teenyGreen’s BodyBlog

I met my quota.  I really felt like ranting about how much I hate Thanksgiving, but instead I will just write how much I would really like to rant about how much I hate Thanksgiving.  Maybe someone I know IRL will read it.

This was the first night in a week that I’ve lifted weights.  My “unconventional” workouts include some strength conditioning so I wasn’t concerned about lifting.  I am getting weak in the arms.  I need to build those puppies up.

Tonight’s workout was a poor attempt at a full body workout.  I ended up leaving a ton of exercises out.  I did incline bench, bent over lateral rows, leg ext, and leg curls, plus I did wall squats in between sets.  Killer…Then I did “strippercise” for 30 minutes.  That sounds better than “unconventional” workouts, “strippercise”.  I secretly want to be a stripper.  The secrets out.  I haven’t been feeling as “randy”.  I think there was something in the water, or someone was drugging me.  I feel pretty normal, back to the 2-3 times a week, and I’m happy routine.  My husband is so disappointed, but he was happy again when I reminded him I no longer have the 7 year itch.

True story…A friend of mine thought I was anorexic.  She actually convinced me I was, and I needed to see a counselor that specialized in eating disorders.  My friend is an obsessive eater.  I am the opposite of her.  I eat to live, she loves to eat.  She can’t do normal portions either.  It has to be the whole bag of chips or cookies or cake.  I eat small frequent meals with protein and complex carbs.  I don’t really enjoy eating and much of the time I am so stressed out dealing with my kids, I don’t have an appetite.  But I eat, no matter how small an amount I eat.  I’m not obsessed with being a certain size either.  It’s pretty crazy that I led my self to believe I had an eating disorder.  She’s a friend, was she trying to help me.  Was she trying to sabotage me, or make me feel bad about myself?  She actually suggested I just force myself to eat more to “stretch” my stomach.  I don’t know what to think.  I recently found out she hasn’t been honest with me.  We’ve confided in each other about marital issues.  I feel kinda betrayed, kinda bummed, and kinda pissed.  I don’t know if she is full of shit and is just a manipulative b, or if she is a person hurting on the inside that is reaching out for help.

I saw her this weekend.  I didn’t recognize her.  She looked a lot bigger than when I saw her two weeks ago.  She told her husband she lost 5 pounds.  I think she gained weight.  Not for me to criticize, but she could not possible have lost weight.  I don’t know what to do with her.  I’ve talked with her husband about her weight problem too.  It seems like they are headed for divorce.  I hate being in the middle of their problems.  I feel like they are using me, because they don’t want to talk to each other.  What’s a girl to do?

I worry too much.  It’s not my problem.  It’s also not my place to let my friend know she is getting larger.  She knows…

Girls’ night out, "Bachelorette" party thing, was successful.  Although I was a bit inappropriate, not my fault, damn hot male strippers.  They push women a lot further than female strippers push men.  Isn’t there a no touching rule, especially lips?  I don’t know this was my first "male revue", and I had no idea there was even going to be one.  I arrived before the bride to be with two other women.  I figured why the hell not.  I got the hot girl free cover invite.  It was fun, but very inappropriate. I’ll just leave it at that.

I had a few too many red bulls, 3.  What is wrong with me?  Did I not learn this lesson last weekend when I had a "RockStar" and one "Red Bull"?  No sleep for me tonight.  My husband even tried to "wear me out", but I’m still buzzy.  I always go to sleep after sex.  I’m like the average guy.  I’ve been told; I just roll over and fall asleep.  I’m not much of a cuddlier.

Plus I think the great, outstanding, gentlemen at the nightclub, thought I was wasted and a stripper.  I don’t drink.  I do like an energy drink when I am feeling sleepy.  I love dancing.  Especially by myself on a pole, or in front of my mirror in my underwear.  So for a Prince song, can’t remember the name of it, I went into a trance and danced on a pole in a pole full of people, and my girlfriends weren’t even around to see it.  I was so pissed.  They kept asking me to get on the pole.  They know about my "unconventional" workouts.  They wanted to see it.  That’s why it sucks hanging out with drunks when you’re sobber.  They have the attention span of a fly.  But I’m sure I’ll be on you tube or something.  I’ve never watched myself on a pole before.  Now I’ll have to check.  Curious.  No workout today.  Just volleyball in the park for a few hours and dancing all night long.  The pole workout stands on it’s own.  Boy does that kick your ass.  I need to find a class.  I don’t know the techniques well enough to prevent injuries, so I have a bruise on my left arm, but I bruise easily anyway.

I received a forward from my friend Ashley:

“This is for my friend who was beaten on New Years.  I have known him since he was 15 months old…Please sign the petition just to have his case looked at, they have dropped it without doing anything about it.

Thank you,

We don't really know what happened and I think that the file should be viewed.

http://www.petitiononline.com/07000258/ “

The link has a letter explaining what happen to this guy.

Today has been a very good day.  My oldest daughter had her first “recital”.  Her dad was able to make it, so was grandpa.  It was so fun.  She was so cute and shy at first in her fairy costume.  Then she relaxed and was all over the place.  All of the kids were super cute.  We had so much fun.  It was for a class called “Music Exploration”.  If you live in Tempe, check out the community newsletter, they have a list of all the classes they offer.  My daughter loved this class and her teacher.

I am so taking my kids trick-or-treating in the Heidi costume, stockings and all.  I love the response I’ve gotten…We need more holidays were people give stuff away for free…  I hope my door won’t get egged again.  Kids can be such little turds…As for the title I had hoped to tie this blog into the song “Murmaider”.  I thought it was ridiculously funny, and a good sounding song.  I like death metal.

