driven

i attempted to upload pictures this morning and they wre terrible! That is not why i took them down, it is bc my feeble attempt at resizing them was futile. In other words, I SUCK. I need my sister to come and help me with this techy stuff . BUT i will say this, I am very disappointed, i underestimated how badly i need to get back out there, especially with the weights. I am flabby and alsmost shapeless. Funny thing, you can only tell when i am in underwear. WHy are clothes so deceiving!? and most importantly..why do i feel i look alright when I don’t.

 So here goes an intense day of cardio and weights. Not to the point of exhaustion but hard enough to wake up sore tomorrow.

Cheers

oh also, i will begin focusing on nutrition-let’s say 75% nutrition and 75% exercise. Hah, i know i know it seems irrational but in my mind it all makes sense.

so i decided to make a commitment. I will actually keep track of my work and post new pictures on this site. I should have one by Friday seeing as i got on the scale today and saw an amazing 141 lbs on it. GREAT (i’m very sarcastic btw). But i was given some deceiving genes and i do have more muscle than fat . That is by no means an excuse as I should be around the 130s given my height and that is my optimal levels of health and so on. Anywho, this time i do vouch i will post a new picture. Also, i will be updating my measurements, i’ve been lazy and busy but no excuse this time, i’m intrigued to find out as well.

Now i am a littly nutty so i wish i could go for that morning 5 mile run right now, but no, i will just go to bed and do that in the morning. blah. today was a good day nice and hot and full of activity.

And on another note, sorry if i do not answer to those posts on my wall! I am sort of slow on these things and i just take too long to answer each one. Better if i get a private message or i will address it on this blog! Thanks everyone for my belt comments, haha, i am a champion in many ways .

now go run, lift, or punch that bag.

Morning!

AS of yesterday things are looking up. i am getting back on track and ready for my 5 mile run this morning. I will be late to work but I have already called in, I have tons of deadlines to meet but they will get done after an intense workout. Yesterday I came across a quote by Thomas Edison in which he said "opportunity is missed by most people bc it is dressed in overalls and looks like work." Def inspiring, if UF law doesn’t want me that’s fine. It will officially be their loss.

BF: coffee w/ egg whites and wholel grain english muffins. p/b bar

I never thought i’d have to resort to this but I did it yesterday. For breakfast I had egg whites with some fiber, dropped the coffee bc it was causing me problems, two bottles of water, some yougurt and a banana. I usually do not have such a big breakfast but I was anxious. Then the bad news came in the mail. My school of choice for law school rejected me. UGH i am still upset about it. Very upset about it, I was expected a waitlist. Anyway, then I had an apple, a pb granola bar and two chicken breasts. I consider this pigging out bc i was not hungry, just very upset. I tried tricking myself and researched some other schools I still want to attend but that only caused me to crave oreos so I had six, terrible. AND i only ran a mile. boo hoo. I am over it now bc unfortunately I can’t always get what I want. I am spoiled I’ll admit. I have a great job but law is really my dream and I have worked hard. But just like with everything, sometimes you just gotta work harder.

Today I ran intervals of 4-5 minutes each then cooled down jogging for twenty mins. I am nowhere near where i was before but it is a start. I just have so much built-up. I hate this economy. Any inspiration advice?

** Now let’s make this a great day.

It’s been a while since I’ve been on here bc of school and life. But worst of all is that i feel soo out of shape. I have lost muscle mass, I went out of the country for two weeks and it all seemed to go downhill from there. In reality, I have not worked out for two and a half months. GREAT (not). I hate March, seems like the past two weeks have been all about birthdays, which means cake, lots of cake, lots of opportunities for me to eat and I can’t say no. I’m lame, of course I can say no, I just chose not to. Plus the partying made me hugry and I crave cake after a few drinks.

I decided to pull out this book by Ted Broer, Amazing guy by the way. His book Maximum Memory tells you so much about how to take care of yourself mentally, the key though is taking care of what you put in your system. SO i feel kinda bumbed out bc I feel as if the bad habits and my hormones going out of control are not helping me get back on the right track.

I ran one lap today, roughly half a mile. I am proud I managed to find a little bit of time. I am waiting for some really big news by the end of this week which will determine which career path I take next year. BIG stuff people so yes I have an excuse to feel out of control. AGH it’s aggravating. But no more excuses.

In order to make up for my crappy eating these past two weeks, I decided to flush my system with tons of water. I haven’t had this much water since I last trained for a swim meet, and that was years ago. God i’m slacking. But tomorrow is a new day, a day which awaits a five mile run from me .

I am stoked. I’m pretty sure if that doesn’t relieve the tension of waiting for the mail man with "good" or "bad" news then nothing else will.

hello there,

taking a break from studying again. AND finally got to upload a new pic, im still new at this whole uploading pictures and stuff, im def not the most tech savvy person out there. Takes me forever to figure out the little things but all with due time. I have kinda not been doing much other than studying for the past two weeks "/ terrible i know! But im back to running tomorrow at 6 am, yay. Probably hitting the gym on Tuesday afternoon since my dad is visiting. I can’t wait to show him what i’ve accomplished this last month! Although im a little over five pounds that i was before, it’s all muscle baby . Plus the fact that I have carb fests isn’t necessarily helping but i need the energy and the studying drives me nuts!

Only four weeks till my big test anyway and then i’ll be able to control everything. =) I’m totally ecstatic about starting law school next year and i’m raping the test so I know i’ll be getting into some really good schools. Wish me luck!

