TLC in WDM BodyBlog

Thanks to JustDave, I have decided to title my New Year.  They say copying is the sincerest form of flattery…so I am copying and flattering away!
I was torn between two titles….

1.  Year of the rock hard ass….develop my glutes to the point I can pick up a dime with my ass checks oorr….

2.  The year of closure.  Finish what I have started…my year of self-completion.
The year of closure actually won, but I like the way ‘Year of the rock hard ass’ reads in my title page. =)

Year of closure….

1. Education/career.  2 years ago I packed up my son and made the long journey (40 miles) to Ames, Iowa to finish my education.  This year (May) I will graduate with my BS in dietetics. Graduation is the beginning.  I have and internship to fulfill before I can practice.  This year I will close this chapter of my life. With hope, I will be accepted to my internship of choice, complete this requirement and be practicing in a clinical setting by 2009.
2. Fitness.   I started exercising only 3 years ago.  Since then, my interests have been in running and strength training. I have set goals in both areas already, this is the year to close on areas I have been developing.

• Running.  I have done numerous 5ks, this is my race of choice.  But, I also enjoy long runs and have trained for a half-marathon, but never done it.  This is the year to close on that goal.  Two races: The Des Moines Dam to Dam, a 20k, not a half…but a big race in Iowa, have always wanted to do it.  Also, the Grandma’s race in Duluth, Minnesota.  I hate the name of this race!!!  But, I have a friend that did it last year and invited me to join her this year.

• Strength. Obviously, my goal is to compete.  This goal was established this year, with the intention of competing next year.  The event I have my eye on is scheduled for May 10th in Des Moines.  Problem, I graduate May 15 and am afraid this may be a little too intense with finals and graduation…am currently looking for a June event.  I’m very excited about this area.

I think that’s it.  Two years ago I made the goal of leaving the state 3 times.  That was a great summer.   I really wanted to make the goal of taking my son backpacking in the Grand Canyon for his 16th birthday…I don’t know how this will work with a new internship, it probably won’t…but I guess if I don’t get one (internship), it may work out splendidly!

I read once that closure is the brains way of saying, ‘Thank you.’ The achievement of completing a decision is a way to focus on the new goals.  Closing doors and opening windows of opportunities.   Just because I call this closure, is in no way to be implied that it is over…It’s only just beginning. Can’t wait to see it all ‘end’!!!

http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=6306331

I recently posted a new thread and got some amazing feedback and insight.
I am still pretty new to the bodybuilding forum and family but I have been spending a lot of time on this site (maybe too much) and started to feel a little guilty.

Guilty why?

Well, because its a secret. My secret space.  A place where I can share my goals, get experienced feedback, amazing support and understanding of diets and training without judgment or ridicule. The guilt comes in because I have not shared this part of my life with those who are closest to me, and that would be my son and my closest friends.

I take that back, I have shared with one friend.  She is actually the only person in my life now (personal life, not BB life) that is really aware of my goals.  I appreciate her feedback, she is non-judgmental and supportive.  She comes from an athletic background and understands.  It is nice to have that one person.

My son????

A 15 year old boy does not want to see his mom in a bikini on the internet, even in the name of a sport (is this a sport?).  He has no interest in this part of my life, and has actually tried to discourage me from wanting to compete (yes, I mentioned it once).  He doesn’t want to hear anything about nutrition, fitness or training from me…he just wants me to be ‘a normal mom’.  So, I don’t talk about it with him. But, I did think of just telling him about MySpace and Blog in case he stumbled upon it…but now I’m thinking that may do more harm than good.

Friends?   I don’t know. I think some would be more supportive than others.  But it has to be an all or nothing opening, I just can’t pick and choose who to open it up too (but I guess I kind of have already).  I thought about ‘coming out of the closet’ on the New Year, so posted a thread to hear other members feedback.
I was sooo surprised to see how many people keep this as their own personal space, a secret. A place to write and chat with people who understand the sometimes crazy diets, weird supplements and intense workouts.

