Spanishbelle’s BodyBlog

I’ve seen guys do this many times in the gym. I like to watch sometimes, watch the muscles work as they perform a chin-up.  They make it seem so easy.  However, I have come to the conclusion I will probably never be able to complete a chin-up, or is it called a pull-up?  Same thing.  This has plagued me since 4th grade.  Yes, I’m afraid we must take a trip into elementary school.  I was a mere 10 years old and in the middle of our small playground was a set of monkey bars.  I decided I was in the mood to monkey around and so I made my way across the playground.  After much swinging and sitting on the monkey bars I was hanging from the monkey bars, holding on with my hands, feet pointed to the ground.  I got the bright idea to pull myself up, arm strength only, and I got close but no cigar.  I kept trying of course and as I kept giving it a go an unfamiliar pleasurable and delicious feeling kept building and building somewhere in that one place where boys were not allowed to get near.  I kept going, it kept building and there it was..O..O..OOOOHHH. 

Now, fast forward 26 years.  If I try a chin-up doing a negative rep., no problem.  On the positive though….well now.  I always pause in front of that particular machine and ask myself..should I or shouldn’t I?  It feels wrong, people around me.  I wonder if someone would be able to tell.  If so, what will I say?  "Yeah…that was good….I mean hard..yes hard…that’s what I mean."  LOL.  This is most certainly getting in the way of fitness. 

For the record, I had no concept of the big "O" when I was ten.  As for the gym, I don’t know, but if I decide to give it a go…I will never tell.  You realize though, if this was turned around and it happened to a man, chances are he’d be doing chin-ups ever chance he got!

Racial profiling…heard of that?  I was throwing that thought around in my head the other day when someone asked me if I was black.  I graciously answered the question asked of me and proceeded to say I was of the "people" race.  The girl and I laughed and the day went on.  I started thinking of the word "profile" and realized we constantly do this all the time.  If you check out someone’s car, you’re profiling…does that person have money or not?  If you hear any kind of accent in someone’s voice, again, profiling…Texas?  London? When in the gym you see someone that is ripped to the core vs. someone who is in the process of getting in shape, once again, we are profiling.  Constantly analyzing someone, assessing with all our five senses and categorizing the individual into a certain "type."  It’s easy to assume when we see a fit vs. an unfit person the fit is in good health.  On a certain level, there is some truth to this, but I’ve come to find out there is some gray matter here.  Just last week I found out my body is in a catabolic state, now from the outside looking in you would never have guessed!  Now, I’ve been low on energy but I’m of an old stubborn mindset, "it’s all in your head," "you’re being a wuss," and my personal favorite…"no pain, no gain."  LOL.  I went to the gym after my diagnosis (still in denial) and decided to give it some thought on the treadmill.  I took a vacancy next to a heavy girl, she rolled her eyes at me as I stepped on the treadmill.  I’m not sure what profile she gave me, but I couldn’t help but notice she was working the treadmill with thriving energy.  It was a sad moment when I finally accepted the fact that my outside does not match my inside.  Here’s the lesson once again, somehow it continues to escape me.  Being fit is not only about what you see, but it’s also about what you don’t see.  If you don’t feel well, chances are, something is up and sometimes…well let’s face it, you are being a wuss!

So where did them pictures go?  Well, about two or three days ago I received a PM from BB saying something along the lines of a little too much "nakedness."  Per the message I needed a little less cheek/crack exposure here and a little less exposure there.  Now, I’m feeling a little picked on here.  I’ve been to many profiles on this website and I’ve seen much exposure of cheek/crack here and there, the full monty here and there, and a bent over pose with complete back expose and throw a little bit of boob in that.  Seriously!?!  By no means am I questioning BB and their rules, after the Vagina Africana incident, who can blame them.  I am however, questioning the consistency in which the rules are applied and that is the "bare" naked truth.  By no means did BB ask me to take down my pics.  Truth is, I’ve been feeling a little out of sorts over the pics and compliments and a weirdo or two here and there, so, until I put things in perspective it is what it is.  This incident has brought to mind a couple of interesting thoughts.  Something along the lines of sexuality, sensuality and the word provocative.  Would you say a woman sitting down in a chair, legs crossed hands on lap naked is more sexual and provocative than a woman clad in a two piece bikini (same scenario) with her legs spread open?  Aaaahh, that’s the thing about sexuality, sensuality and provocative….it is subject to personal interpertation. 

