Spanishbelle’s BodyBlog

Does being a man and being penetrated make you gay?  Can it be, is it…simply, that black and white?

A girlfriend of mine and I were visiting, talking about friends, when she said to me, "I have a story to tell."  Her friends, have been married for years, a couple of kids.  Now, he’s all man.  Military, big guy.  One day he says to his wife, "How about some back action."  So she said to him, what I imagine most women say to their men, "I’ll do it if you do it."  He agreed.  They had their toy and she was going first.  "It hurt." she told my girlfriend.  "But I took it like a champion and somewhere during the act he was slapping my ass…saying, "come on b*&$h."  She was laughing.  Then, it was his turn.  "Girlfriend, I got the lube and had maybe an inch in there and he was jumping…oh! ouch! ah! and I was slapping his ass, saying "come on b*&%h…you can take it." 

And so I wonder, kinky bastard?  The act is gay, but he’s not gay?  Straight man with gay tendencies?  Borderline gay?  Personally, I think, KINKY bastard.  One thing I know for sure….KINKY WIFE!

Nine and a half inches.

If I had a vagina I’d sit on everything.

My dipstick needs lipstick.

Remember my name, you’ll be screaming it later.

Does this T-shirt make my tits look big?

FEAR MY VAGINA

I saved a horse

My boyfriend is out of town.

Nymphomaniac

You need a spanking

Best female performance

Flavor of the month

You’ve been naughty…go to my room.

I feel a sin coming on

Guess where I’m pierced?

WANTED:  Meaningful overnight relationship

I am only two girls shy of a threesome

TO HOLD NO GRUDGES…..

There is an expression….someone’s got "too much baggage."  This refers to people who walk around carrying a lifeteime of grudges with them, and because their feet are so firmly planted in the past they are immobilized in the present.

As far as families are concerned, dysfunction is the norm.  Not having the perfect upbringing is no longer an excuse to refrain from living as a functional person.  There are too many people who were raised in squalor and became rich or were told they were stupid, then went on to run a Fortune 500 company.  The majority of models were called ugly when growing up but still pursued a career in that industry.  There are people who were abused, abandoned, and unloved yet they still go on to be the best they can be.

Remember you are not the sum of your experiences, you are the sum of the decisions you make based on those experiences. 

4:30 a.m.  getting ready for work.  Dressed. 

Walk to teenager’s room to leave house phone for 6:45 a.m. wake-up call.  He’ll be giving his little brother a ride to school for me.

Walk into teenagers room notice someone in bed next to him….hmmm….is it my little man?  Was my little man scared last night?  Were they bonding, brother stuff and I just didn’t know?

Pull covers back, GIRLFRIEND.  NAKED GIRLFRIEND!  LOOKING DOWN ON A PINK PERKY TITTY.

Her eyes pop wide open.  She squeals, "OMG."  Pulls covers back onto herself to cover up.  Hides underneath cover.  "What are you doing here Sweetheart?"  I ask.  "Get dressed while I go get a cup of coffee and take you home to your Momma."  Son wakes up, "Crap!" 

Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.

Walk to bathroom wearing long robe.  If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

Pass by mirror, look…don’t look?  Jump on scale instead.  Crap!  Decide to look in mirror–make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg lifts, run, cut back on eating, hit the gym more often.

Get in shower.  Use wash cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. 

Wash hair with extra, extra vitamin shampoo.

Wash hair again…make sure it’s clean.

Condition hair with deep, repair hair conditioner.

Wash face with apricot facial scrub.  Wash entire rest of body with exfoliating wash.

Rinse Conditioner.

Shave armpits, legs, kitty.

Running out of hot water…..

Wash shaving gel residue off with soft and silky body wash. 

Startled to death!  Husband caught peeping through shower door!

Turn off shower. 

Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country.

Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

Avoid mirror at all costs.

Check and make sure all unwanted hair was removed.

Apply lotion. 

Hear husband in bedroom.

Walk into bedroom with facial mud mask, towel on head and long robe…..cover up all exposed areas!

A while back, while this belle laid in bed watching TV, hubby walked out of the bathroom freshly showered.  He strutted his ass into our room, naked.  I sat up, following his every step, he knew I was checking him out.  My gaze started at his head, made their way to his chest.  He has an incredible chest with a wide back.  Great arms, built and some big hands with callouses on them from years of working out.  At one time, he used to bench press over 500 lbs.  I continued on, scanning his waistline and hips.  I focused on his jewels, how the total packed hung together unaroused.  My eyes and mind were appreciating him.  Great legs.  He’s a leggy man, no skinny chicken legs or calves.  Up and down my eyes roamed his nakedness.  He continued to strut to his side of the bed, my gaze following him.  And so I said, "honey, your little pecker is so cute."  His smile faded, he jumped in bed and threw the covers over him.  I didn’t mean little as in LITTLE, it was a term of endearment!  Yes, I paused and wondered if I should say what I was thinking, but I thought we’ve been together for over 13 years, not a big deal!  Although I tried to redeem myself, I was shoned for the night.  I’ve learned, regardless of how long you’ve been married to a man or together with him…little and pecker, term of endearment/cute or not…not a good thing! 

