Here’s to (JE)Mi!

Be proud of me today.  I started my morning with CHAMP on my mind.  With that came a written meal plan that I (almost) followed to a tee.  Ok - it was all good until my little splurge with the Go Lean Crunch.  It’s just so.. good..

Ok I won’t do that again.  I don’t have much room for error if I’m supposed to get off a plane looking hot accidentally-on-purpose in one month.

It was me versus the denim mini today.  Since I have full intentions of pulling it off AND taking a pic to share with you all, eating properly wasn’t as tough as I had assumed it would be.

Good thing because my workout today was damn impressive.  Ok so 400 cals in 30 min on the elliptical (using intervals), another 100 on the (damn) stair mill and about an hour in the weight room.  My pushups were of perfect form - I did 30 and they were damn good

I messed with the free weights today.  I usually hate dealing with them only because so many people are usually in my way. So I solved that by going to gym even earlier.  I plan to be there no later than 7 am tomorrow.  12.5 lbs isn’t tough for me anymore.  C’mon.  You can say it.  I’m a beast.

lol I’m encouraged by the discipline I acted with today.  I wanted to stop my workout a couple of times but I pushed through and the high was worth it.

Tomorrow will be even better.  There isn’t much cereal left anyway and I *promise* I won’t buy more.

I’ve got HIIT cardio in the AM, kickboxing in the evening.  *smile*  I’m gunna make it!

It’s late in the day on Sunday and I’m here listening to Usher croon (the song Before I Met You.. just in case you want to know what’s making me melt into a puddle of JEMiMush)

I *did* take a progress pic and its printed and up on my fridge next to the other two.  I am disappointed - yes - but not defeated.  I was looking over my workout journal and its clear that I am killing it at the gym.  My nutrition - eh.  I eat everything I’m supposed to but I get the feeling that I need to tweak it a bit and be immaculate with it 6 days of the week.  I think I’ve spotted too much snacking in the form of protein shakes or weird stuff like a wrap..just the wrap itself - not the meal.  Those things add up!  So ok here’s the game plan.

First of all, I only have just under 4 weeks to be happy with where I am.  I’m going to be traveling and the last thing I need is to be sad about where I am physically.

The way I see it, the past four weeks - I’ve developed into someone who is pretty disciplined with going to the gym and I learned alot about nutrition.  So this is going to have to be a game and I’m going to take advantage of everything I can manage to take advantage of.  So this is what the next 2 weeks look like for me (and I promise to post both today’s pic and that day’s pic..   )

Meals 1 - 6

6 am - Myoplex Lite Shake
9 am - Kashi Oatmeal (1 serving, skim milk) and egg whites

12 pm - Turkey Sandwich ( lite wheat bread, stuff in that salad , lean turkey) and 1 apple

3 pm  - Chicken breast and veggies

6 pm - Tilapia (fish) and broccoli

9 pm - Myoplex Lite Shake

If I get in snacky mode and really can’t avoid it, I’ll have an apple, 1 serving dry Kashi Go Lean Crunch (yummm) or 1 yoplait lite (100 cals)

How does that look?  Looks good to me … I tried to make sure I have protein + carbs each meal as prescribed by the Body for Life program.  My diet will be this or some variation of it all week this week.  I’ll let you know if I’m having trouble complying but usually I am not hungry if I really eat every 3 hours.

I’ll be damned if I don’t see SOMETHING give in 2 weeks.

I’m going tip hunting.  lol "JEMi:  Locked and Loaded"    << that’s what just crossed my mind

Today I called the Body for Life Customer Support number because I am a customer in need of moral support.

I was two seconds away from hacking my scale in itty bitty pieces.  AND a complimentary stomping temper tantrum.  But I am a lady with decorum.  So instead, I am here to wail about my weight woes.  Looking at my workout log, I have been logging stuff in since April 21, 2008 and yes I’ve been working pretty hard.

I wasn’t eating BADLY before but I am definitely on a program with the Body for Life regimen.  It’s like my brain won’t accept words like "You may seem to experience a stall for a while" and "Throw out your scale.  It’s a liar."

I expected to shed weight like a Hollywood starlet.  Damn you tabloids that I sometimes sneakily read.