Ever had one of those days where you just don’t feel like going to the gym?  I have them quite often and today was one of those days.  I wasn’t in the mood to workout, but I went.  I was hoping some surge of adrenaline would kick in, so I pumped up the volume on my IPOD, nothing.  I secretly competed against someone in the gym, nothing.  I even wore a workout sports bra with matching shorts to VISUALLY remind me why I’m there, considering my state of mind, that was not a good decision.  Every single set, step & rep was work.   Although the good never got going, I did my time and got it all done.  I looked around while working through my struggle and noticed many kinds of people in the gym.  The ones that stood out the most were those glowing from their exercise high (I was envious with disgust) and others who were working hard through their own struggles to get done.  Regardless of which end of the spectrum they fell, there they were, pushing, grunting, stressing for another rep.  Why?  Why do we do it?  Answers vary.  I pushed around some serious weight today, 10 pounds here, 65 pounds there, plus the invisible pounds of my lack of desire.  It was hard and I should be looking extra fine tomorrow!

I guess you can say I’m a gym snob.  Yep, I walk in there, do my time and get out.  I’m not there to socialize, smile or make friends.  This being said, there is this one guy at my gym that’s been keeping his eye on me for quite some time.  Last week he got the nerve to come up to me and attempted to have a conversation.  I did what I normally do, I gave him a peace sign and kept walking.  I’ve been feeling like shit ever since.  I can tell you it took alot for him to come up to me and the expression on his face was terrible.  It’s never bothered me before, so what’s the deal?  So there’s this other guy at my gym who approached me two weeks ago.  I had my headphones on and gave him my peace sign, but, he wasn’t going anywhere and waited for me to finish what I was doing, watching me the entire time.  After I was done he proceeded to tell me I was doing my tricep cable push-downs wrong.  Ever since he’s always close to where I’m at.  You know what I’m talking about, making his presence known.  Avoiding the man was inevitable today.  He brought a friend.  His friend approached me from the left, he approached me from the right and I had no place to go.  Out come my headphones and there came the questions.  Age?  Children? The disbelief.  They had bet I was 28 with no children.  The compliments followed.  Then he proceeds to say I probably get complimented all the time.  I told him it never gets old and we all laughed.  So, I went back to working out and they went back to their business.  It went well and that was that, right?  Nope, he came back for a final chat, asked if I was married (funny, I always wear my wedding ring) and for how long.  I answered his questions, he complimented me once more and told me he’d tell the guys I am unavialable.  I told him I’d appreciate it.  So I’m questioning myself here, have my aloof ways been creating more harm than good?  Is it possible?  And why do some women behave this way?  For me, it’s fear based, you just never know…there are some crazy people out there and not all crazy people look crazy.  Which brings to mind, sometimes our own crazy fears has us acting crazy ourselves!  Then there are those times where it’s not so crazy.  Jury still out on this one for me, I’m working on putting it in some sane perspective. 

As for my workout, it was great.  Legs, cardio, abs and all….I give myself an A+ for today.  Here’s what I did: 

Legs: 3 sets of each, 20 reps each

• Ball Squats              
• Dumbbell Walking Lunge
• Ball leg curl-up
• Dumbbell step up
• Deadlift
• Plie squats
• Reverse Lunge with 2 lb. ball ab twist
• Leg Extension
• Hamstring Curl
• Calves

ABS

• Medicine Ball Hip Thrust
• Core Cable Trunk Twist
• Plank (1 minute)

This has been the second week I’ve had two days on at the gym and 4 days off from the gym.  On the bright side, hey, I’m being consistent!  LOL.  The thing is I’m not tripping over this and some interesting things have come about.  First, my scale has been flirting with the 105 number.  Second, junk is starting to come off my T&T areas (thighs and trunk).  Last but not least, my guns have grown 1/2 an inch.  Now, I don’t want big guns by any means, but, if you were to ask me to choose between guns and flabby arms…well now, load me up!  From the look of things, my bodyfat is going down but since I haven’t been putting much time in the gym things are a little soft.  I’m on a 10 day countdown as of tomorrow.  Ten days of getting ready for China, ten days of gym time and ten days for a new picture post. 

