tipsbybigdave’s BodyBlog

The guy who won’t shut the HELL up guy: We’ve all seen this guy in our gyms either talking to other people or on his cell phone. He is the one hogging the bench press, he is the one causing a giant line at the water fountain all because he won’t shut the HELL up. He talks to everyone about his stupid new workout routine and his dumb new diet. He also loves giving advices to people who never asked for his advice in the first place. So please guy, shut the HELL up.

The unnecessary posing guy: I’ve bet you seen this loser before. He is the guy conveniently stationed in front of the mirror by the dumbbell rack. Let me rephrase that, he is the guy who is conveniently stationed in front of two dumbbells that you want for your chest workout. What I hate most about this guy, one: he is never strong, two: his posing is never short; he goes through a whole long ****ing routine. Go to HELL, unnecessary posing guy.

The I don’t know **** about working out OR The my client is in better shape than me, personal trainer guy: No further explanation needed other than they don’t know **** about working out.

The guy who dances, sings, and/or plays air guitar more than he works out guy: I hate, hate, hate this guy. No one wants to hear you sing, watch you dance, or play with your dumb ass air instrument. Here’s an idea guy who dances, sings, and/or plays air guitar more than he works out guy, go to the nearest interstate and walk your ass into oncoming traffic. <strong />

Read my groundbreaking article and see if you are in fact a Metro-Sexual:
http://www.tipsbybigdave.com

There are two things Big Dave loves in this world; they are coffee and bowel moving.  Bowel moving is essential part of maintaining a healthy lifestyle. A healthy man should bowel move two to three times a day. You should set aside regular times for your bowel movements. That way, it becomes part of your routine and you don’t feel rushed. Rushing bowel moves are the worst thing you can do. Remember a rushed BM is a bad a BM. Big Dave bowel moves everyday more than once, shoot I bowel move three times a day, you don’t hear anyone calling me unhealthy.

A lot of people ask Big Dave, how I stay so energized. Uh, if you’re implying that I take steroids…thank you very much. But no Big Dave does not take ROIDS, I do drink some coffee every morning but not so much for the energy factor. I drink coffee strictly to aide in my bowel moves. I love coffee for this reason. I tried a million hot beverages and the one that works the best is COFFEE.

So in conclusion, a big hell YES to coffee. 

No more ROIDS?  Why the F, are we teaching are kids to stay away from steroids? The last thing our estrogen crammed children needs is less testosterone.
Reasons Why I say, YES to ROIDS

Puberty: Puberty has always been Mother Nature’s way of turning boys into men. But guess what, puberty isn’t working anymore. Puberty needs help. Boys DON’T turn into men after puberty nowadays, they turn into a mix between Clay Akin and that one womanly looking kid from the movies; Juno, Year One (with Jack Black), and Superbad. (Someone please give me that kid’s name, so I can write him a threatening letter to never make another movie again.)  

Entertainment: How did we become so damn SOFT? I have complied two lists. The first list is the idols of old, manlier America. The second is a list of idols of new, more womanly America.

Manly America (Yesteryear)

John Wayne
Clint Eastwood
Frank Sinatra
Elvis
Johnny Cash
Muhammad Ali               

Womanly America (Today)
The womanly looking boy from Juno, Year one, and Superbad.
Jonah Hill
Justin Timberlake
Toby McGuire: Brokeback Mountain
Jonas Brothers
Kane West
Clay Akin
No wonder, why America is filled with estrogen? Look at their idols. Do you think, Clint Eastwood, would agree to play a queer cowboy? F@#%  no!
Breast Milk: With all the damn chemicals and other crap that is in our food, milk, and water, we can’t even trust titty milk anymore. Because women ingest all this estrogen filled crap and feed it to our children. (For all you fathers out there, I suggest you spike your titty milk with some TEST…JK or maybe I’m not)

No more ROIDS?  Why the F, are we teaching are kids to stay away from steroids? The last thing our estrogen crammed children needs is less testosterone.
Reasons Why I say, YES to ROIDS
Puberty: Puberty has always been Mother Nature’s way of turning boys into men. But guess what, puberty isn’t working anymore. Puberty needs help. Boys DON’T turn into men after puberty nowadays, they turn into a mix between Clay Akin and that one womanly looking kid from the movies; Juno, Year One (with Jack Black), and Superbad. (Someone please give me that kid’s name, so I can write him a threatening letter to never make another movie again.)  
Entertainment: How did we become so damn SOFT?

 I have complied two lists. The first list is the idols of old, manlier America. The second is a list of idols of new, more womanly America. 

Manly America (Yesteryear) 

John Wayne 

Clint Eastwood 

Frank Sinatra 

Elvis 

Johnny Cash 

Muhammad Ali 

Womanly America (Today) 

The womanly looking boy from Juno, Year one, and Superbad   

Jonah Hill 

Justin Timberlake 

Toby McGuire: Brokeback Mountain 

Jonas Brothers 

Kane West 

Clay Akin 

No wonder, why America is filled with estrogen? Look at their idols. Do you think, Clint Eastwood, would agree to play a queer cowboy? F@#%  no! 

 Breast Milk: With all the damn chemicals and other crap that is in our food, milk, and water, we can’t even trust titty milk anymore because women ingest all this estrogen filled crap and feed it to our children. (For all you fathers out there, I suggest you spike your titty milk with some TEST…JK or maybe I’m not.)