Muscularity & Women: Source of embarrassment?
I’ve been shaping my physique for 3 years, 7 months. Not shorter, not longer. That’s it. It’s been a rollercoaster of ups and downs, highs and loooooooowwwwws, elation and frustration. Just now, I am beginning to realize the true ramifications of the lifestyle I, as a committed, dedicated, perhaps addicted (?) iron-slingin’ chick, have chosen. The least of which is VERY early mornings at the gym, the most of which is admiration and respect from most of the people I encounter every day of my life.
I’ve built some respectable muscle. I’m just now working on the leaning out and, during this process, I’m realizing what a [vicious?] cycle I’ve created for myself. As I become leaner, I realize that I have NOWHERE near the amount of muscle I desire! WTF? Now, I’ll want/need to do a "bulk" at some point? Are you effin’ kidding me? That $hit scares the crap outta me…Oh, well, again, it’s a choice, and I’ve chosen it and I have a love-hate relationship with this "choice". Is it a "choice" at this point? Me thinks not so much.
The true "gist" of this rambling blog you ask? GET TO THE EFFIN’ POINT, WOMAN! you are screaming…
The past month has been an eye-opener for me. It’s not that I’m "huge", that I look like the brick ****house I desire to be, but I think this "leaning out" has lended itself to making my muscles [appear] larger to the average Joe/Joanna. I am not imagining the stares, the whispers, and the spoken and/or muttered comments. A man at my office has asked me about my workouts and has assured me (after my pointed question, "Are my biceps too big?") that I look "FANTASTIC", "awesome", "great"; yet as I walk past him in the hallways, he just shakes his head and smiles…almost looking, dare I say, intimidated by me? Say it isn’t so!!!! No one offers to lift the heavy boxes for me anymore people! Not that I would allow them to anyway, but you know what I’m sayin’. I may look strong, I very well may BE strong, but that doesn’t mean that a lil chivalry along the way would offend me! Just the offer. I would say "No thanks, I got it", but that’s not the point.
One day, about 3 weeks ago, I was at the grocery store, milling around the produce in yet another one of my countless sleeveless shirts, when I noticed that two 20-something young men seemed to be following me. I was becoming a little wary of their presence and tried to distance myself from them, but it seemed as though we were on the same shopping schedule. Every lane I went down, they were either behind me, or in front of me, coming the opposite direction. I felt their stares, and heard their whispers. But it wasn’t those things that bothered me. It was when one of them did that coughing thing where you cough and say something at the same time, but have every intention of the person you’re aiming the comment towards hearing you AND understanding your comment? You know what I mean, right? I think the most well-known phrase is a cough while saying "Bull$hit"…AHA! NOW you definitely know what I mean! Well, the word this young man spoke embarrassed me to no end, and I think it is something that I will ALWAYS remember, either until the day I decide this lifestyle isn’t for me, that looking buff is not attractive, or until the day I die, whichever comes first. He coughed, yet also clearly said "MUSCLES!" at the same time, all the while looking at me under hooded eyes and a slightly bowed head. I just kept going, probably smirking a little along the way, all the while thinking, "Are my muscles too big?, Should I wear shirts with sleeves even when it’s 90 degrees outside?, Should I just stick with cardio from now on?…"
This past weekend, at a Detroit Tigers baseball game at Comerica Park, I found that I have become the sort of person I never really liked. The one who doesn’t smile or have eye contact with strangers, because I could FEEL the stares from other women. I did not see ONE, NOT ONE, fit-looking chick that night. I was an anomaly, an oddball, a "freak" to some, I’m sure…but inside I was beaming with pride, because I KNOW that 90% of those stares are bred by insecurity and envy. If they want it, they’re gonna have to do the same Godforsaken hard ass work that I’ve done!
I asked one of my best girlfriends to assess my arms the next time we got together and give me her brutally honest opinion. She did. She said "Your arms are NOT too big. They look good….My goal is to have arms like yours…I want people to look at me and know that I workout, even when at rest. Even when you are sitting and talking, you can see that you workout. That’s MY goal!"
