sinful-kitten’s BodyBlog

How often do you get into a situation you don’t have control over? Or maybe more accurately, you THINK you have no control over? For what ever reason you can’t or won’t do what needs to be done.

I’ve been there. I’m sure everyone has been there at one point of their life. When I was at my heaviest, I was out of control. My control had been provided to some inner emotion that prevented me to take full control and say "NO MORE!". Obviously I eventually took control back.

I recently lost control again. More accurately, I gave control to people who had no interest in me or my well being. They could get away with it because they knew I couldn’t or wouldn’t do anything about it. They dangled my paycheck in front of me knowing I would continue to jump through their hoops. They threatened me with my job in hopes I would continue to conform to their wishes. They were forcing me in a direction I did not want to go towards.

Until yesterday.

I decided enough was enough. I am not willing to stay in a situation that does not offer me anything more than a paycheck. My emotional health was rapidly deteriorating and if I didn’t choose to leave on my terms, I’m sure I would be dealing with a breakdown of some sort…. though I’m sure I already had one which lead to my handing in my resignation.

10 years of loyalty to a system I hated.

But no more. I will move forward and do what needs to be done. Personal Training and helping people is what I want to do. I feel I have so much more to offer the health and fitness industry and lifestyle. I want to help people. Teach and mentor.

I have no plan. Though I feel lost, I do have a direction. I’m in the forest and I can see the sunlight shining through the trees ahead of me, so I will just move in that direction. There will be obstacles, but I can go around, climb over, or crawl under them when I’m faced with them.

I will get there. I have faith in my determination and desire to succeed.

As much as I enjoy this time of year, I’m looking forward to the holiday season to be over and done with! My routine, though disrupted months ago, has been twice as difficult to get back to it. Between a general feeling of blah, I find it more difficult to get up early for a workout since it doesn’t even get light out until after I’m at work. Because of the cold, crappy weather, I’m bundled up and find it difficult to go to the gym at lunch- what’s the point if more than 1/2 my time is used up with slipping and sliding to the gym and then pealing the layers off- and then having to go back. Not worth it.

I’ve also been afflicted with migraines- a lovely byproduct of the changing air pressure systems! Plus my husband’s sick, so he’s not working out, and therefore isn’t forcing me to work out!

I’m just looking forward to the Spring. Xmas is all fine and good, but I’m a warm weather kinda gal!

I’m looking for non-latex resistance tubing (with the handles and everything)

If anyone knows of any company, please let me know!

So the good news is that our home gym is fully up and running! We even went out and bought a lat pulldown machine as we concluded we could NOT recreate it … nothing short of being able to do chin ups…

I also have ALL of my certification…. finally! All the pieces of paper are on hand! YEAH!

And I have an appointment with a lawyer next week to discuss the agreement thing I signed at the gym I was working at (next Tuesday is my last day and it’s not coming fast enough!)

My husband has also somewhat decided to become a personal trainer as well, so that’ll be nice! The gym will be able to pull double duty! Very cool!

And we’re getting good use out of it ourselves. I’ve been trying to do cardio and pilates in the morning and weights with my husband in the evening when I can. Unfortunately I’ve been hit with another bout of insomnia, so have been sleeping in trying to get more than 3 hours sleep and it leaves me exhausted in the evenings. I’m hoping it’ll get better.

Anyhow, it’s been so long since I last posted, figured I’d pop on quickly and update. My regular job has been freakin insane, so not much time….

CIAO!

So as soon as it occurred to me how soon the Xmas parties are going to be starting, I really made a point of cleaning up my diet and exercising more. (at HOME, yeah!!!) and though I’ve been hitting the road block of LITTLE sleep and therefor little energy, so not working out as much as I’d like, I’ve noticed a rapid response to the little things I’ve been doing. I think I’ve lost 5 lbs in about 10 days.

So… 10 days for my Xmas party, and the week after for my husbands…. aiming for SMOKING hot!!!

I must say, it was the BEST going down and working out in our gym this morning! I was even done *almost* before the other gym opens!!! This is going to be great! I want to start doing cardio and pilates in the mornings and then weights and cardio in the evenings

It’ll be even better when I’m not working in the evenings….

But it’s great! I absolutely love it! And perfect timing with 2-3 weeks before various Xmas parties! Major over-haul on the diet. Working out extra hard. Try and lean up as much as possible to look super sexy in the dress I have yet to buy! LOL!

After much blood (okay, maybe just a little) sweat, and tears, our gym is finally up and running! Though still some things to do, equipment to buy, and finishing touches needed, welcome to "Outer Strength, Inner Peace"… 

I didn’t realize how difficult it would be to write a letter or resignation. But I did and I delivered it. My AM was in a meeting, so I figured I could sneak away. So I did. Figured I should do it while I have the guts… and I was quaking as I went there. I did NOT want to go through the process of quitting…..

I think this is the first time I quit for a reason other than moving. But I think it’ll be for the better.

