sweeth4796’s BodyBlog

So check it out everyone. I am going to put myself out there for some advice. I have been a member here for a while and alot of you already know me. I havent been active lately because I gave up. My weight has always been a battle….i used to eat 1500 cals a day and work out 2 to 3 hours a day mostly cardio…then after losing weight and gaining it back the minute I ate i started lifting weights and doing less cardio. Over the years I have transformed into doing mostly weights and moderate cardio. Which has helped me alot physically. But the thing is….about 8 months ago I got a job at a hospital which is very laborous. I do stock about 6 hours a day and run the floors of the hospital about 5-8 miles a day. Then I would go str8 to the gym and lift and then run 5 miles. I did start eating a little more..1800 cals. But even at 1800 i would get sooo hungry that I had no energy to play with my son or even take a shower. Needless to say…about January i started to get so hungry i would binge and then throw up..binge throw up…over and over and it is a progressive disease. Now heres the kicker….to me eating 3000 calories is a binge which is why i would throw up……..im sure i have binged on more than 3k at times….but just the thought of eating 1 extra piece of bread made me feel like my whole day was ruined so i would throw up. At this moment I am trying desperatley to recover. I am going to therapy and have taken a whole week off from the gym. I think the years of hard working out and not eating enogh cals for my workouts has taken its toll. I havent had a period in 8 months now. The horrible thing is ive gained 10 pounds because I havent let myself throw up…at the same time I havent binged like i would if i was going to throw up….anyway……

I am asking you all to let me know what you think………..I want to tell myself if i am hungry i can eat but its so hard to break that mental block because the minute i eat more than 1700 or 1800 i blow up…..at the same time i know its because my body was starved……although society tells me eating more than 1500 cals a day is eating too much……

so weights 3 x a week….running 3 x a week 30 minutes and hard labor job 5 days a week (walking 5-8 miles a day + lifting over 30 pound boxes) for 6 hours……cals? anyone…..it seems the 100 pound girls eat 2500 and the heavier people eat 1500…im so confused.

its been a week since ive thrown up…..im trying to eat and not think about it but its hard.