So I think there’s something I need to learn.  I need to stop putting my life on hold for the weight.  As some of you may have already observed, I’m a pretty hard on myself.  I hold myself to a high standard for all that I do and my weight has been the bane of my existence.  I’m not interested in struggling with my weight anymore.  I’m not interested in harboring a daily guilt or fighting to stay so positive because my negative self talk is THAT present.

I’m interested in smaller clothes and shopping sprees, new confidence, happiness with self.. etc.  Some days I’ve got the confidence thing.  However, I am working so that it can stay.

Know that I am concentrating.  My next project?  A bunch of meal hacks for college chicks who don’t feel like cooking this summer.  (That would be me.)

It is Day 22 Week 4 on the Body for Life program.  Suffice it to say, I poke, prod, and stare at myself enough to notice changes as small as they may be.  But this morning, pre-workout, I flexed and touched my arm.  What?  What is this firmness?!  Is THIS part of the muscle gains I suspected were creeping up on me?!

*high pitched scream*

And so I flex.  And flex.  And flex some more.

I feel like I tend to gain muscle fairly easily.. Or maybe I feel that way because I love weight training.  It’s the top layer that I need to continue getting rid of.  So I added extra 30 min cardio workouts and 10 min on the stair mill (MURDER she wrote!) daily.  So that makes my Body for Life workouts, kickboxing on Tuesday nights, a few Tae-bo AMPED! workouts and now my daily cardio extras.

That’s alot of work but I’m not as tired as I used to be when I first started so..

Body for Life requires 3 HIIT sessions.  My cardio sessions are calorie burnin’ but not HIIT.  The kickboxing class though…That’s like .. HIIT on crack.

Any way back to my arm.  Particularly my right arm.  I think I’m in love.

*kisses her new guns*

There will be no dealing with me when I reach my goal.

*starts speaking in Arnold accent*

LOVE MEEEE!

:-D

This morning I went into the gym with a decision in mind.  It was something I decided last night. I THOUGHT I made this decision already.  But after this morning’s workout - I beg to differ.

I enjoy weight room stuff.  I don’t know why but I have no problem walking into the weight room - my ponytail high and my curves so real in between the men who are huffing and puffing their way to fitness.  Well.. I’m working on the dumbell section but where the machines are concerned I’m pretty confident.

So why is it I was afraid to go a little heavier?  Grunts and strained faces?  The trembling?  Get outta here!  I love the burn!  Me - Miss Non Athletic has a strain of Sparta up in me!

And so with Spartan resolve, I am competing in the Body for Life thing for real.  I was doing it for real - yes.   But did I think after I submitted the packet I had a shot in hell?  No.  But that conflicts with who I am or am becoming.  I write for InMyHeels.com.  I make it my business to inspire people.  So what’s this half steppin’?

How do I know I won’t get selected in this competition?

I don’t know that.  So you know what?  I’m approaching this with a sense of competition.  And by the way, nothing gives edge to your workout like knowing you have progress pics to take in one more week because in your zealousness you decided you would put them up every two weeks instead of four.  (Too much time in between makes me think I can slack on days that I don’t "feel like it")

So now all of a sudden it’s closer to a game and a lot more fun.  I get points for every good thing I put in my mouth.  Every meal that was according to plan.  Every set that I do to failure.  Every "lil extra" activity I slip into my day.  Every cute video girl face/dance I do in the mirror.  Heh heh heh.

It’s amazing what you can accomplish once you decide you are ready.  If I can get this diet (actually just the way I’ll be eating from now on) into a magic fire burning zone, I’ll be set.  I can’t WAIT to see the new me!

After a horrifying year of tragedy, loss, loneliness, abandonment, depression, knockout after knockout - I feel like working out gave me something I was looking for quite specifically.  It helped me to meet myself and Christ it’s nice to finally meet me.

Allow me to explain.

There is nothing like time to yourself to trap you with your own thoughts, your own flaws, your own everything.  And if you are unhappy, you tend to focus on all the things you CAN’T do.

So imagine the degree of amazement, happiness, and relief when one witnesses herself display strength, develop better habits, and do pushups she didn’t think she could ever do again.

I haven’t reached my transformation yet but there is one happening inside me that is enabling me to continue this entire process.  It’s a MUCH better cycle to be in than the one where you beat yourself up for not being able to do something over and over.

