Tamara Currie

Hiya!!

I hope everyone out there is having a wonderful day!!  Its middle of the afternoon here in Queenstown, the sun is just peaking from behind the mountains (which have to be some of the beautiful ranges in all of the world) which is making this town glow!  Its so stunning, I am truely blessed to be here, even though i do take it for granted most of the time!

Things here are going very well.  Even though there isn’t a change in the scale, i’m noticing things as of late in my body which are changing which gives me a boost of confidence.  I was at the gym yesterday morning, like most, and I was chatting with a Kiwi about competing.  She used to compete, then she said that I look solid and that it doesn’t look like anything is "hanging" off of me, haha, which felt great!!  Everyone else sees you differently then you see yourself!  I def don’t see "solid" but it was wicked to hear. Strangers don’t tell to butter you up like your friends do, so if she didn’t have anything nice to say she wouldn’t have said it in the first place!

The diet is going awesome, still keeping my red wine in and loving it!! Its nice to come home to a glass and being able to enjoy a nice drink with my hunny.  He’s a beer drinking, but being in NZ its hard not to love wine!! So many amazing wineries!!  Plus with being 38 weeks out of my show, eating clean is a priority but living is my top priority!  We had good cheats on the weekend as well, felt awesome and still feel really good!!  My meals are delish, honestly no complaints-i just wish i could live off of chocolate all day long!! lol

Our days off are usually jam packed, this friday we are probably going to head out fishing, then go parasailing as a tandem and then that afternoon we’re booked to skydive!  That night we’re probably going to head up to Coronet Peak and go snowboarding, same w/ saturday, hit the hill at a decent time!  Time flies out here so we’re trying to do the best we can with what we have!!!

Other than that, drowning in 5 litres of water and eating every 3 hours, not too much is new!!!

Eat Clean, Train HARD-Train HARDER everyday!!!

xxx

You know, when you are "dieting", for whatever reason you are doing it for, its a challenge-whether its one for you or those around you!  I am lucky.  I have the best support system in my life, my man, my parents and my sister (even though they are on the other side of the world)!  So no matter what I have decided to do, whether its the craziest thing, they are now here to support my every action-how cool is that?

I am on week 3 of dieting and its great.  I am feeling great, I don’t know if I look great but I feel great and that is honestly all i’m caring about these days.  I won’t obsess over what the number is on the scale, I’ll check it out every week and see how its going and that will be it!  Right now, all i want is for me to feel better about being me!!  There is a show in sight, but it is about 9 months away so for the next 6 months its all about me-how i feel, how i’m doing, building up and getting stronger.  Plus, I’m on the other side of the world and I need to still have some fun too you know!  I’m eating clean, I get my two cheats a week and I stick with it!!  Normally I would have them Sat/Sun but if during the week I am having a craving and I want to have it that night, on a non weigh in week then I will.  Last night Shaun and I made nachos, and had some chocolate cake, so delish!!  Today I feel great!  Got to have a long sleep in, ate my oats and eggs and I’m still laying in bed enjoying the warm I feel from my berry tea and the heater!!  just is everyone knows, its winter out here so I’m just trying everything to stay nice and warm!!!

I’m keeping track of my weights so when I’m at the gym I make sure I’m increasing everything.  I haven’t felt stronger!  Its a new workout so I’m obviously not going to be able to lift as heavy as I was on my previous one, but I’m seeing improvments weekly which is still rock solid for me!!  I’m walking to work, downhill 40mins and doing at least 30mins of cardio after my weights so I’m doing everything I can to be in the best shape possible!!  Plus, I have to stay motivated, it isn’t easy when everyone just eats drinks and be’s merry-so I have to stay as focused as I can!

