Spanishbelle’s BodyBlog

You’re not under the impression that only exercising takes place in the gym, now are you?  Now, although I have not had any particular encounter of my own, I have been "enlightened."

A co-worker of mine was sweating himself silly in the sauna when a man across from him decided to pull out his "dumb" stick and began stroking it.  So, I asked him, "What did you do?"  He said he ignored him and the man left.  Afterwards, my co-worker made his way into the mens’ dressing room and there he found Mr. Dumbstick getting serviced by another willing stick.  "You mean…BJ?"  I exclaimed.  I got a ferocious nod.  "What did you do?" The only question that was coming to mind, followed by, "Did you watch?"  He did, for a little while and he didn’t know what to do or say, then he left the two to their business.   Truth is, I wonder about my friend and his orientation.  He does come across as, well, not straight.  I’m thinking a straight man would have had a freaking fit witnessing a same sex job.  So, I asked my hairdresser and he agreed.  I also asked him about sex in the men’s room, said it happens all the time.  The most disturbing fact of all, it happens mostly with married men.  So, I asked my hairdresser, "Why do you think that’s so?"  "Men are curious." he responded.  "About other men?  BJ, up the butt?"  I asked. "Yes!" he exclaimed.  "Some of these guys I know don’t even get their peckers looked at much less spit on or anything else.  As for up the, ya know, how many women you know that do it?"  "Well, one that will admit to it." I replied.  "And you?"  he asked.  "Sorry baby, that’s an EXIT ONLY.  I even have panties that say so."  He laughed, "should have known you’d have a smart-ass response for that!" 

I have to say, sexually, it’s a limitation for me.  Two men kissing, in a hot and passionate lip lock, not a turn on.  I’ve seen it on TV and I say, "Yuck."  A peck, I can handle that.  I’m happy they feel what they feel, but I just don’t want to see it.  I got the bright idea to rent a gay male porn flick, my husband indulged me.  I almost up-chucked.  Hairy ass being pounded, up until today I have the visual, that was five years ago.  I’ve never had my own encounter and you know, I’d like to keep it that way!

What is considered to be a "chase" between men and women?  Is it an exchange of phone numbers?  Phone calls, e-mail, text, lunch, dinner?  I wonder.  In a conversation I had with a friend, he’s never been on a chase, in "pursuit" of the opposite sex.  Just a simple exchange of phone numbers, an initial interest and things took off from there.  I wondered, is that possible.  Does or did Ms. Kitty come around that easy to him?  Just patiently waiting for someone to come around?  And so, what do you call that?  I had my moment of doubt, thought he was downright bullshitting me.  I’m inclined to say, as he went on, I believe him.  The man’s not ugly, fat or stupid so it’s possible, right?  I guess, I’ve never been the type of chic to pursue a man.  Somewhat like the Shania Twain song, "That Don’t Impress Me Much."  And so I wondered, as I stared at my fraternal twin, do two self-assured, good looking, a little alike, ego in tact people repel? 

What do I know?  I know this short person, most certainly, repels with another short.  I know this smart-ass, most certainly, repels with a man who has no sass.  I think about the "chase" and realize maybe he doesn’t realize he’s chased.  The ego does have a funny way of making one’s point of view skewed.  The chase is, however, subject to interpretation.  And so I’m curious, what constitutes a chase for a man and a woman?  Spending money, time, phone calls?  I haven’t come to any set conclusion in regards to my friend, I’m amused though.  With that chase in mind, well there’s a challenge!

We started off by discussing fitness, his loss of appetite, feeling tired and so on.  Then, out of left field, he said, "I think my girlfriend is bi-sexual."  To leave alone or to go on, I wondered.  I kept things going.  "Why so?"  I was told she wanted a threesome, two girls, one guy.  I asked if he went for it and well…hush, I can’t tell you that!  LOL.

I thought about the ultimate man fantasy for the rest of my day, two girls and one guy.  Why?  Seriously, you can only do so much.  Hey, I hear some of you….you’ll die trying!  Uh-hun…LOL.  Then I thought about two guys and one girl.  Well now, sounds like a lot of work!  I’m thinking, if you’re game, well why the hell not.  Who you saving it for?  We’re all headed to 80 or so, if we’re lucky.  At that point, I’m thinking no one will so much as glance in my direcion.  How many elderly people do you look at and think…"Yeah, I want some of that!"  Hell, at that age you might have Parkinsons and you’re partner would come just from you slapping his meat around trying to grab it!  LOL. 