So I haven’t been able to put up new pictures because I’ve been studying. (I’m actually taking a break right now, ugh gotta get back to studying in 15 mins). However, I took a few pictures this weekend and I see results that weren’t there two weeks ago. I can definitely see the definition in my thighs, yay!. As part of my dancing, I am contemplating doing a competition ballroom style (exciting). My whole life i’ve only really focused on jazz and contemporary but ballroom sounds like a good choice. First, the strength that you have to exert from your abs is phenomenal. (Some of the moves looks way easier that when you do them!) Balance and strength is going to def be a key component if I want to succeed. I’m really looking forward to it though since i’ve been doing weights and ab work and i am pretty sure I am stronger than I was a few months ago. That and all the calories I’ve been shedding from the cardio has given me a lot more energy.

On a nother note, I’ve really started eating healthy. I’m so focused right now. After those weeks of poor eating bc of my downtime, I’m back to my old self again (almost). I can truly say that the breakup has been a learning experience and just like any major event in our lives; breakups, happiness, unhappiness, death, etc is all a part of life. *Time conquers all* Very stupid of me to not have realized it before, oh and that it’s his loss too, . I just hate how these things make you grow up so fast :/.

As for now, life is good . Gotta continue studying for law school but it’s ok, by the time I start I’m pretty sure i’m going to be one of the strongest individuals, both mentally and physically. I’m sure everyone will be jealous . You just gotta convince your mind that your body can do it. Plus, there is really nothing that’s impossible, but this is where you gotta convince your mind. Then, the rest follows.

Good day all

After my blog yesterday, I got really pumped. I’m not sure if it’s bc writing the way I felt made me release everything holding me down but i immediately felt different. Today was great, althought I woke up around 8 am which is kinda late for what i’m used to, I went running and out of nowhere it started pouring. I had the mindset that regardless of how hard it poured I would finish my mile. I’ve come to the point where whatever obstacle, whether physical or emotional, is not going to be the deciding factor as to what my body is capable of doing. That being said, it felt great, I finished my run with a smile on my face although I was soaking. Even if the possibilty of getting sick is lingering out there, it’s ok . Today is a good day.

Hello all,

In order to make things as brief as I can, I will start by saying that my energy levels have never been as low as today. After reading a few sentences it may sound as if I am one of the most negative people ever but that is not the case. I have decided to take control of my life, for a few weeks now, and everything I have done hasn’t changed one thing. Although i hate to sound like the stereotypical heartbroken female out there, I can’t help it and I will. About four months ago I got out of a relationship (the best I’ve had so far) and it has completely destroyed me. Now this isn’t something that I would typically allow to control my life but the circumstances preceeding it and following it, have really taken a hold of me this time around. I don’t want to say that relationships are a waste of time and energy, but this one was for me and I absolutely hate it. The less I try to think about it the more it sneaks up unannounced and makes me miserable all over again. What can I say? He was/is a great guy but distance just had to ruin everything. Needless to say, I fell hard and I have been unable to pick myself up again.

But not anymore, not as of a few weeks ago when i decided to start doing things for myself again. Unfortunately, it’s easier said than done and it continues to haunt me. I really wish someone could help but I am alone at the moment. All because of one guy, who would’ve thought. The more I think about it the more pathetic I become. So, this made me realize that although feelings and love and all that "good" stuff can’t be controlled, there are things under our power that can. The first is my body, my mind, and to an extent my soul (debatable i know).

Since I need to be able to be happy and stop secluding myself from humanity (ive been dreading going out bc I refuse to let my friends see how devastated I am) I joined the gym. I have always been strong and there has never been anything I "can’t " do so I thought i’d give it a try. The first week was great, I dropped almost five pounds from doing half an hour on the stair master and weights. I am one of those fortunate few that can drop weight fast but at the same time put on the weight all over again.

Then I realized, I felt better about myself and that I had control of my life but not for the right reasons. Subconsciously I kept training harder and harder bc I knew I would see him a couple weeks later. Lame, I know. So I stopped myself and I came to the conclusion that I needed time to think to make myself whole again. This didnt work, I continue going to the gym but end up having too many comfort food sessions after a long and hard workout.

Another factor playing a role in my weakness is that I’m studying for the Lsat. God I hate that test (will prob write in another blog). Conclusion: heartbreak and exam stress= "you may step on me until there’s nothing left". I have no way of putting into words how much I dislike myself right now bc of my lack of control. I have never been like this and I am trying to find a way around it but it’s not happening.

Life has turned meaningless, I observe other people’s reasons for doing things and it just makes me pity them. When deep down inside, it’s just me pitying myself. Except for those at the gym though, these people I admire, they are there for a reason and they know it. They are the main reason I stay motivated and before I know I’ve ran 3 miles in 20 mins. I should say, I didnt really start running until about 6 months ago.

Today is different though. By putting into writing what I do not want to be I will change my life. I am making a vow to be happy again by taking control of my life.

I will stop getting intimidated by the thought of failure. One relationship should not be the deciding factor, there’s more fish in the sea right? And two, I will not let the thought that something is too difficult or that I may not be smart enough dominate me. Moreover, to make it push me towards food when I am not really hungry.

Moral of the story, I need to go back and learn how to love myself before I start questioning all over again, the meaning of life. PS, by no means is this intended to give the vibe that I am suicidal, I have a great family and I have many reasons to keep living. I am just very unhappy with myself as a person right now and I want to be happy.

With that in mind, i’ve been looking through everyone’s profiles and I am amazed at how focused everyone is. I see you all as role models. I would also appreciate any uplifting words, every bit helps.

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