SEXUAL harassment and the gym
So this old man who comes to the gym every morning and loves to flirt and chit-chat rubs his hands on me the other day. I complained to management and just ignored him whenever I saw him, but let me tell you I was on my guard.
Then, yesterday, he walks by me, looks me up and down and wispers: mmmm lookin good…! Later, I see him copping a feel on this woman while she’s on the stairmaster. "you don’t have to put up with this!" I tell her. She tells me that it’s the 2nd time he feels her up and she’s had it. I again complained to management. Nothing. So, I walk up to him, low-carb RAGE and all, and told him that then next time he lays his dirty old pervert hands on a woman here, I’m calling the cops and they’ll take you away. See you in 3 months! He looked at me like I’m seriously nuts and deranged.
Men from this generation (50s) believe that if you’re a woman(especially in revealing clothing), well I can touch you, why not, I’m a man! Gross! I’ll tell you what bothers me the most about this; management at the gym has yet to offer him a warning. That is so macho. I would love to be part of a gym that both celebrates the beauty and strength of a female BB, but also stands behind them when they are assaulted.
Men, Women….what do you think????
Post by: sparkie
August 1, 2008 at 1:44 pm
Wow. What a jerk. Seriously, I could not see myself doing that. I would be ashamed to have treated a woman like that, no joke.
August 1, 2008 at 1:45 pm
I agree.. Maybe you should just kick his backside…LOL!!
Gym owners should have done something.
August 1, 2008 at 1:51 pm
The first priority for anyone going to the gym is to stay focused and train hard! Through the years, it has been mentioned that some gyms are "meat markets" and more women are switching to women only gyms to feel comfortable. A gym is a place to relax, workout and not to socialize, gossip or stare at women. I would have to be honest in saying that there are some wonderful and beautiful women at my gym, however I treat them with respect and let them take care of their business. We need to be courteous of one another and respect each other’s space. Have a great weekend and keep up the good work spakie….
August 1, 2008 at 1:51 pm
I applaud you for taking the action that you did. Many women would have just quit going to that particular gym no matter how it affected their fitness goals.
I must disagree with you about one thing you wrote, the generation thing. I am what you would call old, and I am from that generation but there is no way that I would ever put my hand on any lady other than my wife no matter what she was wearing. I believe that there are perverts of all ages and from every generation and it is a bit unfair to just assume that because someone is from a certain era that they haven’t been taught to respect women.
I must also totally agree with you regarding the actions of the gym and I believe that getting anyone else who he has harassed together and speak to the manager and ask him why he chose not to take any kind of action.
No woman should feel vulnerable in any gym. We need to take that away and make sure that there is a feeling of security.
August 1, 2008 at 1:51 pm
"It’s one thing to look, but touching is a no-no!"
IMO, whenever your actions offend someone, you should change your behavior or expect to have it changed for you. It doesn’t matter if you touch, or look, or talk about someone, offensive is just that! The Golds my girl usually works out at has an area for women, but I don’t think that should be necessary.
Sorry to hear you are having to put up with this in your gym and suggest you take matters into your own hands. (Maybe you could work with that other women and find others who will voice your complaints to local PD.)
Best!
August 1, 2008 at 1:57 pm
good job standing up for yourself and the other ladies at the gym. That dude needs to learn some respect. Since i have the great pleasure (YEAH RIGHT) of working out at the gym on base (if you can really call it a "gym"), there really isn’t that kind of behavior going on, but there are alot of dudes who it seems only come to the gym to stare at the ladies working out……..but it also goes the other way, many woman come to the gym to check out the dudes.
August 1, 2008 at 2:11 pm
Sounds like a typical dirty old man to me. He’s not there for workouts, he’s getting peeps and coping feels. I can’t stand it when I see guys at the gym just there to chat the girls up and act macho. Sure, I look at the attractive women at my gym, but don’t gawk or stare like some guys do. And I see the women check the guys out too. But this old guy you’re talking about has crossed the line, your gym should do something about it before you’re forced to…
August 1, 2008 at 2:13 pm
I guess it really depends on wherethe touch was. Where was the touch exactly? It has been so long since I have actually touched another woman I would probably hear police sirens if I did.
