I miss ME
I’ll be the first to admit, I’m not looking like my profile picture at the moment. Sometimes, life just gets in the way. Our teen has been causing havoc on this family and it has so changed the way I have been walking through life. Disappointed, sad, frustrated, pissed…one f*%k-up after another for about 6 months now. I’m not exactly sure at what point it started wearing me down, but it has. I stopped doing the things I enjoy doing. I stopped taking phone calls from family and friends. I stopped going out to lunch with friends, stopped looking in the mirror, going to the gym and started staying home and in bed a little longer. It’s been tough. I’m to the point where I miss me. I miss the sassy, fiesty, smart-ass blogging, quirky side of me. I miss my size zeros, I miss the gym and somehow, again, I have to put this crap in perspective. This journey of being a mother, letting go as he makes his own mistakes and will at some point learn from them is not easy. I can’t protect him from himself. It’s true, I can’t. Although I mentally understand this, it’s my heart that gives and stumbles. I’ve started going through the motions of getting back to me. I’m back in the gym, force myself to make a phone call to someone in my circle of friends. It’s been difficult, more difficult than any weight I can push or pull, but today is better than yesterday and so I take it one day and one moment at a time.
January 24, 2009 at 10:39 am
*hugs** I can’t imagine what you’re going through as I don’t have kids myself but I do remember the crap I put my mom through and hindsight now being 20/20 I regret it. I can only hope that soon he will see the same thing and learn from the mistakes he’s making now and in the process you can get back to you again. Hang in there girl!
January 24, 2009 at 10:44 am
Little by little. Hope things get better for ya.
January 24, 2009 at 10:44 am
Good work…when your depressed…the cure is to do all things that you do not want to do. Dont want to go to the gym…go. Dont want to talk to family…talk to them. Force yourself to do all the healthy things you dont want to do and things will get better. Your teen will learn the same way we all did…by suffering the consequences and as a mother you must let your teen fall in order to learn. Only by falling can we learn the tools to stand up on our own two feet. If you try to prevent every fall you set your teen up for a much bigger fall later on in life. Failure is the mother of success. Teach your teen how to be healthy by being healthy yourself…take care of you.
January 24, 2009 at 10:45 am
Perhaps work with a trainer in a way of giving back to your self.
one that makes you count your calories and gives you good advice. be as hard on your trainer as you would want him to be on you.
Do some classes in The Spinning program.
Like 5 a week.
My bro was the teen in my family who is working getting himself out of problems.
I understand what worse case scenerio may be.
Perhaps seeing you overcome this challenge will help your boy overcome his.
January 24, 2009 at 10:46 am
It sounds like a rough patch emotionally you are going thru and we all can relate to those…that’s why we need to motivate each other on here…brush yourself off, get back to the gym, and regain your enviable physique…you will start feeling better in no time!
January 24, 2009 at 10:47 am
Hey Belle! I can relate as a father hun! You taught him right, its up to him to use it. You gotta take care of yourself tho! Not gonna do you or him any good if you dont! Now go kick some iron ass and be you!!
January 24, 2009 at 11:17 am
Bless you,I have one of those "teenagers" OMG! But I have to take care of me before I can take care of anyone else.
January 24, 2009 at 11:19 am
The gym is the best place to go to get your frustrations out. Good luck and take it day by day.
January 27, 2009 at 8:24 am
Not exactly the same circumstances, but I’ve been there too and empathize. Sounds like you’re doing the right thing. Sometimes it takes going through the motions (the good ones, the ones that define you in a good way), even if they are not totally resonating, to get connected with yourself again. Take care - best wishes.
January 27, 2009 at 9:50 am
Belle - Remember the alcoholic’s prayer - control what you can control and let go of what you can not control.
There is a lot of grey area with teenagers, kids do not have the moral’s that we grew-up with, I think there is too much liberal TV that puts crazy ideas in their heads.
Take care of you and let the chips fall where they are, PM me and we can talk further. Don’t worry, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I feel for you, we have all been there or may be there soon!!! clc.