Training, dieting and having a goal are three things I need to have in my life.  I have a massive food obsession problem, one I’m sure a lot of other competitors have.  I get really scared of food and I have a fear of what I can or cannot do to me.  Its just as scary as being bulimic or anorexic I’m sure, just I’m somewhere in between.  I still eat, but I have a fear every day and I think about it constantly.  Yes, it rules my life, however, that is why I continue to compete.  Without professional help, I don’t know what else I could do and I’m on the other side of the world!!  I know some people may thing Im crazy but when there is an offseason and an onseason, and you’re bouncing back and forth, it doesn’t make your head space any easier.  Being honest with Shaun about it was one of the hardest things I could do because he wouldn’t understand.  Most competitors would, but for someone who is in wicked shape and can eat anything, just wouldn’t.  Weight or how you feel isn’t a priority in everyones life so its really hard to cope with when you just would rather hid out in your bedroom and call it a day then try and explain to someone what you’re going through.  I have done that, it isn’t good to though.  I’m not ashamed anymore that I have this and I am doing something about it, taking control of my life.  I’m not wishy washy and do shit for attention like A LOT of people i read about or hear about, this is my life and I only get one chance.  Some people use this blog as their drama site, where they talk about how one second they are craving and the other they are happy and another they are crazy, well, we all know that with dieting it changes our moods, effects our own lives and even more important those around us-I want to use this blog not for my drama, but for the positives to help others know they are "normal".  There isn’t such a thing is not normal and everyone needs to know that-because maybe the person that thinks they are "normal" may not have a food/weight/body image obsession but I can guarrentee it they worry/stress/obsess about something else equally the same-just different.

So please…when you look in the mirror and hate what you see, (I have done it a million times, i still do it because it is VERY hard to not sometimes), REALIZE, what you see, others don’t.  Everyone else is looking at the whole package, you.  Shaun has told me a million times i’m beautiful, when it comes to the point you don’t believe that your partner or spouse is telling the truth, you need to wake up and remember they are will you because they love you, because when they tell you your beautiful-they mean every ounce of it and when they want to touch you and cuddle with you at night-they want to feel you because they love every inch of you…its very hard to accept it, believe me…but its true.

Now, I’m not saying i’m going to fix or cure anyone throughout my journey, I just hope that someone else out there realizes it isn’t as bad as they think.

Cheers…xoxo

I am on the road to recovery…back to dieting just as I know it!

Since living here and training for competitions are far and few between, to tell someone you’re "dieting" they are thinking something different than what you’re actually doing.  Especially when there is so much going on in this town because its just the beginning of winter and in the travel/tourism scene there are tons of parties and events…yesterday there was a huge buffet breakfast that I didn’t go to, just because a) I’m just getting back into this and b) I dont need to be put in a position where I’m going to get questioned as to what i’m doing. 

I am very proud to be in this industry and to be training towards bettering myself and my body, but to be honest, i really hate explaining myself.  Even more so now, in a different country that doesn’t have a lot of knowledge as Canada does towards it.  Especially when people say "Can’t you just have fruit?", I dont ask anyone to understand the diet, I just choose to do the diet! lol  At the end of the day, I just do what I do to make myself the best it can be, and 9/10 I dont really care what others think, but explaining my lifestyle is more frustrating than rewarding sometimes. 

Needless to say, I am back on the diet, 3 days in and absolutly loving it.  Its easy as pie, I feel so much better already about myself and my head space is cleared of negative energy.  The workouts are awesome as well.  I am training as hard as possible and am really looking forward to seeing my progress over the next month.  I have been lifting heavier than i have ever lifted which is quite positive in itself!  Once the weight is gone, my clothes will fit and I will be a lot happier about myself and the way my life is going.  Its so hard when your weight controls your life, as mine does.  No matter what someone tells me or if i get a compliment its hard to take when you don’t feel it yourself.  Slowly…i’m getting back to feeling like a normal human being…def takes a long time and some serious commitment!!!

The beauty of it all, is my boyfriend, who is the love of my life is supporting my every movement.  My parents are being unreal as well.  Never have I had such support from my family.  They are so excited, knowing that I love doing this and I’m doing this for me.  They are really happy that I have made the decision to compete, its great to have my whole family back me.

Other than back hard at the gym and dieting, i’m going snowboarding tomorrow with my man, if not tomorrow then Saturday which is my cheat day, (meal shhh). lol  We are really happy to be able to have the opportunity to live in New Zealand, expierence everything that we have so far and really focus on a life together, whether its here in NZ or back in Canada. 

Life is good..no complaints…keeping my chin up and my attitude positive…I know what i’m capable of so why not be the best damn person with the best body I can be!!??!!

 xoxo

Well it has been many many days…nearly 2 months since I have written a post!  So here I am!

