teenyGreen’s BodyBlog

Today has been a very good day.  My oldest daughter had her first “recital”.  Her dad was able to make it, so was grandpa.  It was so fun.  She was so cute and shy at first in her fairy costume.  Then she relaxed and was all over the place.  All of the kids were super cute.  We had so much fun.  It was for a class called “Music Exploration”.  If you live in Tempe, check out the community newsletter, they have a list of all the classes they offer.  My daughter loved this class and her teacher.

I am so taking my kids trick-or-treating in the Heidi costume, stockings and all.  I love the response I’ve gotten…We need more holidays were people give stuff away for free…  I hope my door won’t get egged again.  Kids can be such little turds…As for the title I had hoped to tie this blog into the song “Murmaider”.  I thought it was ridiculously funny, and a good sounding song.  I like death metal.

“There are no fingerprints deep under water, nothing to tie one to a crime.

And if you seek vengeance, all you need are instruments of pain.

You need your:

Knives? Check.
Rope? Check.
Dagger? Check.
Chains? Check.
Locks? Check.
Laser Beams? Check.
Acid? Check.
Body Bag? Check.

Murmaider x 16

But beware! For when you quench your blood thirst, others will seek their vengeance on you, and they won’t rest until you’re dead.

They’ll have their:

Shiv? Check.
Pipe? Check.
Hammer? Check.
Axe? Check.
Subject? Check.
Location? Check.
Desire? Check.
Vengeance? Check.

Hold your breath, swim and strain -the smell of death, can’t escape.
Underground I tried to murder, tried to murder some mermaids.
It’s so cold, they don’t know what you’ve done, you can’t run.
Vengeance is below for thee, thousand leagues below the sea.
You’ve been tracked, you’ve been seen murdering the next kin.
In their homes [you] drank their blood, wash your face in ? and ?
Now you swim, try to hide, heart beats faster from inside.
? a big charade, your life is ended by mermaids.

Mermaider x16

Swords? Check.
Saws? Check.
Clubs? Check.
Claws? Check.
Hatred? Check.
Anger? Check.
Mermaid? Check.
Murder? Check.

MURDER! MURDER! MERMAID! MURDER!

Your life was ended by mermaids.”  –Dethlock…Adult Swim Metalopolis, I guess I could have googled the title, but the kids need to give me cards and put on a movie.

Studying

I really miss school.  At one point I wanted to be a college professor, just so I could stay in college forever.  I took a pause when I had my kids, so my husband could finish.  So he has BS, and I just got shit.

I’m studying to take ACE certification personal training exam in a few weeks.  Hopefully, I didn’t bite off more than I can chew.  Their site recommends 3-6 months to study for this thing.  They have “study packages” with cd, dvds, study guides, flash cards, and all sorts of sh*t.  I just have the “ACE Personal Training Manual”.  It’s from 1997.  I hope to get a current one off some dude I found on craigslist.  This stuff seems really easy.  I went to school for CSE so for gen ed I took physics and calculus.  I didn’t take a single anatomy class.  I don’t even think I took Chemistry.  I read other people’s textbooks.  That’s how much I loved to learn.  I would checkout textbooks from the library, read my roommates textbooks, and read my father’s old ones.  I haven’t picked up a textbook in months.  It’s so sad how quickly you can forget who you are.  On a positive not, gahd sometimes I can be Captain Buzzkill, I have a job.  I have the kids lined up for daycare.  I’m taking CPR classes next weekend.  The weekend after that I’m hoping to pass the ACE exam and start working.

The little one is taking it hard.  She told me, “Mommy, no you don’t go to work.”  My oldest said, “Mommy your work is taking care of us.  You’re in charge.”  I tried not to cry.  I really wanted to hold out and raise them myself until they went to kindergarten, but I just can’t do it anymore.  I really hate me job.  It’s time for a career change, and I want my own money.  I have contests coming up; mama needs new suits.

I hate how people around me are taking the news.  “What, you got a job?!”  “Instead of cool you got a job!”  Is it shocking?  Did they just think I love watching my kids day in and day out, practically by myself?  Cleaning over and over again, because no one can seem to pick up after themselves, and now I’m actually starting to hate cooking.  I loved cooking.

In some ways I feel like a failure.  “I just couldn’t cut it.  I’m a lazy mom.  I’m a selfish mom.”  It really came down to, do I want to be miserable for the sake of my children?  Plus I can’t stand other stay at home moms in my area.  I don’t know if it’s the heat or what, but these crazies talk about their vaginal scars, hysterectomies, and poop.  I just can’t be partied to that.  I’ve gotten very good at Sudoku.