I get the "OMG! Do you workout?" from the teeny-bopper, skinny-fat chicks at the mall, the "Nice guns!" from the random [male] stranger, the "You must workout ALLLLL the time" comments from everyone, the looks of disbelief when I respond, "No, I don’t"…
I guess I’m at a crossroads in this life I have chosen. Do I take pride in the gains I have made, not only in muscle, but in confidence, energy and self-esteem? Or do I let others dictate how much muscle is TOO much? Since the comments and stares are only sure to escalate from this point forward, and since I’ve only increased my intensity at the gym, and reaffirmed my commitment to eating clean, I suppose my decision has been made. I’VE made the decision. I will continue to progress, to move forward, to enjoy the frustrations and rewards of this difficult lifestyle we have chosen. Stare, whisper, mutter, giggle, laugh, admire, compliment, criticize - whatever makes YOU feel better about your pathetic physique, but BACK OFF, cuz Buffy Buffington is just gonna get buffer.
July 26, 2009 at 5:34 pm
Tha average person should be embarrassed for looking soft and slender. There is no such thing as too much muscular developement. Regardless of age/sex/gener/aspiration.
July 26, 2009 at 5:38 pm
Yes that is the catch 22 of it all. My mom use to tell me that you can’t please everyone. No mater what you do there will be someone that will not like it. I say press on. Nice arms BTW.
July 26, 2009 at 5:40 pm
I say feck em! You,ve worked hard for your body and if they don,t get that then thats their problem its what you want that matters! If you want 18" arms don,t let anyone tell you no if you wanna be shedded its your choice. Goals in life are a good thing without them whats the point ? I applaud you and look foward to the day someone ask me if I workout !
July 26, 2009 at 7:00 pm
You could always move out here to California. No one out here would give you these kinds of hassles ;@)
July 26, 2009 at 7:05 pm
Women with huge muscles are ugly…they also take steroids. Women who bust their a** at the gym and eat right, like you, look fantastic. There are plenty of women out there who look good but those who workout and have actual muscle are the women who I appreciate and admire. Yes, you are sexier too. Follow your passion.
July 27, 2009 at 12:19 pm
I disagree, I don’t think huge muscles makes a woman ugly. What’s wrong with huge lean muscles if the person still possess a completely feminine shape and form?
July 27, 2009 at 7:57 pm
Keep lifting !
July 31, 2009 at 6:36 am
LADY!!! SCREW THEM!! You know that 99% of these so called PEOPLE are totally JEALOUS because they look like CRAP & don’t have the GUMPTION to get off there lazy BUTTS & do anything different! This is a lifestyle for us, full of SACRIFICE, DEDICATION & POSITIVE THINKING! BE PROUD of your accomplishments. Lift STRONG & BE BLESSED! You look AMAZING, Dave.
August 5, 2009 at 11:05 am
i think it’s a personal preference. i like to see a chick with some muscles, yet i admit i’m a bit offended when my husband walks in the room and says "diesel!" even though comming from someone else i would be flattered. i finally had a talk with him recently telling him that i feel like the man in the relationship when he says that so i expect to still be treated and spoken to like a woman from him. he seems in awe of me when i’m cut and tighter, but then when i’m softer he will seem almost more attracted… leading me to accuse him of being a chubby chaser haha… anyway the point is…. i see chicks out when we go shopping and i say whoa look at her body! and he’ll be unimpressed, but then he’ll think someone’s a total babe that i think is just average… reason? preference. i just like a tougher gal than he does… i say go with where you are more comfortable as a person. i seem to be more comfortable with others when i’m softie, but i am uncomfortable with myself in those time. that disconnect almost depresses me, so i think you just really have to go with who YOU are and what YOU want.
and i do think some of the comments like the guys in the store is a lack of education… if they knew how much work it took for us gals… they’d have more respect and i think that discipline is also attractive… again… my perspective… i say you are hot though so assuming you agree.. go for the muscles girl!
August 14, 2009 at 8:58 am
..lol @ >coughcoughcoughcough
August 23, 2009 at 10:27 am
I can SO relate to this. It’s like you’re elated when someone recognizes your hard work and gives a true compliment and then you feel horribly low and confused, perhaps embarrassed based on another person’s comment or even their "compliment." And the irony, is that most of us do this entirely for ourselves, to better ourselves. So why are we placing so much importance on what people say & think? It’s human nature, but it has no room in our fitness life.
November 19, 2009 at 9:47 am
From someone who gave up being a gym rat for a couch potato for the last ten years and finally woke up out of my coma and decided to get back in shape. I so get your love/hate emotional roller coaster you live on. Those people that are making those comments are the "want everything handed to them" crowd. No one hands you a body like yours. You earn it. You should always be proud. I’m living proof of how hard it is both physically and emotionally to get yourself in shape. I have so far to go and want to quit everyday. But then I see you and know if I persevere I’ll one day come close. You’re in a unique group. Stand proud and tall. Don’t ever let the "out of shapers" bring you down to their level.