Since I last wrote in, I have moved to the other side of the world with my hot boyfriend and we are currently residing in Queenstown, New Zealand…maybe many of you don’t know but Queenstown is the adventure captial of the world.  Whatever you can think of, you can do it here in QT.  I am working for a place called "The Station" where you make the bookings for all the adventure tours out there-from bungy jumping, to canyon swinging, to jet boating, hiking…honestly you name it…i sell it!! But the beauty of the job just isn’t the fun you have BUT the fact that you get to do it all for free!!  I have jumped off two different ski fields, one time i was hang gliding and the other time para gliding…I have jet boated through canyons..I have dropped myself off of a 160 metre ledge on the canyon swing and I have been in helicopters and safari treks…how outstanding!!

BUT, as some of you might know or might think, travelling might be the hardest thing to do while trying to stay fit and diet.  When you don’t have a contest booked or some idea of what you want to do, and you’re in a strange place, its not as easy to do as it is at "home".  For starters, we picked the most expensive place to live…which means food is unreal priced.  A few examples:  a cucumber is $4.50…yes sir i said 1 cucumber, green/red peppers are 12.99/kg, chicken is $19.99 kg (so you get 2 chicken breasts for about $15.00) where that could buy you about 2 whole chickens at home.  Shaun and I are finding it really hard to figure out whats good for you and what isn’t when it comes to the meat here…they don’t have anything "lean".  We just aren’t used to it!!  EGGS are expensive here too!!  For about $5.00 or more you can get yourself about 10 eggs…all random sizes though!  One of the worst parts is that they don’t actually have egg white cartons so when you are trying to consum 8 egg whites, you are either sifting them yourself and every morning spending 5 bucks on eggs or you’re trying to figure out what is a good solid protien to consume!!!

SO being frustrated and gaining enough weight that my contest (well a month or two out of the show) clothes do not fit anymore and I think I am "fat" you tend to think, "What makes you happy"  Well…dieting makes me happy.  End of story.  A goal makes me happy…I know that for me is the best thing to have-however, if i was to just make a personal goal, i would never stick to it.  If I set a date and say I am going to compete, its set in stone and I’m geared to go!  I know that sounds weird and O bet that there is someone out there that can agree with it, but it is frustrating to myself as well.  You tend to feel crazy no matter what anyone tells you and its really hard when you are 10 times harder on yourself!! It isn’t motivation at all!!!

Needless to say, I have emailed my trainer, and here I am-looking forward to competing once again either back in Canada or in Australia!  HOWEVER, I am going to give myself a ton of time because I want to come in 10 times better, with a wicked build…helllooooo shoulders and legs!!!!!, giving myself the best opportunity I can to do this, but this time do this for me!  Even though some pretty wonderful bottles of wine here are only $7, it will be hard for a while to ween myself off it lol, but i know what makes me happy, and feeling that I am doing everything to get my ass in the best shape possible-there isn’t anything quite like it!

Depending on what Shaun and I decide to do next year, if we will move back to Canada (which right now we aren’t planning on doing) will mostly depend on the competition.  I will do FAME West 2009 in Vancouver because thats where our return flight flies into, then hit up Calgary’s show, by that time I will be on my way back to NZ to compete in Australia on the way home if I do choose.  Right now, the plan works for me!!!  Shaun is game as well because he knows how happy I am work I am dieting-he only knows that because when I did my photo shoot I was a gem!!!!!!!

Anyways, I figure I would take the time to post a little message, to let everyone  know what i’m up to these days and that i’m still alive-a big fatter but still alive.  I have reached about 145lbs, which I’m not happy with but seriously, there is some good food out there   Really looking forward to getting back to my normal life and getting started on a truely amazing jouney-again though…doing this one for me!!! 

Thanks to everyone for everything, the support on the fact we moved to the other side of the world, the support for me competing, for getting fat and for wanting to do this all over again!!

When you know that you are living the best life possible, no one can take that away.  If i have one word of advice for anyone who wants to follow their dream, once you’re in it, you’ll never regret it.  I am lucky to have found the love of my life who lays next to me when i’m bawling my eyes out after trying on a pair of jeans i bought 1 week before my photo shoot (i know i know, why do i expect them to fit) and tells me i’m absolutly stunning and reminds me i was dieted down and i’m lovely just the way i am.  I am also lucky that him and I made this huge decision to travel to another part of the world and set up our life here…we have been lucky with our jobs and choices, we both feel very sucessful in the road we have chosen…so everyone, follow your dreams no matter what it takes to do, you will never regret it!!!

xoxo….for now…

t

You know, I figure I would know better after have dieted down and competed before-however, in my defence, the competition ran so late i didn’t really get to pig out like I planned.

