Here’s to (JE)Mi!

My bad day had turned into a bad few days and so for the 1st time in 5 weeks, working out 6 days a week, I missed 2 workouts.  The critic in me wants to scold me hard for it but she can’t gather the nerve because I suppose I really needed the time out.

However, I am thankful that I am not letting 2 days turn into 2 weeks.  And as far as eating poorly?  Comfort food isn’t that comforting to me at this point (dammit/thank goodness).  I ended up making myself sick eating stuff I don’t usually eat for the principle of wallowing.  (I like to be official).  My body was like "Wtf?"  I couldn’t enjoy potato chips or fried chicken.  Ice cream.. yes, that I could and it was good.

But it’s crystal clear to me that I HAVE turned eating healthy into a lifestyle.  That and how uncool is it to think "how many grams of sodium, fat, and processed fillers are in this bite?  And this one?"

…  I know.. I need a better way to handle things.  So I write this before what will be a very intense session at the gym.  And I can’t believe I’m saying this..ohhh who am I kidding.  I can’t wait to ache!

This was a learning experience.  I do love the health/fitness lifestyle and I see nothing sexy about being bloated with junk food (I HATE that feeling!)

I also learned that my love for cookie dough ice cream will never wane and that’s ok.

*sigh* I may be on my own and I may be starting over from the top (my life, not the diet/exercise thing) but I’mma be ok.

Who else thinks they’re cute with a swishing ponytail and buckets of sweat?  I know it’s not just me.

I just finished my AM workout - my usual hour and a half and I was in the boxing room again this morning.  There are mirrors all over the place and I can see myself with great form knocking the crap out of that bag, jumping rope (weighted - ooooh) and squats.  I am notably stronger and fitter than I used to be.  I catch myself looking to push harder and harder.

And with that thought process, I felt a great deal of satisfaction.  I am going to be one of those super fit people.  I have no intentions of quitting, I try to be careful so I don’t injure myself, I’m eating properly..

I’ll be able to look back at this summer as the summer I changed my life.  That feels good.  I guess I AM tougher than I realized..

A bonus?  A girl I saw at kickboxing yesterday spoke to me this morning and told me she was really impressed with me in class the night before.  Something about me going really hard and being tough.

Me.. the girl with the cutesy wutesy smile lol.

Oh - and when I spotted Mr. Beautiful, it totally made my morning.  I lied.  When he came OVER to say hello - THAT totally made my morning.  You don’t know how hard it is not to hop off the elliptical and into his arms saying "BABY!!!" ..  Luckily for me, I practice decorum and I flipped a nonchalant "oh hey!" without removing my headphones.

Lord help me if he EVER stumbles upon this blog.

I left the gym for the 2nd time today post kickboxing class.  We got to use equipment tonight and I realized that my mood drastically improved after managing that intensity for one full hour.  I’ve been having a pretty bad day - feeling really lonely, sad, angry, pessimistic - you name it.  My energy was pretty low and I was feeling unproductive and rather sorry for myself.. and yet both this morning when I kicked my butt into the gym at 7 am and tonight.. I realized that exercise has become my vice of choice.  I think I’m hooked.
Most people don’t know this but I fight clinical depression (the onset was a sudden death) ..and it’s a weird dynamic because I am a natural optimist.  I love to smile, empower people, and everything.  I think my treatment does affect my body but by no means do I receive a happy pill.  Since I don’t really drink, I don’t dabble with any type of narcotics, don’t smoke, and am pretty much on my lonesome, I had no vice until I really got into working out.

It doesn’t hurt that I want to get into the best shape of my life..

I also desperately want to start over but you can’t just dump your past and grief in a basket…

Anyway sorry if this seems scattered.. I’m coming off my post exercise high and am thinking of hitting the boxing room tonight.  I have way too much energy still and I’m pretty sad here at home.  At least at the gym if a dude wants to "awww" my pink boxing gloves, I can punch him in the nose make friends.

People swear I have millions of friends when in truth I don’t know anyone out here!  Not a soul..

Sometimes I think about getting into dating (which I sort of hate but I hate being lonely this long even more) but when I look at personals and see things like "No BBWs" or "You must be fit because fat people suck" or something, I wonder what classification I fall under and wonder if I am then officially chopped liver.  I don’t get it.. I know I’m a great girl with tons to offer. I know I clean up well and can be a sexy lil’ thing. So I don’t have abs of steel yet.  So what.  I will and then I won’t want you because you thought I was chopped liver before.  It’s a lose/lose situation.

*sigh*

Anyway here’s to better days…

I’m chasing my best life even during days like this when it kinda sucks.  Back to the gym.

Be proud of me today.  I started my morning with CHAMP on my mind.  With that came a written meal plan that I (almost) followed to a tee.  Ok - it was all good until my little splurge with the Go Lean Crunch.  It’s just so.. good..

Ok I won’t do that again.  I don’t have much room for error if I’m supposed to get off a plane looking hot accidentally-on-purpose in one month.

It was me versus the denim mini today.  Since I have full intentions of pulling it off AND taking a pic to share with you all, eating properly wasn’t as tough as I had assumed it would be.

