Today was the first day I actively stopped sabotaging myself and my diet. The diet is the easiest thing to **** up and I didn’t today. In the last few weeks I have been on my diet, water, lifting and cardio. Things have really fallen into place, and today went well. I didn’t get to the gym this morning…houseguests…but I decided to walk to the train from my house for a little movement.
I ate well at work although I did have raisins and cranberries in my salad which pushes my carbs up a bit. I thought to cut them the rest of the day to balance my carb intake a bit.
Anyway, I got back to town after working late and ran into my friend S and decided to walk with her home. I had second thoughts about it too because I really needed to pee, but it was nice to see S so off we went. I walked with her as far as I could then we parted ways because she lives in a different direction than me at that point.
Anyway I walked on and my hubs called me and told me that our neighbor had found my dad in our car sleeping or passed out or something. She is a nurse and helped him into the house and he evidently told her he was fine. She called my husband but couldnt’ reach him and left a message about what had happened. When he came home to get our car to go pick up our son from daycare he found my dad passed out/sleeping and wet (sorry dad!), not sure of what time it was. He had to leave him to run and get our son before daycare closed.
I hear this and I’m about half a mile away so I keep on going to get home and see what’s up. My hubs and son drove up as I walked up and I went in to see my dad. He was sort of passed out and half naked when I walked in and a Chinese talk show was playing on his radio. He says to me, "Got anything to eat? I’m starving!" He was WAYYYY out of it. I’m like JF’inC! So I give him some crackers that were in the drawer and some water. I run to the pharmacy to get his missing meds (which he has been taking wrong for who knows how long according to the pharmacist! Sh*t!). I go back and hubs had made him a little sandwich and he had more water. He took all his pills and gave himself the anti-coagulant shot in his belly. Then he threw up and I cleaned it up and him up got him more food and settled him in. I told him I think he needs in home care because this is unacceptable and I have to go to work, so someone needs to be there with him. He didn’t disagree, but he also didn’t know it was night, not morning. Fu*k!
Anyway, I was hungry throughout all this as my body demands food on a regular schedule, so I went to my fallback nuts–almonds and cashews. I helped my dad out some more, putting on underwear, taking him to the toilet, putting on PJs, more water and Tylenol. Laundry. Sigh.
I was HUNGRY by the time him got settled. I had pizza in the fridge left over from Trader Joes and put it in a bowl and into the microwave, but as I did it I decided NO. I’m not going to sabotage myself. I don’t want to eat this pizza–at night–and look like a pizza for 3 days. It’s not worth it. There are foods and actions that are just not worth it and clearly so when my goals are in mind. So I made a protein shake and put in two seasoned pork tenderloins in the toaster over to cook. And I waited for them to cook and I ate pork, and spinach, and hummus, and a piece of cheese. My additional carbs for the day were less than 10g! And my fats and proteins were in line. I didn’t fu*k myself over! Not even after the stress and all that met me as I walked in the door of my house. Go Alissa!
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