I don’t know quite what happened.  If I don’t stay completely on the straight and narrow during the process then I stray fairly easily.  I’m tired of falling off the wagon and tired of being fat and tired of failing constantly.  I have so many reasons to succeed - I don’t know if I am scared of succeeding because then I wouldn’t have an excuse to accept mediocrity anymore.  Or whether I am just so firmly in the belief that I can’t succeed.  Whatever it is, it is going to be one step at a time and I’ll succeed.  I have just bought a swag of new little clothes ready for me to wear out and about with abs and a small butt!!  I have to win!!!

The show is finally onstage and performing now so I can finally get back to some semblance of normality.  I’m looking forward to getting back to the gym on Monday and getting back on my diet properly again.  My body is feeling pretty crappy because of a rotten diet and not enough exercise or sleep.  And yet, I’m getting more compliments over my weight loss since I fell off the wagon!  Figures!!

I feel more in control of my life when I’m training.  Everything just seems to put itself into perspective.  I need some perspective lately.  My team leader at work(the guy I work most closely with) had a really really bad (near fatal) accident a couple of weeks ago and it is still unknown if he will survive as he was very badly burned.  It has thrown my world into chaos and has made me re-evaluate my life and what I consider important.  My life and enjoying what I am doing is now paramount.  Which puts my training in a priority seat.

I’m going to succeed in everything I do from this point on because life is too short to waste any time……

I’m happy about becoming more disciplined with my eating and training.  It’s hard work to get it all done in time to go to rehearsals / work / etc….  I seem to have a little more energy but I really need to work on getting all my water drunk during the day and getting just a little more sleep.  I actually have a night at home tonight, so I’ve gone to the gym, come home and walked the dog, had a shower, had dinner - it’s only 8pm and I could just go to bed right now.

But I’ve mapped out my weight loss goals and by the end of April next year I should be the exact right size.  That’s if I lose one kilo perweek. Well, I’m in for the long haul because I actually want to wear all the cute clothes that I’ve bought myself!!

 Jas contacted me from M & B and I arranged to train with her remotely.  I "started" with her last week.  Unfortunately, I am a person with limited time on my hands.  Between work, theatre and trying to find the time to train, it was going toget way too much.  So I didn’t train.  I did make a half-arsed attempt to begin the diet but didn’t achieve a great deal. 

 Yesterday, I began in earnest to diet and train again.  I’m seeing a difference between the pics from last week and the ones from this week.  I’m feeling a lot more comfortable (it’s not a big thing but it’s nice not to feel nauseous when you bend down to tie your shoes!).  I’m really looking forward to getting back into my size 16 gear that I haven’t been able to wear for about 2 years.  I’ve also bought myself a few little things to inspire me to keep losing.  A little skirt, shorts and a couple of cute tops.  I am desperate to wear cute stuff and know that when I audition for things in the theatre, I can pick and choose rather than the director thinking that although I am a good actor, I’m too big to play the really meaty characters.

It’s come to a head now that I want to do more theatre but can’t do the roles that I know I’d be great in because of my size.  I can’t fit into any of my pretty clothes anymore.  I’m going to Melbourne in 6 weeks but don’t actually have anything to wear because all the gear that I had planned to pack, I can’t get into!

I’m going to keep updating this BodyBlog and BodySpace over the course of my weight loss and muscle gain because this will be a good way for me to remain accountable……..