Buffy Buffington gets Buffer

Today was one of THOSE days at the gym.  On the way there, I am excited, anxious, feelin’ strong….hop on the recumbant bike and WHAM! I hit some sort of wall.  The entire time is difficult.  All I want is for it to be OVER, so I can get to the "meat" of my workout - LIFTING!  Cardio done and outta the way, I head to the pull-up station (today was back/bi day), hop up there to do some neutral grip chins and I’m WEAK!  So very, very weak…the rest of the workout followed suit.  Ugh!

Wednesday, 4/15:

15 minutes on recumbant/level 12/"random" setting

Unassisted chins - 3 x 8, 4, 2

Wide-grip pull-downs - 3 x 12, 10, 9

Seated cable row - 3 x 10, 10, 10

EZ Bar - 3 x 21s

Upright hammers - 3 x 12, 12, 12

Diet has been "eh" today - craving carbs, so I’m having ‘em, but I’m going to be over on my calories today, but not by a lot, so I’m not gonna stress.  Mood:  Pretty darn good, all things considered…

Tomorrow’s a new day…

I have seriously been considering what to write about in my blog since Friday.   A lot of ideas have come and gone now.  So here I am, just rambling.  I guess my conundrum is that there has been nothing "exciting" to write about.  My cut is going great, as I am down 3.5 pounds in just over 5 weeks, so I know I am doing it right.  I see and feel myself leaning out, and my muscles are "popping".   It really is amazing what the human body is capable of!  I am sometimes in awe at how my body changes overnight and then, bam, NOTHING for days.

I am constanting considering and reconsidering what my goal is and why.  Is it shallow, superficial and vain to say that I am working so hard, spending so much time in the gym, monitoring my diet so closely all with the goal of having people look at me and say, "Holy sh*t, that chick looks amazing!  She is obviously dedicated and has worked very hard to get that rockin’ bod!"  Boy, it’s hard to read that!  But is there more to it?  Is there something else that I am working towards?

I’ve had people at the gym ask me if I am looking to compete, some saying "you’re right there", calling me "the real deal", asking about my workouts and diet, etc.  I always answer "Nope.  I don’t think the rigors of pre-competition diet/training are for me.  Plus, I’m not really a competitive person."  You see, I understand why people decide to compete in bodybuilding, figure/fitness, I just don’t get HOW they do it.  The preparation phase just seems to anti-healthy, anti-fitness, anti-balanced diet, anti, anti, anti….I just can’t wrap my head around it.  And THEN there’s the infamous post-competition phase that I’ve read and heard can be a miserable, mentally "screwy" time due to weight gain, mood swings, loss of motivation, etc.  Why, on earth, would I desire that????  Why would anyone? 

Is it the same reason I work out and aspire to a beautiful, feminine, strong, muscular physique, as I stated above?  So that others will look at them and say, "Damn, that chick looks amazing!  She has worked so hard, her symmetry is perfection…" and then hand them a check for such a miniscule amount that you know they are not doing it for the MONEY!

I am not complaining, only sharing my innermost thoughts and trying to figure it all out.  I do know that when, and if, that morning comes when I wake up, stumble to the bathroom, turn on the light, and look at myself in the mirror and think "Oh, my God, my body is EXACTLY where I want it to be.  It is as perfect as it can ever be and I’ve achieved my wildest dream!", I will continue over to my laid-out gym clothes, sleepily pull ‘em on, and get my perfect "apple bottom" to the gym.  So I guess that’s why I do it, and what I will always do.  It’s now a part of my "everyday", it’s what I do, and it’s who I am.  My name is Brooke and I workout hard, and I am very strict with my diet, and it is worth it to me, and THAT makes ME happy.

That’s really it, isn’t it?  I do this with no absolute goal in mind, but as long as it makes ME happy, I’m gonna keep on doin’ it!

Ramble done, my friends.  Thanks for listening.  And keep doing what makes YOU happy!

It’s been one of those great weeks, my friends!  My diet has been spot on, my workouts have been strong, and my life brings me joy!  We all go through fits-n-starts, do we not?  Days and/or weeks that just SUCK, and we wonder why we even bother striving for something that sometimes either seems unattainable or not really worth the effort.  When I look at everything I do, personally, to achieve the goals I desire, I think, "GIRL, YOU’RE CRAZY!

 I used to be a "junk food junkie".  There weren’t many fast food joints I would drive past; rather I would "drive thru" and pick up a Big Smack with a side of trans fats.  How did I get from there to where I am today?  It’s not that I don’t desire or crave that fast food anymore, ’cause I do!, my mindset if just…..different.  I don’t think about the immediate "buzz" I will get from that food, instead, I think about how it will effect my body tomorrow and the next day.  Will my abs "pop", my biceps "peak", and my quads "sweep" tomorrow if I have the Big Smack today?  Is it a "sacrifice" to NOT hit that drive thru?

I no longer can answer that question "Yes!"  Is it will-power, dedication, motivation, hindsight, vision, perfectionism, confidence, or strength that allow me to drive past that "drive thru" and not feel the pang (or pain) of loss, of "missing out" somehow?

I’m not sure what it is.  I think, in general, it’s that what I’m striving for is so much bigger than the minutiae of those moments of pleasure borne by consuming that junk.  Do I still enjoy a "treat" now and again?  Yes.  Do I experience guilt for it?  No. 

This week has been an epiphany for me.  I AM motivated, and I feel strong and proud of the decisions that I have to make each and every minute of every day to achieve the results I am seeking.  When I reach those goals, what will I do?  I’m really not sure and, at times, it scares me.  But life experience tells me that I will set new goals, make new decisions and continue on this path that I have chosen….or has it chosen me?

This is who I am, what I do, these are the decisions that I gladly make, and each and every day is a new beginning.  NEVER a sacrifice.  Stay motivated, my friends!!

P.S.  I can’t promise that next week will be a "great" one, but I can promise that I will learn something about who I am and what "sacrifices" I am willing to make to reach my goals.  I continuously learn that it IS worth it and I am proud of the choices I make each day!