The X-Factor
We will never be friends. My hubands’ ex-wife and I, we will never be friends. I tried along the way. There were a couple of times I thought she was coming around, then she’d revert to her old indifferent ways when the moment of what was to her convenience had passed. It didn’t take me long to recognize her pattern.
The first few years were beyond crazy. The fighting over the kids, the challenges over the new wife. She wouldn’t call the house because I would answer the phone. When my husband metioned this to me I was like, "WTF, I live here, did you tell her that?" I realized that although you can be legally divorced, the "emotional" divorce has to follow. No kids, no problem. Got kids? Big problem. There’s plenty of crazy stories to tell, but honestly, the turning point is what matters most.
My life and I came to a stand still with the traumatic death of my first husband. His death was sudden and so unexpected it tormented me. I had a vision someday we’d get together as adults, wiser, married to others and we’d mend our differences. He died and that never came to pass. It never occured to me we’d have no time. The most painful thing of all, there was no undoing, redoing or going back, there was only regrets and a tombstone to talk to. I changed my priorities. I realized there had to be room, an opportunity for her to be able to come into my house, call my house, call my husband, call her kids at my house for the sake of the kids and my husband. Simply put, you can’t blend a family and have some semblance of peace if you care about the kids and you’re indifferent about their mother.
It hasn’t been easy and there’s been very little gratitude from her. I didn’t change for her gratitude or to be the bigger and better person. I changed so someday I can look back and not have as many regrets that I cannot undo. Which brings me to another point, anytime you give of yourself, do so without strings attached. Yes, you’ll still feel disappointed, yes you might want to kick some butt, however, when that passes and you put yourself in perspective not only do people show you what they are really about but you see it and you get it.
I saw her yesterday, my husband’s ex-wife. I approached her to ask her about the kids. Her son, my step-son, is a paranoid schizophrenic , in jail, not on meds and refusing treatment. My step-daughter, her daughter, is undergoing testing for some immune disorder, I’m devastated, she is such a good girl. She was stressed, at a breaking point, couldn’t talk. I walked away, knowing she did not want to break-down in front of me. We will never be friends my husbands’ ex-wife and I. As a person, I get her. As a woman, I get her. As a mother, I get her.