“There are no fingerprints deep under water, nothing to tie one to a crime.

And if you seek vengeance, all you need are instruments of pain.

You need your:

Knives? Check.
Rope? Check.
Dagger? Check.
Chains? Check.
Locks? Check.
Laser Beams? Check.
Acid? Check.
Body Bag? Check.

Murmaider x 16

But beware! For when you quench your blood thirst, others will seek their vengeance on you, and they won’t rest until you’re dead.

They’ll have their:

Shiv? Check.
Pipe? Check.
Hammer? Check.
Axe? Check.
Subject? Check.
Location? Check.
Desire? Check.
Vengeance? Check.

Hold your breath, swim and strain -the smell of death, can’t escape.
Underground I tried to murder, tried to murder some mermaids.
It’s so cold, they don’t know what you’ve done, you can’t run.
Vengeance is below for thee, thousand leagues below the sea.
You’ve been tracked, you’ve been seen murdering the next kin.
In their homes [you] drank their blood, wash your face in ? and ?
Now you swim, try to hide, heart beats faster from inside.
? a big charade, your life is ended by mermaids.

Mermaider x16

Swords? Check.
Saws? Check.
Clubs? Check.
Claws? Check.
Hatred? Check.
Anger? Check.
Mermaid? Check.
Murder? Check.

MURDER! MURDER! MERMAID! MURDER!

Your life was ended by mermaids.”  –Dethlock…Adult Swim Metalopolis, I guess I could have googled the title, but the kids need to give me cards and put on a movie.

Studying

I really miss school.  At one point I wanted to be a college professor, just so I could stay in college forever.  I took a pause when I had my kids, so my husband could finish.  So he has BS, and I just got shit.

I’m studying to take ACE certification personal training exam in a few weeks.  Hopefully, I didn’t bite off more than I can chew.  Their site recommends 3-6 months to study for this thing.  They have “study packages” with cd, dvds, study guides, flash cards, and all sorts of sh*t.  I just have the “ACE Personal Training Manual”.  It’s from 1997.  I hope to get a current one off some dude I found on craigslist.  This stuff seems really easy.  I went to school for CSE so for gen ed I took physics and calculus.  I didn’t take a single anatomy class.  I don’t even think I took Chemistry.  I read other people’s textbooks.  That’s how much I loved to learn.  I would checkout textbooks from the library, read my roommates textbooks, and read my father’s old ones.  I haven’t picked up a textbook in months.  It’s so sad how quickly you can forget who you are.  On a positive not, gahd sometimes I can be Captain Buzzkill, I have a job.  I have the kids lined up for daycare.  I’m taking CPR classes next weekend.  The weekend after that I’m hoping to pass the ACE exam and start working.

The little one is taking it hard.  She told me, “Mommy, no you don’t go to work.”  My oldest said, “Mommy your work is taking care of us.  You’re in charge.”  I tried not to cry.  I really wanted to hold out and raise them myself until they went to kindergarten, but I just can’t do it anymore.  I really hate me job.  It’s time for a career change, and I want my own money.  I have contests coming up; mama needs new suits.

I hate how people around me are taking the news.  “What, you got a job?!”  “Instead of cool you got a job!”  Is it shocking?  Did they just think I love watching my kids day in and day out, practically by myself?  Cleaning over and over again, because no one can seem to pick up after themselves, and now I’m actually starting to hate cooking.  I loved cooking.

In some ways I feel like a failure.  “I just couldn’t cut it.  I’m a lazy mom.  I’m a selfish mom.”  It really came down to, do I want to be miserable for the sake of my children?  Plus I can’t stand other stay at home moms in my area.  I don’t know if it’s the heat or what, but these crazies talk about their vaginal scars, hysterectomies, and poop.  I just can’t be partied to that.  I’ve gotten very good at Sudoku.

I’ll probably end up having surgery in a few weeks.  I don’t know how I feel about that.  I just hope I will stop having to deal with blood clots and shit forever.  That would be great.  I got a prescription for compression stockings.  I don’t look like such a weirdo anymore, with one white stocking.  Now I have nude hose.  I can fit in shorts again. 

I have a new love, SO delicious icecream.  It’s organic and made with soy instead of milk.  No sugar either and macros are good. 120 calories, 3.5 grams of fat, 23 grams of carbs, and 2 grams of protein per 1/2 cup.  It’s pretty tasty too.

I need a dietitian.  Five doctors have told me I have IBS.  I don’t really believe the diagnosis.  Medication has never helped me; it’s exasperated my problems.  I’m trying to eat clean and eat well for my condition.  I am usually bloated and constipated all the time.  Now I am retaining water in a ridiculous way.  I can’t seem to get the extra water off.  I’m going to break down and take a diuretic.  I don’t like doing that, because I think the water will just come back, but I feel like crap and am just not motivated.  I’m not even keeping track of what I’m eating.  I maybe ate three times yesterday.  I try to drink lots of juice for the calories and to stay hydrated. 

I’m having the hardest time finding out what is wrong with my leg.  I think there is a clot.  It hasn’t been confirmed by a doctor, so right now I have a time bomb in my leg.  I’m not on any blood thinners.  It’s driving me crazy.  The kids are out of control.  I don’t even have the time to focus on me.  I hope this gets better.

For now, I just pretend like nothing is wrong.  I’m going to run and do deadlifts today.  Tomorrow I have an angiogram.  They will put a catheter through my arteries and take X-rays.  Maybe then they will have  a clear picture of my leg, so they can do something about it.