tina1920’s BodyBlog

I have decided to start my prep for April as of Nov 30th.  The day went well.  I made it to the gym and had a good workout.  I decided that I needed the extra 4 weeks to lose the weight I put on from my 3 week break.  During this time, I ate whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted.  I can honestly say that some of those foods didn’t even taste good anymore.  So a lesson learned.  I am feeling strong.  Glycogen stores are at an all time high.  My strength has increased.  My endurance is better.  My abs are still hanging in there.  I have been organizing my support system.  I am ready to go.  I will check in from time to time with updates.  Until then keep pressing.

I have been thinking about what comes next.  I have been faithful to BB.com.  I visit daily and blog often.  I have made several true friends and numerous supportive members.  This time, I will do things differently.  I will not blog as much.  I will not post as many pics.  I will however, stay on my diet.  I will train harder than ever before.  I will be a support to those that are serious about changing their lives.  So if you can handle the change I will see you in April. 

For almost 3 weeks I have just been eating.  Freedom didn’t feel free.  I really can’t wait to be back on a plan.  So I will do another show.  And begin another plan.  April is the deadline.  Nov 30th is the start line.  The journey begins.

Nov 7th is almost here.  I am starting a new job. Trying to deplete without killing myself.  Trying to walk in my purpose.  Support my friends, peers and special loved ones.  I feel like Coco Barbie She Hulk with Diva Swag……………..there can be only one.  I am ready to take this next step.  I am ready to sit back and let God run things.  Oh but don’t think I am being lazy on my lunch breaks mama will be in the gym.  This water weight has got to come off.

Thanks for all the support during this trying time.  Now back to me.  I have less than 10 days to become a bikini model.  Imagine that;) I am just pressing at this point.  No direct carbs until after the show.  I can do this.  I have 2 orientations today.  I plan to stop by the hospital and check on my friend.  Oh and I am going to the gym first. So today will be protein shakes and peanut butter.  I might buy some grilled chicken but that is about it.  Setting appointments for my body treatments.  I need to buy my shoes too.  Then that will be it.

All is well.  My friend is stable.  I am home about to catch up on my rest.

Last night was rough.  It was truly a scary time.  The sun rose as promised.  My friend should be in surgery as I type this.  Today is going to be spiritually draining.  At times, it is like I can feel him.  I tell him all the time we are bound.  Guess what, we might actually be.  So when I tell you that my mind is on something other than a carb it is the truth.  My goals of today…not to cry openly at work and pray that he survives the surgery.  Tomorrow will take care of itself.

This is just random thoughts, feelings, etc………

Fearful of the sun rise. I have never been afraid to feel the sun against my skin.  The warmth only surpassed by your touch.  To think of the winter cold without warmth.  Needing reassurance.  Calling and no answer.  Your name no longer attached to your vessel.  Your eyes empty.  Your chest resting, no rise, no fall.  I am afraid that today was my last day with you.  If so how will these memories last me a life time.  They were so few and far in between.  My face is wet.  The salt of my tears caresses my lips like you once did.  I am hopeful.  I have prayed.  I continue to pray.  My breathing is rapid, deep.  I am afraid. What if…………………………..

I have a friend going into surgery at 5:15am 10/27/09.  They gave him a survival rate of 70/30 that he wont make it.  I know that God has the final say but he has not told me his decision. So for the faithful, hold up my friend. 

"Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that worketh in us." Ephesians 3:20

I woke up this morning and my mind was a blurr.  A day in my life is like an urban soap opera with a rural country back drop.  I am not going to go into detail but I hope that gives you mixed imaginary.  Ok, now that you are in a whirl wind of possible outcomes lets proceed.  I am purging myself of carbs and of me.  I need to be filled beyond my current spiritual understanding in order to proceed in the day to day I call " My Life".  I sit here seeking the words to illustrate how intense this walk is.  My skin tingles as I type.  The air is chilly in my office.  I hear people in the office hallways moving around but I am isolated behind my door.  I am sitting still but I am seeking.  I am longing to understand all the pieces to my puzzle.  My heart has been restored.  The concrete and ice has been broken or melted.  Is this what it is like to feel?  I have not felt anything in so long it is like new life.  It is new life.  Time is limited.  How will you use yours.  It is more than just getting abs out of storage.  More than turning heads and breaking necks!!  Its about where will I find my eternal peace not just temporary fixes.  At this moment, a few of you are riding the fence.  I am telling you to proceed!!  In all diligence, proceed.   

I have been tested so much in the last few weeks.  I quit my job!!  I got a new one.  I have ended relationships and found new ones.  I continue to seek my purpose and follow my God’s direction/instruction.  I am more spiritually aware than I have been in a long time.  I have grown.  I am growing.  I have not written because the words were not in me to share.  I am emotionally full and for the first time in a long time, its in a good way.  I never would have thought that last year would be so far removed.  As my circle begins to close, I am reminded of all the successes and failures.  I am blessed beyond measure and I even got those abs I wanted for my birthday.  I feel fear but I will no longer be afraid.  My show is 16 days away.  No turning back on my life.  No turning back on me.  No more limiting myself to the box I created.  2009 has been the year of change.  2010 will be the year of implementation.  Are you ready??