It’s like… weightlifting for the soul

Today I realized that even my "I don’t feel like it"s were no longer the defining factor on if I was going to the gym this morning or not.  I realized that I had developed a habit (that I tried to create all school year!) Is it the anticipation of maybe seeing Mr. Beautiful?  Maybe a touch but lol not really.  I have fallen in love with that sense of accomplishment at the end of each workout.  In fact, if I REALLY don’t feel like going, I go and do the best I can for the mood I’m in and next thing I know - I realize I did well ANYWAY.

So I killed it at the gym this morning.  This goes without saying but I’m sayin’ anyway!

I think this time around it had to do with waking up, stretching, and touching a noticably firmer quad muscle.  Lol I was in love.  Oooh .. muscle!  There is going to be no dealing with me when I’m a hard bodied hottie.  I’ll have to resist touching my limbs in public with such pride.  I’d have to say "I’m not vain!  I swear!  You just don’t know what I had to GO through to GET here"

and indeed.  I am going through the biggest task of discipline, self love, and consistency that I’ve ever had to in my entire life.

But this is about a positive change.  So it’s worth it.  Who knew I had it in me?

Like I said - it’s nice for me to meet me.

Today I did something that I, in my right mind, would never do.  I posted my before pics.  Now try to understand - I am someone who, out of mercy for the world, doesn’t saunter around in swimsuits at pools and beaches because I know I’m a long way off.  But a BodySpace buddy (with nice abs) suggested I put them up on my last blog.  In the very least I was goi to do it once every 4 weeks. To hell with it - once every 2.  I suppose someone who is doing the Body for Life challenge can witness play by play changes..

 That and nothing will make me watch my mouth like having nothing good to post.  So he was right. 

But still am I glad that no one I know personally knows about this yet.  I think.  Yeah, that would suck right now

I think I can use a pep talk right now.  *sigh*  *smile*

I’m going to make it.. just gotta stay focused.  Alright.  I’m back. 

I’m not only making my body over, I’m making over my mind.  It’s heavy lifting - ridding yourself of all the negativity that keeps you back you know?

This is the best gift I could ever give myself.  Thanks guys for having my back

Now.. time for a protein shake.  Lite of course.

Today marks day 14, the conclusion of my second week on the Body for Life Challenge.  Of course I have to hit you guys with the play by play because before I started this Challenge, I sought - in vain mind you - detailed reviews of women like me who completed the Challenge.  I was hungry for more than "It Works!"

I wanted "Ok - Today marks day 14, the conclusion.."

Yeah so I’m doing it myself and maybe it might help someone out there.

The scale is still giving me crazy numbers but thats ok because the only number that matters to me right now is the body fat % which does not lie.   I started at 43.5% bodyfat (I am REALLY ashamed to write that because I’ve never been nearly HALF body fat before!)

That was 2 weeks ago.

I am now at 41.5% and I’m really proud of that.  I am happy that I am at the brink of nearly under 40%.  So you know what I’m going to do right?  Give it ALL I’VE GOT this week. 

Want some observations during this transformation - the week 2 edition?  Of course you do!