August 1, 2008 at 7:31 pm
We FLAT OUT revoked a mans gym membership at my gym just for ONE inappropriate comment about a girls boobs! No worries…there are some gyms that take that stuff VERY seriously! And dont put up with it for a second! This man was only in our gym for 30 minutes but in that time he made SO many inappropriate comments to me and then to an older beautiful woman at the gym….I told him just how inappropriate that was! Told the owner and the other trainer and we revoked his membership!
August 1, 2008 at 8:03 pm
This email makes me really mad, and I completely understand how you are feeling! Good for you for standing up to the creep! If I were that woman he touched, I probably would have laid a good one on him…straight in the face! Not that that is much better, but if a guy thinks it’s ok to touch someone, and he does not listen, and no one else is doing anything about it, then that is just what he has coming…
August 1, 2008 at 8:12 pm
Good for you! Keep reporting it to management, and definitely DO NOT be afraid to get PD involved if the gym management won’t get involved. Document each time you report it, too.
August 2, 2008 at 5:54 am
Oh-I totally agree-what is it w/that age group? I guess it’s the "old school" mentality that they are superior to women. Maybe it’s time to find a new gym? YUCK…but I applaud you for ripping him a new one-lol!!
August 2, 2008 at 7:14 am
Good for you for letting him know where you stand! He probably done this all his life with little resistance. One thing I dislike is men feeling it is their right to be touchy-feely with any woman. The management needs some form of correction too.
August 2, 2008 at 7:30 am
Awesome job standing up for yourself and your rights! I just don’t understand some people and why the feel like they can just say and do anything they want.
August 2, 2008 at 7:32 am
sounds like the management is chicken $hit, and you are not! You go girl. You are awesome and confident. Iove it. I can’t say I have ever been touched at the gym. flirted with, yes, but not touched. I would be in shock! And I am passive, so I probably would have just remained shocked. Thanks for taking care of us girls. It would have been really funny if you had started your conversation with him by asking for his name and correct spelling for you police report, haha… He would have thought at first "right on she wants to know my name"…..then SLAM….
August 2, 2008 at 7:46 am
I can’t believe management isn’t doing something about this!! That pisses me off.
Write to the owner of the gym.
Good for you for saying something to that perv. HE’S the one who’s mentally deranged. I read a comment by another reader here. Guess what, it doesn’t matter where the touch was. Hands off…period!
Women and men alike should be able to workout without feeling violated whether by touching or lewd comments.
August 2, 2008 at 5:28 pm
NO MAN should be touching any woman freely at the gym unless they are in a relationship. Even then, i don’t want to see that shit!! HELLO, ITS A GYM PEOPLE…LOL. I agree that management should have done a lot more, i guess they figure since he is a paying customer that they can’t really say anything. BULLSHIT!! Hopefully he got the hint and maybe next time you won’t be so nice and punch his lights out. HAHA! Now that would be funny to see
August 2, 2008 at 6:35 pm
In YMCA here(where I don’t go often no more) we got this 50ish old black guy who is some kind of Track and field self tought "expert" and he is hitting on every girl from 17-57 in the gym…Talking out of his @ss, being very anoying, stupid and pursuasive… He even once, while I wasn’t there asked my wife if she was a dancer(exotic dancer that is) and she almost punched him out, and I don’t even know how I didn’t!!
What’s worse, he’s friends with all the staff and they all love him, so if I were to go and say/do something they would proly kick me out for sure!!!
So I just kinda harass him every time I’m there, brushing off him as I walk by, imitating his stupid laughter only very loud and exagareted, saying inapropriate stuff to him all the time, even making black ppl jokes just to make his time in the gym less enjoyable…Just waiting for him to have enough and schedule a little "meeting" outside…But he knows better than that so he’s not even giving me excuse to do it…MAybe just punch the old perv out!!!! I know I would if I was a women!!! Also, you can file a lawsut or just have lawyer send them a letter stating you gonna get the gym in trouble should they not correct his behaviour!!!
Or just "accidently" drop a 45lb plate on his foot next time…LMAO
Wither way, don’t let him get away with it!!!!
Good luck!
August 2, 2008 at 8:15 pm
disgusting! i’m so glad you stood up and said something…it is NOT okay for perverts to do anything like that at the gym or ANYWHERE else! Plus, you are right, the Female BB should feel completely comfortable in the gym and if management isn’t protecting their gym members, they should be reported as well!
