tolewfo’s Bodyblog of Change

I am now one week in to a journey that I have taken before.  I have to remember to take it with its peaks and valleys as well as its’ plateaus. 

I am doing well on my diet with only one semi-cheat meal.  It was this morning, which I planned. I went out to breakfast with my folks and their neighbor.  I still was relatively "clean".  I had a 3 egg omelete w/ avacado and no cheese, hash browns, dry wheat toast and one root beer.  I think that this will be my "once a week" cheat meal.  I am going to start taking Whey protien this week for my after workout drink.

My cardio is obviously going to start slow again.  I have walked on the treadmill this week doing various settings.  I do the hill setting and also the manual setting the most.  I have walked close to 28 miles.  I forgot all about the walkers rash between the thighs.  I have to get some sort of rash guard or stock up on some vasaline (gross)…

I am starting my weight training tomorrow (start of week 2)… I am going to do the push pull…:     M - Chest and Biceps   T - Legs   W - Abs   Th. - Shoulders   F - Back and Triceps   S - Abs   Su. - off….     I have to remember that I can’t do the same weight that I was doing just a little over a year ago.  But, I want to still be intense and get a good pump. 

I have also remembered to record my advances on my little flip camera and may post them here sometime…. only when I feel comfortable to do so.  I don’t like the way I look on it.  Maybe on week 5 or 10 I’ll post them.

So, here it is Aug. 2009 and I am back for round two.  I have lost a lot of weight in round one but I ended up gaining 50 lbs. of it back.  I am up around 270 right now and I am disappointed in myself.  I was one of those guys that thought I could keep this up and then I failed.  I don’t want to be fat!!!  I want to be lean again.  So I am going to hit the gym and feel good again.  Not just physically but mentally as well.  I started to avoid this site because I didn’t want to reveal how bad things have gotten for me.  I felt that I lost control and couldn’t face the people here that were giving me hope and praises.  I just couldn’t let them down.  But, I did… But, most of all, I let me down.  So with all of that said, I hope that I can start again and be accepted here once again.  Thanks for reading this and lets hope that there is no round three.

A little over a month ago I decided to change the way I live and what I want to be.  I have been living in Las Vegas and not really doing anything with my life.  I wasn’t heading in the right direction and I was just in limbo.  I have given up on life goals.  Be it starting a family, owning a home or other things people my age have already made for themelves.  Let’s face it, I am behind by about 10 years.  I have realized that I needed to grow up a bit and quit acting like I did in my early twentys.  My move was to, in fact, move myself into a change for the better.  I am living in So. California now and I am going to go back to school and focus on my goals.  I know that this is a body building site and I owe a lot of my better judgements because of this place.  I pretty much belong to the OV35 forum and have found people that are struggling and have struggled with my same issues.  I read a ton of the posts and I feel encouraged.  I believe that because I have been bettering my physical shape my mind has followed.  I have been thinking clearer and making better judgements.  So, eventhough I haven’t posted a lot lately, I am doing better and making strides. 

I have changed gyms.  I am at a 24 Hour Fitness now.  I don’t know if I like it yet.  I have been so spoiled by my last gym (Las Vegas Athletic Club).  I miss the cleanliness, the professionalism, the up to date equipment and the overall atmosphere of the club.  The gym I go to, the one nearest my home, seems a bit dingy.  There has yet to be a time that I go and see clean equipment.  I always have to wipe down the dried up sweat residue left by the last person.  That is what grosses me out the most.  I don’t understand why people don’t wipe down their mess.  But, I digress…  The gym is satisfactory and has everything that I need to continue my eternal march toward a healthier body and lifestyle.  I have fallen back a bit… Because I am in a relatively new environment, I tend to eat out a little more.  I haven’t been making the right nutritional choices and I know that I have to do better.  The steps that I need to make are coming back slowly but surely.  It’s also funny, I don’t know if I am the only one here that does this or not.  I tend to not want to post a blog, update my page or participate in a forum if I am not doing the right thing physically or nutritionally.  Weird, I would think that it would be more beneficial if it was then that I came to this board to seek encouragement and advice.  Again, I digress… I have been hitting the weights hard or as Tank would say "Killing the Steel"… I feel and look strong.  I still have a gut that I want to get rid of and I know that it is my diet.  That will no longer take a backseat to my healthy goals.  