Good thing because my workout today was damn impressive.  Ok so 400 cals in 30 min on the elliptical (using intervals), another 100 on the (damn) stair mill and about an hour in the weight room.  My pushups were of perfect form - I did 30 and they were damn good

I messed with the free weights today.  I usually hate dealing with them only because so many people are usually in my way. So I solved that by going to gym even earlier.  I plan to be there no later than 7 am tomorrow.  12.5 lbs isn’t tough for me anymore.  C’mon.  You can say it.  I’m a beast.

lol I’m encouraged by the discipline I acted with today.  I wanted to stop my workout a couple of times but I pushed through and the high was worth it.

Tomorrow will be even better.  There isn’t much cereal left anyway and I *promise* I won’t buy more.

I’ve got HIIT cardio in the AM, kickboxing in the evening.  *smile*  I’m gunna make it!

It’s late in the day on Sunday and I’m here listening to Usher croon (the song Before I Met You.. just in case you want to know what’s making me melt into a puddle of JEMiMush)

I *did* take a progress pic and its printed and up on my fridge next to the other two.  I am disappointed - yes - but not defeated.  I was looking over my workout journal and its clear that I am killing it at the gym.  My nutrition - eh.  I eat everything I’m supposed to but I get the feeling that I need to tweak it a bit and be immaculate with it 6 days of the week.  I think I’ve spotted too much snacking in the form of protein shakes or weird stuff like a wrap..just the wrap itself - not the meal.  Those things add up!  So ok here’s the game plan.

First of all, I only have just under 4 weeks to be happy with where I am.  I’m going to be traveling and the last thing I need is to be sad about where I am physically.

The way I see it, the past four weeks - I’ve developed into someone who is pretty disciplined with going to the gym and I learned alot about nutrition.  So this is going to have to be a game and I’m going to take advantage of everything I can manage to take advantage of.  So this is what the next 2 weeks look like for me (and I promise to post both today’s pic and that day’s pic..   )

Meals 1 - 6

6 am - Myoplex Lite Shake
9 am - Kashi Oatmeal (1 serving, skim milk) and egg whites

12 pm - Turkey Sandwich ( lite wheat bread, stuff in that salad , lean turkey) and 1 apple

3 pm  - Chicken breast and veggies

6 pm - Tilapia (fish) and broccoli

9 pm - Myoplex Lite Shake

If I get in snacky mode and really can’t avoid it, I’ll have an apple, 1 serving dry Kashi Go Lean Crunch (yummm) or 1 yoplait lite (100 cals)

How does that look?  Looks good to me … I tried to make sure I have protein + carbs each meal as prescribed by the Body for Life program.  My diet will be this or some variation of it all week this week.  I’ll let you know if I’m having trouble complying but usually I am not hungry if I really eat every 3 hours.

I’ll be damned if I don’t see SOMETHING give in 2 weeks.

I’m going tip hunting.  lol "JEMi:  Locked and Loaded"    << that’s what just crossed my mind

I have some exciting news to share   I just bought the domain name for my personal training business because I know, for a fact, I will succeed and excel.  And so I figured since I love to blog and stuff ANYWAY - it would be virtually unnatural for me to not have a site to offer potential and current clients.

It’s going to be interactive and fun, pretty and info filled.  That way, even if someone isn’t training with me, they will learn   I’m really into helping out/motivating and I know my success story will only help my cause.

I am taking my own advice of operating from the end.  I won’t be giving it out right now.. just working on it and building info on it.   But knowing that this is the business that I working toward and building with expectations of success - it just takes me to another level. I love to learn and have been soaking information up on fitness, nutrition, and business.  I love to talk about it, I never get bored and I can really see myself doing this.
I feel deeply inspired by my experience yesterday.  I also feel deeply inspired by members on this site and Oxygen Mag   Did you know that people at the gym has started asking me for help?  It must be that they see me there so much

I’m always happy to help.

Me and my imagination - my vision for my personal training thing has developed and my goals are concrete as opposed to "eh.. you know.. I’ll eventually do it"

I even have official colors.  Isn’t that cool?  I certainly think so lol.
Right now, I am working on the most important client of all   Myself.  And She’s doing so well.  Stay tuned to the Adventures of JEMi!

I am happy to report that my kickboxing certification class was a huge success today.  How do I know?  Well I am playing tug of war with my little 15lb dog Cinnamon and my arms burn.  It was intense.  It was tough.  And I love every moment of it.  I felt so bad@ss and made no secret of it.  *Smile*  I had the instructor as well as the rest of the group laughing a good number of times with my commentary.

You know what the best thing about it is?

This is the first thing in a very long time that I have successfully completed.  I was able to keep up with the super long day/workout and to my amazement, putting gloves on didn’t  slay me.  The pushup/dips combo did.

I own pink boxing gloves from my very short stint with a trainer in my past.  Pink.  And whatever man - I’m going to hit the gym and hit that bag so hard, it’ll hit me back.  Well ok maybe not hit me BACK (whimpers) but you know.  I’ll be doing drills..the jump rope (which I can actually do well and for a LOT longer than I remember!), pushups, dips, punching, kicking..