August 2, 2008 at 8:26 pm
Me, I would of called the cops the first time management didn’t do anything. I can just imagine on how uncomfortable that can make women feel. I must say I respect you very much for going up to him and saying something, because I know alot of women that would of just let it go and that is not right. if you let it go he will just continue to do it.
August 3, 2008 at 1:09 am
wheres the support @?
Its totally inappropriate and unwelcome and creepy.
you need to let more people know so You can call him out on it. that just sucks.
there is a borderline of being friendly, being flirtatious (when its interpreted as cool to do it) or just being a damn jerk. men need to understand this as part of being a man.
Anyway, the thing to do (the cops will not exactly be the answer here, because legally, there would have to be charges filed, a witness, complaints and all that legal stuff, which, if it escalated in the case of an actual assault, which we need to assure the safety of everyone so that doesn’t happen)
another way to approach this is with an intervention of people at your club.
stick to the facts, and assert your rights and boundaries. the thing I think may to tell a couple of gym hosses (you know the trustee type guys there the die hard good guys who train to train…) i hope you have them, and cause a good scare to the creep. maybe you can save from happening again, maybe the person has a deep problem that wont be solved, maybe you all could HELP him by bringing it out , in front of some of the big dudes, to tell him and encourage him to get in shape and get his heart in shape and maybe hell find someone so hes not so darn lonely. violence isn’t the answer, but you should always protect yourself, responsibly, Its our goal as a community to use our collective power and creative power to solve problems, and this is certainly one.
Im not a lawyer or a psychiatrist but this blog entry really got me thinking, sparky.
or we could just tie him up, put him in the trunk and drop him off in Jersey somewhere.
just kidding. If intervention don’t work, tell the others, because it may happen to more than you and your friend, and be aware, and if it all fails, then call the cops. but I thinks we can try to solve our problems among ourselves first. try to remember to have love for the solution, ( the best outcome for all involved , even the bad guy, because he needs to get better to stop offending people and pissing them off.
well this is a blog response not a book. e me if you want more ideas.
Namaste! ~Scott
August 3, 2008 at 1:14 am
get a couple grunts to lie in wait, a strong and brave squaw (indian warrior) to set the bait and have a reality show style expose when he makes the move.
then you can even put it on you tube!
and have evidence, but better yet have a confrontation where several people are present and know whats going on.
you can do alot with this.
it sucks totally you got to deal with it in the fist place.
you are a good woman Sparkie
August 4, 2008 at 6:24 am
No that wouldn’t have happened at my gym. A lack of respect to other members should not be tolerated.
August 4, 2008 at 6:47 am
that behavior is ridiculous! and the management at your gym is being just as inappropriate by condoning that kind of behavior through their lack of action.
I’d probably just pop him one in the beans, see how he feels then!
August 4, 2008 at 11:56 pm
You should of kicked his backside…REALY HARD!!!
what an IDIOT!!!..Shame on the management..shocking thing..same is happening in South Africa..what is it with them????
August 5, 2008 at 12:10 am
Losers: They’re everywhere. Let him know you have no problem with letting the gym folks know about his flamboyant and private gayness, if he continues to pester the women there….I presume that will get his attention.
August 5, 2008 at 9:54 am
I’m not one of those sexy women, but there is a guy at the gym that flirts with even with my husband right there! The guy has never laid a hand on me though. Thank goodness!
August 5, 2008 at 10:55 am
Hmmmmm, I think that you should wear baggy sweaters and faded denim jorts to the gym from now on. This will not turn on any man that I know of….just sayin
August 5, 2008 at 11:05 am
Good JOB Sparkie!!! You are dead on as a husband, brother of 2 sisters and a father of 2 daughters I hate old perves or even young ones that oogle or touch women that are trying to mind their own business. Sexual Harrassment and assault have no business in the work place, gym or anywhere else for that matter!
August 6, 2008 at 2:17 am
His age and generation are no excuse for degenerate behavior. Don’t let yourself make up excuses for him. Short of kicking him in the junk, you and the other female you mentinoned (and any others he bothers - trust me there are more) should get together and approach management with a "lose one customer or lose (insert number); decide now, or we will decide for you." Money has a funny way of impacting managment decisions. If the gym has more than one location, try to escalate the issue to a higher level.
