We Broke up…….
Just got off the phone with my girlfriend. A gut wrenching 45 minute conversation. We broke up. I told her I needed some space. I’ve been taking the space to begin with, not returning calls or making calls, avoiding the confrontation. Ever since that night she drank at my house and verbally berated me, I just haven’t felt the same. It’s not the first time it’s happened, alcohol or no alcohol involved. I never said to her my feelings are hurt after the offenses and I ask myself if it was necessary to say so since she did find herself apologizing. I never said "don’t apologize" during those times, I acknowledged and accepted the apology. Problem is, no change came about. I think an apology is a sorry ass attempt (excuse) to make your sorry ass feel better. Think of a situation where someone apologized to you, did you automatically feel better? I always say to my husband, "don’t apologize, change your jackass behavior." However, his apology is necessary in order for me to say these words to him. If he doesn’t apologize, that becomes an issue. LOL! I didn’t say it was easy to live with me either! This is an "a-ha" moment for me, his "acknowledgment" of the fact that he hurt my feelings. So, from now on I’ll say, "Thank you for acknowledging my feelings, now, change your jackass behavior." LOL.
Now, back to the girlfriend. There’s a lack of something here and I’m not sure what word or concept it is involving our own personal individual beings and our relationship. I’m sure sometime in your life you’ve heard, "oh….we are such good friends. we can talk about anything and everything, say whatever to each other and it doesn’t matter." So not true. This brings me to the L words, LOVE and LIKE. I believe the word "LIKE" is seriously underrated. Think about your spouse or best-friend, what attracted you about them? First, your liked them. You liked their way of being, their physical being….you liked them. Sometimes this leads to love and sometimes it doesn’t. How much fun is it to hang around someone you don’t like? Or be married to them? Ever heard someone say…"I love her man, I just can’t live with her." Hence, "I don’t like her anymore." I love my girlfriend, we’ll get over this, I just don’t like her very much right now.
November 15, 2007 at 9:57 am
you forgot the third L word which is LUST, wish you the best and stay amazing
November 15, 2007 at 10:06 am
I think the issue it that your "Friend" did something that sounds to me that is contrary to what the meaning of a "Friend" is. It is one thing to have a person close to you tell you the truth how much it might hurt, but doing it tacfully…. then there is just blaitent disregard for your feelings and ATTACKING you. Maybe once is forgivin but if the person doesnt modify the behaviour after being informed of the ramifications, now your just plain lazy or they dont think much of you.. at the minimum an effort should be seen depending on how difficult the change is. Maybe that is the feeling you feel…. I am truly sorry for your loss but it sounds like it is for the better and I am sure even with a challenging personallity that you claim to have you will make more friends..
November 15, 2007 at 10:06 am
How could I forget THAT L word! I performed my own emotionectomy, huge headace.