Tara’s Body Blog

I’m going through a lot of positive changes in my habits. I think that the 3rd week of April I’m going to clean up my diet completely. I’ve realized that most of my frustration is because I am working out moderately hard with weights and I’m gaining muscle, strength and stamina but I’m just looking bigger because I’m not dropping any fat… and the whole reason I started to lift was to gain definition, be able to see it, and to lose fat. So I’m kind of defeating the whole purpose of what I’ve been doing the past couple months.

I understand it takes time but I’m going to give myself the crunch soon. My birthday is June 21st and I want to have a flat stomach for it. You think 8 weeks is enough time to flatten it out? I mean it’s not like I’m a huge girl I only have about 8-10 lbs to drop max

I’m having a predicament, on one end my jeans are too tight now but I like the shape of my body better. So, I need to go up a size but I don’t really think I need to be concerned about that? Should I? Am I gaining fat and muscle… is there any way to tell? I dont THINK I am.

I had the worst sleep of my life from this stupid pulled muscle. You know the one in your back on the upper right or left side? I should’ve learned from my last time sitting on my friends STUPID AWKWARD chair but I didn’t, and sat on it and pullllllllllllllll. Ouch.

I’m thinking I’m gonna just do the eliptical without hands at the gym and I won’t aggravate it, and maybe a ab/calf workout.

I had a blizzard yesterday, I feel pretty guilty about it. I’m trying to work it on through and keep going and not be pulled down by the mistake. MISTAKES HAPPEN! I have to be critical on myself, but to make sure I’m still compassionate. It’s a tough balance to achieve for me. I’m not going to stop though.

I had my first yoga class tonight, it was spectacular. It’s a new awareness I experienced afterwards that I have never experienced before… sort of similar to a moment of clarity. I found I became much more aware of my surrounding after the class and felt very calm within myself. During the class my focus was mostly on the instructor, myself, my body, my mind and just being there. I am very glad I started yoga.

**EDIT:

I was just reading the female misc. forum and it reminded me of something. Today my p-doc said to me "Are you unhappy with your weight" … I said yes. He then said I’m sure your health physician has told you already you are at a healthy weight. I said yes again. Then it provoked a thought about me being unsatisfied with myself. Before I get this weight off I am trying to accept myself as I am… that was also my mantra throughout yoga my personal ‘chant’ if you will. Working on being compassionate and loving towards myself is sometimes a difficult thing to do but I am working very hard on it… to change my behaviours, to accept myself as I am.. and then to love myself and show that through all my daily actions.

I had a moment while I was at the gym tonight and it’s the first time I’ve had one. I was working out my back looking in the mirror when I started thinking…. I can do this. As in, this transformation, this follow-through of the program… being disciplined with myself. I strongly believe I can do this. No matter what happens I’m going to stick this out, I’m not going to stop going as many mistakes as I make I’m going to get right back on track until I get it right.

After that I had a realization that I think I am afraid of my potential, I think fear is holding me back. The subconscious thought of how I will live and have to deal with life once I’m fit and very physically attractive… is daunting to me. I think the feeling of being unprepared for social situations prevents me from following through, from being the best I can be.

Today I’ve consciously decided that I’m ready for it. I’m ready for this and ****ing bring this mother****ing shit on because I’m so ready to kill it. No matter what, I’m going to have after pictures to post, I’m going to keep going!

Oh, p.s I had the best run ever tonight. Extremely comfortable 30 minutes

Sometimes I find myself searching for inspiring people on here, something or someone that will motivate me through my moments of weakness not to choose the wrong thing but… to no avail. I find when I’m asking questions on the board like ‘how many times did it take before you got it right’ nobody responds… but when I ask questions like how many calories, what’s my fat/protein/carb ration I get lots of responses.

What I’m saying is, I think there is a lack of information out there on how exactly to get through the emotional complexity of losing weight for good, of changing habits for life… changing bad habits and behaviours that have accumulated over the years. There’s all this information around about the right formula for your body type but nothing on the right formula for dealing with your moods, emotions, coping, and difficulties of that type.

What exactly does it take to break them? What does it take to cross that line and achieve victory on the other side? What is that last ‘aha’ moment that everyone gets before they get their asses in gear and follow through for the last time?

That’s what I want to know, that’s what I want to hear about because I am not like the many (?) on this site who are packing rock hard abs, toned arms, (well, i have the nice ass) but do you know what I mean?

I understand that this is a bodybuilding site and not a weight loss site but don’t you think the two go hand in hand? Where are the people like me!!!!!!! Where are you!!!!

I posted the before pictures on my fridge and on my desktop and let me just say they are motivating. If I even have a THOUGHT of wanting to eat something that isn’t on the schedule I see those pictures and am like "oh… right" lol

I thought pictures might speak louder than talk so, I’m just going to post before pics.
Don’t mind the bandages, I’m getting tattoos removed.

Holy sad stories eh? lol

I’m going to give this 12-week transformation a shot. Obviously if what I have been doing isn’t working it’s time to try something else right? I’m so weary of writing about what I’m going to do because I’m used to breaking the plans and letting myself down afterwards. I really want to break this cycle.

I’m going to start doing other people’s suggestions and see how that works. So far in my life what I’ve learned is that doing things yourself isn’t always the best idea. There are always areas you haven’t mastered. Speaking from Trump, it’s best to learn from somebody elses mistakes so you don’t have to make your own.

Well put.

Hopefully what happens is I work so hard and get such a great payoff that I don’t end up back here in another blog writing about how I’m such a sad story because I can’t follow through on my motivation. lol YIKES!

I wish myself all the best of luck on this

I am doing some serious struggling over here. I’ve started a medication recently and lost control entirely of my habits since it’s kicked in. I’ve gained an estimated 5lbs on my 5′3 frame in just a week and a half and it feels like I’m just watching it happen. I keep having these great ’solutions’ and ‘realizations’ and then no follow through.

I’m just having a real tough time coping with this. I feel very powerless even though I know what to do.

I don’t want to come off the medication and try another one because so far this one is working… we’ll see what I do about this situation. Right now I’m just going back and forth on plans and solutions… I can’t seem to have any conviction or commitment to making it happen

(Warning: I am extremely tired, the following may be incohesive, vague and nonsensical)

I have something missing from my recipe for success and I’m trying to figure it out.

I can honestly say that I’ve never felt this before in my life. This is all very new. It’s challenging, it’s frustrating, it’s magnificent, it’s overwhelming and it’s different.
I’m very confident in my abilities to tackle everything one by one.