I have a little time for a bloggedy blog, while my husband attempts to children proof our kids dresser.  The little darlings have been throwing every single clean item of clothing in their drawers and the floor and swimming in them.  I retaliated by taking away toys and books.   They seem to be happy just playing in their clothes.  Yes, I already tried putting their dresser somewhere outside of their room.  I even put the dresser in the closet.  Then I thought I’ll put selves up high in the closet and put the clothes on that.  They still got them down.  I’m just tired of dealing with it.  I’m sick of the laundry, and I don’t want their dresser anywhere else but in their room.  So:

I went to the best Halloween Party ever last night.  Oh my gosh, so much fun.  There was a dj, all sorts of creepy decorations, smoke machines, black light, flashing lights, food, beer, liquor, soda, jello shots, they even had this ice block people used to do shots.  The crowd was great too.  So many fun people, lots of dancing.  I don’t drink alcohol; they had energy drinks.  I had two.  I was the energizer battery, on crack.  It was fun.  Next time I think I will just drink half of one.  So here’s some fun pics.

This is Paris.  She was so much fun.  She went around propositioning men, and collecting tips.

These two are super hot.  We danced all night. It was like the hot girl triangle, where boys aren’t allowed.

My husband, a “red shirt” on Star Trek.  I guess only nerds like us get it.  Many people at the party had never heard of Star Trek, they thought we meant “Star Wars”, and those that had seen a few episodes of Star Trek Generations, did not get the “red shirt” thing.  If you don’t “get it” go to wiki.

The snipper next to him, is my brother.

So the sexy three of us, the hot Geisha from above, the swimsuit model, and I, beer Maiden, St. Pauli Girl, Heidi, whatever you think my costume is, took lots of pics together, but it was dark out.  This was one of the very few that came out good, and Mr.  Annoyingass got in the photo.  I saw him trying to get in the pic, and I gave him a kick, yet jerkoff still came back to ruin a great pic.  I’ll have to find a friend that uses photoshop, because for now all I could do was this…

…to get him out.  Still best party ever.  I was sick of carrying a camera while I danced so I’ll have to collect the pics of my husband and me.

The kids are going with grandpa to Cali this weekend.  What will Tommy and I do with our free time?  We’re going to try hiking at South Mountain again.  Hopefully, we won’t get lost.  I’m definitely bringing my camel pak and a cell phone.  It’s homecoming at Tom’s alumnata.  There are plenty of Halloween parties of course.  The good one’s far from home we might have to bail on it.  I only wanted to go to see on of our favorite couples one last time before they get married.  Why do people do that when they don’t want to have kids?  Oh well, I hope I won’t have anytime for blogging.  My booty’s getting a flat spot.

So I have a job, now I need to get certified.  I’m just going to do the quick ACE personal training certification and upgrade to ACSM later.  I just want to start working. Apparently, I made quite and impression.  That was really awesome; I haven’t had a job interview in six years.  I just couldn’t shut up.  I found my passion, exercise, fitness, the whole bang, the human body.  I scheduled a photo shoot for late November early December.  A friend of mine is starting a photography business.  I’m excited.  Everything is falling into place.  The relationship isn’t perfect, and the kids are driving me insane.  That’s life. I’m so glad now I’ll have a separate life from my family.

Just a quick funny note, some might find it terribly disturbing and want to call cps on me.  Not pc to joke about. Disclaimer, advert your eyes and stop reading if you are offended. I look over my shoulder after finishing my blog, and see my 3 year old jumping up and down with a plastic bag on her head, and the two year old, naked, peeing all over crayons she crushed into the carpet.  My life is a dark comedy…It’s so hard to deal with kids when you need lovin.  I’m going to insist Tom take an extended lunch break.

I’m listening to Robin Thicke and looking at pictures.  Good pictures, not naughty ones perves.  My kids are still awake.  I should just search bodyspace there’s lots of sexy fodder.  I was just looking at the random pics I put on my hard drive.  I am such a weirdo sometimes.  I need to start a log and write why I put certain pics up.  Let’s see if I can even add some of them and explain.  I’m having fun…Imagining Robin Thicke asking to frisk me.  That song [Teach U a Lesson] reminds me of my teacher for German 102 at U of A.  He was German and Albanian, beautiful man.  Shoulder length curly hair, deep brown eyes, olive skin, dimples.  I flirted shameless with him all the time.  I was jail bait though, that’s probably why nothing happened.  He actually dropped his Snapple bottle when I went to see him at his office hours for "help".  I just touched his arm. I should have just jumped on him.  I was embarrassed that I was being so sexually aggressive, I backed off.  I didn’t want him to think I was a slut.  I can’t remember his name; I think it was Bastian.  I preferred calling him professor…Anyway,

I love Tina’s legs and voice.  She makes me think of Germany, because she lives there, and I saw more black people there than here in AZ.  I also dug that movie “Mad Max and the Thunderdome”

In this pic I think he wants me too hop on him.

