Here’s to (JE)Mi!

Last night I spoke to a girlfriend of mine who I lost touch with for a while.  She was talking about our younger days when we used to make music in my room.  I had learned how to record vocals on different tracks and since I can write music, I would have fun with instrumentals creating all types of music.  I am not a singer…well some people would beg to differ.  Alright, I’m no Beyonce but I can hold a pretty note So can she.  So we used to work on music for days at a time and she was pointing out how gross we got because night and day - no shower, barely any food, and controlled bathroom breaks just to get the music and harmonies just right.  We came back for air when we were done.

Thats how I am.   She reminded me of that when I was talking about my disappointment with my weight.  She said "You know what - I know you feel bad now but we all know that when you’re ready to focus, that s*** is out of this world.  You just make things happen on some next level"

That observation startled me.  Someone else noticed that I think big, aim high, and go hard.  I woke up this morning and it was like.. something clicked.  It was as though I woke up on the other side of me.

I may be overweight now but I love to work out.  I love to feel good about what I’m eating.  Schools about to start.  I have priviliges now that I didn’t have years ago and it’s time I take advantage of them.

Today I hit the gym starting with 10 minutes jumping my weighted Nike rope, then 30 minutes hitting the bag, then plyometrics like squat jumps (damn!  I love those - they’re work), lunges, squats, pushups, crunches, and the stair mill.  It was awesome.  I could see some progress.  My form is naturally improving and I give each exercise all of my attention.

I’m focused.  I have to make some big things happen.  Thanks girl for that reminder that I so desperately needed.

The damning thing about me trying to lose weight is how I never know when the "weight loss" kicks in.  I work hard in the gym.  Cardio and weight room.  I stay away from the ‘crap’ and bad foods.  I think.. I don’t know anymore.

I weigh in at 202.5.  What is that?  How is my weight HIGHER than when I started at 195?  And it can’t be muscle unless the body fat percentage is just broken on my scale.

This is the s*** that makes me want to quit but.. I can’t quit.  I won’t.  But damn it.

I was talking to a childhood friend.  We saw each other a few weeks ago and she was really sweet about it but I could here the pity.. the ‘trying to be nice’ about the weight gain.  And you can say its in my head but I know my friend bless her heart.

School starts this week.  My regimen is here.. I hit the gym 7 am every day (except Tuesdays).  I teach a kickboxing class Tuesday evenings.  I’m excited about that.

I think I’m going to lower my carb count because even though I read all this stuff about it ( do it, don’t do it ) It works for me.  I’m not comfortable in my skin right now and that really sucks.  It hurts on a very regular basis to be unhappy with what you’re working with.

I want to be happy   So this week I’m going to go hard with that nutrition of mine as well as work it hard at the gym.  This time next week, I want to be smiling about my noted progress.  Thats the goal.

*back to work*

I LOVE the workout high after killin’ it in the gym!

I felt so amazing even though my arms were killing me from attacking the boxing bag song after song.  My jump roping is improving…

How could I ever stop doing this?!

Damn inconsistencies .. this is what I want on a regular basis.  Yesterday SUCKED motivation wise until I saw Christina’s profile and progress.  She really inspires me

Anyway I got up this morning a little crabby but then decided that I wanted a good day.  So I got dressed and hit the gym and it worked.  I feel good and when I feel good, I can tackle my world.

:)

*  I hate mountain climbers, squat thrusts, those push-through-pushups-across-the-room-and-bac
k stuff.  Maybe because I’m not that flexible yet.  Whatevs- I still find myself wanting to do them more and more because I hate sucking.

*  My Wed. Boot Camp class is my favorite new class that I love to hate..until its done.  I stream profanities in my mind through the hardest things (usually 1st 20 min) but then leave feeling so amazing.

*  I can’t wait til I have abs that the world can see.  I don’t care how nice everyone thinks I am.  I will write TOUCH IT across them in black marker and post them on MySpace in all my jerkness

*  Ever since I moved here, I laid my eyes on - we shall call him- Cute Guy who works mornings at the drugstore right outside my home.  Over the year, we’ve chummied up and I dare say we’re becoming friends.  He’s so a legitimate reason to make my 7 AM workouts.  You know.. after I buy a bottled water or something.

