An Open Letter To My Body
I didn’t get up and go to the gym today. Ended up hitting the bed too late last night, and I was pretty wiped out from moving.
But hear me now and believe me later, mark my words, as God is my witness, I WILL BE in the gym tomorrow morning at 5:00 AM SHARP! Shoulders, core, chest, and triceps, you are not leaving that gym until you are screamin’ for mercy. We are going to go heavy and we are going to complete every rep of every set with proper form. And by the time we leave, I’ll be lucky if I can reach up high enough to return the spray bottle to it’s place on top of the paper towel dispenser. I am NOT KIDDING AROUND.
Oh, and as for biceps, back, and all of you leg muscles, I appreciated your efforts over the weekend. Could not have done it without you. But your little vacation is OVER on Thursday. Seriously, your ass is mine!! …it actually is mine… literally… anyway, we’re going to work until I am walking like a drunken sailor on shore leave. The pain train is chugging your way, and you don’t have to get on, because it IS on!
And to my digestive tract, I know that you like a little comfort food every now and then, maybe a cookie or a piece of candy. You can kiss that goodbye!..because the mouth is included in the digestive tract, but anyway, you are not going to see that crapola gurgling it’s way down the esophagus any time soon. Oh, and the same goes for beer. It just ain’t happening. I will not have all of those muscles working so hard only to have you undermining them by storing fat. We are gonna make meat, so we are gonna eat meat.. and other protein.
There. I think we are all on the same page. I will see you all in the mirror tomorrow morning at 4:30 right before we hit the shower!
One more thing. Brain? What were you thinking when you came up with this idea?!?
June 2, 2009 at 12:27 pm
Boy, you needed to get that off your chest, didn’t you? You’ve become the drill sargeant from Full Metal Jacket. Urah!
I did chest, shoulders & tri’s myself this morning. But they didn’t have to move stuff beforehand.
June 2, 2009 at 12:28 pm
lol. Good luck, bro.
Early morning workouts are the worst. I don’t know how you do it. Everything feels twice as heavy.
Guess I won’t be having my after lunch cookie today. Thanks.
dj_muscle
June 2, 2009 at 12:33 pm
*cue military grunts shouting* YES, SIR!