trnRgrl’s BodyBlog

I did extremely well last week with my training/cardio (most days did twice/day cardio). I was bang on with my diet the earlier part of the week then ate chocolate Friday night, Saturday night (always do fine during the day) AND Sunday!!! But I did carry on with the rest of the day as if I hadn’t cheated. Although I have decided (well about 70% sure….never say never) not to compete in November, I HAVE decided to do a 12 week ‘total transformation’. I need to have an end date and follow something very specific. Because I was pretty sure I wouldn’t be doing November’s shows (IDFA & UFE) it’s made me too relaxed. I feel like I’ve been all over the board…sorta crazy like, lol. Ssssh don’t tell anyone! hahaha

I’m so thankful to have people in my life that keep me motivated and hold me accountable. Although everyone keeps telling me how proud they are of me, and it does remind me to pat myself on my back for what I have managed to achieve, I can’t help but feel disappointed in myself. The mind is a powerful thing….and I can continue to beat myself up or CHOOSE to be proud of ME, too.  I feel SO good when I’m eating clean ALL day for weeks (lately it’s only been a few days at a time)….and then the sugar devil calls my name……

Today was a low carb day and I felt pretty fuzzy headed by about 4pm. BUT I made it through and am enjoying a Roobios Chai tea. I need to be surrounded by ‘like minds’ and bury myself in literature, especially articles on bb.com.

*sigh* Thank goodness I like challenges AND appreciate how great I feel when my nutrition is structured and clean. I’m still lovin’ Ripped Freak (my fat burner of choice), have been feeling extra strong AND underneath a layer of fat am feeling some pretty solid pec muscles…woot! Technically I should be able to lose 10-15 lbs in the next 12 weeks. If I accomplish that and maintain til 20 weeks out from July’s show I’ll be able to focus on maintaining muscle while losing bodyfat for the show.

I do believe in myself…..but it would really help if the sugar devil would just go jump off a bridge…..

So I thought I’d fill everyone in with what’s been going on over the past few months. My plan was to compete with the IDFA on November 7 and with the UFE on November 14. BUT I was not prepared for what transpired post July competition. I knew I would take a few weeks off and give myself time to enjoy some ‘forbidden’ foods before diving back into competition prep mode. I anticipated being able to get my head in the game within a few weeks but oh man was I sadly mistaken. We left for our 2 week vacation 2 weeks post comp and I did extremely well for the most part. I did enjoy french fries once(yummy) and chocolate on quite a few occasions but other than that stuck to my tuna and rice cake meals. My goal was to ‘maintain’. MAINTAIN my butt, lol. I retained water like a sponge. I felt like a fat cow, actually. I seriously felt like somebody blew me up…..something that is so hard to even describe. Even worse than the fat cow syndrome was the depression that followed. Dieting down for a competition is pretty extreme. I experienced a leanness that I loved and wanted to maintain but that is completely unrealistic to do so….unless I was willing to live on 600 calories/day and climb the stepper for 1hr, 20 min twice a day for the rest of my life. Extreme measures render extreme results but what I did to achieve my ’show day’ body was NOT realistic of every day life. This was something that was REALLY hard to accept.

I am feeling much better and nearly back to myself. I did decide last week that I would not compete in November and take the time to get healthy physically and emotionally before travelling the competition road again. Don’t get me wrong….I WILL be travelling it again. You better believe I will be! I am definitely hooked….I just need to be healthy about it and stay true to myself along the way. I am not a quitter and I am a fighter so making the decision to not compete surprised me because with it came peace of mind. I don’t feel sorry for myself or feel like I’ve given up. There are still 8 weeks left so I am fully dieting but not with stress or guilt behind it. I will see where I’m at in 6-7 weeks and if I think I’m show worthy than I will squeeze my body in my itsy bitsy teeny weeny 2-piece not quite polka dot bikini, cram my feet in my plexiglass lady of the night shoes and strutt my stuff in November. If I don’t do November you can betchur derriere I will be on a stage again in early spring. Regardless of when I compete again I will work hard at staying lean year round.

I am a visual person so I have been journalling my diet and while doing so the other day I started to write down affirmations. Whenever I feel like I can’t stay focused I will re-read these affirmations to remind myself why I do what I do and that I CAN do anything I put my mind to. I did it once…I CAN do it again.

I will____________ (1)accomplish my goals (2)enjoy life (3)strive to be the best that I can be (4)be realistic (5)be a good role model for my girls (6)live each day with no regrets knowing my mistakes can be embraced as life lessons and self growth

strength of purpose achieves the impossible….