Alright here goes -

• Blogging/writing helps alot.  Logging stats helps alot.  I didn’t know I had something to be happy about this morning until I saw that my last update - which was last Sunday - I had a higher body fat percentage.  So even with crazy scales hurting my heart (ok fine, the JEMifat is most likely hurting my heart) I am seriously making progress.  Eeek!  << that was a squeal of excitement.
• Things are SO much easier when you are aiming to do the best at every task you do, one by one.  Each meal is an opportunity for me to win and I tell myself “You are so awesome for this!”.  It really whittles down “bad food, bad girl” talk.  It curbs the cravings because if you’re thinking and acting like a Champ, all of a sudden - you don’t really NEED that ice cream.  Honest!  And trust me, I did not start off as She of Iron Will.
• There are all types of secrets and tips out there for your success!  No really there are!  I would see them and smile and nod.  ‘Uh huh, uh huh - but how do I REALLY lose weight?’.  But when you’re geared for success, you start to see how little tweaks and hacks can drastically improve your chances for success.  It’s madness I tell you!
• Momentum:  Let your exitement snowball!  Sometimes I have to exaggerate my own excitement to myself on days that feel … blah.  But for the most part, seeing my own writing, charts, pics I put up - I mean really guys.  The momentum builds with every X on my calendar, every stat update, every moment I catch myself in the mirror and go *giggle* “ooh!”
• Ride the waves - You know how on bad days, you go and you try and a so so workout just comes out?  Fine!  At least you went!  But the days that you feel awesome?  Oh you crank it out.  You crank it out like .. like someone is paying you or.. like your life depends on it.  You ride the waves and catch the highs and make them pay you so that the down days, you can afford for your best to be only a so-so of a high day.  One of these days, you look back and realize those so-so’s are still great.  Why?  Because you still made it work for you.
• Ok, seriously? Plan your day.  Saying this is like pulling teeth for me because I read this SO much but WHO wants to go through the drama of PLANNING stuff?  .. I do.  It totally beats the drama of feeling fat.  And when you look at your plans and see that you did it - it feels SO good!  Not only that - you made it possible to win because YOU have a strategy!  I promise you this is golden
• Don’t be discouraged.  This is a tip I will have to read over - I’m sure.  People say it but you think “Yeah..you don’t know what it’s like right now”.  But think about it - every time you win - every meal, every workout, every moment of rest, every plan - if you think like that “Yes.. more points for me”, not only does it make you feel better longer, you KNOW that even if you can’t SEE the success right now, you are sticking to the plan.  The plan that you KNOW works.  In Body for Life, there is all this proof and even though 12 weeks feels long NOW, it’s nothing in comparison to how unhappy I’ve been with my body and circumstances.

Yes.  I got all of this in 2 weeks.  And I am sure I will find more.  

Do you have any tips for me?  Things that worked for you?  Because I will greedily happily take them.  I’m here to win - how ’bout you? 

So I was kicking it with the 10 lbs dumbbells today because 12.5 was no where to be found and whaddaya know.  The hammer curls with 10 doesn’t feed me vein-popping strenuous work anymore!  Ok I exaggerate - it wasn’t SO bad but I def. used to feel it

And now its in the range of what 5 lbs used to be for me.

In unrelated news, this trainer that I ogle from afar came to help me today.  He always offers his help, which - little does he know - I would completely cash in on if I weren’t too busy hiding from him High School Crush Style.

He taught me how to perform deadlifts.  I hate deadlifts though I need them to strengthen my lower back.  But was I going to deny the help of Mr. Beautiful?  What for?

And so I did the deadlifts.  I did them better than I could ever imagine.  Its my new favorite exercise to hate and no, not because The Trainer stood there and emanated man beauty my way.

Nutritionally speaking, I am doing well.

Comfort food isn’t so comforting anymore.

I remember willing myself to want the processed crap I used to eat simply because I was having a bad day.  But you know what I craved?  An apple.  WHAT is that?!

I suppose somehow I have developed good habits but golly!  It’s weird because if food used to be my vice and I don’t use that anymore - how I’m I supposed to hit the emergency red button on a bad day?

What?  What is that you say?

Go for a run?!

I’m getting there but I’m not there yet! 

Alright.  Time for me to go drop somewhere in my exhaustion.  Toodles!

Cripes!  I just walked in from, by far, the most intense class I’ve had this year and you know what? 

 I killed it!

 The high that I get from pushing through what feels like IMPOSSIBLE for an HOUR at that -  *shivers* 

I am becoming a strong woman everyday that passes by.  A stronger woman who sleeps alot harder and a lot longer - these twice a day workouts are giving me a run for my money.

Guess what else?

-  I received the materials from ACSM.  I am going to begin studying for that personal training certification starting tonight

-  I registered for the kickboxing certification class.  Thats right - I will be teaching the very thing that beats me mercilessly (and I love it.  What does THAT say?!)

-  Body for Life just published a Champions book that has brought me back into focus.  I went into Barnes and Nobles with the full intention of freeload reading it but I ended up buying it.  Why?  I had to have it.  Its that good.

-  I’m bring sexy back.  Yes.  This is news.

I feel so awesome, feeling all pro with my protein shake as I write this.  I love this site - my readers are awesome, my abductor burns and I give myself a few more moments before I drop like a fly.  I have carpet so it wont hurt too badly if it comes upon me narcoleptic style

Keep up the awesome work BodySpace Buddies!