smorgan1227’s BodyBlog

Today I had practice posing and progress pictures with c_nicki from bodyspace.  Look her up.  Not only is she an awesome makeup artist, personal trainer, fashion expert, she is also a great friend. She was meeting with my brother today to do progress pictures.  My daughter and I met her to take pictures too.  She really helped me with my posing.  We will both be competing at the May 9, 2009 NPC show in Hayward.  We are competing buddies.  For today we were just posers… lol..
When we were all done taking pictures of ourselves scantly clad, we had a little fun just shooting fun fashion pictures.  I can’t wait to post some of them.

It was a good day.  Always is a good day spent with my brother.

Ok, folks, one would think that eating a few pieces of fudge and a few truffles would be no big deal.  I am sure that is the truth of the matter, because that is what I did, Christmas day, and Christmas Eve.  Now a week later I am fighting a cold.  I have not been sick since I started to eat clean.

Is sugar really that bad for you?  I think it is bad for you, but I have to admit, it was an equation of many unhealthy practices.  Here is what my holiday equation looked like.  Boy I guess when I throw caution to the wind, I do it in completeness…

Fudge + No time to take vitamins + staying up really late + lot’s of guest and constant activity + no exercise =  a cold…….

I hope I have learned my lesson…. Yikes…. I feel like crap….

I hate New Years Resolutions.  I am determined to not have them.  I love goals.  "What is the difference", you may ask.

My thought of a resolution involves being disappointed with an action or habit and giving myself a start date to make a complete 180.  A resolution says, "Gosh darn it, I can’t believe I have this bad habit, starting January 1, 2009, I am going to put it to rest forever."

Unfortunately, what usually happens is that by January 15th or so, that nasty habit rears it’s ugly head again, and we give ourselves another year to bask in it’s control over us, only resolving to try again in 2010.

A goal on the other hand is something to be obtained.  A new good habit or action that we give ourselves an action plan and needed time to achieve. I love sitting down at the beginning of the year and looking at all the important areas of my life; such as, Family, Church, Friendships, Work, Health.  A goal involves realistic evaluation of the past year and a plan that involves specific steps of action towards improving or changing a particular area of life.  It gives oneself an entire year to make the changes.

I was reminded yesterday when I was helping my 13 year old daughter clean her room. I wouldn’t want to bore you with the details of how dirty her room really was.  However, we will just say that I think small animals were spending their winter hibernation in her room.

As we cleaned the task seemed more and more overwhelming.    I said to Samantha, "Do you know the answer to the question, How do you eat an elephant?"  She said, "No".  I said, "One bite at a time". That is how life is meant to be tackled.  Not as a whirlwind change. But as small daily steps in the correct direction.  As with her room, we need to focus each day on the task at hand.  Not ignore the problems until they are to overwhelming to change.  We need to know where we want to end up, so that our journey is not in vain.  Sometimes a habit is the the A in the A + B = C equation.  Changing our mindset, our goals and our direction is just as important as wanting to change the habit.

No resolutions for me this year, only goals and direction changes.  With that said, I need to go spend some time evaluating my direction and come up with an action plan.

Today I had to run to the pg&e office to pay my electrical bill.  Ok, yes, I needed to go pay it so I would have electricity to light my Christmas tree. I can be the queen of procrastination.

Anyways, I went there right after I worked out so I was in sweat pants and a tank top.  Still to hot to put my sweatshirt on.  The gal working the counter asked me if I was cold. "No", I said, "I just got done working out". She then went on to say she should start working out again, and all the excuses why she doesn’t, yada, yada, yada….Then as I was walking out the door she says in a loud voice, "Man I need to go to the gym so I can eat anything I want and look like YOU!"… After a loud chuckle, I said,"Oh, I don’t eat anything I want!"  Which she replied to by saying, "well, you you know, in moderation of course.."  I just laughed and turned to my daughter and said,"she would die if she knew how I really ate.

