Tasha’s Blog!

I have been overweight my whole life; since I was about 4 or so. I am now 19. As a child, I remember eating because there was no one nearby, who I could call a friend. In school, I was the biggest kid, and of course that ruined my self esteem in so many ways. I remember hating the things that were meant to be fun, because I couldn’t preform as well as the others. Therefor, I sat out.. As I got older, an adult who I was supposed to be able to trust ridiculed me everyday from age 7 to 17 about my weight. I continued to sit out of certain activities, but yearned to participate so much, that in my mind I imagined how I would have acted had I been thin. When you are made to feel like a fat loser in school, then at home, everyday for so many years, you start to hate yourself. I have gained more than 350 pounds over the years, along with a compulsive eating disorder, anger problems, dislike for myself, anxiety, trust issues, depression, hopelessness, the list goes on and on. I have been on a roller coaster of emotions for years. But there is a strength about me that has remained. I have constantly been thrown an impossible situation, and not only made it possible, but have broken countless limitations the world had up set for me. There have been so many times where I get inspired, then lose that inspiration as quickly as I can eat a cheeseburger. There is something different about this time though. I am not afraid to tell anyone that I weigh 380. I used to hide that fact. I used to hide behind the good angled pictures on the internet, and lock myself away in my room so people wouldn’t know how I really looked. I have always wanted someone to accept me for me, COMPLETELY. I told myself, "You can’t be denied that acceptance if you hide away." But now I truly see, I was the one denying my own self of that acceptance for all of those years. How can I deny myself any longer? I have an amazing life ahead of me; the life I have been afraid to live. How do I know I am ready? You can’t know. You see it, and you act upon it. If you wait around for the "OK," you will be waiting the rest of your life. It’s all about your mindset. Why am I acting upon it? For myself, my future, my family, and all of those who I will inspire. What will I be doing? Anything positive for the improvement of my body. I have a personal trainer now, which is something I had dreamed of having since I was 11. What do I plan on doing with my life? Living, finally. When can you start? Whenever you decide enough is enough, and the life you’ve been putting off is too short to let slip away. Who will see me through this? The One who has seen me through every trial in my life: God. I see this as one of the many seemingly impossible situations thrown at me, and like all of the rest of them, I WILL come out on top. For I am a strong individual, who’s life is a testimony. It has to start somewhere, and that place is here. That time is now.

-Tasha

This entry was posted on Tuesday, May 5th, 2009 at 6:04 pm and is filed under Training. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.