Okay, I just like the song and I’m jamming to it over a cup of coffee.  LOL.  No need to comment over this (if you’ve heard it), keep it to yourself.  Moving on….I am sore as hell!  I have put together two really good workouts for myself and I’m excited about the results.  Unfortunately, I was not able to get my entire upper body workout in yesterday.  I ran out of time at the gym.  I managed to get two sets in and 50 minutes of cardio…better than nothing.  Most exciting of all, I’m now working out my legs and excited about it.  I have my PT exam this Friday and I’m a little apprehensive about that.  This week has been crazy with family projects, drop-ins and appointments which has not left me much time to crack the books.  Looks like I have a couple of all nighters ahead of me!  Anyway, skipping the workout today and maybe my sons’ wrestling practice and hitting the books…time to "workout" the brain.  Wish me luck and say a prayer for me!

My house was like a revolving door this weekend.  A friend of mine and her husband came over and things just didn’t turn out the way I expected.  She had a little to much to drink and became rowdy and belligerent.  It was a bummer and a royal pain in the behind.  There is something to be said about friends and boundaries, what it is they can say to you, about you.  Honestly, it’s not about what she said, it’s more about the way she said it.  There is a difference between being assertive and aggressive.  Handling a situation/friend assertively involves tact, a certain kind of graciousness that gets your point across and although someone might take offend to what is being said, it is not offensive to the point where your "point" is lost and your friendship is threatened.  Being aggressive is downright uncouth and it lacks respect, regard, and consideration.  It’s belittling and along the lines of character assassination.  By the time it’s all said and done in such a confrontation, chances are you handled the situation so wrong the actual "issue" falls to the wayside and now you are the issue that has to be dealt with.  Assertively, you talk to someone.  Aggressively, you talk down to someone.  

Moving on, I must confess…to my bodyspace friends, I have been off the running, gym, eating well, working out wagon as of THURSDAY.  LOL.  As of this morning, after the piece of cake I ate last night (celebrating my step-daughters 21st. b-day) there is a little more wiggle to my behind.  I had a bad nights sleep due to that cake, my mind would not shut off!  So, I’m starting back at it a little heavier, sleep deprived and yes, with a little more wiggle than I’d prefer.  Never-the-less, I’m getting back to it.  I have a new workout lined up and an execution time in mind.  HAPPY WORKOUTS!

I’ve been focused, sweating at the gym, in my garage, eating like a champion (yeah, something like Rocky…LOL), NOW here comes the weekend.  Truth is, it’s always on my mind.  Monday is assessment day of the damage done over the weekend and so I work hard to undo the damage done, then here comes Friday once again.  The beer, the food, the partying.  Yes, I can say no to it all, but here’s the deal….I DON’T WANT TO!  So the question is, what price am I willing to pay to attain that certain physique?  Once I answer that question, my answer needs to be followed up with "why? for how long?"  After giving this further consideration, I believe I need to ask myself how I might possibly feel about these decisions five or ten years down the road.  You’ve heard the saying, "there is always tomorrow or another day."  Is there?  Not everyone is guaranteed a long life.  Cute saying and so not 100% applicable to everyone.  So I’m flirting with the notion, once again, there is nothing wrong with my size 2’s.  I don’t have any answers at the moment, I’m a little too tired to come up with answers right now.  So, here’s what I know for sure….I’m tired, so I’ll be taking a nap shortly.  I’m healthy and I’m grateful for that and last but not least, I will be going to the gym today.

To say I am feeling the stress of just being me is an understatement.  I’ve been starting off way too slow in the morning and there is so much to do!  Many things, my eating has gone to hell.  I’m not a junker, I just haven’t been eating every three hours.  I started my rehab on my injury today, it was painful and it felt great.  My time in the gym has been so blah.  It’s so much nicer to work out and feel pumped about it.  NO pump here.  So I’ve tried this Gakic stuff about three times so far.  The first time, it got me going.  The second time, nothing, same dosage, same everything.  The third time, I decided to take an extra pill.  Go ahead and start laughing, I didn’t know what machine to hit first.  I was so wired I was running from machine to machine like a child in a candy store!  It was insane, an insanity that did not work to my advantage.  Last but not least, our China trip is just around the corner and I am feeling the stress of leaving the boys for such an extended period of time. 

Let me also say I’m Hispanic and what I mean by that is I have one crazy hispanic family.  So much drama going on there!  I won’t go there, for the sake of my own sanity, but it is on my mind.  I know this post is a little nutty, coming at you from all angles, good times…right?  I’m sure you’ve heard the say, "God never gives you more than what you can handle." DAMN, HE thinks I’m very competent!