But I’ve scheduled exercise in and every day, I find myself pushing as hard as I can.  I’m proud to be able to say that because with regards to my schedule, I see how easy it is for me to say "I don’t have time"

I just had to say that aloud.  Go me

…back to work

The whole fitness world is not new to me at this point.  I feel like I’ve been in the spot for a large majority of my young adult life.  I wouldn’t say its a lack of trying .. I do my workouts - I push through the pain I get sometimes (like today’s lower back issues.. wtf was THAT?)

I don’t know if its lack of motivation or that I see food the way one might see drugs but I am deeply unsatisfied with my lack of progress which is in direct relation with my nutrition.

So far, what I’ve realized is I have never really successfully lost weight with the protein/carbs diets.  Many-a-time I would strike out because I found myself insatiably hungry.  Low-carb dieting has brought me success in the past but its almost like I am incapable of doing that now because my stress level is so high every day
I thought if maybe I got a partner or something that might help.  I swear if I were hooked up to a machine that showed my stress levels, you’d see them flatline as soon as I had some sugar or bread.

I thought alot about this.  I don’t have a vice.. Exercise was it but with my nutrition out of wack, I don’t have the energy I need.  I hate that this post claws with desperation but its my honest to God predicament..if I don’t figure something out, I’ll never break out of this.

What really gets to me is the level of seriousness I would LIKE to be at with this whole thing and the "beginner like" issues I’m battling.

I’m not even going to go into the extent to which it affects my life.

All I know is I don’t want to see 2009 at the same weight and same level of disatisfaction.

Anyone have any real world advice as to how I can successfully get back into a serious nutrition makeover?

But lower body?

Whenever I get as gung ho as I have this week, life is just miserable for a few days after.  Its strange because its such a fine line.  I like to push - I like to see how far I can go and I’ll execute these exercises.  But since my apt is on the second floor and my school campus ground sprawls bc its so huge, I’m never ‘moved’ to work them as hard as I know I can.

Come to think of it, how sore is ok?  I know I can’t be the only one who thinks being sore means I really DID something at the gym

But just how much is too much?

Courtesy of my iPod Touch, I was able to buy and download a new soundtrack and I worked that room with every ounce that I had.  No matter how awful my mood prior to class, I always feel so happy and alive once its over.  Right after kickboxing, I teach Ab Lab, a half hour long ab class and it too was a big success.  I’m just surprised that people hurt as bad as they do

THEN I find out today that Athletic Training is a major offered in my school.  AND though I am pre-med, majority of the classes I need to take for med school is required by this major.  Its a health science major and its a challenge to get in but a double major B.S in Psychology and Athletic Training?

*faints*

I feel inspired for my own fitness and the fitness of those who come to my class.  And yes, they tell me they wish I taught more *smile*  I even got a GREAT compliment tonight.. "You have such a great voice and attitude for this stuff"

And to think earlier today I felt so flat because I felt uninspired…

What a blessing

I can’t wait til morning.  I get to hit the gym and work upper body and see this cute trainer accidently on purpose.  Not Mr. Beautiful (he quit remember)

I shall call this one Abercrombie (it’s what I see) and he’s really friendly, pretty awesome, and finds me to be insanely entertaining.  It doesn’t hurt that I burned nearly 500 cals on teh elliptical while talking to him the entire time in 45 min.  He just stood there and laughed the whole way through.  And just to be clear, he’s not my trainer.  LOL but he DID say he’d like to work for me when I launch my lil’ business in ‘09 with the personal training thing I’ll be doing.

UGH what a great way to end a day..

…ugh.. I have to go do Chemistry homework now

:(

whatevs.  Later people!

I was thinking that this morning as I scarfed down my egg white omelette.  I get that I’ll be doing this everyday and thats fine.  But if it tastes like that tomorrow…  *makes a face*

I forgot about this part.  Eating clean is a challenge enough as it is.  I need zest.  I need spice.  I need Mrs. Dash.

So I’m going to rummage through my cupboards and pull out all the stops.  I’mma call my momma and ask her about that really good spice mix thingie she and grandma used to make when I was a child that was too hard headed to listen to reason and hang in the kitchen to learn how.  I’ll never admit she was right..she told me this day would come.

I’m going to skim through recipes, try some new ideas..

I just like to keep my options open.. I do get bored and as my mother noted since I was a little girl, boredom is detrimental to my mental.

Off to the gym, then to class… Happy Monday people!

So bodybuilders.  They really prepare food in the advance and walk around with coolers?  If I must, I will.  I’ll stop being a brat.. my school campus is insanely large.  In fact, I can park my car on campus and still have to take a bus to class.  Couple that with a couple of science textbooks and a laptop and you tell me how appealing toting around extras like a cooler is

hmm

I’m going to have to find a way.  My nutrition is single handedly the detriment to my progress..I know this, those who have been reading this blog knows it.. its a shame really.