*  I save such musings behind my very friendly smile.

*  I started running again.  It hurts.  I have to remember this is the conditioning and it won’t always be like this.  Besides.  Those Pearl Izumi ads hurt my feelings.
*  You can really see the bad-@$$ in me when I hit the boxing room

*  I am recovering from a loss.  Part of me feels guilty for feeling better.  Part of me pushes hard because I know he’d be proud of me.  Part of me is doing my best to love my single time and do lots with it.  Part of me wants someone to love again.  All of me can’t settle for any less than that.

*  I wanted to be the Fit girl all my life.  I have a Dec. 31 goal to look notably different from what I look like today.  I refuse to see another New Year and Birthday (in Feb.) wishing I made it this time around.

*  I sometimes get angry at myself for being overweight.  Reprogramming negative habitual thinking is hard work but I’m getting there.

*  I know I said I’m not going to date for now.  But beautiful men make me happy

*  So do compliments, no matter how small.  No really - if you pay attention, you might see a pep in my step.

*  My best friends know this oh so well and point out my grin.

*  I fight with secretly thinking that I will fail all the great things I want to accomplish.  But I’m learning that if average is not what I want, I don’t have to be stuck with that.  My fitness is a huge beacon of proof of that for me.

*   My body is begging to slip back into bad habits.  Every craving I push through, every run I endure, and every damn pushup I embrace, I taste my success.  Thats right.  I have little parties in my world about all of these things.  Sometimes thats the only way I make it through.

* Nike ads and attire totally sell me on their marketing. I want to look streamlined and fit in those cute workout clothes.  I am sheep.  Baaaa.
*  I cannot WAIT for that shopping spree.

last but not least

* I don’t do revenge.  I believe God deals with those who hurt others.  But if I’m just a little bit wrong for lusting after the day certain individuals from the past happen upon the fit new (and still sweet) me just so they can kick themselves (especially after their saccharine apologies which come so cyclically never sway me.. ever.. again)… so be it.  I’ll be a little bit wrong and I’ll love every second of it.  Silently of course.

*smile*

My body aches.  I’ve been giving it all that I’ve got in the gym and you know what?  My world feels right again.  There is no way for me to half @$$ it into my dream body.  It just doesn’t work.  I can’t "sorta" diet and my workouts don’t work out if I’m not giving it my all.

Today’s kickboxing class showed no mercy and I’m ok with that.  I felt strong and sexy because I just like the way I look when I’m a big sweaty mess.  All I need to do is keep doing what I’m doing.

I made a friend at the gym and she’s going hard at it too.  We have similar goals and we both love working really hard.  People like that encourage me to keep at it.  It’s why I love BodySpace too

I find myself looking forward to the next day just so I can get back at it.  I’d say thats progress.

heh.  *sips a protein shake*

So today I was looking over my workout journal and thinking about how I was feeling this summer.  I’m getting bored.  I love my weekly kickboxing class and just added a bootcamp class to it (which kicked my @$$ and I LOVED it!)

But the elliptical thing.. it’s killing me.  I love and hate challenges. So I decided to take a new one.  I’ve decided to dust off my Nike Plus and start running again.  When I took it up last year, I hated life until the runs got longer and easier   I would feel so accomplished.. I would get into a ‘zone’ where life was all mine.  It felt good and I want that back.  I feel like with all thats about to enter my life with school and my writing for www.InMyHeels.com .. my internship, all of that - I need to feel "fine tuned" like I did when I used to run.

Do be prepared for my b*tching though.  Starting is always the absolute hardest part haha

I’m headed to the gym.  I’m going to channel my "inner Bolt"

The Olympics

I never really got into it before but this year it was different.  And so I started following a few days ago.  There is a lot of attention on Michael Phelps and with good reason.  I just watched him win his 8th gold medal.  That **** is amazing.  AMAZING.

I swelled up with such pride as they played the national anthem

I don’t even know HOW to swim lol! 

But I was deeply inspired, following Phelps and his progress.  The interviews and all that.  I get it now - why people love athletes and the inspirational stories that come with ‘em.