Where do people get the idea that if you work out you can eat anything you want?  I suppose that is why so many never change.  They go work out, then eat more, and wonder why they don’t have the bodies they see in magazines.  I guess she will just have to go on thinking the way she does.  She is just a workout away from a perfect body, lol…..in moderation of course!

I am not even sure where to start with this post.

A while back I wrote a post about how frustrated I was with the people around me who refused to take care of themselves. One of the people I mentioned was my ex-husband.  So, why should I still care.  Well, mainly because we have three beautiful children together.

My kids live half the time with me and half with their dad.  So, regardless of how healthy I try to feed them, he feeds them very unhealthy.  Let’s all face it.  If your a teenager and one house feeds you food that taste really good, and then mom tries to feed you whole wheat noodles, etc, being with mom is torture.

The saddest part about it, is that my daughter has learned to eat just like her dad.  She is only 12 and struggles with her weight already.  My mom went through a spell where she was constantly nagging my daughter and myself about her weight.  I finally had to tell my mom, hey lay off of her or we are not going to be around much.  And, while you are at it, be a good example yourself.  That is the best that I can do at this point, show her a healthier way.

With that said, time passes.  However, and amazing thing happened in my daughters life this year.  She fell in love with volleyball.  She actually acquired amazing skills, even with her weight slowing her down.  After the season was over she decided that she wanted to get into shape on the off season and really be good for Volleyball next year.

I decided that it would be good to bring her along on a few photo shoots with some fitness models so that she would have even more positive role models. It certainly has helped.
She started to eat clean, on and off… Then for Christmas she asked if she could get a membership to my gym.   I was thrilled.  Last week I signed her up.  I have been training her on lifting.  She is already firming up.  She will turn 13 in a few weeks.  I think she is finally figuring out that eating clean is a lifestyle.  She wants education on how and why to eat certain things.  I am so proud of her for making all these decisions on her own.  I can’t wait to post some pictures eventually of her before and after.  She is so beautiful.  I love working out with her.  I am more proud of her than I can even express.  I pray she fully embrasses this lifestyle. Perhaps she will be a good example to her dad.

p.s. not to be outdone, her 16 year old brother decided to eat clean too.  So I only have one son and a husband left.  Unfortunately, they are both naturally thin and see no need to torture themselves with my diet. lol…

Today when I was getting dressed I put my jeans on as usual and slipped into my boots.  As I turned sideways in the mirror to survey the outfit I couldn’t help but notice that my body looked just like hers.  Who is "her" you may ask.  Well I would guess it was 5 or 6 years back, that I saw this adorable young woman at the store with her boyfriend or husband.  I can remember thinking, "wow, she has the most amazing body.  I have worked out all my life and I just can’t seem to ever look like that"  Well, this morning my friends, I looked like her.

This realization caused me to ponder a few things.  First, gosh darn it that I didn’t start eating clean back in high school. Second, thank you Jesus.

My brother and I were having the conversation the other day about our poor eating habits as teenagers.  He reminded me how much I worked out, etc for volleyball.  He said, "Can you imagine how great you would have looked back then if you had been eating right?"  So my response was, "I wonder if you ate clean when you wrestled if you would have ever had to cut weight?"  Who is teaching our young people how to eat?  Commercialism is teaching the young generation how to eat.  My husband and son torture me with endless hours of the cooking channel.  Not to mention how hard it is to see all the fast food commercials on tv constantly.

I am so very thankful, over and over again to be eating clean.  Not just because I look better, but because I feel better too.  Thank you so very much Jamie!

Contest date May 9, 2009, NPC Hayward. With the help of Jason Phillips, Heather Clay and Controlled Labs products, I am shooting to win. I am going to keep these post short and sweet. I will update weight, fat percentage, workouts and any other items related to contest preparations.

