size10chronicle 
"I am a bodybuilder!"
|
|
Archive for November, 2008
Friday, November 21st, 2008
Ok, so let’s talk about it. Trainer crushes. It’s an ugly topic, but it needs to be aired out right here and now. My own issue relates to my blog post "He gives me what I need"…I have some astrological attraction to my trainer, which I can’t do anything about the fact that he his 99% of my hot spots in that way, and this is compounded by the fact that he is "saving" me from my biggest and longest term personal problem–FAT! Hello?! Of course I’m crushing on him.
Anyone? What did you do about it? Get a new trainer? Marry them? I wanna hear your stories!
alissa@size10chronicles.com
Posted in Training
Thursday, November 20th, 2008
Had a good leg workout last night with McD. Filled with pain and suffering and grunting and whining. Those however were not the 45 minutes of hell of which I speak. After my workout he adjusted my cardio plan to 45 minutes walking on the treadmill “at a speed of no more than 3.5 and an incline of no more than 3.5. Walk at that pace and you will increase the oxygen you take in and burn more fat.” Sounds good right? Burn more fat…awesome, right? Hell no! This is like torture to me! Not that I’m the super cardio queen or anything. I do my 30 to 40 minutes (let’s keep it real..mostly 30) and my motto on the machines is “If you’re bored, you’re not working hard enough.” So when I get bored I up the intensity. Well if 3.5 is my top speed and incline, there’s really not anywhere to go to keep it interesting. Additionally, 30 minutes is something that by the time you’re getting sick of it, it’s over. Forty-five minutes is another level…of HELL!
It turned into a mental game…12 minutes…”Twelve from 45? Hmmmm…thirty-three more minutes…Shit.” 18 minutes. “Who’s coming into the door? Ok. “Hey girl!”” 23 minutes. “Keep walking. Feel the oxygen pouring into your body, burning up all that fat!” 27 minutes…”Oh almost done… Wait! No!! SHIT! Still 18 minutes to go. “Damnit Dwayne!”” 29 minutes…”That’s NO damned progress. OHHHHHHHHH! I wanna go home!” 31 minutes, 45 seconds….”F*ck!” 34 minutes, 13 seconds….”That just 10 minutes and change left. Yay!” 36 minutes….”NO! Why is this going so slow?” 37 minutes (Staring at the wall) “WTF, is going on with this wall? Is it straight? AHHHHHHHH!!!” 39 minutes, 36 seconds, “Ok, that’s like the rest of this song and one more. Come on. I can do this! Come on!” 45 minutes, 1 second–SLAM the STOP button. “Whew! I did it. Thank God that’s over! I am getting the hell out of here!” It wasn’t the cardio strain, it was the mental strain.
This morning was even worse. I usually go to the gym in the mornings, but the extra 15 minutes really f’ed with my schedule. I didn’t feel I would have time to get dressed, wipe some of the sleep grime off of myself to look presentable for the public, drive to Diamond, do the 45 minutes, drive home, shower, eat, get dressed and get on the 8:05 train to work, so I just did the 45 on my treadmill at home. Like last night it was hell, but I got through it though it (missed the 8:05 anyway though…damn).
Weirdly I was not motivated to go to Diamond either because of this slow walking stuff. It’s kind of embarrassing to walk that slow on the treadmill when everyone else is powerwalking, and running, and going up inclines so steep they have to hold on, and cross-training, and stairmastering around you. I’ll probably get over the embarrassment as I am doing it for a reason, but still, I looked like a slacker last night. On the other hand, I have seen people who cardio their asses off and to be honest (and I’m not the only one to have noticed this…so don’t think I’m just being a b*tch…some of the long time trainers and I had a conversation about this a while back) they don’t look any different than they did when I started 8 months ago, so hardcore cardio ain’t everything, I guess.
Peace!
alissa@size10chronicles.com
Posted in Training
Thursday, November 20th, 2008
Malene is my favorite cousin. She’s the one, of the 15 or 20 first cousins I have, to whom I am closest. She knows me quite well and I know her. We share a lifelong struggle with fat too, so there’s that bonding agent as well. We talk maybe once or twice a week, and text each other and such. She is cool people. Very funny, and has the good sense to think I am HILARIOUS! I like an audience! Haha.
Anyhoo, we were talking a few weeks ago and discussing ideal body types for ourselves. We’re both tall, like 5’8” and change, thick (she’s been thick, I’ve been either thick or fat) and cute (she’s cuter–exotic looking, I’m more standard “handsome” IMO). She’s had a hard year though and is pushing into my territory of fat (I’m not telling tales, she knows this.), at the same time I’m moving out of that territory. She keeps on saying, “I don’t want to be skinny, I want to keep my curves.” Honestly that is never something I say because I’ll worry about skinny, when fat is no longer an issue. I would like to keep my curves, but actually I’m going for muscular and hard, without being manly (and with some remaining tits and ass please)–fitness model shaped. I’m on my way and while she’s working out, she’s struggling a bit more (it’s understandable…she has had a tough year…so…).
