sin2424’s BodyBlog

Ok so I am back again, and I am 3 weeks out from the L.A.’s.  I am actually looking better than I have ever looked, and I actually have nice delts this time.  Not nearly as big as I want, but I have nice shape and I am on my way.  Plus my booty and legs are so much better!  I am really happy with the new way of training and new dieting.  My body is agreeing with it nicely.

Ok so dieting sucks!  This is worse for me this time than it has ever been!  I am a recovering anorexic/bulimic/ addictive to laxatives.  It is no secret, as I tell everyone that wants to know about it, if only to help those moms recognize it in their children.  I got so bad I had poison control on speeddial just in case I overdosed on laxatives.  You might ask how you can do that…….um I promised myself that once I got to a 100 pills taken all at one time, I would stop.  I got to 99, and woke up, looked in the mirror at my skinny ass and cried.  I knew I couldn’t do it anymore to myself.  I am 5′10, and I weighed 108 pounds.  I was sscary skinny.  It’s funny cause I just woke up one day and I was that skinny, I don’t remember the journey of how I got there, only that I got there and I went through a lot of pain on the way. If you haven’t ever taken laxatives and abused them., let me just tell you, you pray to God to take you.  Not to be dramatic but I am being serious, I would pray to God to just help me and take me. 

 So I didn’t mean to get that deep, I just want to tell you why dieting is both easy and hard for me.  Figure is another way for me to control things.  That’a really all anorexia is, a battle with control.  Life for me was out of control and I was in law school and engaged to a man I didn’t love…..and studying to be a lawyer when I didn’t love law……so I controlled my body cause I ouldn’t control anything else.  Well shredding is a lot of those feelings being revisited for me.  I am a great dieter but I don’t like myself to get starving, cause when that happens I feel myself wanting to revert back to my old ways. 

 Ok I gotta stop writing about this.  It’s making me kinda depressed.  Anyways just know that figure has given me my life back, and it’s taught me to be somewhat healthy.  I do take things to the extremem still, be it cardio, training, or dieting, but that’s always going to be me.  I am just an intense person.  Than ks for listening anybody who is reading this.  I just needed to write tonight.  cin

Ok so I am back again, and I am 3 weeks out from the L.A.’s.  I am actually looking better than I have ever looked, and I actually have nice delts this time.  Not nearly as big as I want, but I have nice shape and I am on my way.  Plus my booty and legs are so much better!  I am really happy with the new way of training and new dieting.  My body is agreeing with it nicely.

Ok so dieting sucks!  This is worse for me this time than it has ever been!  I am a recovering anorexic/bulimic/ addictive to laxatives.  It is no secret, as I tell everyone that wants to know about it, if only to help those moms recognize it in their children.  I got so bad I had poison control on speeddial just in case I overdosed on laxatives.  You might ask how you can do that…….um I promised myself that once I got to a 100 pills taken all at one time, I would stop.  I got to 99, and woke up, looked in the mirror at my skinny ass and cried.  I knew I couldn’t do it anymore to myself.  I am 5′10, and I weighed 108 pounds.  I was sscary skinny.  It’s funny cause I just woke up one day and I was that skinny, I don’t remember the journey of how I got there, only that I got there and I went through a lot of pain on the way. If you haven’t ever taken laxatives and abused them., let me just tell you, you pray to God to take you.  Not to be dramatic but I am being serious, I would pray to God to just help me and take me. 

 So I didn’t mean to get that deep, I just want to tell you why dieting is both easy and hard for me.  Figure is another way for me to control things.  That’a really all anorexia is, a battle with control.  Life for me was out of control and I was in law school and engaged to a man I didn’t love…..and studying to be a lawyer when I didn’t love law……so I controlled my body cause I ouldn’t control anything else.  Well shredding is a lot of those feelings being revisited for me.  I am a great dieter but I don’t like myself to get starving, cause when that happens I feel myself wanting to revert back to my old ways. 

 Ok I gotta stop writing about this.  It’s making me kinda depressed.  Anyways just know that figure has given me my life back, and it’s taught me to be somewhat healthy.  I do take things to the extremem still, be it cardio, training, or dieting, but that’s always going to be me.  I am just an intense person.  Than ks for listening anybody who is reading this.  I just needed to write tonight.  cin

Ok so I am back again, and I am 3 weeks out from the L.A.’s.  I am actually looking better than I have ever looked, and I actually have nice delts this time.  Not nearly as big as I want, but I have nice shape and I am on my way.  Plus my booty and legs are so much better!  I am really happy with the new way of training and new dieting.  My body is agreeing with it nicely.

Ok so dieting sucks!  This is worse for me this time than it has ever been!  I am a recovering anorexic/bulimic/ addictive to laxatives.  It is no secret, as I tell everyone that wants to know about it, if only to help those moms recognize it in their children.  I got so bad I had poison control on speeddial just in case I overdosed on laxatives.  You might ask how you can do that…….um I promised myself that once I got to a 100 pills taken all at one time, I would stop.  I got to 99, and woke up, looked in the mirror at my skinny ass and cried.  I knew I couldn’t do it anymore to myself.  I am 5′10, and I weighed 108 pounds.  I was sscary skinny.  It’s funny cause I just woke up one day and I was that skinny, I don’t remember the journey of how I got there, only that I got there and I went through a lot of pain on the way. If you haven’t ever taken laxatives and abused them., let me just tell you, you pray to God to take you.  Not to be dramatic but I am being serious, I would pray to God to just help me and take me. 

 So I didn’t mean to get that deep, I just want to tell you why dieting is both easy and hard for me.  Figure is another way for me to control things.  That’a really all anorexia is, a battle with control.  Life for me was out of control and I was in law school and engaged to a man I didn’t love…..and studying to be a lawyer when I didn’t love law……so I controlled my body cause I ouldn’t control anything else.  Well shredding is a lot of those feelings being revisited for me.  I am a great dieter but I don’t like myself to get starving, cause when that happens I feel myself wanting to revert back to my old ways. 

 Ok I gotta stop writing about this.  It’s making me kinda depressed.  Anyways just know that figure has given me my life back, and it’s taught me to be somewhat healthy.  I do take things to the extremem still, be it cardio, training, or dieting, but that’s always going to be me.  I am just an intense person.  Than ks for listening anybody who is reading this.  I just needed to write tonight.  cin