My decision…

I’m staying in the closet.  I like this closet.  My secret closet, where I can keep myself validated, gain insight from people who share similar goals and receive support in a non-judgmental manner.

Thanks friends!!

Every Friday is the designated weigh day.  Today I am still haunted by the number 113!!!  Make it go away…why not just 114??!???  Stupid scale.

My frustration only makes me more determined. New game plan:

1. No cardio for one week…I will really miss this.

2. Dust off my son’s weigh gainer powder. Actually just drank one, not bad.  Had to down size it…a little afraid to take the full 1800…adjusted to 500 instead.  Not bad for a ’snack’.

3. Be consistent with calories. Aim for 2200/day

4. Be patient…easier said than done

Lator alligators!

7 am

coffee. wait for the kiddo to wake up. watch Today show, play on computer.
8am

1 whole egg. 4 egg whites.  coffee.  still waiting

930am

sick of waiting. wake him up.  presents.

1030

breakfast.

whole wheat pumpkin pancakes with almonds, sugar free syrup, smart balance. 1 cup 2% milk (out of my FFree)
11

chillin, relaxin and digesting

12

run. 7 miles. very nice in Ames. clear blue skies. sunny. peaceful, no traffic, ran in street most of the time

1-5

oatmeal and protein (after run snack)
Helped son in garage with drums.  listened.  got headache. went inside to make flax-n-seed crackers and dinner.

1 cup cot chz, 1/4 cup natural applesauce, 3 oz. chicken (lunch, not dinner)

5 pm dinner

5 oz. flank steak

1 medium baked sweet potato with cinnamon, splenda and smart balance

1 cup asparagus

7 pm

went to movie. I AM LEGEND.  great movie, really enjoyed… emotionally draining.

Meal replacement bar

9am

home. son had  chocolate mint gelato,  I had 1 cup cottage cheese and 1/2 cup natural applesauce ( I was good =)….well, I did have one bite!)

10pm

bed. started reading new book, For one more day by Mitch Albom

Total kcal: 1950. CHO: 160 PRO: 180 FAT: 36 FIBER: 18

Total happiness:  off the scizzle!

113 lbs!  One month later, and I am right back where I started!   I little frustrating!  Hopefully now, I can just concentrate on weight gain instead of  replenishing weight lost.  So, here it goes…I will weigh in again next week and hopefully see a pound or two!

I started a six day split for mass during my break and will go down to a 4 after school starts.

I haven’t tracked my intake for a couple of days and am feeling not so good about my nutrition in the last 24 hours.

One of my friends said she was going to write a book and call it ‘The Candy Jar.’  I think she should.  These things are everywhere, especially at work,  and also come in the form of cookies brought in for the holidays or cake made for birthdays.  Do they really make people happy?  The anxiety that comes just from the visual of these ‘treats’, the internal debate of should I or shouldn’t I?? The guilt of indulgence or the self satisfaction of restraint.  Then the deep meanings of why should I feel guilty for having a cookie…or four?   Or, is it really that healthy to restrain at all temptations (of course not)….

So, the anxiety of the oxymoron ‘guilty pleasure’ goes on and on…

Can you tell I have been indulging a little bit in the last 24 hours??? =)

New day, fresh start….’If its not clean…its not lean!’  My new motto!!! ha! we’ll see…

ectomorph
	Description	Long and thin; rectangular.
	Celebrity ectomorphs	Eva Longoria, Howard Stern, J.J Walker (Good times.’DYNOMITE!).
Mesomorph
	Description	Upside down triangle; wide shoulders, narrow hips
	Celebrity mesomorphs	Chyna, Ken Blankenship, Arnold Schwartzennegger
Endomorph
	Description	Pear shape; small on top, big on bottom.
	Celebrity ectomorphs	Kelly Osborne, Ron Jeremy, Stimpy

OK, I have heard of ectoderm, mesodern, and endoderm…but lately (by reading forums) I have been introduced to the terms of ectomorph, mesomorph and endomorph….honestly, I had never heard these terms before and they are all over the forums and blogs!  I did some investigating and according to Dr. William H. Sheldon,  (YES…have heard of Sheldon! Just not this theory) I am an ectomorph.

the ectomorph is the naturally skinny person who has trouble gaining weight, whether in the form of muscle or fat.