So, should you play it up while you ‘got game?’  I wonder about morals, integrity and what have you.  Is what you do who you are?  At some point, is what you "did" simply that, something you did and you no longer are that person, but you do have an intersting story to tell.  I called up my husband, filled him in on the conversation over lunch.  He laughed, is it of interest I asked.  LOL…hmmm, what to think, what to think. 

Lately there isn’t much to say.  There is plenty going on, however, it’s one of those phases where sitting back and observing, analyzing the many situations is not only prudent but necessary.

My husband was a real bitch to deal with this weekend.  In a “woe” is me mood.  Everything was not right.  Come Friday night, we had a stupid spat and so, I took off.  Yep, to our backyard with my beer.  We did make up about 15 minutes later, but ya know, by then…I was getting my drunk on.  Come 2:30 in the morning I called it quits.  The Saturday sun brought my punishing hangover to light.  Hubby still out of sorts.  By then we had a “talk,” life not going his way and he didn’t want to talk about it.  Could be, due to my horrendous hangover I heard him loud and clear.  I didn’t have it in me to fight or fix the situation.  He wanted to work on the house and be left alone.  So, he worked like a demon on the house and I laid in bed with my dibilitating illness.  We had a normal Sunday, he wanted to grill, have a couple of beers and asked I join.  Boy, I didn’t want to, I was still in pain, I did though.  And so, as he got himself together, new game plan, new mission and of course great make-up sex (it always helps) I thought, sometimes, you can’t fix broke.  There are times where broke is not worth fixing.  It’s best to let go, move on and let it be.  Sometimes, it’s not your job to fix broke.  Then there are those times where broke will fix and mend on it’s own.  And so, I drank to that, 4 pounds heavier now and no hangover….it was one tough weekend!

Even though I don’t say so, I have been hitting the gym.  I am so very sore!  So far, I’ve lost a couple of pounds.  I’m not sure if it’s the stress of some drama at work, the stress of the new workout, my diet, the teenager’s wreck, my husband’s stress and my little man being gone for 2 weeks to camp (I’ve survived 5 days already and counting) but, my body is stressed.  Could be the new supplements I’m taking that are making me a little woozy or maybe I’m a tad dehydrated, but I have a pounding headache that won’t go away and my sleep is off.  I stepped on the stair master one day and that’s all the cardio I’ve done due to this weirdness going on. 

I’ll be taking a break from the supplements I’m taking, tend to the diet, take a vitamin, try and get some rest and see what happens.  I must say, my ass is starting to look better!  I’ve been told and I agree.  Don’t get me wrong, not exactly where I’d like it to be, but working on it.  Of course, if you have a nice ass and you’re not feeling great, what’s the point, right?  Happy workouts!

What is it about men who can never get enough?  They always want more.  More sex! 

We had a night of fun, laughter, games, appetizers and drinks with friends.  All married, with kids and "sanz" kids.  Somehow, someone got "real", he wanted MORE SEX.  The wife hushed him up.  But an amazing thing happened, his comments had a domino affect.  And so, one by one, they confessed they wanted more.  I had no concern when it came to my husband, I’ve got him covered.  As the words came out of his mouth I heard them in slow motion…."I….WANT…MORE."  My neck still hurts from the whiplash.  I couldn’t help but wonder, was this some kind of conspiracy theory among the men?  Some kind of man ego pride thing.  Is there a man on this planet that would ever admit his wife kicks his ass in bed?  Obviously, there was no man in my house of that kind! 

The dirty laundry certainly got aired that night.  We had an up the ass girl in our group.  Who would have thought!  That’s another blog, some other time.  And so the next day, I asked, "What’s your number?"  Twinkling blue eyes starring back at me, "I was just playing."  Uh-huh.  "Seriously, you said you want more.  This is your opportunity, more what?  Be specific.  What’s your number…how many times a day?"  He whispered his number in my ear.  

Is it okay to be pissed at God?  Well, I’m pissed at Him.  You know, I just about never pray to God.  I do give thanks.  Thanks for the kids, thanks for our health, the house, family and so on.  What I don’t like to do is pray and ask for help.  It seems to me, when I do pray asking for help, guidance, something goes wrong the following day.  However, lately, life’s been a little tough and getting a little tougher for this household.  My husband’s company is not doing well and there is nothing worse than to have to handle a man who is struggling and stressed out of his mind.  So last night, given our present situation some thought, I considered praying.  Yes, I did pause before I prayed, I had my doubts.  What the hell is going to go down tomorrow I wondered.  I proceeded with caution, giving thanks, asking for help and prayed for the little tot who was beat to death on the side of the road.  I didn’t know the little man, nevertheless, reading about him made me hurt.  I also prayed for the MF*&R that beat him.  I didn’t like it, but I did. 