I feel encouraged and refreshed as well as a little scared about my immediate future.  But, that is also the exciting part.  The "not really knowing where I will land" part of life.  I will try to update everyone about the new journey that I am on.  Even if no one else reads this, I will at least have an idea about where I have made a significant change in my life.

I have been really working out again for a little over a year now.  Before last year, I haven’t been in a gym since college.  Over the last year for my cardio I would go to a kickboxing class, bust ass on an eliptical or do a hill routine while I walked on the treadmill.  For the last month it has really been the treadmill and I would have the incline all the way up and to get my heart rate up I would have to walk over 4.5 miles an hour.  And, even then my Heart Rate had room to go up.  I like to get my H.R. up to around 153.  I realized that I had to start running again but I knew that I didn’t want to do it on the treadmill.  So, tonight for the first time I really utilized my gym’s indoor track.  It’s great, it has digital clocks hanging down so you can time yourself.  To go a mile you have to go around 7 times.  I haven’t really ran in 15 years so I made sure to pace myself and to take baby steps toward a new goal.  I want to be able to run a mile without stopping.  I know that this may sound lame because it’s just a mile.  So tonight, I walked the first mile in under 15 minutes.  In the 2nd mile I ran the first 2 laps, walked a lap, ran a lap, walked a lap, ran a lap, and walked a lap.  I did the same for the next 2 miles.  Tomorrow, I am going to do the same routine for the first mile, and try to run the first 3 laps and so on.  I think that I can be able to achieve this goal within the next month.  Who knows maybe by the end of the year I’ll be running a 5k…

I stated in my last blog that I have lost the weight that I have put on over the Hoidays and Vacation.  My clothes are feeling loose on me once again and that feels great.  I am still a little bit away from my goal but I am sure it will be gained.  Even if it may take an extra couple of weeks to do it.  My nutrition has been on.  I have been eating extremely healthy.  In the past month or so I have had only one cheat day.  It was actually yesterday, May 8th…  I went to visit my folks and we went to a buffet.  Here in Vegas the buffet’s are everywhere.  I didn’t over do it as I only had one plate but there was some serious carbs on that plate.  I ate throughout the day but it really wasn’t anything bad.  I also took a day off from training.  It was the first day in a long time that I didn’t do anything.  Even on my weight training off days I would come in and do cardio, sometimes twice a day.  I am happy that I took that day off because I was able to get it out of my system.  My cardio has been great, it takes me a lot longer to get to my Heart Rate up to where I want it to be.  I like to walk on the treadmill for an hour.  It gives me time to be by myself and listen to music on my ZUNE (MP3 player).  I do a hill workout on the highest level… I used to be able to only do 3.5 miles in the hour with my heart rate where I want it to be.  I now do over 4 miles and I still have room to up my heart rate.  I am actually thinking about starting to run now.  I don’t like running because I don’t want to injure my knees but maybe if I take it slow, I’ll be okay.  It has been a good couple of weeks and I hope that I’ll stay disciplined enough to acheive my goals this summer.

So here I am in May…  All of the weight I have gained over the Holidays and vacation has finally left my body.  It’s weird, it didn’t take but a couple of months to mass a lot of weight, but it has taken me much longer to take it off.  Anyhow, I am back to where I was before the Holidays.  I am eating clean and I don’t really crave the nastiness anymore.  Well…. maybe a nice Jack and Coke sometimes…  I find that my appetite is satiated and I have the feeling of being full.  I haven’t started the Carb cycling diet like I have planned but I will get to it when I fully understand what I am doing.  I don’t want to go into it half-assed… I want to be full assed when I start something!!!!  I still get a little scared or at least apprehensive when I see all of the calories that I am supposed to be eating.  I have always been fat and I feel guilty sometimes when I eat, even if it is good for you.  It’s funny, I have my goals that I want to reach within a couple of months and I have a pretty good grasp on them, but I don’t know if I should be making goals concerning my weight.  I think that my goals should be more on my body shape.  I mean what good is it really, being under 200 lbs. and having loose skin and looking sickly.  What I am saying is, the scale for me isn’t always a trusting friend.  The scale can and has deceived me in the past as I am sure it has for a lot of us here.  But, with that said, I always seem to turn back to it as if it was the only thing telling me of what my over all shape is…..

I am still positive though and I am going to make my gains and acheive my goals.