So we were, as I noted above, talking about the bodies we want and she said, “I want to be able to be picked up by my man.” It’s funny because I had had the same thought, with a twist, I said, “I want to be able to jump into Chris’ arms without knocking him the hell over.” HAHA! We fell out laughing on that one. The really funny thing about that conversation was, later that day my husband, Chris picked me up out of the blue. I started laughing hysterically and he was like, “What?” It was the giddiness of being picked up by a man (without the help of a crane) and the irony of the conversation I had just had with my lovely cousin.
Cheers!
alissa@size10chronicles.com
Posted in Training
Wednesday, November 19th, 2008
I don’t come into work that often (work from home, lucky me), but when I’m here I LOVE to walk the halls with my every shrinking ass (come on ass…SHRINK!) and wait for someone to tell me how fab I look. I can’t help it, I LOVE it! I am working hard for this so it’s not like I tripped and lost 50+ pounds…I’m doing something for it!
Posted in Training
Wednesday, November 19th, 2008
anymore. Does that mean the hateration has begun? My BFF mentioned this to me the other day and I was like, "Duh! Of course no females are hating on me. They’re all nice!" But I noticed lately that I haven’t heard anything positive from them. Is that the start of that? Yuck!
Posted in Training
Wednesday, November 19th, 2008
That says it all! Come on end of work day (f*** a 2.5 hour meeting to get through) and come on Diamond Gym!
Why am I so much more hungry on fish protein days? I feel like I need to eat like twice as much when fish is the protien (not fatty fish but white fish). Advice?
Posted in Training
Wednesday, November 19th, 2008
I think so, that and the fact that dumb ass people are pissing me off. Ok….deep breath! Whew…that is not positive! I think the fact that I didn’t do cardio this morning is messing me up. I am usually pretty even tempered, happy and positive even, but right now I could punch the wall! I just hit my desk with my fist and that sh*t hurt, so I won’t be punching any walls! Hello?
I was vague on going to the gym tonight, but I am definately going because this lame mental state sucks too much! Hated it! *two snaps down*
Visit the webstie: www.size10chronicles.com
Posted in Training
Tuesday, November 18th, 2008
Ok, I admit it. I have been known to flex the glutes at certain times. I was just doing it standing in line at Duane Reade a few minutes ago, but that doesn’t count because I had on a raincoat and the only one who knew I was flexing was me. I also do it when leaning up against the counter at the front desk at the gym when I’m chatting with the staff or other members up there. Just tighten things up while I’m standing around.
Anyone? Anyone?
Posted in Training
Tuesday, November 18th, 2008
I look kind of grey this morning…and it’s not because I’m up at 3:30 am as usual working. Working is normal and I don’t look this awful normally, trust me. The cause of my greyness is what I ate yesterday. I’ve been thinking on this one for a few days and yesterday’s “experiment” confirmed it for me…what I eat shows…it shows right on my body–my skin and figure in particular (it affects my hair, nails and organs too, but those either grow too slow or I can see them in order to comment here). Anyway, as you may know I LOVE bodybuilding.com. I visit it often and looking at all those beautiful bodies and what they eat was part of the equation for me in figuring this one out, but it took my own personal experience to really drive it home.
Overall of late I have been feeling great! I seem to have broken through my plateau issues and am on my way to a size 12 (it was primarily a mental block I think, but now since my 14s are getting a bit looser it is a physical thing too)…but back to the point…what I eat directly SHOWS. All week I noticed when I touched myself and when my husband touched me there were all sorts of muscular and bony portrusions: hip bone poking out, knees clacking together, ribcage slicing through, back, shoulder, hip flexor, quads all coming on out. Belly flatter…I can see directly down south now, not just gut! Ha!
But again I digress…the greyness. I don’t know what in the carboholism was going on yesterday, but I ate them at EVERY meal…not just those first couple in the morning (plus, hello? it was NOT my carb day). I just felt for them. Otherwise I was eating pretty clean with the protein and veg. Lot’s of water. Last night however I broke with tradition and went to my knitting circle instead of the gym (even scheduled to train with McD–but cancelled–he wasn’t going to be available due to birthday festivities. Happy Birthday Dwayne!). They were having an Obamabration–food and drink…unusual for the group, but it WAS a special occasion. I ate rice and chicken with the ladies at about 8pm (WAYYYYYYY after it is ok to eat carbs…that’s not even a joke…) and then had like an ounce of Champagne (now I gave up drinking years ago and then took the 5 mindfulness trainings on retreat last month and “no intoxication” is in there), but we were toasting and I was being social (always a trap, that socializing) so I ate and drank. I also came home and ate about 1/4 cup of rum raisin ice cream.
I wasn’t worried about the food or drink itself. I knew I could and can go back to normal today and I will. I have enough confidence in myself to know that. And I’ve already laid out my fitness strategy for today and now that you mention it need to think about what to eat as the prepared appropriate food in the fridge that I can just grab is at a minimum right now. I guess I will pull out a bag of chicken from the freezer before heading back to bed tonight. But when I looked in the mirror this morning my skin had a greyish cast to it. The bones and muscles I had felt so sharply during the day were a bit more muted (BLOATING–carbohydrates==holding water…that’s what they do, you know). Not cool! So what I learned with my own “experiment” is: What I do shows–immediately–so what I do matters–in each moment. Eat clean==body beautiful. Alissa, let’s try and keep that in mind going forward.
Much Love!
Posted in Training
Monday, November 17th, 2008
Posted in Training
|
View all comments | Leave Comment