First of all the photoshoot was a lot of fun.  I do not recommend dieting down for one, then having it as a night shoot because your body will want to diet throughout the day!!  My shoot wasn’t until 630pm and my body ached-lower back was dying from being so dehydrated-slightly horrible.  None the less, Tim is a wicked man to shoot with and he is SO enthusiastic, I honestly had a freaking blast and would do it again!!!

After the shoot, I drove over to the Keg where I was meeting my man girlfriends for drinks and dinner to celebrate me moving to New Zealand.  Now, this is where I turn into a gong show and have the need to describe how I feel sometimes when i eat.  If you have ever been at the bar, you’re doing shots, havin lots of drinks and all of a sudden this wall of "drunk" just overwhemles you and you know you should stop drinking or else you are going to get sick-well…sometimes I get this exact same feeling when i eat.  I sometimes eat on a cheat night until I hurt, to the point where I have to have a lay down/nap before I continue eating!

So, my girlfriend and I order and appy, which was delish, then we continue to eat our "starter salads" which were the size of a house-which I totally ate, then our steak dinners came.  8oz of steak, baked potato, veggies, the works pretty much, and I ate every morsel of it.  Please keep in mind that I was eating just 2oz of chicken the day before and only 1oz day of.  Also keep in mind my stomach was probably the size of a pea while eating all of this food.  There was zero break or breathing time inbetween-it was hardcord eating at its worst! lol  So we kept going, ordering a pie that to be honest was not a pie at all, but a giant piece of iced cream cake, which we had no problem eating-well, I’m lying.  I got most of the way through and I hit a wall.  I’m sitting w/ my 8 friends who have come to see me, and I hit that wall where I know I’m going to get the shakes soon but i can’t lay down if my life depended on it.

So i tried to get comfy, darting to the bathroom as if i’m going to get sick but managed to help it pass!  I decided to drive home in this condition, and if anyone knows it feels the exact same way as if you have been drinking, so I honestly shouldn’t have.  How would I ever have explained to a police officer that I wasn’t drinking but I had a food drunk.  Next thing I know, I had to pull over on the side of the highway and get sick, it was unreal.  In all of my cheat meals, where I have eating way more than what I ate last night I have never ever gotten sick.  I felt a million times better and finished my drive home-leaving everything, even my shoes in the car and ran inside.  Thank god for being in good shape and counting steps because I barely made it to my bathroom and once again, sick.  My boyfriend came home a couple hours later with water and ginger ale as I was, and still am so dehydrated.  I actually have only slept a couple of hours and i’m laying here in bed next to him writing this, but i dont feel very good and i’m wide awake so I should just be proactive while I can me.

So, that would be a don’t after dieting!  It was horrible, I have never ever felt like that in my whole life, it was pretty intense, but lets be honest, leaving this city w/ a BANG! lol

Be careful after dieting, your body does not like the food that is going to go inside you.  A rule of thumb, relax, have a tiny cheat, drink lots of water and just go to bed-you have the rest of your life to eat, never do what i did!!!!

Okay, thanks again for reading, hope you had a good chuckle and let me be a life lesson for all!!!!

goodnight

xoxo

Okay!  SO, today is the big day!!  I have dieted for the past 2 weeks and it was super easy.  Its easier when you know its only two weeks and then you’re done, however!!!  The last couple of days i have been a gong show because I couldn’t sleep through the night if my life depended on it!!  It isn’t the same as competition day, I am waiting around all day for my makeup appt at 4pm and then the shoot isn’t until 630pm.  I am really looking forward to it but i’m going to be honest, today i feel like crap.  When I lose weight, my ears take forever to adjust.  I dont know if anyone else out there has that same issue, but today, because i’m only eating an ounce of chicken and 1 rice cake every 2 hours or so until my shoot, and no water, all day, i keep losing.  Whenever I talk my right ear totally plugs right up!! IS THIS NORMAL?  lol  I emailed my nutritionist to see if there is a trick to making it through the day.  If i was at a competition I would already have sucked back some vino and some PB and J…but today i dont actually get any of that until 6pm!  See the difference?  Its a catch 22, the diet itself is easier the second time around, but the waiting is horrible this time!

