The Rantings of a tarnagurl

 I am a fitness trainer here in washington… i love it sooooo much!   I am so excited to help people and be around like minded people all day!   Also am learning sooooo much from the amazing staff at the gym!!  Found a love and a vast curiosity for the olympic lifting i learned the right way to deadlift today and i am so so so proud of the bruises that run from the tops of my knees down my shins from today!!!! I LOVE THIS LIFE!!!! I am happier  now 3 weeks after getting my job and more giddy about the future than i was on my wedding day!!!   I cant say enough how much i love this sport and really feel like i haVE found my passion in life… and got to make it my career… How blessed am I?   I have a truely blessed life!

There are a number of people i am associated around, that like to make other people feel small, dumb, not worth anything, and This is just a personality flaw of there own and Usually I just let them go on being pessimistic and shitty. Lately i just want to tell them how fat they are how Lazy they are, How they are inadequate in other areas of there life…  But i try to rise above take a deep breath and be happy with who i am…. But one day.. maybe i will pipe up and let those people know how it feels to be put down all the time.  If your one of those people…. Take a moment to think about how you make others feel and see if thats how you would want to be treated. Really please… sit down and think about it… After all we cant all be as perfect as you… please forgive us.

I miss Mountain Man’s presence on bodyspace…. I hope he comes back to grace us all with his coolness!   and thats all!

Tarna

I come to bodyspace for inspiration, when i come to the front page i want to see women i aspire to look like, Women who work hard on there bodies and live the life… I am sick of seeing skinny girls with big tits, wearing barely nothing, who look liek they starve their way skinny, not work for it. If i wanted to look at that i would go look at some damn porn site.  C’mon what is this people? Get a freaking life already.

fffft

well woMAN.. Okay… so today It starts, i have to tell someone or it will keep being tomorrow….=)  I have 20 lbs to lose and i want it gone by… hmm lets say….January!  yep I can do that =)  I havnt done Cardio in about 6 months… lol i know… lame! well its starting to showi think! that and the beer consumage! OH and the Bacon cheeseburger consumage!  (well, theyre good admit it)  BUt i am a at a point in my life where I need to make some serious life changing decisons! I just got a Divorce… i am working in a job that i do not enjoy thouroughly at the very most minumum pay i can sustain life on! I need to get my ass in gear… so my number one focus… ME get ME to who i want to be… how i want to look, who i want to be, and find a careeer that suits me and will pay well, Be a better MOM to my awesoem 3 yr old and provide a fantastic future for her….and F$#@ everything else…. right?   right!    okay! so here i go… today i slept in so i went to the gym on my lunch break! I did

20 minuts elliptical HR@ an avg of 155 265 cals

Bench 3*12@135

bb curls 3*12@50

shoulders

FLy 3*12 @ 20 db’s

front raise 3*12 @3# plate

bent over flyes 3*12 @ 15

strait arm raises3*12@15

hammer curls 3*12@ 20# db’s

tri pull downs single arm @40#s

… um thats all i remember doing….

 i know its kinda sparatic… but its been one of those weeks… i actually have a cold… and i HATE being sick .. I LOATH being sick… but i actually feel a bit better after working out… new cold treatment?  the gym????   ( dont worry i sanatized everything i touched….)

 who is the best to get certified thru? i called ISSA today but our gym here goes thru ACE,  ISSA seems more structured… is there anyone else that has any better ones? I am s ingle mom on a budget so… any help would be greatly apprecieated… NOt financially but information wise…. duh

 So The guy who did my fabulous tattoo even though its not finished… a guy i have invited into my home on ocasion, a guy i work with, hang out with, talk to on the phone… went to jail yesterday…..   and before i state why he is in jail…… let me just say that you truely never know who someone is on the inside and God is the only one who knows our  hearts…

 he Brutally assulted a woman my age and raped her, beat her within inches of her life…. WTF!!!  is about all i can say I saw hime the Day they arrested him he got mad at me and called my cell phone because i wouldnt walk over to him and say hi.. i just waved and continued along my merry way…..  My sister called me yesterday after she had heard about it on the radio knowing he was a pretty close friend to confirm that it was 29 yr old  (insert name)  and in fact yes.. This is the guy who did my tattoo, who i called a friend, It hit me like a ton of bricks when i heard it.. i vomited and then i seemed to handle it well i just think that my MInd cant quite wrap around the fact that this guy has been in my home with me alone and i never once felt uncomfortable around him, he has a beatifull smile and Eyes to die for, yet this man is capable of being a monster of worst sort, I find my self Lucky and Thankfull to god that me or any of my loved ones didnt become his next  on the occasion that he was in my home… full of women and children….

 Whats even more sick is that I want to go see him in jail, NOt to comfort him or nessicarily wrap my mind around the things he has done, but to see what i ever saw in him, i want to see a look of shame in his eyes and… i dont really know… what to expect but i am frightened to do it…. whats sad is The rape happened on the 13th he took that entire week off cause he was "sick" I talked to him at some point that week to see how he was, then on the 18th he called me and in my alchocol induced state on that day i dont quite remeber  what he said but i remeber him asking me if i would visit him and write to  him in prison, i told him yes… thinking he robbed a bank or something equally as bad ass stole a diamond.. i dunno…. he was arrested on the 23rd same day he got mad at me for not comming to him when he whistled at me,

   How the hell can the mind comprehend somthing like this?  we walk around with these people daily and never know who they truely are, do we even know who we are ourselves?  Holy F*ing S#!%!!

 have you ever had something happen.. and you want to tell people about it… but, you cant for fear of other people finding out… i mean people you dont want to find out?  A really nasty nasty thing happened to me tonight, and i am totally discusted but i cant really tell anyone about it because its… that nasty… i dont want to be associated with it…. but at the same time it’s so nasty it deserves a conversation.. and a blog apparently! gah… i wish so bad i could say what it was!   =/

I had one today….   cute guy at the gym… always working out at the same time… i always admire from afar…..  today asks me to spot him….    ahh me?? lol  well it was doing  DB mill presses and he was doing 100# each side… asked for help with one side to get it past a certain point… i agree thinking i could do it… my dream guy is talking to me… lol  NAH I cant do it lol i dont know why but i was shaking so bad and sweating (thank god i was at the gym and its normal there)  So i failed him…. so embarasses i didnt talk to him the rest of our time there ….. damnit………..  anyway

Made some gains today…. with my legs and then ran 5 k on the stairs later… sweat pretty good… i love that sweat, lets me know i am workin hard!  well… i guess thats all!!