tannie64’s BodyBlog

My vacation went very well I did eat things I wanted and gained some weight but I am back at it and watching what I am eating I am sure I will lose what I did gain. One great thing about my vacation is we got engaged but have not set any date. Now it’s time to get back to exercising and to keep working on not binge eating and so far I am doing good on that also. I really feel I have found a middle ground on this whole healthy life style at least what fit for me. I think it’s great to have a fine built body but you have to have the mind to go along with it and that’s where I need the most work right now. I do see myself with a finer body at some point but I what the mind and body to match.

I wanted to come and write a small update to anyone who cares. I am doing pretty good I have finely found my way to lose weight and help myself stick to it so far I am down to 121. First I went out and had my belly button pierced and it helped because I don’t want to gain weight and have a big belly plus I am eating things I want with out over doing. I hope to build muscle as I go after I lose the weight and once I lose the weight really put on the muscle. So far things are going good and I will be going on vacation feeling so much better about me.

Last night wrote about being tired and lazy well I was really tired because I slept through everything that happens in my home from my kid coming home to the BF leaving this morning to go to the gym. Now mind you I can’t remerber the last time I slept that sound I hear everything that goes on and wake up at least a dozen times at night. Now if I could only sleep like this all the time I think my energy level would go up. Mind you I did slepp like this at one time in my life every night but once I hit about 35 things started to change I watched my energy level go down. I hope someday this changes again. All I know is sleep is the most imporent part of who you are and what you can do throught out the day. Sleep does a body good.

I didn’t go to the gym tonight I was tired and just felt lazy These nexts 2 weeks will be hard for me since it’s 2 weeks before TOM visits and my lack of energy hits a low. The gym I know will be a hit and miss thing but I am trying to eat good so maybe things won’t be to bad. Guys have no idea how lucky they are not to have to deal with this.

Well I didn’t do so good food wise I bought to many goodies and of course had to try them all but what the heck it’s a new week and I will get back to work at the gym that is. Because even with all the food I ate I also did a lot of outside work but no not enough to make up for all I ate. Bt I also can’t wait till my P90x comes in I hope it doesn’t take to long. I am kind of excited about trying it. I am going to really try to eat clean this week so by the time my P90x comes in I will feel not so bloated and I would like to give this a good try. Well once it comes I want to really give the 90 days a great try but the only time I will slack off is when I go on my vacation. Anyway I will see once I get it and look things over.

I ordered P90X and can’t wait to try it out I am hoping it will give me some edge on the right ways of working out so I can see more muscle. I am seeing some progress but I am not always sure if I am doing the exercises right. This weekend I am enjoying the foods but not over doing it and I did get on the scale this morning and I am staying the same which I am happy about. At this stage I am just trying to see what is going to work for me and not be uptight with myself because I find when I make it a big deal and thing I have to do this or that I end up hating the whole thing because I feel limited. I just what this to be fun and the minute it becomes work I end up hating it. I guess it’s all for me a mind set and as long as I set my mind to this is something I enjoy doing to feel and look good I stick to it. So here’s to having fun. 

I didn’t lose anything and I know I wouldn’t but I can see things getting tighter and some shape. This morning I did JM 30 day shred video I wanted to do something this morning instead of just sitting here and tonight I hope to go to the gym after work. But I can’t wait till the end of the day so the weekend can begin.

Well this morning I took a few pics there was a bit of change but nothing big. It’s ok though because I am feeling thighter and will keep going. I am not doing as much cardio but trying to keep my heart rate where it needs to be to burn fat. I find that going to the gym 4 days a week is whats best for me I need my rest in between or I just get  way to tired out. As of now I am feeling good and hope to see some changes as the summer goes by.

Ok I don’t do good on weekends in fact I think I ruin all my hard work I do durning the week but that’s something only I can fix. To be honest I think what happens is there is so much going on I just get lazy but I did go cloths shopping again on sunday and I now know why I get so unhappy about my weight and it’s not even really the weight it’s the losse skin I have. As I was trying on cloths even my daughter said to me mom you have worked so hard to get the weight off but you have losse skin around your middle and that is where I find I get depressed about. I fit into size 6 and even some 4’s thing is the 6’s are to big but the 4’s fit but because of my losse skin I end up with a muffin top and it just looks so bad I want to cry. Now as I write this this morning I wonder how do people do this everyday all the time the clean eating I just don’t get how they do it. I enjoy the taste of my food it’s not that I don’t want to eat clean I just don’t understand I guess what clean means. I want a nice body and what to eat good but I want to enjoy and like the food I eat plus doing all this I don’t want all the losse skin because what’s the sence of losing weight if I am only going to have a flabby body and still feel terrible about it. 

Well we had family over and as the norm I over ate and no exercise. I got up this morning and get to eating the good foods again. But still I am not happy with myself but that is more of a self image problem something I have a hard time with. Funny thing is everyone tells me I am small and when I try on clothes I fit into a size 6 pant and s/m shirts. But I have alot of losse skin and I feel like my skin is to big for my body. I think as I try on clothes if I could only cut the extra skin away I would be happy. But I also know this takes time but when you see the muscle under all the fat and losse skin it just make me wonder if I will ever get even some of the body I would like to see. But in the end I know I have to suck it up and keep going there are worse things that I could have to deal with and part of my mind knows this but then there is the other part that wants to be like the little kid and throw a fit and have things go the way I want right now. I am not a kid so it’s back to doing what I have to and things will work out.