tegid’s BodyBlog

If a child lives with criticism they learn to condemn
If a child lives with hostility they learn to fight
If a child lives with ridicule they learn to feel shy
If a child lives with shame they learn to feel guilt

If a child lives with tolerance they learn to patience
If a child lives with encouragement they learn confidence
If a child lives with praise they learn to appreciate
If a child lives with fairness they learn to justice
If a child lives with security they learn to have faith
If a child lives with approval they learn to like themselves
If a child lives with acceptance and friendship they learn to find love in the world
———————

I have come to recognize from the people around me that bodybuilders make up a misunderstood population in this world – misunderstood by an outside world that makes dangerous assumptions about their motives.  Perhaps if the outside world dared to look beyond the surface, it would discover a truly beautiful group of people.

If the outside world isn’t going to take the time to gain from this, I guess it may just help if I present some of the things I learned along the way…

When very young, parents reinforce some ‘injunctions’ about their children, which is done so that the parent has a reason to nurture and live their role as a parent.

There are 12 possible injunctions:
Don’t exist
Don’t be you
Don’t be important
Don’t belong
Don’t be close
Don’t be well/sane
Don’t be a child (often to the eldest)
Don’t grow up (often to the youngest)
Don’t feel
Don’t think
Don’t succeed
Don’t enjoy

Not all of them get used.  As time goes on, children grow and they learn different ways to go against these injunctions learned in early life.  They need to re-decide these early ‘scripts’ in their life plan.  Sometimes getting the permission to stop these injunctions doesn’t work well and people choose to stay script-bound in some way.  It prevents them from feeling bad about themselves – in a sort of ‘racket’ feeling with the persons that started the injunctions in the first place.

One way to stay script-bound is to believe that one can only be happy with oneself if they:
Please others
Be perfect
Be strong
Try hard
Hurry up

So all of these behaviours are like ‘counter-scripts’. They are done to reduce the ‘racket’ feelings from early injunctions. They also drive perfectionism. The tragic thing is that the racket feelings won’t stop when the person does achieve perfectionism – they don’t feel OK with themselves. Because they don’t feel OK, they don’t recognize the perfection within themselves and it is only through others’ positive comments and actions that they can start to re-decide those early injunctions. It is very much the story of the ugly duckling, isn’t it?

I dare say that psychologists out there would recommend therapy for these behaviour things – I’m not so sure. If I remember rightly, it was only after the ugly duckling had heard praise from the flock of swans that they finally accepted that they were ‘a very fine sawn indeed’.  Just look at what’s going on here, at bb.com, in terms of the way people treat each other and praise each other…. Moreover, if we start to question where these ‘counter-scripts’ originate and how we could improve them, we’ll find out a lot more about ourselves – a sight more than the outside world seems to be prepared to do.  I am not saying that anybody needs to be ‘changed’ at all. All I am saying is that the more informed we become about our emotional intelligence then the better our choices will become in future – both in the gym and out of it.

I was wisely told by a good friend recently to chill out - and I took them at their word, so I went and joined in a family party to celebrate a newly-arrived child/grandchild. Actually I was captivated by the angelic baby and was allowed to look after him for 2 hours. It was actually a huge thing for me, because people usually find excuses for me not to cradle infants when they learn that I have epilepsy. At some point later, after the baby had gone to sleep in a cot, I did start going into seizure and fought it off like crazy - I spent a good 30-40 minutes with it ‘wiping out’ the left temporal lobe of my brain, so the right side of my brain was left in charge.

I could have just lay on the floor and let the seizure win, but I wanted to try to control it as much as possible. This has applied to a few occasions when I am training as well - I’d get myself away from the danger zone (squats, bench press, shoulder press, deadlift) before I’d let it win.

Well this afternoon I went back to see the people again. I wanted to thank the people there for inviting me and for trusting me to look after the baby. We got talking - it was a phenomenal conversation, to be honest. The lady, asked a lot of questions about epilepsy and it turns out that she has had personal experience of a friend who progressively became a recluse after diagnosed with the condition at the age of 18. I explained that the anti-epilepsy drugs had major effects on me: pretty well left me infertile - and that this is something that the medics were very much aware of didn’t warn people about. The man agreed that social attitudes to the condition are what lead to people losing their confidence and hence ‘disable’ them. He was dismayed to learn how I’d been cut off, financially, by the social benefit department here in the UK.

I mentioned bb.com a couple of times - how the guys on the forum have done more than anybody else around, in terms of improving my confidence. I also explained about some of the research being done by some of the guys that use the forum and how it had helped me far more than any of the ’specialists’ that have supposedly treating me over the past 7 and a half years. I’ve even had people suggesting that I come over to specific hospitals in the USA for treatment. I think that is brilliant.

The guy has asked me to write a short letter with him about this topic… and then he’ll present it to the local Member of Parliament. He may also take it to the UK’s National Society for Epilepsy when he’s next sitting on one of their board meetings - he’s the Director!

Watch this space…