I am hoping that there is a something I can do throughout the day to release some of the cramping in my stomach, I may just have a sip of diet cola, with that little bit of sodium it will kill the cramps, i’ll just see if i can make it!  I Went to the back this morning to get an international bank draft for New Zealand and I could barely handle standing in line! It was horrible!!!  lol  I am a gong show!! Should I be driving?  Well no, after driving into a pole yesterday, lord knows i shouldn’t be behind the wheel!  I know that it sounds horrible!!!  It really does, but i laughed because Im three days away from leaving, my car is paid off and i’m putting it in storage! I will fix the damage when i get home-beauty that I worried about, i didn’t hurt anyone, i didn’t hurt myself, i didn’t hit another car, i hit a post!  Phew is all i could think of!

So here I am, sitting here, relaxing, waiting for another hour before I can eat again, then i’m going to shower, (i got spray tanned yesterday and it looks great so i’m trying to wait until the lease possible moment to jump in the shower), i’m going to blow dry my hair straight and bring some stuff with me to fix it if i have to because the shoot is about 4 hours after i do my hair.  My girlfriend Robyn and I are heading to Mac to have them take care of my face, lord knows i shouldn’t be incontrol of that!!!  That is the part that i am very excited about, i love getting my make up done!!! YEEHAW!!!

After the shoot is all said and done, I am heading to the Keg with 7 of my girlfriends to say my goodbyes.  My of my competition friends looks like it will just be me and her that will be having a big fat steak and some dessert tonight, she gets it, the rest of the group doesn’t!  I’m pumped to hang with everyone, it will be a late night and then tomorriw its filled with family stuff.  Brunch, dinners, packing, i’m going to feel great!! haha, I’M GOING TO FEEL GREAT!  Staying positive is half the battle is it not?  If you say you’re going to feel like garbage, you are, so i’m not, going to feel amazing!! I am going to flaunt my leaness lol!!!

Anyways, wish me luck tonight i really am excited and nervous, Tim is an amazing person and he is really crazy so it should be entertaining! I  dont know how to pose, i dont know how to move, i figure if i’m doing something wrong he’ll tell me!!  Either that or there will be some boring shots

Thanks to all who read my little posts, they are a chance where I can explain myself to the rest of the industry who actually understands what i’m going through-we are all normal and no one can take our expierences away from us!  Life is easy when you say it is, life is hard when it proves you wrong-its just changing everything to the way you want it, be the best you can be, the strongest you can be and support eachother like we’re a big family.

Thank you to everyone who has commented, you never know how much it means to me!

xoxoxoxoxo

HEY!  Maybe its just because i’m only dieting for 2 weeks instead of 16 weeks, its so much easier!  I find that it is actually fun and I am really really enjoying it this time around.  There aren’t any surprises and I just started my carb depleting yesterday-not a lot of movement with my weight just yet, really hoping for the best!  I am feeling really lean, tired of course, but my moods are consistent and happy.  My boyfriend is loving it this time around!

The 2 hours of cardio a day are already finished, which was outstanding-I only have one more workout to go tomorrow which is shoulders and 20mins of Cardio.  My nutritionist is trying something different with me this time, w/ my carbs and diuretics so I’m really excited to see how it goes!!  I feel great and when it comes to the photoshoot-thats honestly what is the most important to me!!  Maybe its easier because there isn’t any pressure to place in a competition and I am doing this shoot for me, but I love it.

We are leaving to the Cook Islands and New Zealand in just 6 short days!  After tomorrow’s workout, I’m done at the gym until we find one on the other side of the world, but i’ll be able to really focus on what I am going to need to bring with me overseas!!  I haven’t even thought about it!  haha I have managed to put it off, its something we do here, however, I like to overpack so the more time I have to pack, the worse off we are!!!

Tomorrow is my last day of carb depleating, tuesday I get to drop the sodium and load back up on the carbs, SO EXCITED!  I honestly am in love with plain rice cakes-maybe I’m crazy, maybe its just one of those things that get us diet lovers excited!!!