After reading some threads on fat loss I am thinking about trying a new diet.  I am not trying to compete but this diet may actually work for me.  It is the Carb. Cycling diet.  I think I may start it on Monday, April 28th, 2008… I will post my thoughts and results as I go along.  Hell, I may hate it right off the bat and decide to only give it a couple of weeks.  We’ll see.  This is the article about carb cycling that I have read and will try to work off of.

http://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/par30.htm

It is now the first part of April.  The 9th to be exact…  I have made great strides since my last blog.  I have been eating healthier with a couple of cheat meals here and there, but they are scheduled.  My resistance training has been great.  I have gotten stronger and I see results.  I remember at this time last year I was struggling with certain lifts and felt weak.  For example, I am now doing a 3×10 workout.  On my Chest - Biceps day (m)  last year I was struggling putting up 160 lbs and now I use that for my reps.  I have seen great advances and have broken through many strength barriers.  But, I still feel I have failed in my body structure.  I am not lean and would like to be.  I want great ab’s and I still don’t.  I get really frustrated because I should already have them and then I jack around and not get that final discipline I need to break that barrier.  I find myself getting frustrated with other people’s gains.  I tend to let my own pride get in the way.  I don’t want to be jealous of others but I find myself leaning that way.  I know that it isn’t about them but my gains are the ones that I need to focus on.  For example, my cousin was out here over the holidays and I would say he weighed about 280 lbs.  He went back to Chicago and told his mother who lives here in Vegas that he was going to get into shape.  He tells her that he still eats what he wants because he rides his bike for 1/2 hour a day and works out on his Bowflex.  My aunt tells me that he is down below 200 lbs. and is in great shape.  I want to be happy for him, and I truly am, but I find myself getting pissed because he has done in 3 months what I have been trying to do for a year.  I don’t know… I am just ranting here.  I am happy with my progress and I am still in the fight.  I will be below 200 lbs. before summer comes and I will be gracing my Hotel’s pool with my shirt off drinking the Michelob Ultra’s with the hotties.  We’ll see….   

So, like I have stated in my last blog, I have gained quite a bit of my weight back.  It’s not as bad as I thought it would be to lose it again.  I knew that I just needed to buckle down and workout just that much harder to overcome my set backs.  I have little regrets about gaining weight and beat myself up for it.  I kept on telling myself that I was always going to be a fat out of shape guy.  I talked to a guy from my gym who is always encouraging and honest.  He noticed that I have gained weight and told me that I can get back and acheive my goals.  We talked about where I was at this time last year and I was in fear that I would go back to that.  He then reminded me that eventhough I was heavier then I wanted to be at this time, I was also a lot stronger then I was last year.  I then started to look at myself in a different light and stopped being so rough.  I do, still, want to be fit and lean by summer here in Las Vegas and I know that I can do it.  I have a lot of fat to lose but I have been hammering along and I am having fun with it.  I think that by the end of May I’ll be under 200 lbs. and be working harder to get some ab’s that a lot of you have.

So here it is, March, and spring is now about to happen.  A lot has happened since the Holiday break.  I have gained weight and it isn’t good weight.  I am no where near where I want to be at this time but I know that I will still hit my goals by the beginning of summer.  I really need to buckle down and take care of my body.  I pretty much took a little more then a month off from the discipline of my gym.  It seems that if I don’t get to my comfortable gym setting I will not have a good workout and will half-ass everything.  During the time off I settled back into old habits of alcohol, sodas and fatty food…  I have gained a considerable amount of weight and I am debating about putting it here on my page.  I am a little embarrassed about it.  I have found that it is hard to break those habits again.  I have however, have done just that.  I am back onto my "diet" of eating healthy and with the right caloric intake.  It’s funny, I thought for a while about scratching this whole getting into shape thing again and accepting that I am always going to be a fat person.  My genes sure paint that picture for me.  I am the most fit person in my family and that is not saying a lot.  Eventhough, I have gained a good portion of my weight back, I know that I have gained a lot of muscle as well.  I am stronger then I have been in the past 15 years or so.  I am just not doing so well in the diet area and my cardio has been lacking as well.  So, with all of that said, I am positive about my upcoming disciplined months ahead before summer.  I can still hit all of my goals but I just have to overcome a few set backs and work a lot harder.  My goals are to reach under 200 lbs. by June.  That is 3 months of having to kick my ass.  Maybe in the next couple of days, I’ll add my weight to my page after accepting it as fact.  I am still in a denial phase and will soon be coming out of it.