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Did another circuit of compound moves.

Deadlifts with 2 45 pound plates 4 sets

Squats 5 sets with 50, 100, 120 pounds

Assisted chin ups 4 sets

Dips 4 sets

Rows with dumbells 25, 30, 35, and 40 pounds

3 sets of bodyweight calf raises

1 set of barbell rows with 50 pounds, but it hurt so I stopped

3 sets of Arnold shoulder presses

4 sets of clean and presses 20 and 35 pound barbells (during which FT asked to take my picture for the gym FB page, but then changed his mind when I didn’t have any gym gear on…next time).

 30 minutes of cardio–was a bit torturous.

Ate too little, but ok during the day. Ate a good dinner after the gym. Feel good. Water!

It is acutally much better than it sounds. My dad is ill. I needed to get him and my son some breakfast this morning and get my cardio in, so I ran to Dunkin Donuts and got them egg sandwiches and myself the eggwhite sandwich and ran back home. It’s called multi-tasking.

Today was the first day I actively stopped sabotaging myself and my diet. The diet is the easiest thing to **** up and I didn’t today. In the last few weeks I have been on my diet, water, lifting and cardio. Things have really fallen into place, and today went well. I didn’t get to the gym this morning…houseguests…but I decided to walk to the train from my house for a little movement.

I ate well at work although I did have raisins and cranberries in my salad which pushes my carbs up a bit. I thought to cut them the rest of the day to balance my carb intake a bit.

Anyway, I got back to town after working late and ran into my friend S and decided to walk with her home. I had second thoughts about it too because I really needed to pee, but it was nice to see S so off we went. I walked with her as far as I could then we parted ways because she lives in a different direction than me at that point.

Anyway I walked on and my hubs called me and told me that our neighbor had found my dad in our car sleeping or passed out or something. She is a nurse and helped him into the house and he evidently told her he was fine. She called my husband but couldnt’ reach him and left a message about what had happened. When he came home to get our car to go pick up our son from daycare he found my dad passed out/sleeping and wet (sorry dad!), not sure of what time it was. He had to leave him to run and get our son before daycare closed.

I hear this and I’m about half a mile away so I keep on going to get home and see what’s up. My hubs and son drove up as I walked up and I went in to see my dad. He was sort of passed out and half naked when I walked in and a Chinese talk show was playing on his radio. He says to me, "Got anything to eat? I’m starving!" He was WAYYYY out of it. I’m like JF’inC! So I give him some crackers that were in the drawer and some water. I run to the pharmacy to get his missing meds (which he has been taking wrong for who knows how long according to the pharmacist! Sh*t!). I go back and hubs had made him a little sandwich and he had more water. He took all his pills and gave himself the anti-coagulant shot in his belly. Then he threw up and I cleaned it up and him up got him more food and settled him in. I told him I think he needs in home care because this is unacceptable and I have to go to work, so someone needs to be there with him. He didn’t disagree, but he also didn’t know it was night, not morning. Fu*k!

Anyway, I was hungry throughout all this as my body demands food on a regular schedule, so I went to my fallback nuts–almonds and cashews. I helped my dad out some more, putting on underwear, taking him to the toilet, putting on PJs, more water and Tylenol. Laundry. Sigh.

I was HUNGRY by the time him got settled. I had pizza in the fridge left over from Trader Joes and put it in a bowl and into the microwave, but as I did it I decided NO. I’m not going to sabotage myself. I don’t want to eat this pizza–at night–and look like a pizza for 3 days. It’s not worth it. There are foods and actions that are just not worth it and clearly so when my goals are in mind. So I made a protein shake and put in two seasoned pork tenderloins in the toaster over to cook. And I waited for them to cook and I ate pork, and spinach, and hummus, and a piece of cheese. My additional carbs for the day were less than 10g! And my fats and proteins were in line. I didn’t fu*k myself over! Not even after the stress and all that met me as I walked in the door of my house. Go Alissa!

I’m tired of my belly pooch. It’s not horrible, but I think part of it is laziness on my part. I need to suck in my stomach all the time, so I thought of this as something to remind me–tie a ribbon or something around my waist tightly (but not cutting me tight) to remind me to hold it in. All I could find in my office were an old pair of earbud headphones, so around the waist they went. So far so good. I’m sitting up straight and pulling in my belly. Let’s see how long I can keep this up. Somethings gotta give!

Is drinking protein shakes all day bad? I don’t feel like eating. Maybe it’s the heat.

This is going to sound totally fuc*ed up but I don’t have any female role models at the gym. There are plenty of women there who are skinnier than me, but I don’t consider them role models because while they are skinny they don’t look like I want to look…ripped and muscular with feminine contours. There are plenty of women at the gym whom I am now leaner (they look about the same as they did when I started 70 or whatever pounds ago). They are hardcore on the cardio. I don’t see them lifting many weights though and they do classes (aerobics, which probably do have some sort of weight component). None of these women are pumping much iron though. The people with the best bodies at my gym…I hate to say it…are the men. Some of them are a mess of course (and I say mess with love as I was a damn mess when I started there too), but the leanest, tightest, muscley-est, bodies at Diamond are dudes. Honestly the best ones are rare there–those really ripped ones, but there are plenty of guys who look fine. No gut. No junk in the trunk. No flab. Not bulging with muscles, but pretty lean and tight. Since I want to be lean and tight…as I said, if I can’t flex it, I don’t need it…I have to look up to these dudes. In some ways I see my former trainer as my physical ideal, not so much how he is now although he’s fine too, but two things on him I want…one from when he was competing (he has a video of him before a show back in the day where he contracted his serratus muscles)

It’s the muscles to the side of the upper abs and pectoralis (chest) kind of serrated (cut up) looking in this picture…man that was so SICK in that video. I was impressed! He also has good "wheels" (legs) like he can shake out his quads and they are just sitting there all meaty. So I want sick serratus (0% bodfat! hello?) and nice meaty quads (which I already sort of have…my legs are big and muscular, just got a band of fat around the top part that obscures them still). I have to use a man or men in my gym as physical role models, because there are no women for me to look up to in terms of ripped muscularity (natural female bodybuilding style). There is only one woman who is a bodybuilder at the gym (that I know of) and her physique is quite impressive, but not what I’m going for…she is more like the pro bb physique, which is larger than I want. So for now it’s the dudes. Maybe the universe will deliver a few hardcore women for me to bond with soon. Come on universe! I know you can do it. I need some females at the gym.

My dear friend is hosting a cookout. I said I wasn’t available on the 18th because I’ll be at a bodybuilding show. She asked if I was competing. I’m still laughing. Sweetheart!

If I can’t flex it, I don’t need it. Yesterday I did a body review video, similar to the one I did back in November 2008. I still have jiggly parts and I came to the conclusion, if I can’t flex it, I don’t need it (other than internal organs I suppose). What is the point of these loose and jiggly parts? I am glad to say that my fat is now like a candy coating encasing me as opposed to a bulgy wobbly bubble, so there has definately been improvement, but there’s more to do. Damn it! Breathe Alissa. Breathe. Whew. Patience, time, hard work, dedication to a goal (having a goal first), will get me there. May be a while, but may not. Let’s do this.

I feel muscle-y today. I just flexed a bicep and shook out my quads and they are both muscle-y and less flab-y. Yay. That’s it. My jiggle is a bit less today. Yay.

I feel muscle-y today. I just flexed a bicep and shook out my quads and they are both muscle-y and less flab-y. Yay. That’s it.