Checking In
One of the good things about this site is that it can be used for a source of motivation. Because on here I can write accomplishments and relish them. My one recent goal, which I write here as only tentatively being achieved, is that I was able to get through a rough spot without turning to food for comfort.
Last year, once I started my regimen, I still had a couple demons that I had to take care of. One of the biggest issues I’ve had is balancing some emotional issues and figuring out how to get through them. My big issue here is that anytime I start to get lost in these negative thoughts, I turn to food to comfort me. And I hate it. So this is how I overcame it all.
The other night I got back from class by around 6:30PM. At this time I was tired and had a headache. And it was shoulder day. So I had to figure out some way to get to the gym. And then I got grouchy. I’d say it was probably due to the headache and because I was tired, and I’d probably be right. My old fix was to eat junk. After wrestling with this, I decided to walk to a convenience store. But, being a college student, I realized it’d be a waste of money. Plus, I really wanted to listen to music. So I drove to the local Wal-Mart.
Here’s where the key turning point started. I was depressed and normally I’d rather listen to depressing music. Instead I turned on something inbetween depressing and happy. And by the time I completed the 10 minute ride to Wal-Mart, I’d gotten up to the happy music. Once I got inside I grabbed a bottle of advil (I still had to take care of the headache) and headed over to the infamous junk food section to pick up a couple of favorites (Swedish Fish and some sort of Reese’s). I picked up a box of fish (I’d finally gotten it down from one of those 3lb bags to just a box for portion control) and I saw a type of candy that, I hate to say it, has incredibly negative emotional ties to it. Not only do I hate the taste, but it stood for all the negative things that happened in the past year or so. That’s a very long story in itself and this is definitely not the place for it. But it made me angry. And I realized that there was no purpose. I was not upset for any valid reason. And eating junk food was not going to help. I put down the fish.
I did end up getting a diet coke. That’s something that I don’t necessarily consider to be a negative food item (my theory right now consists of positives, negatives and neutrals; diet soda is a neutral). That along with the advil overcame the headache and tiredness. So I went to the gym when I got back. On the way I blasted my workout music. And I was incredibly pumped by the time I got to the gym.
I learned here that junk food was not making me happier. I would venture a guess as to the fact that it’s probably the cause of most of my unhappiness. Since this time I haven’t had any cravings. It’s like this was an off switch for me. It was a crazy realization that I’ve always known deep inside but didn’t want to admit. Junk food might give you a sugar high for a little while. But it in no way can take the place of an emotional black hole. So I can now work on sorting my mental state out. Without the junk. It’s only been a couple days. But if this works, it will be my single greatest accomplishment since I’ve started working out.