My day got off to a slow start.  Feeling a bit tired from a restless nights sleep.  I worked out too hard yesterday and I had paid the price.  Work was good though, client signing up, I acutally fixed my hair today.  I was aware nothing had gone wrong so far.  My 16 year old’s car was in my driveway, window down, thought nothing of it.  I was on my way to the gym ready to get a workout in with a friend.   I stopped dead in my tracks when the 16 year old informed me of his car accident, no insurance information exchanged, no license plate information taken, only a business card in hand.  F&*! I thought to myself looking up at the sky.  I knew it, every single time I pray and ask for something it never freaking fails!  I dreaded making the phone call to my husband.  A must, I know and I did.  One more thing on his plate to stress about.  The common quote, "God never gives you more than what you can handle" ran through my head.  Did it ever occur to Him, I thought, I didn’t want to handle this crap? 

Turns out, the insurance card was enough.  A claim number has been issued an adjuster will be in touch.  Turns out, my 16 year old says someone was looking out for him.  He was on a head on collision with a telephone pole and he doesn’t know how, but he missed it.  He gave his thanks to God and he’s going to church this Sunday.  Turns out, I only handled four calls, the situation not quite resolved but on it’s way.  I tuned in to my internal dialogue.  You know, that place in your head where you check in with yourself.  Your mind, your heart, your spirit.  What’s it going to take Belle to get you right with God I ask.  Faith? Trust? Hope? Patience?  Should I ask God?  LOL.  Someday I’ll get it right. 

Ever order a supplement and the anticipation of it arriving drives you a little nuts?  When my bb order arrives I get giddy.  I pulled out my SuperPump250, read the recommended use and tore the plastic protective cover off.  I unscrewed the lid and peered inside and something went really askew, just who the hell had gotten into my supplement before I opened it?  Why such a big container and so little goods?  Was it half-empty, the pessimist in me asked.  Was it half-full, the optimist in me wondered.  In the end, the realist in me won out.  Who the hell cares, the darn thing was just that….HALF.  I considered calling Gaspari Nutrition and letting them know size of any and every kind matters.  The taste, however, does not disappoint.  As for the pump, jury still out on that.  On a good note, no bloating or exploding of any kind.  I do wish, however, I was getting more for my money. 

He was undeniably upset.  Sitting in the living room, head in hands and all shook up.  "What’s  up, I asked?"  Thinking something serious went down.  The response, well, unexpected.  "I was trying to have sex and I couldn’t get it up."  He was devastated, upon the verge of tears.  What to say…. what to say?  "It’s not a big deal."   I was told it was a big deal and I didn’t understand because I’m not a guy.  LOL. 

So, what does it mean to a guy when there is no sail?  Do you talk about it to another guy or keep it under wraps?  Could it be your partner was possibly responsible for the lack of sail?  What to say, what to say?  LOL.  I’m not sure what was said between the guys, I did ask and I was told it was none of my business. 

ANOTHER penis joke.  So many around.  Hadn’t heard  some of these. 

The Magnavox Penis:  Smart.  Very smart.

The American Express Penis:  Don’t leave home without it.

The M&M Penis:  Melts in your mouth, not in your hands.

The Reeses Penis:  How do you eat your penis?

The Yellow Pages Penis:  Let your fingers do the walkin’.

The Sanka Penis:  Good to the last drop.

The Virginia Slims Penis:  You’ve come a long way, baby.

The Charmin Penis:  Don’t squeeze the penis!

The Domino’s Pizza Penis:  Delivers in 30 minutes or less.

The Lay’s Penis:  Betcha can’t eat just one.

The Flintstones Vitamins Penis:  10 million strong and growing.

The Starburst Penis:  The juice is loose.

The Barq’s Penis:  The one with bite.

The Allstate Penis:  You’re in good hands.

The McDonald’s Penis:  Over 8 billion served.

The Life Call Penis:  It’s fallen and it can’t get up.

The Lucky Charms Penis:  It’s magically delicious.

The Right Guard Penis:  Anything less is uncivilized.

The Campbells Soup Penis:  Mmm mmm good.

The Ragu Penis:  Comes out chunkier than the rest.

The Kix Penis:  Kid tested, mother approved.

The Twizzler Penis:  It makes the mouths happy.

The Timex Penis:  Takes a lickin’ and keeps on….

The Wendy’s Penis:  Where’s the beef?

The Snickers Penis:  It satisfies you.