Today I redid my workout schedule and its in the calendar .. what the calendar says goes

I also picked up this month’s Muscle and Fitness but thats because that magazine never fails to charge me up, despite the fact that I’m not a male bodybuilder with biceps the size of your head.

Anyway, its a new week and I don’t really know what a realistic goal would be.  I don’t want to do the lb thing very much. My weight fluctuates between 8-10 lbs.  Thats alot. And it makes me feel like "whatever" if I see it go down.  What would be a consistent, solid measure of success?

Guess its time to poke around the forums and BB.com

Sometimes I feel like keeping quiet

and sure. Perhaps I’ll have nothing earthshattering to say

But I’m going to be blogging more because it helps me.  Its a tool I haven’t actually given its fair share of credit.

Its 2 pm the next day.. My brother-in-law is off ..about to start training to become a Marine. My stomach’s churning but I fully support him and his desire to change his life.  I love my family…

I’m back home now, after seeing everyone.  They were thrilled to see me <3 and I was thrilled to see them.  But there also was a lot of private swearing going on in my mind to complete what I started earlier this year.  I couldn’t help but wonder despite my fabulous outfit (smile) if I looked ‘worse’ than when they last saw me soon after the funeral.
Its not fun feeling like you’ve been doing the whole exercise/diet thing and not have much to show for it.  I want to get to that level I set for myself

So yes.  You’ll be seeing more of me.  Because I’m done feeling bad about being in the skin I’m in and am happy that I have the opportunity to still make my goal before the yr ends.

*exhales*

Here we go again

For the entire month of September, I have slipped into horrendous eating behaviors.  I HAVE been working out so I didn’t gain weight.  In fact, I’m looking ok however I’m not feeling as great as I did when I ate properly.

My classes, my obligations, whoa.  I went from having free days to catching up on my sleep on weekends.  I am thriving though with the new schedule.  I don’t feel as depressed as I used to.

I do have a new goal though.  Yesterday I went into that fridge of mine and cleaned up shop.  The right foods are back in.

This year, Dec 22, it would have been my husband’s 24th birthday.  I can’t believe the time sped the way it did.  I will most likely be with his family that day.  My goal is to wear something special that day in my notably fitter body and take a bunch of pictures with the family.  That day means alot to me.  Its right before Christmas.  The first year we were together, he came to visit during those days.. I was the happiest woman on earth.  New Years, he proposed.

I can’t get those days back..

But in my own way, I want to spend his day with him, feeling just as beautiful as I did when he was alive.

I gave this alot of thought.  I don’t want another year to end with me wishing I looked different.

There are also alot of contingencies in the air .. thats a whole other blog post.  Anyway that’s where I’m at.

I don’t care how tough this gets.  To date, I’ve survived some real bullsh*t.  I need this.

Stay tuned

This morning I wanted a clean top so I saw this one and threw it on.. and then I realized

It fit perfectly.

IT FIT PERFECTLY!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you can’t tell, I am quite excited about this bit of news.  I thought I was the one human being exempt from the blessings of change for a moment.

I am on the right track!  YAHOOO!!!

*grin*

Now I’m taking my sexy self to the gym before class.  LOL later!

My ab class was pretty successful too   They all left saying it was really intense but fun and it felt good to hear that.  All I could think about is "how do I get better"

I really care about the quality of all that I do. Maybe thats why I get so frustrated with me body for not looking the way I expect it to.

I’m thinking I need a more intense regimen in the weight room.  I can handle it and plus I don’t know if I’m in a plateau or what but I want to be the shrinking instructor that looks different by the end of the semester

Honestly?  My dream?

To start 2009 with a completely different body.

I don’t want another year to begin with "this time I’ll do it"

I want an "I did it!"

I’m no slacker and I KNOW this can happen for me.  I just need to fill in the blank.  What am I missing?

Just so you know - my regimen looks like this now

Mondays - upper body workout, 45 min boxing drills, 20 min run.  Instruct 30 min ab class
Tuesday - Instruct 1 hr kickboxing, 30 min abs

Wed.  - lower body workout, 45 min boxing drills, 20 min run

Thursday - HIIT on Elliptical 30 min

Friday - upper body workout, 45 min boxing drills, 20 min run

Saturday - 1-1.5 hr cardio machines

Sunday - rest.

Thats what I do.  And I just started low carbing again.. I’m feeling fine.  No weakness or any of that so perhaps by the end of next week I should be loving my reflection <3

Not that I don’t love it now

The mystery that is my body.  Anyway, gotta get back to studying!