out that when I work I find that I think about food more. I’ll eat, and then I’ll think, "Now when’s the next time I eat?"

After I got home, it was pretty easy to stay away frome food…or at least I thought it was. It was almost like food knew that I wasn’t going to be eating it after 6pm and it literally threw itself at me. My brother came in and threw some candy at me, and then my dad tossed an apple to me, I thought I was going crazy!

Then, later on as I was talking with my sister (who is crazy skinny), she decided to grab a huge bag of crunchy, baked potato chips and munch on them in front of me. "I haven’t eaten all day!" she exclaimed. She didn’t do it on purpose, but it bothered the hell out of me. So I did what any calm and rational person would do: I grabbed the bag out of her hand, squished it, and threw it down on the floor and walked away.

Of course, I thought to myself, "why did I do that?" Then I remembered a familar voice: My stomach grumbling. It sometimes feels like it’s going to eat itself. haha

Do you want to know what I love probably more than chocolate? Dried cherries.

Or any dried fruit for that matter. Actually, I think dried fruits and chocolate are tied. I found some while I was raiding the pantry for something "clean" to eat, and my mouth was literally watering. I’m going to allow myself a day to eat whatever I want. But of course, I won’t go overboard.

9:45am                1/2 cup of salad (romaine lettuce, tomato, brussel sprouts, cucumber, peppers, broccoli, and cauliflower)
                          5oz. of turkey

12:30pm               1 cup of salad with pecans
                           1/2 cup of low sugar apple cinnamon oatmeal

1:30pm                 1 small round flatbread
                           shredded swiss cheese
                           4oz. of grilled chicken

3:00pm                 1 medium green apple

4:30pm                 1 string cheese stick
                           Small handful of pecans
                           1 cup of salad
                           3oz. of turkey

5:15pm                 2 cups of multigrain tortillas

Awesome. I’m defintely decreasing the amount of food I eat. I’m not living in a zoo.

Today I woke up and I thought to myself, why not get to the gym early?  

So that’s what I did. I got myself off of the computer (it has to have a gravitational pull, or something) grabbed my gym bag, my gym shoes, and ran out the door. I got there at 7:00am, and I was surprised. There were people EVERYWHERE. My usual time is between 10:00am-1:00pm. It’s fairly busy, but not like this morning!

And the elderly, they can really push it! I’ve never seen an 85-year-old-man run on the treadmil with such force.

It got me thinking. I LOVE this feeling. The feeling you get when surrounded by others with the same goals in mind. It’s this powerful atmosphere that makes YOU feel powerful. I looked over to the weights while I was on the elliptical and noticed some intense bodybuilders…it made me smile knowing that I joined them on the quest to GREAT health and fitness.

I used to look at them and think, "damn, do I wish I could be part of their team." I felt like I was on a different plane. But now, I’m in the same boat and it makes me feel so good.

So I worked out for 45 minutes on the elliptical today. I watch the Food Network while I workout..haha, but lately I’ve been watching shows that don’t have to do with baking cheesecake to perfection. I love court shows, they’re hilarious and can actually teach you something.

I also did 15 minutes of weight training. I’m telling you, the weights are like a drug. So is cardio, don’t get me wrong, but when I lift weights, the feeling I get when I release it is so gratifying. You can actually feel your muscle fibers contracting. Right now as I type this, I feel my thigh muscles throbbing…I love this kind of pain.

"Pain is weakness leaving the body" -said by my brothers football coach. THIS IS SO TRUE!
I

Here’s what I ate. I’ve been doing some research and I see that many fitness models eat far less than I’m eating. I’m slowly changing that. I believe I eat too many different foods throughout the day and this opens up my appetite. I also stop eating at 6pm but I find it difficult sometimes. I think "Am I going to be able to stop eating at 6pm all my life?" Stupid negative thinking and doubts.

7:30am         half cup of low sugar apple cinnamon oatmeal
                     One small green apple with 1 tbsp of almond butter

11:30am         one can of turkey breast
                      One large Gala apple
                       Several walnuts

1:00pm           several brussel sprouts (one of my favorites! Following broccoli…a small fun fact: The record for "speed eating" sprouts is 44 in a minute.) haha
                     one cup of low butter popcorn

3:30pm          1/2 cup of bulgur with cayenne pepper (wow, it’s hot)
                    1 can of tuna fish
                    a couple walnuts

5:00pm          1/2 cup of bulgur with lemon and olive oil
                    1 can of turkey
                    Romane lettuce

Oh yeah! I forgot to add that I’ve found the greatest thing. Canned chicken and turkey! I know, I know, watch the sodium count, but they’re actually pretty good for a quick source of protein. I got them for a dollar a can. I think I’m going to write a cookbook for college students…and frugal cooking. It’ll go something like this…

Topics will include: Ramen noodles, canned foods, frozen foods, and dried foods.

You can buy fresh when you get that second job.

I wonder what other great buys are hiding out there. I think I’ll check tomorrow. But for now, I’m going to go write down some doubts and negative thoughts I have on a piece of paper. I’ll grab some matches, go outside, and watch them burn.                    

I didn’t post for Sunday or Monday because I honestly couldn’t stand to look at what I ate. I ate the wrong foods, didn’t wake up early enough to eat five-six  meals, I overate at night, and I didn’t eat breakfast.

BUT, this is no excuse to stop. I don’t like it when people say they’re starting and stopping, even though it sounds like that’s what I did. Let’s say, I’m IMPROVING. That sounds better.

Look for my post for today on what I ate and my exercise. It’s going to be a hell of a lot better.