August 6, 2008 at 1:45 pm
Thank you for the comments and support. It’s so amazing to me that people at the gym think I’m dumb for even opening my mouth, people at work think I’m so insensitive to that "poor old man", …what?? Only in this incredible BB community can you find people who actually make sense and have a head on their shoulders!!!
Update: saw him this morning, he’s quiet and doing his thing, but it seems obvious to me management has not done its part. I was once told by the OWNER of the place: if a guy hits on you YOU should stand up for yourself(in other words, NOT US!!) Too bad because the gym is nice.
August 8, 2008 at 4:51 am
I would think a nice 25 pounder to the nether-regions would be the most effective avenue of corrective action, that, or you and your homegirl could jump the dude in the parking lot with tire irons. Or hey, I’m always down for a road trip, I can make my north and give the creep a nice, solid "What’s up!". hehe. Nah seriously though mad props for standin’ up, and I bet he was lookin’ at you like that cuz he’s never had a ladie put him in check b4.
August 8, 2008 at 11:05 am
I dunno if I’d stay at that gym. I don’t know why he think’s he can do it, but if he lays a hand on you, that sounds like you have reason to lay a hand across his face! I’m pretty sure my gym (Gold’s in Virginia Beach) would do something about the perv. Sexual harassment goes both ways, but of course guys never complain… unless the person is ugly! haha
August 9, 2008 at 5:29 am
Sparkie,
As with movement every action requires and equal and opposite action. In this case you should have put the palm of your hand across the check of his face and yelled "Dont touch me like that".
Don’t ever feel bad about standing up for yourself.
Ken
August 9, 2008 at 3:00 pm
Sparkie i love you blogs girl!!
Thats so sad and so sick. I find myself that it is soo hard to be comfident sometimes b/c the more confident i become the more ppl think you are showing off or that you want that sick attention…no!! women like men, train hard, we earn the bodies we make and should me admired not taken advantage up
keep up the blog girl!!!
August 9, 2008 at 8:03 pm
It was either you or a young boy I’m sure. You are paying to be there, you should feel comfortable.
August 11, 2008 at 10:58 am
A professionally run gym would not tolerate anyone making anyone else uncomfortable in that environment. That’s how ladies only gyms came about. And as for "standing up for yourself", what will the gym do when this guy gets knocked senseless by one of the women and SHE gets kicked out! Lawsuits waiting to happen. The gym owners are opening themselves up for liability…maybe they should have this explained to them.
August 13, 2008 at 12:07 pm
HEY BABE NOT ALL 50′S MEN ACT THAT WAY…SO DON’T LUMP ALL 50′S MEN INTO THAT GROUP!! grandpa59
August 14, 2008 at 2:30 am
If you informed the gym they are liable. Inform them them that you will not only take action against the pervert but you will sue them as well That might force them to re-think their response to this type of stuation in the future.
Creepy….
August 18, 2008 at 2:18 pm
He NOT that old. Dirty old man, don’t just become dirty. They start out as dirty young man. I’ve got several of those at my old gym. You just got to tell them NO and hopefully get them kicked out after a while. They are NEVER going to change.
August 18, 2008 at 6:25 pm
Wow! What a farking jerk
Good for you, for standing up to him! The gym management should use disciplinary action against his perverted arse!
August 21, 2008 at 2:10 am
I think ya shoulda decked the pig-bastard…
but annonymous made an excellent point, and I might add, one that is grounds for terminating contracts… where their big money is!
Not to mention the embarrassment of explaining in court why they refuse to protect their clients…
May 7, 2009 at 6:42 pm
The man is an ignorant boorish fool. You should follow up on your threat to call the police. Next time he does it, call tha police. Have your complaint ready before the police get there. Practice it at home, perhaps even write it down. Complain in writing to the gym and tell them you expect action.
By the way, I am a man from "this generation (50s)" and I go to a local gym. And I don’t "believe" the opinion you wrote in your blog about people of a certain age and gender. I understand your rejection of this one man’s behavior, but I don’t understand why you stereotypically attribute that behavior to all men of that age.
July 6, 2009 at 10:08 pm
Yeah guys, before you generalize all men as perverts and sexual harassers because of one creepy old guy, realize that Ladies Only Gyms are sexist and discriminatory.
I am on a personal mission to sue every Ladies Only Gym across America.
Wish me luck!