I put the ’skin’ in skinny

Does this shit have psycho-active crap in it? Though I get the excellent farts thereby de-bloating my raunchy little tum tum, I get some bloody insane dreams… like, what was I doing in the Olympics on rollerskates doing 400-odd backflips… FOR THE CANADIAN TEAM?! Why was I fighting in WW3 in some bizarre realm of mind? I could go in depth on these trippy but ridiculously vivid dreams but I can’t even adequately describe them, unlike Shay Laren’s butt — tasty.

Why do I feel like crap in the brain today? I’m more vague than an alan greenspan response to a simple question.

Stuff this crap. I think I’ll stick with the creatine from these chaps though. It’s like Shay Laren’s butt.

I’ve been MIA. Why? Well, quite simply because THE PEOPLE WHO RULE THE INTERNETS (moar like INERT NETS AMIRITE?!) ARE SLOW AND SUCK BAWWWWLS!

xD

So I’m awaiting my reconnection with the real world (as opposed to this verisimilitudinous existence outside the intarwebs) but it’s taking a while due to the ineptitude of certain fascist piglet DNS homobuttbangers.

I still lift things, though.

See ya soon, nobody that ever reads this. ^_~

So, I hate it when people start their blogs or stories with "So…" so i just did that to annoy myself.

*Punches self in face*

Pff, wimp.

Moving on, I enjoy breasts. I just thought I’d put that out there seeing as I had a title that would have had nothing to do with anything unless I mentioned the female milk holder.

On with the show. I was lifting one of those erally long bars with weighty things on the end and I’m going, "My goodness me, my dear girl, I do believe that my left arm is somewhat more pitifully weak than my right as it seems to me that my ability to propel this bar upward is significantly less with my left side, my sweetness and cheese."

[Translated: What the ****?!?! ****in **** ****in left ****in arm … ****!]

Upon reaching the conclusion of a few repetitions of said exercise, it dawns on my angelic wife that she’s stuck an extra bit of weight on one side.

I thusly slapped her about, kicked her down the stairs and embedded a claw hammer in her skull for being a dumbass.

Let this be a cautionary tale to those who would defy logic and sensible training protocols (about which I have no idea).

Now that I’ve shared this with you, I have a question that perhaps someone may have an answer to:

What’s a good way to dispose of a 27 year old female body undetected?

I know, it shocked me too.

What the hell is that title meant to mean, you ask? Simply this: I don’t eat babies and I’m not a dingo. I hope that cleared that up.

Anywhich, looking back at the previous post of mine I got to wondering, who was the gwumpy widdle man who wote dat?

Apparently I’m to blame but this doesn’t jive with my hip ‘blameless’ reputation so I’ll just blame you, the reader. Yes, you. Your fault. Horrible person that ye are.

Anywhen, over the past few days I’ve realised that I don’t EAT enough. (I made enquiries into black market babies that can be sold as consumables but the FBI said I would likely get into trouble so I’ve forgone that course of action–FYI). Thus, from this point on I shall be eating everything with any nutritional value: grass, sidewalks, Cessnas, old people, toenails, linoleum–you know, the stuff they recommend we ‘hardgainers’ eat. Cessnas are hard to get a hold of here in Tasmania so, in my grand attempts to procure one, I bought myself a rocket propelled grenade launcher to shoot one down to munch on. But I ate it. I know, I’m stupid. It just looked so nutritious sitting there all grenadey and metallic. Hey, I’m only human.

Also, the other day I forgot the dosage of the creatine I’m supposed to throw into my system and overdosed. Unlike River Phoenix, I didn’t end up a sprawling mess on the sidewalk outside Johnny Depp’s The Viper Room, however…

I did make lots of poopie with a glue-like consistency.
Til next time, auf leiderhosen.

Muscletech creatine = BULLSHIT ADVERTISING ****ING SHIT and all these programs to get skinny ****s like me bulkier or put on weight are equally full of shit.

All I’;ve done is get ****ing skinnier.

Brilliant.

**** you muscletech and your exorbitantly over-priced lolly-water bullshit.

Hi, how ya doin’? I don’t really care what your answer is if you’re one of the many poseurs on this site. You people aren’t here to share tips and knowledge with us beginners; you’re here to get ego boosts from your contemporaries and "compete" for the much coveted front page, most looked at profiles.

That’s pretty much the very definition of nutsecksing or, for women, attention whoring. You can do that on almost any networking site on the net and, believe me, there’s more than a goatse’s buttload of those already. Why bring your inanity here?

I recall perusing the actual bodybuilding.com site and saw that Kris Gethen (maybe I got the name wrong; I don’t really care) recommended joining up on a place like this–actually this place, specifically–as it would be beneficial to us new***s starting out to get some feedback, positive/negative criticisms and support from those who had ‘been there, done that, ate the dingo,’ but nope, the very people who would be most suited to doling out such things are too busy flaunting around, thinking they’re heroes or beautiful people, trying to hook up with other narcissistic gym***s.

GO TO MYSPACE, SPICEPAD, BANGME, OR ADULTMATCHMAKER OR ALT.NET and keep this place for those interested in the actual eponymous subject.

Also, I’ve decided not to record crap in that workout thing. Why? I’m glad you asked, ye who can read.

I think the majority of you are full of it. Yep, you’re doing an ace ventura and talking out your ass as per how much weight you can bench.

That’s infantile, puerile, childish, teenaged (yes, tautologous–suck it) one upmanship laced with the lies of THE DEVIL, SATAN BEASTS!

So, how many of you exactly are bench pressing 747s this week?

^_~

Lovely title, no?

Whatevs, man. Whatevs. Anyway, knowing no superhero on this site will read this as you’re all too busy kissing each other’s asses than to bother about a skinny no-hoper like me, I wonder: why the hell was I so weak today as compared to all my other days?

I dunno. It’s quite perplexing. Perhaps someone may read this and help me out but after reading the mighty [booms like a knowledgeable, omniscient thunder god] MISTER ARIES!!!! telling everyone who asks him for advice to basically f*ck off, I won’t bother attempting to solicit any advice from you narcissistic *******s (if you’re like that bacterial infection, that is).

Skubmeister, out.

Yep, a modern day Titan is me, all right. There’s no denying the fact that underneath this scrawny frame lies a monster waiting to get out (some tell me this is because I’m possessed but they miss the point–thus I push them in front of trains).

Anyhow, today is "Workout" day which means, like a viking berzerker, I shall lift things of a rather heavy nature. Like my ass off this seat at some point.

This will be my first hit at deadlifts so what’s the bet I return with a crushed spine to the point that I’m nothing more than a quivering blob of custardy-flesh?

I shall report back my findings.

Hi there. This is my blog. It will be the best blog in history. So sayeth the Skub.