Yup, thats me…who knew?  I  just don’t like the way it sounds…like some weird deformity! But, I am on a mission and damn determined to gain some LBM!!!

Yesterdays intake:

Nitrix on empty stomach

Meal 1

4 eggs + 1 whole

oats + bran
1/2 cup whipped vanilla cottage cheese

glucosamine

MEAL 2

Meal replacement bar

1 apple

14 almonds

Nitrix on empty stomach prior to meal 3

MEAL 3

4 oz chicken

2 c. veggies W olive oil

1/2 B. Potato

MEAL 4

oatmeal

1/2 cup whipped vanilla cottage cheese

1 Tbsp. PB

MEAL 5 post work out

Protein

1 cup FF milk

2 Tbsp. PB

creatine

Nitrix on empty stomach prior to meal 6

MEAL  6

Tilapea taco

Total Kcal: 1982 CHO: 173 PRO: 153 FAT: 48.

What I have changed:

Added a meal replacement bar instead of protein at meal 2. More calories, more carbs.

Started creatine

incorporated more nutty fats. Nice and calorie dense.

Cut cardio down. 60 minute max.

What I need to change:

Need some more calories.  I should really be around 2200/day…but I am honestly stuffed at meal 5 and it is an effort to eat meal 6.  Will make it though!

My plan and information came from:

http://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/hugo47.htm

In closing, I would like to dedicate todays blog to my long time love…MANCOW….welcome back to DES MOINES!

prior to meal 1: Nitrix on empty stomach

Meal 1
2 whole grain waffles

4 egg whites + 1 whole egg

glucosamine

MEAL 2 (post work out)
Chocolate Protein shake with 4 oz. FF milk

14 almonds

Niitrix on empty stomach prior to meal 3
MEAL 3

4 oz. chicken

4 oz. sweet potato

spinach and tomato

MEAL 4

6 egg whites

oatmeal

14 almonds

MEAL 5

4 oz chicken

1 cup whipped cottage cheese with 1/4 cup pumpkin

Nitrix on empty stomach prior to meal 6

MEAL 6

eggplant and mushrooms
1/4 cup pasta with red sauce

1 toasted ravioli

4 oz FF milk

multivitamin before bed

Total kcal:1947 CHO: 190  PRO: 187  FAT: 46

My macros total (1922) is a little short of my total calories but I had to guess on meal 6, which was unplanned and eaten at work…free food ya know.  Also, had to add some calories to the chocolate mints I ate steadily through my shift. damn things!

Today’s plan….a clean 2000.  I have a base diet, just need to tweak a bit.  Am starting creatine for my supplements today.

I have been spending a great deal of time on the forums and have been getting some amazing advice and valuable information…some forums are better than others and am I really favoring the advice from the professional female body builders. 

As is turns out, I have been going about things a little backwards. I have started dieting too soon, without that much LBM.  If I desire 12% with a starting weight of 113lb, My final weight would be 104lbs.  I am just not comfortable with that weight.  So, new plan.  

I am now bulking to 120lbs.  Doesn’t that sound funny?  ‘Bulking to 120?’  Ha!  

Bulking - The structured prioritisation of the addition of muscle through increasing food intake in order to create an excess of energy and other nutrients sufficient to increase muscle mass, in conjunction with a suitable weight training regimen

Cutting - The structured prioritisation of fat loss whilst maintaining lean body mass aiming to maximize muscle definition, through dietary manipulation in order to create an energy deficit sufficient to mobilize body fat, in conjunction with a suitable weight training and cardiovascular exercise regimen

Then, upon further discussions, I realized that most people in the bulking phase follow the 40/40/20 macro blend. Yee gats!  That is really goes against the ALL the information I have been given with my soon to be degree…but this is a different ballgame, so here I go…

For a 2000 kcal diet I will need 200 g CHO 200 g PRO 45 g FAT. 