Supplements currently taking: Controlled Labs Purple Wraath, Orange Triad, protein powder

Current weight : 123
I need to be 120 by the middle of January

Contest weight:  Shooting for about 115

Just beginning to practice my posing.  I will be borrowing a suit from a friend

My macros at this point are 25%fat/ 38% protein / 38% carbs

Eating about 1500-1800 calories a day depending on activity

Ok, so I am committed to May 9, NPC in Hayward, CA…

I have been researching and learning as much as I can.  I think I have the right posing ideas, and I have begun to practice.  After watching videos and reading articles I have decided to take the focus off of building muscle in my legs and pay more attention to my back, lats and shoulders.  I will do crazy cardio the last few weeks or so and lean out my legs.

I have dyed my hair brown because:

1.  It is my natural color so I can go without make-up easier.  This will be important when i am working out more than once a day.

2.  It is not as hard on my hair as bleaching it.  This will be important when I am washing it so often.

3.  I was just plain ready for a change..

Five months out.  Seems far away but I know it is just around the corner.  I am really excited!  Any training or eating tips would be awesome.

I want to take a moment to look at the dark side of me.  My number one pet peeve… people who refuse to take care of themselves, even at the cost of those around them.

I have been mulling these thoughts in my mind again because my dad is currently in the hospital.  He is only 64 and has congestive heart failure.  He is a little guy, and I always thought he was in good shape.  My mom was a nurse, and she is basically a healthy person.  But my dad was a wild seed. He wont admit it, but he had many good times at the cost of his health.  He is not a drug addict.  If he were, he would have been gone long ago, because he doesn’t do anything half way.

A couple years ago my dad almost died in the hospital of congestive heart failure.  The doctor said,  "that is it, no more drinking and smoking cigars.  You need to take your medicine!"  Here we are two years later.  Dad was good for a while, but then slowly went off the meds and started drinking again.  Slowly put himself back in the hospital.

This reminds me of another person who has been very frustrating in my life.  That would be my first husband.  We met in college.  He was a handsome, smart, outgoing baseball player.  We dated and got engaged.  In order to graduate and get married he took 28 units his last two semesters and  gave up baseball his last year.  We had been dating a year and were engaged a year before we got married.   During our engagement he slowly gained weight.  I don’t mean a little weight.  He went from 185 to 350 lbs.  I am not a shallow person so something like that was not going to stop me from loving him.  We got married and within the first few months he was diagnosed with adult onset diabetes at 22….  Now if this were me, I would have gone on a strict diet and brought my life back into control.  But he never did.  He just kept eating what he wanted and got sicker and sicker…..  The sicker he got, the meaner he got…  Over the years I got more and more angry with him.  I got sick to my stomach every time he covered his plate with ranch dressing, or got a monster size bowl of ice cream covered in fudge topping and whipping cream.   The size portion that should feed a family.  I got to where I hated food and his love relationship with it.  I don’t know of many things harder than watching someone you love slowly kill themselves.

Needless to say, that marriage ended.  I didn’t bother him about how he ate.  I would never have let him know how discusted I was on the inside with his eating.  But as he got sicker and meaner he became abusive.  He was angry all the time and unhappy.  I have since gotten divorced and remarried to a wonderful man.  However, I have three children with my first husband.  He is passing on to them his bad eating habits.  He is 39 years old and has an insulin pump.  Still he bakes brownies and desserts all the time "for the kids".  If they are for the kids, why does he eat half the batch in one sitting?  Come on….

I am not afraid of dying.  But I want to really live.  I don’t want to have a hard time walking, or running, or breathing or spending time with people. I don’t understand how people can be content to feel like crap all the time!  I hate being around people who complain about how sick they feel, and yada yada yada…. DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!!  Now if you have no control over how bad you feel, or whatever ailment you have that is understandable.  I have sympathy for those people.  But when it is your own fault wake up to reality and make a change….Stop slowly killing yourself.  Your killing the relationships with people around you in the process…

I haven’t endulged in 7 months.  Yesterday I had a lot of dessert.  Half a cookie here, sliver a pie there, little bit of chips and dip here.  Man, I feel like crap today… It was worth it, but I think I will go ahead and eat clean at Christmas.  Maybe just one or two pieces of fudge…