I like Seinfeld this makes me laugh.

I’ve got a thing for the Goblin King.

If I was a lesbian…I think there are different levels of same sex interest.  Who on earth wouldn’t find her super curvaceous body sexy?

My little brother’s old avi.  He’s funny, but he can be scary.  I just laugh when he’s being scary, because he’s my brother.  He’s a weapons expert and is in the Air Force Reserves.  My favorite one of his malapropisms is “voluntold”, and my favorite saying is “Excuses are like *******s everyone has them and they all stink.”

And last, but not least, me when I was overweight.  I can look at this picture now without crying or feeling ashamed. I was pretty cute even big.  Quite a bit more endowed than I am now, that’s for sure.

I can no longer ignore the kids, but that was a good 15 minutes.  Wow, they didn’t interrupt me for 15 minutes.  They made a huge mess of my living room, but you have to pick your battles.

I am a music pirate.  My friends really are too blame.  They leave their cds on my computer.;)  My new fave for awhile has been Robin Thicke.  He is so cute.  Can you believe his dad was the dad on Growing Pains.  Ironic…I’m embarrassed to admit my own ignorance, but when I heard his voice, I thought he was a black man.

I love track 7 on the “Evolution of Robin Thicke.”  Can you guess why?  Maybe you should look it up on project playlist.  I don’t want to give everything away…

I like strip workouts, especially against a wall.  I bought my school girl outfit at Triangles.  It came with a really cool thong, that is also plaid.  It’s so thin you have to be waxed or have a Brazilian.  What is it is a thong or ____?  I don’t know what it is.  I’ve never seen panties like that.  My point, “Teach U a lesson” is my song.

Last night I did deep squats and reverse lunges.  I used light weight 90 for squat, bwt for reverse lunges.  I have no idea how many sets or reps, I did.  I was still super bummed.  Exercise is my ice cream.  I had a gallon last night.

I woke up very sore this morning.  My eyes felt stuck shut.  I could hardly get out of bed from the pain.  I think it had more to do with my hike on Sunday than last night’s workout.  The pain was all in my shoulders, back, and arms.  A hot shower and a good stretch fixed it.  It was so weird; I felt like I was hit by a truck.

I though I was out of egg whites for breakfast.  The egg fairy came over night and left eggs in my fridge.  I had my usual breakfast, and then I’m going to bake banana bread and freeze it.

Here is the recipe I use.  It’s Gluten and dairy free, plus it takes a while to cook.  I haven’t figured out exactly how long I just check it after 60 minutes with a fork.  Then I check it every 15 minutes until the fork comes out clean.   Please share if you have any tasty healthy dessert type recipes.

Non dairy, non gluten Banana Bread

2 cups brown rice flour
1.5 tablespoons baking powder
1 teaspoon cinnamon
.5 teaspoon salt
.5 teaspoon baking soda
.5 cup maple syrup
1 cup chopped nuts
2 egg whites
.25 cup water
.5 cup applesauce
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
3 soft bananas (very soft with black peels works best)

Heat oven to 350 degrees. Mix dry ingredients together set aside. Mix all other ingredients, then slowly add dry ingredient mix. Blend well. Oil a loaf pan and dust with rice flour. Add batter to pan cook for 60-90 minutes. After and hour I stick it with a fork to see if it comes out clean. When it comes out clean it’s done. It takes a while. I haven’t nailed down exactly how long. After 1 hour I check it again every 15 minutes.

"When you feel in your gut what you are and then dynamically pursue it– don’t back down and don’t give up– then you’re going to mystify alot of people."
BOB DYLAN

I am posting Maddi’s quote, because reading it made me cry.  I am undergoing a severe metamorphosis.  I’m not turning into a cockroach, but I might as well be the way my husband looked at me yesterday.  I think it’s shock, desire, and fear all in one.  At the time it felt like disgust, and I have been throwing the biggest boohoo, sacrificial mommy, no-one-appreciates-me, pity party ever.  So I read the quote, cried, posted it to my desktop and said, “why the hell am I backing down?  Because friends and family don’t understand my changes, because I don’t think I can do it?”  Wtf is wrong with me.  I am so the bomb, hot, brilliant, awesome mother, what the hell do have to complain about.  I need to get off my toight ass, and get that damn job I’ve always wanted.  I want a modeling contract, I want some Mf titles, personal training credentials, and my own gym.  By God I’m getting it.  No matter who I have to kick over and stomp on in six inch heels to get it.

I called La Fitness down the street, got an interview for a personal training job tomorrow.  I don’t have certification yet, but this will be a start.