I am honestly flabbergasted.  In complete awe and it’s funny how someone I’ve never met/heard of before made such a strong impact.

Phelps’ wins are a fine look at where hard work and dedication will get you.

*smile*

Congrats to him and GO USA!

You know, this eating well thing isn’t so bad.

One of my struggles was eating earlier during the day - my appetite kicks in around 3 to 4 pm but not only does that hurt my energy, it throws my entire master plan off course

So I decided to not only eat earlier, I was going to find a way so that it wouldn’t be such a drag.  With the Food Network on as background noise, I spent some time in my kitchen making food in *Wait for it* … advance.

Ok ok so this is something some of you already do.  But I just never got into it.  I look at all the salad I have and figure ehh.. not so hard to put together.  Til it’s time to eat and I don’t feel like it so I skip it.  Yea…I’m ridiculous

As I type this, I am having a really yummy salad I made.. in advance.. and so I’m eating right on time.  My body aches - my legs curse me for my lower body workout last night and it’s a beautiful thing.

There are all sorts of little hacks to make the road to transformation easier - the thing is you have to want it bad enough to look for them.  As I find them, I get more excited because thats just one more thing to make my life easier and my bod hotter

Things like adding new music to my iPod - which took my workout to a whole new level last night

and cooking batches of food in advance

My Poland Spring sparkling water with a twist of lemon just makes me happy

calorie slashing - finding ways to keep the taste great without all the drama on your waistline

*smile* This alone is a bit of success for me and boy does it taste good

I told you guys I have issues with the late afternoon/night and the munchies.  All I can think about right now is how convenient everything I should NOT be eating is located in my area.  An open.  With no lines.

I don’t have any of that stuff in the house.  I figured out of sight, out of mind right?

Lies.

I’m thinking about a beef burrito rrrright now.

But I’m blogging this thought out loud because I’m at war with my bad habits.  I really want to lose the weight.  Today I practiced running my kickboxing class in front of the mirror and even though I have a ways to go with my weight, I looked fierce.  Confident.  I want to go hard this month so that when school starts, I feel good about what I’ve done with my time.

So I’m not giving in.  I’m writing and will be blog surfing because you know what?

Failing is no longer an option.
Oh look! A Salad!

Well, sorta

I just came back from the University.  I met up with the actual boss/mentor (thats leaving soon *sad face*)  and she showed the ropes for instructing the kickboxing class at school this fall.  The music is the easy part for me since I find it difficult to operate off beat.  I hear that its going to be a full house - the students tend to come to this class.  I’m not nervous or anything (but we’ll see how my first day goes haha)

She gave me a couple of cds to work with/practice with and I see her tonight for our Tues kickboxing classes.

I’ve also got the internship for the fitness center.  Look at me guys lol - I’m submerging into the fitness world - hungry for knowledge!

I’m almost sure I’ll be really good at this.  Almost pretty sure.  I’m pleasant and can be high energy sooooo *smile* YES!

Also- last night I made friends with one of the trainers at my gym and after telling him I plan to start training, he told his manager (who was innocently passing by lol).  The manager seemed to be really interested in hiring me - but ok, lets get the certification thing out of the way first

He also spoke about Mr. Beautiful. It was terrible because I couldn’t even hide my smile and blush.  I’m like.. Miss Obvious.. it was quite something.  Amused, he suggested we call him in which I shrieked NO! … and swore him to secrecy.  Ok, after some pleading.  I’m weirded out because I’m not usually this girlish.  Ok I’m pretty girly but I can usually handle myself when I see hot guys.  I guess I can differentiate who I take an actual liking to (thats right, just because someone’s cute doesn’t mean I want them!) and it’s been awhile since I was actually really interested in someone I randomly met.  A very very long while.
*smile* another day.  I’m fasting from men right now lol - I need to focus on certain goals and I can’t have anyone flipping my world upside down.  I find young twenty-something guys to be quite fickle.  So yeah.. let’s not do that right now.

Anyway I’m enjoying life - pretty happy today.  I ache all over because I did some boxing last night in addition to my upper body workout and life sucking experience on the stair mill.

*Smile* all in a days work.  I am so back in the groove.