I am wondering how I’m going to feel come wednesday-i’m really bloated, lovely pms, so hopefully that calms down a bit so that I can drop as much water as I can before the shoot!!!I’m going to try and keep posting over the course of the week, it helps me get it all out!!

Loving this life, absolutly loving it.  I wouldn’t change anything right now, except for maybe someone else making all of my meals and bringing them to me on the couch!!

xoxo

Okay well, here I go! lol  I dont even know where to start because I never posted anything before, during or post competition but here I am anyways!  I figure there is "no time like the present" and i’m sure those of you out there-some one can relate!

So for the past year, literally to the date I have been someone else’s robot when it comes to training and diet.  I have paid people to tell me how i should workout and what i should eat, when to eat and how much to eat.  I did this religiously, every single day without fail right until my competition.  I never once cheated my diet, ever-never once missed a workout, ever, and was 110% harder on myself then everyone else.  I wanted to get to my goal and i didn’t want to fail one little bit on the way there.  I saw a lot of people go through their own personal hell while I was dieting, I missed out on so much stuff like weddings and trips with my wonderful friends but I just took it all in stride.  I wanted to make sure that my goal was number 1 to me and that is what mattered.  I even met my current (hopefully my last) boyfriend a month before I started training to compete, he has stood by me through think and obviously some serious thin.  There most definitly not a lot of men or women out there that could stand by their partner and watch them fade away, get sick, get healthy, go through serious moods, and not even understand what they are going through but it doesn’t matter because they love them regardless…he’s so special and I never take that for granted.  Especially when they have no idea what dieting does to your mind and body, there were times i just wanted to say, "Its the Chicken talking"!!!!!!!

My main reason for sending out this blog is so that other people know that you aren’t alone when it comes to post competition.  When you feel gross, your skin hurts, you’re bloated, you’re absolutly miserable beyond pre comp, you feel like you can’t catch up and you feel like you could possibly gained 40lbs at least, you are feeling normal!!  Especially when you diet for as long as I did, I didn’t know whether i was coming or going.  I honestly had entered into my own personal hell.  I didn’t know what to do, even though I had a plan from my trainer with tips to tweek it incase I didnt enjoy the weight I was at-I honestly felt, whats the point?  Now, I know more than anyone that you cannot give up on yourself and you really do need that inside voice to tell you, YOU DON’T NEED A DATE ON THE CALENDAR TO BE ABLE TO STAY FOCUSED, however, reality bites and it takes over!

While no matter what I was eating would make the bloated and grossness go away, I got lucky.  I was having a conversation with a local photographer, who then asked me if he could shoot me before I leave to New Zealand.  I took this as more than just a photo-op, but a chance to diet right back down and then see if I could get myself out of it better than the last time, slower, with more grace and less attitude!! Plus, I knew that dieting would put my mind at ease and make me the happiest person.  My boyfriend was excited about the shoot-but then I had to advise him I was going back to dieting with a promise that he wouldn’t even notice.  I have managed to keep that promise and I start depleting when I wake up in the morning!!  My last 2 hours of cardio are today (its 2am right now as i have a head cold and can’t sleep), then i carb deplete with 3 short workouts sat/sun/mon.  This is all great news though because even though I will be a space cadet next week, i won’t have to workout which will give my body a break and I will be able to figure out (with time) what to pack for my year holiday with my boyfriend as we are moving to New Zealand May 11th.

So my photo shoot is May 9th at 630pm, I’m really really excited and I hope to post some of the pictures up as soon as I get them, so i’m thinking the beginning of June!  By then I hope to be settled in a little job in Queenstown, NZ (cross your fingers its in a gym)!!!

Im feeling pretty amazing, I’ll feel way better once this head cold and shin splints go away, but with only 2 hours of cardio in the near future to get through, i’m going to manage just fine!!

I am going to keep this blog going, it makes me feel better about everything i’m doing while getting it out there, that way everyone can read what I have to say if they want to, maybe I will make someone else out there feel normal post competition!!!  The bloating does go away!!!!!!  It just takes time, be patience, keep training and eating clean, your body will love you for it-and so will you!

xoxo until next time….

tamcur

PS:  For all of you out there that have supported me throughout this journey-you know who you are, i just want to say thank you.  There isnt anything in the world more important than support from strangers and friends when you’re going through something life changing, I hope to be able to be that person to someone out there!!!