Spanishbelle’s BodyBlog

A farmer wanted to have his hens serviced, so he went to the market looking for a rooster.  He was hoping he could get a special rooster - one that would service all of his many hens.

When he told this to the market vendor, the vendor replied, "I have just the rooster for you.  Henry here is the horniest rooster you will ever see!"

So the farmer took Henry back to the farm.  Before setting him loose in the hen house though, he gave Henry a little pep talk.  "Henry", he said, "I’m counting on you to do your stuff."  And without a word, Henry then strutted into the hen house.

Henry was as fast as he was furious, mounting each hen like a thunderbolt.  There was much squawking and many feathers flying, till Henry had finished having his way with each hen.  But Henry didn’t stop there, he went into the barn and mounted all the horses, one by one and still at the same frantic pace.  Then he went to the pig house where he did the same.

The farmer, watching all of this with disbelief, cried out, "Stop, Henry you’ll kill yourself."  But Henry continued, seeking out each farm animal in the same manner.

Well the next morning, the farmer looked out and saw Henry lying there on his lawn.  His legs were up in the air, his eyes rolled back, and his long tongue hanging out.  A buzzard was already circling above Henry.

The farmer walked up to Henry saying, "Oh you poor thing, look what you did, you’ve gone and killed yourself.  I warned you big buddy."

"Shhhhh," Henry whispered, "The buzzard is getting closer."

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.  After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.  The monsignor replied, ‘When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.  So next Sunday he took the monsignor’s advice.  At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.  He proceeded to talk up a storm.  Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:

1).  Sip the vodka, don’t gulp.

2).  There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3).  There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4).  Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5).  Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6).  We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7).  The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.

8).  David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.

9).  David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don’t say he was stoned off his ass.

10).  We do not refer to the cross as the ‘Big T.’

11).  When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, ‘Take this and eat it for this is my body.’ He did not say ‘Eat me’.

12).  The Virgin Mary is not called ‘Mary with the Cherry’.

13).  The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.

14).  Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter’s, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy’s.

I’ve been busy.  Busy training self, others, tending to kids, home and the freaking list goes on and on.  Boy am I tired.  The one thing I decided to do for myself lately is to hold myself accountable, show up and get whatever needs to be done done.  Be it me or someone or something else.  Come around mid-week though, I’m looking for excuses.  Today sounds like a good day to say I have a stomach problem and not go into work.  LOL.  I’m just spent.  I need some serious down time.  A day to stay at home and ignore the world.  TV off, Sonos…off, don’t answer the phone or the door.  However, what I don’t tend to today will surely wait be waiting for me tomorrow or someone else has to pick up the slack.  Either way, not a desireable outcome.  Personal results have been hard to come by.  My diet was crap though and there lies the culprit.  This weighing and measuring food can be so cumbersome…ugh.  A necessary evil to say the least.  I slept in today, skipped cardio this morning so it’s safe to say I’m regretting it now.  I’m cleaning off my desk, that will make me happy.  Calling the housekeeper, that will make me even happier.  And if my little boy’s baseball game gets cancelled due to bad weather (it’s the second one this week!  darn things last two hours that’s not including drive time and there are a couple of more this weekend) I will be over the moon!