This will be my early morning workout and I’m going to need the right music..

Best of all, it has renewed my confidence.  If this is me at the brink of 200 lbs, what sorta mess will be going on when I drop most of my weight and continue to condition my body?  Especially since I am completely fascinated and want to be really awesome at it!

I’ll be making cute redheaded boys at GNC hit on me some more.  (I went there today and somehow the man slips that I have a pretty smile and he looks forward to seeing what happens.  Totally made my day.  I am SUCH a girl.)

Whew..that built up lactic acid in my muscles man.. I love it!  It hurts so good and I want more!

*ROAR* .. or something.

:-D  I’m back!

I am plagued with self doubt and this is no small matter.  I know that I work like crazy in the gym.  I push myself and when I catch myself being distracted, I mentally bark at myself like a drill sergeant and get back into gear.  So THAT, I’m confident about.

What I’m not confident about is the nutrition plan.  I think - just being bothered about my weight for so long - I was expecting something a little more obvious by this point.  My 4th week is about to end and I understand - the scale and I have nothing to say to each other.

But still.. I don’t think my inches have budged   Or maybe its because I only measure ’round my belly?  I watch it like a hawk.  It’s a little ridiculous (because the word obsessive is not very attractive is it)

I keep thinking - am I eating incorrectly?  Am I doing something wrong?  I don’t have the same confidence with my nutrition like I had with exercise.

Nevertheless, I have no interest in turning back now.  I am stronger, happier, and on a damn sleep schedule.  I used to suffer the worst bouts of insomnia and my medications haven’t been helping.  Hmm.. medicine.. that can’t be helping my cause.

This morning I rededicated my commitment to my nutrition.  I thought I was doing alright but I want that feeling of satisfaction and confidence that I get when I talk/think exercise.  I can do this.  It’d be nice to stop avoiding most people I know (yes..I know..I’m hard on myself.  I’ve heard).  But in my defense, a few years ago when I DID gain weight (and I weighed less than now!), my best friend who is naturally very thin was so relieved when she saw me lose the weight (which I did by Atkins.. I’ve never successfully lost weight the right way before) and said "Oh my God.. please don’t ever do that again!"

.."What?"  I ask

"Gain all that weight!"

She’s apologized since - I told her that was by far one of my saddest days.  It wasn’t as though I gained the weight on purpose.  I was working around the clock at a gym nonetheless (as a receptionist), nutrition was very poor because I was at the time.. we did the best we could with the money we had - my ex and I.  We lived together.  Man was that educational.

Anyway it confirmed a huge secret fear of mine:  that the people I knew and loved judged me with sadness because I gained weight..and they usually had commentary about it.  I am a super sensitive lil thing when it comes to my weight.  I’ve thought guys were repelled by me for it, that my ex left me for it - even though I never told people my qualms with weight. In fact, there is a rumor going around that I am this confident, positive person!  Well, I am positive and can be confident but not about my size.

Ok pity party is over.  I’m here to work and I guess I wrote this, waving a flag to anyone who knows how I feel and can share tips.

Mind you - I’m headed to a kickboxing certification course.  Like..right now lol!

WISH ME LUCK

I heart you all

• KNOWING I’m about to have an awesome workout before I even start
• Beating a personal best record
• Doing ten pushups more than I thought I could
• Seeing Mr. Beautiful
• Being able to see the future me
• Noticing that I haven’t quit despite a few times that I was discouraged
• The high after a kick@$$ workout
• Feeling my budding muscles
• My legs.  I heart my short shorts.
• My silhouette.  As heavy as I am, I’m pleased with what I have to work with Wait til I drop the extra weight!
• BodySpace and people who read my blog
• Delicious foods that are Legal with my new lifestyle
• Protein shakes that actually taste good.
• Pretending that Mr. Beautiful is chasing me as I leave the gym (I tend to slip out every day) to say something.  Doesn’t matter what.
• My assisted pullups.  I’m getting better!
• Writing all this stuff out
• The good mood I’m seeing more of lately

*smile*

I walked into my gym this morning with my big smile - as usual - and said hello to the elderly gentleman that checks us in during early AM hours.  He’s so nice. Anyway, today a woman - who clearly works out - was already there and he says to her "Here comes Rocky!  So faithful, every single morning!" and she exclaims "Yeah - I’ve seen her!"

It was an unexpected, huge compliment to me.  Apparently a few people notice my (crazed) presence early every morning.  It’s a cool feeling.

So to match my little nickname (tee hee "Rocky") I pushed hard in the weight room.  My chest press today was 110 lbs (my highest point) and I actually felt like I could give it more on a good day.  Note taken!

On the elliptical I pumped out 450 cals in 36 minutes.  I had to stop after that lol.  But I’ve hit 600 days at a time before.  I’ll make my new 500 cals a days goal (yes I know weight training counts.. I just like to see the number 500 look at me!)

*thinks back*

*giggle*  He called me Rocky.  Man I feel good.