When did calling someone “sweetie” or “honey” or “sweatheart” become such an offense?  A girlfriend of mine called me the other day bristling.  Her boss calling her “sweetie” prompted the call.  She’s a doctor and wants to be treated as an equal.  According to her, he does not address other male doctors in such a manner.  A man calling her “sweetie” irks her.  When Obama made a ‘honey’ or ’sweetie’ comment to a co-worker or reporter the media ran with it and he had to explain himself saying he was not being condescending.  It was so obvious he was not being condescending when the interaction was replayed, yet he was questioned.  Seriously, I find it a bit skewed.  We flinch at being called a bitch and flinch at being called sweetie.  Then there are some of us who are more comfortable with being called a bitch instead of sweetie.  Hmmm…

When did opening a door for a woman become unwelcomed?  I witnessed a man open a door for a woman and she refused to go inside the building.  She went in after she opened the door herself.  I also witnessed a man opening a door for a woman and she walked right on in without looking at him or giving him a “thank you.” 

When did pulling a chair out for a woman become an issue of control?  I heard this woman say, “Are you trying to tell me where to sit?”

It’s no wonder when you run into the “confused” man.  One who does not know whether to open doors, pull out chairs, or one who just doesn’t try to do so anymore.  It’s a bitch of a double-standard though.  You see a woman with a flat tire or car issues on the side of the road and I don’t care how big of a feminist you are, the first thing that woman wants is for someone to come to the rescue.  More times than not, it’s going to be some man.  And while your at it, go ahead and call her “SWEETIE” and tell her where she needs to stand so she won’t be in the way!  LOL. Give a guy a break!

My co-worker giggled as I approached.  "I shouldn’t show you this, I’ll get in trouble.  But it’s too good to pass up!"  And so the incident report read:  Mr. Hong and Mr. Kong (alias names) had been caught in the act of intercourse in the sauna room.  We tried to dicpher the signature at the bottom of the report, who the unfortunate soul was to witness and rectify such a situation.  I made out the name and waited for him to show up.

"So, did you have some popcorn with your drama?" I asked.  "Belle, please don’t go there.  I am traumatized for life. They were like two bears, ANIMALS…..going at it!  Holding nothing back." 

"GROSSS….spare me the visual.  OMG….what did you do?  I asked.

"I was making my rounds in the gym when I went into the sauna room and there they were…bang, bang, bang.  I walked around somewhat in shock then I told them they needed to separate and meet me upstairs." My co-worker replied.

"Did you watch?"  My question puzzled him.  "Did you watch them separate?  Watch stuff pull out of the poop-chute, Hershey squirt road, one-eye jack?"

"Where’d you get all these names and why are you asking me this?  Black man turning white here. 

I smiled, "I’m married to an Irish man and a little perverted plus I like to see you squirm." 

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

Walk naked to the bathroom.

If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the woo-hoo sound.

Look at your manly physique in the mirror.

Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt.

Get in the shower.  Wash your face.  Wash your armpits.

Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.

Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.

Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.

Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.

Wash your hair.  Make a Shampoo Mohawk.

Pee.

Rinse off and get out of shower.

Partially dry off.

Admire weiner size in mirror again.

Return to bedroom with towel around waist.

If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake weiner at her and make the woo-hoo sound again. 

Throw wet towel on bed or floor.

Suggest a quickie….

Do you ever think about those lessons in life that can only be learned through love and loss?  Your first puppy-love experience, birth of a child, family.  As for loss, death, divorce, heartbreak, differences.   And so I wonder, when it comes to heartaches and heartbreaks, of the relationship kind, how do you repair?  Are there rules and boundaries for "repairing" the self? 

I’m surrounded by three women all with men woes, none of which know one another.  In essence, the men have changed their mind for one reason or another.  All three scenarios, different in circumstances, leading to divorce or separation.  It’s the women though, I wonder about.  Lamenting over the loss of their men.  Thing is, they weren’t happy, their needs were not being met and I’m puzzled.  So, I asked my sister, "Why do you want him back?  Do you miss being mistreated?  Is that it?"  It’s not so much that she loves him or wants him back because he was Mr. Wonderful, she just can’t stand seeing him with someone else!  WHAT?  And so I asked my co-worker, "Why do you want him back?"  She guesses, she’s used to him.  She’s never been alone and the thought of it terrifies her.  He’s her bad habit.  As for my girlfriend, he’s taken the kids, the house, and he’s owed child-support.  "Someone needs to talk to him." She says.  "And say what?" I ask, "He’s changed his mind!"

Yes, there are rules and boundaries for self-repair:

1. Rejection hurts, but when you feel like shit, don’t look like shit.  Get dressed, put on some make-up and get the pretty…going.  I don’t care if you feel like it, just do it. 

2. Do not screw every Tom, Dick, and Harry available.  Getting a little drunk, OKAY.  However, you’re lost due to a man, do NOT try and find yourself in another one.  Feel your hurt, you’re part of the losing equation.  ACCOUNTABILITY, what’s your side of the story?

3.  Now that you have less of everything to do (laundry, dinner, errands, ect.) go back to the woman you once dreamed of becoming and make it happen.

3.  Don’t use the kids as leverage.  Be emotionally controlled in front of them and reassure them.  They will need more kisses, more hugs, more love.  Remember, they are innocent in all the madness. 

4.  Now that you are doing better, QUESTION…..Why did you settle?  You teach people how to treat you.  I don’t care if he was a jerk, why did you put up with it?

5.  Last but not least, remember, when someone has changed their mind to be with you, yes, it hurts and sucks.  In time, however, come to thank them.  It’s the biggest compliment someone can give you.  Why the HELL do you want to be with someone who doesn’t want you or stays with you for the wrong reasons?  Kids, grow up and move, then what?  You can’t get that time back.  When it comes to the one you are with, it’s important to look across a room and think to yourself, "well now, I want some of that."

6.  When it comes to a heartbreak or a loss of any kind, ALWAYS come out a little wiser and with a better understanding of yourself.