I’m not exactly for sure of my new diet plan, I need to get something set today…I like to be somewhat consistent in my meals.  Yesterday I probably consumed around 2100 kcal, but it was unplanned and messy.  I hate eating like that.

I’m really looking forward to results and am excited about being in this phase!

So, I’m at the gym today…halfway through my cross-trainer workout, and I started to lose my mojo and started thinking about just calling it quits for the day (knowing damn well I wasn’t really going to).   I started to think about a conversation I recently had with a friend (’Tennessee’). The conversation was on willpower.  She must of planted a seed, because the memory of that conversation just sprouted today. 

I began to think…what is keeping me on this machine?  I’m thinking of getting off, but something is keeping me going… Is is willpower?  What is willpower? Did willpower help me quit smoking?  Do I have more willpower that people who can’t quit smoking? Do I have less willpower than my competitor idols?   How can I have both more and less??? 

Is this sub-conscious, complex, inner-force of some sort, at the will of all my failures and accomplishments?
Where does motivation, determination, self-worth, value and hard work play into any accomplishment?  Is it fair to give ‘will’ all the credit when these have done so much?

I am motivated by reward. My incentive to exercise is a longer, quality life. My drive right now is competition.  Determination takes over when motivation temporarily takes a break, but is always present keeping me driven. I am determined to live longer, be stronger, be better. I am responsible for my actions and lack of them.  Self-motivated, Self-determination. Self-worth. Self-value. Self…

I won’t let ‘will’ take credit for accomplishments nor will I use ‘him’ for an excuse not to accomplish.  

Maybe you have a comment…if not, maybe I planted a seed too. 

I have began my journey to 12%.  I am four weeks in but have not seen myself as structured as I know is possible. I have dedicated myself to a fat analysis every 6 weeks to see my progression (or lack of).  I used two different measures to determine body composition.  The skinfold test, read by calipers gave me a reading of 13.9%.  I didn’t think this reading was accurate (too low), so I had it re-done at my gym, using their hand held bioimpedance.  This gave me a reading of 18.1%.  So….I really don’t know my body composition and am mainly just going by how I look, but I like having the readings done because they kind of keep me accountable. 

I am a senior in dietetics at IA State.  I feel I have a pretty good grasp on the fates of glucose and the metabolic pathway of amino acids. But, I really trying to get down the science of a bodybuilders diet.  Let me through my diet out there and see if I can get some good feedback. 

Right now I am consuming approximately 1500 kcal/day.  I am about 45 to 55% Carbohydrates,  20-25% Protein and  15-20% Fat. Meals are broken down into 6 small.  A typical day looks like this:

MEAL 1: 1/2 cup oatmeal. 1/4 cup bran. 2 tbsp flax. 5 egg whites.
MEAl 2:  Protein ( I would rather eat, than drink my protein so I favor the bars.  My two favorite are; Detour and Pure    Protein)  1/2 fruit

MEAL 3:  4 oz very lean meat (chicken, tuna), veggies or salad.  1/2 sweet potato, or whole grain wrap.

MEAL 4:  1/2 cup oatmeal.  5 egg whites. 1/2 fruit
MEAL 5:  5 oz very lean meat (chicken, tilapea)  2 cups veggies.
MEAL 6:  Protein or 1 cup whipped cottage cheese or 1 plain yogurt.

Thats my day.  I have a tendency to nibble on small  sugary things…5 or 6 marshmallows here.  A ‘tiny’ bite of my son’s cookie.  Just a little nibble of Captain Crunch.  This is the part that aggravates me about myself!!

My workouts are aprox. 6 days a week.  Cardio 6 days, 1.5 hours 4 days/week.  1 hour/2week.  Strength training 5-6 days/week.  I will go more into detail about these workouts at a later blog.  Right now, I need some coffee.  Let me put this out there and hope for some great feedback! 

Later alligators