I mean, one of the things the manager said was about the privacy thing I signed…. so for a whole year after my last day (Dec 11) I "can’t" fully advertise as a personal trainer! I’ll have to be careful what I do and say and who I train. THAT’S why I wanted to leave- one of the big reasons. Cause, in reality, if I train a guy, how can I get in shit considering I was at a ladies only gym??? The longer I stay there, the more issues I’ll have leaving.

It’s hard. It’s difficult. But it’s the right thing to do. I can’t train other people until I leave. Mac mentioned I could promote and train others until they caught me and then quit…. but I’m certain I’d get in more legal troubles if I did that! At least if I do have a year, I can focus on continuing my education and train a few people through Mac’s work, or family, ect. Do some ground work, and start out flying in Jan 2010!

It was funny, though, on my way out, I mentioned to the other trainer I had been talking to and when I told her I quit… she was like "the bank?"… and she flipped when I said the gym. Even took a sec to register. But her and I have had discussions before and she completely understood.

It’s done now. So now I just have to look forward. I can focus on the areas that matter. What’s important to me.

For the most part I always hated the saying. Probably because it always came after something really bad like my miscarriages! My reaction was always. "No. There was no reason. It just happened and it sucked". But I’m understanding that saying now and I came to a very important decision.

I’m quitting the gym.

Yes, I wrote that correctly. The gym. Not the bank.

Ever since the bank threatened me, I’ve been extra focused at work- doing what I’m supposed to be doing-  but I had also been really thinking about the personal training. The "gym" is SO close to being finished at this point. We should be finishing the wood floor today and we should have the second bike, the rest of the flooring and the other stuff we need by next weekend. I have my last PT package I need to mail off today- or tomorrow- to complete my certification and then I’m ready to rock!

BUT with working at the gym, it’s very restrictive. I can’t advertise as a personal trainer is the biggest thing. And even at this point, I’m going to have to be cautious as I’d signed a piece of paper that may cause problems, but I think it’s more that I don’t open a gym or steal any clients. But the longer I stay there, the longer they’ll have their claws in me. It’s going to be hard enough as it is, considering the amount of guilt I’m feeling leaving my current clients. But when I give my notice, I’m going to continue training until about mid December (so a full month) and I’m going to tell her NO NEW CLIENTS, only my existing clients… we’ll see what happens… they (aka manager) seems to have issues fallowing requests…. considering I was done work at 1 and she booked an appointment for me…

Believe it or not, there’s more politics and crap to deal with at the gym than the bank! It’s tiring and I don’t need to put up with it. The gym pays like crap! The BANK pays the bills and rent and everything. If I’m going to get in shit from a job about sales (or lack there of) I’m going to put the effort into the the one that pays! As well, it’ll give me the opportunity to network, get out, and promote. Go to various community events and shows… and try and figure out what "it" is…

Have you ever felt like there’s something more? Something you’re supposed to do? Your "purpose"…. I think I’ve scratched the surface with the whole health and fitness and wanting to become a certified nutritionist… I found my passion… but I don’t know what it is I’m supposed to DO with it…. There’s something….. and at first I thought it was a "if the bank just fired me" then I could focus on that…. but if I got fired from the bank, then I wouldn’t have the ability, time, or capability of finding out cause I’d be working so much for a crappy wage!

But decision made. I tested the water. I love Personal Training. And I’m good at it. But now I want a promotion. Working for myself.

Anyhow…. I guess that’s enough rambling….

Haven’t been on here much the last week. Haven’t worked out much. I want to though, so that’s good! I’ve done cardio a couple mornings and I did my pilates this morning- something I’ve been talking about for months now!

The room (gym), it feels, has come to a stand still. Can’t do anything until the back ordered stuff comes in…. and what we can do is minimal. Those lights have been removed and plug outlets put in. We even have some cool swag lightsfor them….. only to discover the cord is about a foot longer than the chain!!! Need to fix that! and the patch from where the water pipe broke is now patched and filled- just needs a mild sanding and painting. But it’s hard to clean the place as sawdust and everything is still being tracked everywhere.

The newest issue was with the other flooring. There’s an area at the entrance, about 5′x13′ that we were going to put laminate wood flooring. I went back to our local flooring place and they were offering me a REALLY good deal. To the point where I handed over the cash right then and there. And then we tried to install it. What a bunch of shit! My husband used the whole "if it’s too good to be true, it probably is"… but my reasoning behind it was that they had a very small supply that they weren’t getting more of, and it was a chance for them to unload some! Yeah…. it’s complete shit. THAT’S probably why they were wanting to get rid of it… and not getting more in!!! We’re going to "fake" it. We have it now. Can’t return it. Might as well do something with it!

(but it’ll look SO good when it’s done!!!)

And I haven’t had a chance to get on here during the day. Don’t dare… last week they (work) threatened me with my job. Part of me is thinking "Do it. Fire me" so I could find something I WANT to do! But…. I need this job. So I figured I’ll do what I need to do when I need to do it… and I should be alright! Right?

Anyhow…. I should go. BUSY day ahead of me! But at least it’s Friday!!!