tegid’s BodyBlog

As a teenager, I lived in dread of ‘Physical Education’ lessons at school. So much so, that I wouldn’t be able to sleep, the night before these lessons. I was scared about what would happen in them. The teacher that led these lessons thrived off terror and encouraging a pack instinct in those with typically ‘alpha’ instincts. I didn’t match these personality traits and they clearly didn’t like me.

Today I was woken up early, thanks to a thunderstorm that hit the south-east of Britain at about 5AM. I realized that these days I lay awake contemplating what I’d be doing in today’s workout and that going to the gym is the part of the day I now LOOK FORWARD TO. That is quite a contrast to my earlier experiences. I’d say that it has a lot to do with the attitude of the people I meet through training and a feeling of belonging that I associate with the gym culture.

I’m really lucky to have experienced this. How many other people felt scared of Physical Education lessons at school (at that particular point in history - I know it’s different these days) and as a result never did any form of exercise in adult life?

I have just watched the videos that accompany the body dimensions page… Looks like I’ve been doing it wrong. This explains why there’s been an overnight decrease in my arm, thigh and forearm measurements - and an increase in my waist measurement. No, I haven’t hit middle age overnight (it’s been creeping up on me for months now). This has been a real wake up call for me as I now realize how huge everyone else’s arms are and how huge my gut is!

It just makes me more determined to overcome the constraints that epilepsy and its treatment places on me - an yes. I’ll be going for a 20 minute jog everyday now, to rid myself of the spare tyre around my waist…

I seem to dart between two worlds: (1) The medical world where everything needs to be changed because if it’s not, there will be disaster.. (2) The Fitness world - where astonishing things go right and improve because people are optimistic and encourage others to look on the bright side of things. For 6 months the Fitness World has told me that things will get better. For 6 months the Medical World has told me that things will get worse.

So I have kicked the medical world into proverbial touch. When I did this they admitted that they’d given me the wrong medication for seven years. Do I spend the next chapter of my life blaming them for messing things up? Or do I get on with improving things, and encourage others to do the same - as demonstrated by the many people on this forum that I admire? (At this point, I’d mention BahamaMan, JoelR, BB1968, BOSMIAbulk Jusraisinkids and Gallaman as falling squarely into that category)

These guys have been telling me that to have an optimistic outlook - to believe in hope. So, with that in mind, I’m changing diet and the way I train.. in the hopes that I can look like Capetown (http://forum.bodybuilding.com/photo/showphoto.php?photo=81278&ppuser=138333 ) when I go into hospital for their various scans and stuff (yes - I’ll be going bald for these).

This means that when I get out of the pessimism hospital, I’ll need an optimistic mission to focus on immediately. I work part-time at a local gym. There’s a lady there who adores using the gym. She can’t see but that doesn’t stop her. I think I might revert to my old habits and help her train to be an instructor…

Just a thought. I’ve never condoned the use of steroids but I’m currently questioning my attitudes on this.

I’ve just read a post on this website by a man that was given Ritalin when he was a child. Ritalin is chemically very similar to amphetamine. I used to teach kids that were placed on this drug to ‘calm’ their behaviour. All of them had their appetites wiped out, all started smoking tobacco (12 year olds!) and cannabis and all experienced very late puberty. As a society, we accept that it is OK for the use of this drug to be given and that its side effects are acceptable.

As a society, we accept the concept of cosmetic surgery, silicone implants and injections of Botox (botulism) to enhance appearance. We also find it acceptable to use Estrogen replacement therapy (estrogen is technically a steroid). Its side efects are acceptable.

For SEVEN years I have been told by the top medics in the land (UK) to take a drug to reduce epileptic seizures called Carbamazepine. This has reduced testosterone levels in my body, dangerously reduced the white blood cells in my body, led to mood-swings and caused all sorts of liver problems, as side-effects. Again, these side-effects are deemed acceptable by society.

When it comes to anabolic steroids, society appears to have a very polarised view - they are ‘evil’. Thinking about it, the side effects of steroids can be similar to those I’ve suffered using anti-epilepsy drugs, to give results that are considered as desirable as those seen in cosmetic enhancement surgery. Again these individual concepts are currently viewed as acceptable to society.

..The same society that gives amphetamine to children who exhibit difficult behaviour, in order to keep these children quiet.

..The same society that makes a lot of money out of cigarette revenues - particularly from people on lower incomes… knowing that tobacco is addictive.

The more I consider it, the more ridiculous ALL of these arguments appear. The difficulty with anabolic steroids is that they fall victim to society’s conflicting opinions and outlook.